Notes: Chapter 2, tried to get it up as quickly as possible without rushing myself. Thank you so much for the reviews! To those concerned, I am, and always have been, fully aware that Oases wrote the song "Wonderwall". I was talking about Ryan Adams version, regardless to who wrote it. I am sorry if you were somehow offended-from now on I will mention the original writer for covers.
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Baby, I know you cannot hear me now
Cause you're fast asleep
But I love you now
Colors inside your head go spinning around
Like a ferris wheel
Exploding and falling to the ground . . .
I'm just staring at the ceiling
Waiting for the feeling
Oh, oh but when she calls
I know she's the one
Makes me want her harder
Makes me want to be a little stronger
Still I see monsters
Jess's feet crunched snow as he got of the bus in Stars Hollow. The fresh white powder covered the ground as far as he could see, readying the earth for renewal spring would bring. He was cold under his leather jacket, but he ignored the biting wind and heaved the bag that carried his life up onto his shoulder. As he looked around the town from the bus stop, his stomach pained in a whirl of nostalgia, regret, hope and anxiety. A voice in his head told him there was still time to jump back on the bus, go back to California, or New York, or even Kansas. But he knew from experience that if he ran nothing would change, he would feel the same emptiness he felt right in this moment. Gathering all the cold air he could muster into his lungs, he exhaled a long breath in an effort to push out the pain that was dwelling inside his chest. He knew now that he would rather do all the hard things rather than coast by without Rory. He just had to keep remembering her face, her laugh, her kisses and her smile. With every muscle in his body, he forced himself to move and to push the fear to the back of his mind.
And all the roads that lead to you were winding
And all the lights that light the way are blinding
There are many things that I would like to say to you
I don't know how . . .
And after all
You're my wonderwall
Small bells on the door announced Jess's entrance into his uncle's diner. Few people looked up from their meals, and, to Jess' relief, none were too interested in the return of the small town's James Dean. He surveyed the lunch crowd quickly and was glad to see that no one that hated him was currently indulging in Luke's food. At the counter, he could see Luke's plaid back, backwards baseball cap and shaking arm as he yelled at Ceaser. A small smile found its way to Jess' face as he watched his uncle. He would never admit it, but he loved Luke-he had been a better dad to Jess that Jimmy ever had. Luke was the only one in Jess' life who had never been against him and the only one to ever trust him. Jess did not recognize it at 17, but he knew now that he had been lucky to live with Luke. He could not imagine how lost he would be without his equally moody uncle.
"Honey, I'm home," he called out. Luke turned around quickly, a surprised look on his face. He stared at Jess for a minute, dumbfounded, as if he did not recognize his nephew. But then he smiled and headed around the counter towards Jess, abandoning his spat with Ceaser.
"Jess!" He grabbed Jess in a tight hug and Jess welcomed the embrace, patting Luke on the back. They separated and the big goofy smile was still on Luke's face.
"How've you been?"
Jess shrugged, moving to drop his duffelbag by the stairs. "Not a homicidal murderer or anything." He turned around again to see Luke watching him with concerned curiosity.
"Are you in trouble?"
"No," Jess said blandly.
"Then why are you here-with a bag. What's with the bag? If you were just visiting, you wouldn't need the bag," Luke rambled.
"I'm not in trouble," he repeated.
"The bag, Jess."
"I . . . was thinking of staying here for a while."
"Here. In Stars Hollow?" Luke said in disbelief. "You hate Stars Hollow."
"It's a love-hate relationship."
"Are you sure you're not in trouble?"
"Yes, would you like to call my daddy to make sure?"
"You were staying with Jimmy?" Luke asked stiffly, his dislike for Jess' birth father obvious.
"No. Nearby, though," Jess said evasively. He had no desire to talk about his job or his roommates. Luke nodded with a look of distrust on his face.
"Then why are you here, Jess?"
Jess was not sure what to say now. Luke would try and discourage him if he told him the truth, but nothing else seemed reasonable. He almost wished he could say that he was in trouble, that he had to stay out of California and was broke with no where else to go, but it was too late for that. The truth seemed to be the only reasonable choice-if anyone would listen to him, it would be Luke. He walked towards the storage room, indicating he had something more private to say. Luke followed him in, an expectant look on his face.
"I still love her," Jess said flatly.
"You're kidding, right?"
Jess shook his head. Luke sighed deeply, rubbing his hands with his face. When he looked back up at Jess his face bore a jaded expression.
"It's a hopeless case, Jess. It was highschool, a long time ago. Rory isn't dwelling on it, neither should you. Go out, find someone else-preferably with an IQ over 10."
Jess showed Luke resolution in his stare, offering no further explanation, just a wordless stubbornness. Luke tried another angle.
"What would you do here, in Stars Hollow?"
Jess shrugged. "I could help out at the diner, and work on my writing."
Excitement played on Luke's face for a moment. "You're writing? That's great! That's great, Jess! With all that money you spent on other peoples books, its time you started cashing in." He beamed at his nephew, who smiled in spite of himself.
"Can I stay? I can, you know, pay rent. Even for the first couple months, I have some money leftover from a job in California."
Luke surveyed Jess one more time, an inner conflict going on in his head. Finally, he gave in.
"Fine. You can stay. But if she files a restraining order, you're out," Luke said roughly.
"Thanks, uncle Luke." He headed out of the storage room, walking towards the diner door.
"Where are you going?" Luke called after him.
"Out."
I drink good coffee every morning
Comes from a place that's far away
And when I'm done I feel like talking
Without you here there is less to say
I don't want you thinking I'm unhappy
What is closer to the truth
That if I lived till I was 102
I just don't think I'll ever get over you
Your face it dances and it haunts me
Your laughter's still ringing in my ears
I still find pieces of your presence here
Even after all these years
He was sitting on the bench in the town square, reading George Orwell's Down and Out in Paris and London for the umpteenth time, lost in a different world. Books were the only things that could keep the anxiety out of the pit of his stomach. Without warning, he looked up-he was not sure what it was, but something in the shadows caught his eye. As he looked, he saw her. She was far away from him and her head was down, but the feeling that buzzed in his chest was unmistakable. He found it hard to breathe-the distance between Rory and him seemed so small. Now, he really wanted to run. For when she looked up and he finally glimpsed her face, the bad memories hit him hard once again: her fragmented voice, the tears of frustration on her face, and the ache in her eyes. What could he say to her that was new? How in the world was he supposed to convince her he had changed? She had frozen in her steps, and they both stared at each other for a minute. He saw her hair was longer and feathery instead of straight. She was bundled up in a light blue jacket and dark blue scarf that magnified the deep blue of her eyes. Her pale face held a look of surprise, and Jess was sure it was not pleasant. He forced himself to stand up awkwardly, his knees locking. Still staring intensely, he raised his left hand tentatively as a greeting. Rory hesitated, but headed towards him.
"Hi," he started the conversation.
"Hi . . ." she said, still staring at Jess as if she was not sure he was really there.
"How are you?" he said awkwardly.
"What are you doing here?" she asked.
"Well, that's predictable."
"Jess . . ." Rory warned.
"No, I'm just saying, an aspiring journalist such as yourself should try to be more original."
Rather than the playful glaring she would have bestowed upon him in their earlier years, she looked tired. "I don't want to play games Jess."
"I moved back."
"Ha, ha."
"No sarcasm included," Jess said seriously.
Rory stared at him blankly for a moment, as if unsure of what to think. In fear, she tried to reflect him, tried to scare him away. "So this is going to be a regular thing? Moving here and then leaving without warning?"
"Well, no. See it was sort of becoming a trend, and I am too much of a rebel to follow any trends."
"Why would you come back? Last time I saw you, you said you'd rather be anywhere then Stars Hollow."
Jess shrugged mutely.
"I'm not leaving town with you."
"I'm not leaving town, either."
"What do you want here? In Stars Hollow?"
"I just thought I could, you know, right my wrongs. Supposedly its all the rage."
"We're over Jess," Rory said, and it came out weaker than she had intended. She wanted to be strong and deflecting, but she felt her strength deflating.
"I know," he said softly, "I just, I thought we could start over. As friends."
Rory shifted uncomfortably and stared at him for a long moment, as if trying to call his bluff. Finally, she let the good girl part of her triumph, telling herself that friendship should never be too much to ask.
"What happened between us-that was a long time ago. So, I don't see why we can't be friends if you're, you know, going to be living here. But, that's it Jess. Friends," she said seriously, looking into his eyes.
"Okay."
She nodded, somewhat triumphant. They stared at each other for a moment.
"So, I'll see you?" she asked nervously.
He nodded, "I'll be here," he replied. Rory backed away slowly, then turned around as she walked away.
Jess sat firmly down on the bench, smiling to himself as he picked up his book again. Before she disappeared into the distance, Rory snuck a nervous look back at Jess. Something in her gut told her it was not over.
We can talk awhile, baby
We can take it nice and slow
We were perfect when we started
I've been wondering where we've gone
There's a bird that nests inside you
Sleeping underneath your skin
When you open up your wings to speak
I wish you'd let me in
All your life is such a shame
All your love is just a dream
Open up your eyes
You can see the flames of your wasted life
You should be ashamed
You don't want to waste your life
I walk along these hillsides in the summer 'neath the sunshine
I am feathered by the moonlight falling down on me
Change, change, change
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Here ends Chapter 2. Please tell me if this is going too fast-that is my greatest fear.
Songs used in this chapter:
I See Monsters by Ryan Adams
Wonderwall by Ryan Adams (written by Oases)
I Don't Think I'll Ever Get Over You by Colin Hay
Murder of one by Counting Crows