Chapter Eight: The Mistake Forgiver
Remus was the most mature out of the four of us. James and I always supposed it was due to the fact that he was a werewolf, but he knew better than us, I guess. Okay, so he knew better, after all, it is him but I don't think I'll ever be able to understand him. He's too noble, for lack of better word, he believes in second chances more than I do. I mean, if Peter was to prove himself that he's "changed," and I'm talking hypothetically, I think Remus would forgive him. If it was me, I would kill him before he could utter a word, but that has to do with my temper, something I'm not very fond of discussing.
Remus has always known I'm a fool, and the minute I let myself be killed by my own cousin I proved it. He would never hold that against me, alive or dead, 'cause he's the most respectful person I know.
The moment Peter, myself, and James became animagi, he told us we were fools but he was glad we did it. It helped him, even though, it made us even more "dangerous" than we already were...
"You guys really did that for me?" asked Remus, he was so excited I thought he would lose his dignity doing a silly dance. Needless to say he didn't.
"You guy really did that for me?" I repeated adopting a high-pitched voice. "Remus, the silly little girl voice doesn't suit you at all."
"That's why you're here," he replied smirking. I glared at him but joined the others who were laughing.
"See, Remus, we did it and nothing happened," said James patting Remus on the back. Peter was currently transforming back and forth between human and rat. I sometimes wished he's be stuck as a rat for being a showoff in his supposed accomplishment. Even if it was with us... not that he could do it in front of anybody else.
"Yeah... but it could've gone terribly wrong–" I interrupted Remus. I sometimes wished I could strangle him.
"Remus, would you mind not acting like a mother?" I asked irritated. "Honestly, I get enough of the preaching while I'm home!"
He smiled sheepishly. "Sorry..."
"So, when's the next full moon?" asked Peter. Yes, we were excited about keeping Remus company. No, Remus did not like transforming. Let me say that a little bit clearer. The rat had lost his brain.
"Uh... Peter?" asked James. Peter looked at him. "We are excited but not that excited, okay?" Peter looked at us comprehension dawning on him.
"Yes, Peter, we know what you're going to say," said Remus. "I understand, don't worry." Remus patted him on the back as we all made our way back into the Common Room.
Yes, Remus was wise. He has always been and he'll ever be. I always say he should be a Hogwarts Headmaster 'cause sometimes he reminded me of Dumbledore. Even when he didn't want to...
"Come to yell at me, too?" I asked not looking behind me toward Remus. I was sitting in the same place I had been the day before trying to apologize to Snape. Now, I had to try and form the words to express how truly sorry I was to Remus. But I couldn't.
"James the one who always does the yelling," he said, sitting next to me. "And personally, I prefer it that way."
I tried to smile but my muscles were not working. I couldn't even think straight.
"You know Sirius," he said. I was still not looking at him. "I don't think I even want to know what was going through your head the moment you decided to play such and idiotic and dangerous prank... I would've never imagined you were that foolish. D'you know how I would've felt if something had happened to Snape? D'you have any idea, Sirius?"
He was yelling at this point. Remus was not angry. I knew that. He was just disappointed.
"I thought you said you weren't going to yell," I reminded him quietly.
"Well, I can't help it, Sirius!" he said, a little more calm. "Of all my friends, I never thought you'd be the one to betray me."
"What the hell did you want me to do?" I yelled, standing up to face him. "It was stupid, okay? I know! You don't have to rub it in my face every chance you get! I already heard it from James... from Dumbledore... from McGonagall. Hell, even Peter decided to get a brain and give me a lecture about it. I DON'T NEED ANOTHER ONE!" My voice cracked and I fell silent. Never in my life had I felt so frustrated. So lonely. And it wasn't just loneliness, I knew that by the end of the day I would be completely alone.
There was an awkward silence in which I sat back down. Remus turned slightly around, stopping to whisper the last words I ever expected him to say. "I never thought you'd be the one who I would hate more that Severus."
"Well, I can't turn back time," I said before I could stop myself. Remus left, that's when I knew I was not Padfoot anymore. And most importantly, I was not a Marauder.
Seeing the three of them laughing and playing pranks without me was the worse thing anybody could do. I was now Sirius "The Loner" Black. I would sit alone, I would study alone and I never spoke to anybody, except for Marissa, who would be mad at me at the end of everyday. I was turning bitter and I was ignoring the love of my life because I wasn't myself anymore. It was as though three fourths of my body had been taken away. My brothers, the only true family I'd ever had was turning their back on me.
Every night I would go to bed earlier than anybody else or late when everyone else was asleep. It always reminded me of my first year. The Black Outcast. The Gryffindor Outcast. The Hogwarts Outcast. I was back to being all that. Three months later I'd never been more grateful that they had come to my rescue...
"Well, well, well," said a voice from behind me as I started ascending the marble staircase toward the Gryffindor Common Room. "The Black Outcast has returned... Of course, it has been a couple of months since your return but I couldn't get a hold of you."
I stopped in my tracks and turned to glare at my dear cousin. I sometimes dreamed of the many different ways of making her suffer, but never got the perfect one.
"You know, you were gone for quite some time.... What was it four... five years since that day?"
"Bella..." I smiled coldly at her. "You know should actually try and make friends and forget about the others."
"Oh, but Sirius... my friends are the ones who gladly point out your current status in "friendships", she said. God, I hated her.
"Clearly you have no life..."
"Clearly your temper hasn't changed–"
"Took you long enough to notice," said a voice I never thought I would actually hear again. "At least for a person of your capacities."
Peter and Remus roared with laughter as the three of them made their way down the staircase.
"If it isn't Sirius' own personal squad of superheroes!" said Bellatrix, faking cheerfulness. "Honestly... one would've thought you had better things to do than follow stray dogs and defend them." Her voice had turned back to normal, but there was something about it that didn't quite fit her. Especially what she said about the stray dog...
"Sod off, Bellatrix," said Remus. He wasn't the kind of person that would get into a silly comeback match. And ours was way below silly.
"Wow... aren't we charming today!" she said, again "smiling brightly." "I'll go now... I want to spare my ears from the shouting match you'll be having momentarily."
She left and I turned slowly around to face the guys. As expected, none of them looked in desperate need of a friend.
The minutes that followed were a blur. I didn't know what to expect. I had no idea why they weren't walking back up the stairs or going out into the grounds to have some fun... But the moment I realized they were not going away I knew it was now or never...
"James... Remus... I–" I started to say but James cut me off, a mysterious mischievous glint in his eyes.
"Save it, Padfoot," he said turning around and walking back up the stairs. The others took one last glance at me before following suit. As I did. The hint was too obvious to miss.
We arrived at the Common Room where heads turned our way. More like my way. Everyone had questioning looks on their faces as to why I was with the guys... or why we stopped being friends in the first place. But according to my book, that was none of their business.
"I suppose you didn't want me to come for a friendly chat," I said when we got to our dormitories. Peter was sprawled on his bed looking at the ceiling with James sitting at the foot of the bed. Remus was sitting directly in front of where I was standing with a frown on his face. He looked... cold.
"I'm sometimes impressed with your intelligence..." he said. The others didn't laugh, and I was getting nervous. "But your foolishness is even more amazing."
I fought the urge to roll my eyes so hard I almost had to turn my face away from his but I straightened up and remained motionless. My eyes never leaving Remus'.
"You've demonstrated you can't be a Marauder... you have demonstrated lots of things we tried to ignore during the years, but apparently you felt like showing your true colors."
"It's been three months, Remus," I said emotionless. "I don't need this anymore."
"You don't want to do that," he said. I already had my hand on the doorknob, but Remus had a way with people it was impossible to ignore him. "I'm not here to lecture you. I'm here because I want to know who you are."
I turned slowly around bringing my eyes to meet his. "You really want to know?" I asked, trying my best not to throw something at Remus. "I'm nobody. An outcast... I'm exactly the same person I was back in first year. Foolish, naïve, but I'm absolutely the same person I was a few months back in the I-don't-take-shit-from-no-one department." I said, I turned around and punched the wall to let all my anger out.
"I noticed that one..." he said. I truly had no idea where the hell he was going with this crap. "Are you still the same Sirius who made a promise to his three brothers?"
I looked at them one by one. They all looked back at me and I sighed before looking at the floor. "Remus... I can't make any promises, 'cause I never keep them."
"In that you're right," he said, I ran a hand through my hair, still looking at the floor. "But some promises are better left unsaid..."
I looked up at him and he was smiling. I could only smile back.
"I suppose you'll have this back," said Peter handing me back my chain. My smile grew even wider, then it disappeared.
"I thought I was supposed to prove myself worthy of your friendship?" I said remembering the conversation with James.
"And you did." I didn't know what I did, but I felt good.
A/N: I MISSED YOU ALL! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! But I'm back and I won't be going anywhere anytime soon! I love you guys too much and thank you for the support! Thanks for the reviews they make me very happy!
Sailor J-chan/2xH 4ever/Psycho, angelfan2000, HPnLOTRrox, Nocturnal007, Nicole Black, Siri Lupin and anyone else who has reviewed to this fic... THANK YOU! This is my baby!
Btw, it's nowhere near done there are like twenty-two chapters left, don't hate me for it but it has to be that way. I will update again on Sunday, 'cause I started writing chapter 9 before this one and well, it's almost done. The title up to now is: Pathetic Humor of the Day... lol I don't understand why I named it that way but for some reason I like it.
I'm back in school and that actually means I'll update more regularly... lol. It's true 'cause every time I'm bored with school work or in the classroom I start writing in the back of my notebook... lol. Okay, so anyway, I think I'll be going now. Bye!