The Step Series

FIC: The Step Series sequel to the Barrier Series

AUTHOR: Elise

RATING: pg overall

I. Step Forward

Shocked, Don moved back from the peep hole and let Charlie into his apartment. The mathematician was shaking, his clothes dripping wet. Don made him stay in the front foyer until he could find a towel. Charlie's eyes were downcast. Normally, Don would have scolded him, or told him to go home, but the sadness was back. Charlie had been really quite depressed recently, and Don had thought the worse was over. That was before he showed up wet, sad, thinner and at - Don checked the clock - three in the morning. Don, while draping the towel over Charlie's shoulders, led him to the bathroom. "Hey, Charlie, let me grab you some dry clothes.. you want a shower or something?"

Charlie shook his head no. Don nodded and left to find some clothes. Charlie was shorter than him, but their clothes usually swapped. Walking towards the bathroom, Don noticed that Charlie had wandered off to the living room, looking around at his tapes. Don cleared his throat, "Charlie?"

Charlie looked up, "Don, nice movie collection, when did you get 'A League of their Own?' "

Don noticed the smirk on Charlie's face and he mock glared. "Listen, I can just as easily shove you out of my apartment."

"I'm just asking a question. You a big Madonna fan?" Charlie chirped.

Don walked over and pulled Charlie back to the bathroom, "I told you that you're

always going through my stuff. Now tell me whats going on, and don't say you wanted to watch a movie... besides, that movie belongs to Terry."

Charlie laughed, although it wasn't a very enthusiastic one, "Sure, Don. It was Terry's movie."

Don turned as Charlie changed from his wet clothes. The two sat down together, after Charlie made himself tea. Don turned on the tv, "Is this alright? You don't have to talk if you don't want to."

Charlie nodded, "I know... actually, I was wondering if I could crash on the couch?"

Don smiled, "Of course. I get up early though, so you gotta keep it clean, and no. math. papers. everywhere."

The mathematician began to focus on the tv screen, his eyes unfocused. He had been lost in his head a lot. About three weeks ago, he had seriously considered leaving his home and distancing himself from Don and his father. He had run off by himself to the park, worrying his family. He just felt like a burden, between random spurts of self hatred and lonliness. Don had been amazing lately. His tone was softer, his eyes more understanding. Don had invited him to have drinks with his coworkers. They even went to a ball game recently together. The kicker was when Don took a few days off from work to take Charlie on vacation. Charlie felt lucky, but felt guilty over what he was going to do that day in the park. Don placed his hand on Charlie's shoulder. Charlie blinked, realizing that Don was directly in front of him, instead of opposite of him on the couch. "Yes?"

Don smiled sadly, "You alright, Charlie? I'm worried."

Charie shrugged and said, "You know how I've been seeing that psychiatrist?"

Don moved to Charlie's side, "Yeah, tell me about him... or her."

"Him. Dr. Feinman, ironically, just spelled differently." Charlie said, his hands starting to wring themselves.

"Feynman?" Don asked.

"Yeah... astrophysicist... atomic - you know, nevermind, I mean to say, his first name is Ethan and it was really strange. I didn't get a meeting with him until last week, and he..." Charlie drifted off, trying to find the perfect words.

Don encouraged his younger brother, happy that Charlie had chosen him to speak to, "Take your time Charlie, I'm here all night."

"I'm supposed to tell you about that day. In the park." Charlie said, blushing in embarassment.

"Go ahead, I won't judge you."

Charlie looked into Don's face, realizing that Don was telling the truth. Charlie bit his lip before continuing, "It wasn't exactly suicide."

Don, despite his best efforts, tried to stop his body from freezing up and his breath sharply intaking. Charlie noticed his subtle movements and quickly added, "It wasn't really. It was something else... I wasn't trying to kill myself."

Don nodded, "Ok... what were you trying to do?"

Charlie rubbed his face, his hands shaking. "I just... have you ever been so overly stressed that you wished your brain would shut down?"

"Yeah," Don said, "I've run thin at work before. Terry usually sends me home."

Charlie laughed again, both brothers knowing it was more sad than joyous, "Wish I had a Terry to send me home."

"Continue, Charlie, I need to know that you're alright." Don said, his voice a little scratchy, thinking of Charlie's confession.

Charlie nodded, "I was going to try to dumb myself down. I wanted to remove or at least alter my cognitive part of my brain. I just wanted to go to the park one last time before I did that. There was a statistically high chance that I wouldn't survive, and even if I did, I'd be retarded... but that didn't matter. I didn't want to die, i just wanted my defect to go away."

Don shook his head, his eyes full of concern, "Charlie, no... You don't have a defect. You're normal. I'm so sorry you felt that way. Have you felt that way since?"

Charlie nodded, "Tonight. I mean, I was doing well after our talks and then Ethan's sessions, but today... I just wanted to get rid of it. I didn't know where to go. I'm sorry for barging in."

"Barging in on what? I live alone, remember." Don said.

The older Eppes drew his brother closer to him, "Here's what we're going to do. You're going to take a shower. You're going to talk if you want to, or just stay here and watch tv. Tomorrow, I'll call in and we'll spend the day together. How does that sound?"

Charlie sipped his tea while Don spoke. His eyes seemed to light up for the first time since entering Don's apartment. "That sounds perfect, Don. Thank you."

Don smiled, "any time, and I mean that. I want to be good with you. I want to get to know you and understand you better. I'd like you to stop feeling the way you do. I'm proud of you for seeking help."

Charlie looked down, embarassed at the compliments. He wasn't used to them from Don, but Don had changed. Charlie stood up, and walked towards the bathroom. He turned before entering, "Hey Don?"

"Yeah Charlie?"

"Maybe we could watch A League of their Own?" He asked, a goofy grin on his face.

Charlie recieved no answer but the pillow slamming into the hastily shut bathroom door.