Chapter 7: Blameless Hate

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"Honesty is such a lonely word
Everyone is so untrue
Honesty is hardly ever heard
And mostly what I need from you."

- Honesty (Billy Joel)

. . .

The music within the house continued playing, the continuous 'boom' of the beat resonating through the walls. Outside, Squall had taken a hold of Rinoa before she had the chance of re-entering the house, while his cousin Emily looked on with a hint of a smile present on her face. Rinoa gasped as Squall's touch sent a shiver down her spine. Damn cold wind! Turning, she jerked her arm from his gentle hold, folding her arms in hopes of getting warm. She avoided his glance, locking away the feeling his warm skin against her's gave. Instinctively, she lifted her chin indignantly. "What could you possibly have to discuss with me?"

"Oh, bitchy tone," Squall feigned intimidation.

She rolled her eyes, snapping, "Well I don't very well enjoy standing out in the cold like this. So just say what you have to say and let me return indoors."

"Alright then, don't mind if I do." Once again he glanced at his cousin. Are you sure?

Emily nodded in response, Positive. Go ahead.

"Well it's not so much what I have to say, but what I have to ask." Squall fixed his gaze on Rinoa whose eyes had drifted downward. "You keep saying that you won't tell me you hate because I already know. Up until a few minutes ago I didn't, so just to be sure, do you wanna tell me why?"

Rinoa's focus snapped up to meet Squall's in vexation and…slight confusion. Didn't know until a few minutes ago? That's bullshit, Squall. Don't you ever take a hint? "I'm not going to discuss it with you," Rinoa deadpanned, turning away and walking toward the house again.

He was not to be quietened by her declaration…not this time. Remaining motionless, his eyes followed her as he called, "You hate me because you think I killed your father, don't you?"

The whole yard became still, save for the wind that incessantly rustled the leaves on the numerous trees and shrubs spotted around the garden. Rinoa had hardly reached the stairs leading up to the veranda when Squall had boldly voiced what she'd been thinking. It sounds so different coming from him. It doesn't sound as believable as it does when it's just a thought. How can he make me doubt the truth? I've never doubted it – he's in the wrong and always will be. Slowly, she turned back around to face him, and though Squall and Emily expected to see her face fuming with rage, they were surprised to see her expression completely devoid of any anger…just dysphoria. Needless to say, they expected that anger to show itself in the not too distant future.

"You have no right to bring that up at a time like this," she uttered with a broken voice. "You know," she continued with building confidence, "I should've know you'd be capable of such little sympathy. I mean, you've always been an inconsiderate, unfeeling prick – you were ten years ago, so why should you have changed now?" By now she was almost shouting. "You are the most insensitive person I've ever met and I can't believe I ever agreed to being 'civil' with you! How can I when you obviously care nothing about my feelings or the feelings of others! I don't care how well Jem speaks of you; if I wasn't sure of it before, I am definitely sure of it now: I hate you!"

Squall stared back at her, feeling as if a dagger stabbed him each time she threw an insult at him. It wasn't meant to be like this – she wasn't meant to act this way… He opened his mouth to say something, but Emily beat him to it.

"Rinoa," she started nervously as she stood from her sitting position. "If you hate Squall for being a prick then hate him." She glanced at Squall who gave her a look that said 'thanks a lot.' Smiling for an instant, she returned her focus to Rinoa whose eyes were boring into Emily. "But if you're going to hate him for something you think he did ten years ago, then please don't."

"Why not?" Rinoa challenged. "What gives you the right to decide whether or not I should hate someone? Him being your cousin, Emily, does nothing to soften my views on him."

"I know that. But the fact that I know the truth should give me that right."

The black haired girl's eyes narrowed. "And what is this truth?"

Emily looks straight into Rinoa's eyes, swallowing nervously. "That I was the one who put the shit on your cake. Squall had nothing to do with it."

"It's valiant of you to try to take the blame off your cousin, but I know what I saw and I saw Squall and Seifer laughing at me when I found my cake."

Rinoa's opponent was not thus to be discouraged. "And I know what I did. Squall and Seifer weren't laughing at you."

She raised an eyebrow. "Then enlighten me, why were they laughing?"

"Because we'd hidden Quistis' doll in a tree," Squall finally voiced.

Rinoa recalled a six-year-old Quistis running up to her and complaining that 'Seifer had stolen her most favourite-est doll and wouldn't give it back. "Squall and Seifer keep laughing. I just want my doll back!"… "If I did know why, I wouldn't ask?"…What if Squall really didn't know? What if he really is blameless… She shook the thoughts from her head. That's not possible…there's something else I don't know though. Based on what Emily just said… "What reason did you have to put shit on my cake?"

"You blew out the candles at my birthday and I was a stupid girl at that age – not much had changed, really." Emily gave Squall a small, lopsided smile. "Listen, Rin. I'm sorry for what I did and what happened to your Dad. I just…I just had to clear this up. I couldn't let you be under that illusion anymore. I've never been able to look at you straight since. You have no idea how bad I've felt about it."

The girl opposite her remain silent. I blew out her candles? Rinoa frowned as if to recall a memory. I did blow out her candles. It totally makes sense. After I did that she gave me the cold shoulder for months and up until now I thought she had a problem with me when she was really feeling guilty. It totally makes sense. But if what Emily says is really true, that means… She closed her eyes at the realisation. "It was you, wasn't it?" Rinoa asked to be sure.

Emily nodded dumbly.

Rinoa glanced at Squall who stared back with nothing but earnest in his eyes. …that means I've hated them both all this time…and for what? Nothing. This is too much! It's not possible! Turning on her heel, she quickly paced up the stairs and across the veranda, gasping at the instant warmth as she re-entered the house, glad to be leaving the sight of the two outside. Inside she scanned the crowd desperately for Jem, quickly shifting her gaze when it caught sight of Seifer. Finally she made her way back to where she'd left him earlier.

His smile turned into a concerned frown as she approached. "Rin, what's wrong?"

She didn't answer. Instead, she took his hand and pulled him towards the front door, through which they exited. The front yard had emptied of the cell-phone talkers since they'd arrived and Rinoa was glad that they were alone. She led him to the far end of the veranda where she turned to face him, burying her head in his chest. They stayed like that for a few minutes, Jeremy having no idea what the matter with his girlfriend was settled for hugging her to closer. It wasn't until he heard her sniff that he realised she was crying. But why? Instinctively, he gently took hold of her shoulders and pushed her slightly away to get a look at her. Her eyes were red and her cheeks puffy with tear stains on both of them.

"Rinoa, what happened?" he started slowly. "Come on, baby, talk to me."

She sniffed once more, wiping her tears away with the back of her hand, keeping her gaze levelled at Jem's tainted shirt. "What would you do if you found out you were wrong about something for a really long time?"

"I-"

"What would you do," Rinoa continued, "If you hated someone for so long and, after one night, no longer had reason to?"

"Rinny, is this about Squall?" Jem put forward cautiously.

Rinoa nodded in response, replacing her forehead against his chest. "I've been wrong all this time – do you know what that feels like?"

Actually I don't, I'm never wrong – no time to be a smartass, Jem. Instead he queried, "What happened?"

"I found out that Squall and Seifer were innocent of every single thing I blamed them for. They had nothing to do with anything, and I've hated them mercilessly for ten years."

"Well," she started slowly, "I guess there's only one thing you can do."

"And what would that be?" she lifted her head to meet his gaze.

"To apologise."

"Easier said than done, Jem."

"It doesn't have to be like that."

Rinoa narrowed her eyes at him in scorn. "Can you honestly imagine how humiliating this will be for me?"

"Well you've let this last this long, I'd say the humiliation is something you're going to have to deal with." She opened her mouth to protest, but Jem continued. "If you weren't so stubborn you would've learnt that moving on is a really big part of life. Sweetie, what happened ten years ago is done and it can't be changed. So I think you ought to forgive whoever you think is responsible, because I don't think they meant to cause you that much pain, and apologise to those that you've hurt. You're so self-centred sometimes that you don't realise how many people you push away when you act like that. Life's too short to hold grudges, Rin." He glanced at her and, afraid she'd read into what he'd said, added, "I'm on your side, Rinoa. Even if Squall wasn't my bestfriend I'd still think he deserves an apology. As much as I love you, I can't help think that you get a bit too childish at times. So what do you say? Will you let bygones be bygones?"

She remained silent for sometime. How could he say that to me! Jem's always been so caring, but he can be so…aggravating! And right. I hate this! I hate being wrong! I hate being corrected! I'm such a hypocrite! I hate this! Jem's right…he's always right. ARGH! Stupid, stupid pride! "Fine," Rinoa finally replied sharply.

Jem blinked in surprise. "What?"

"I'll let it go. But don't expect me apologise at once, let me do it in my own time, alright?"

"You got it." He smiled and pulled her in for a hug, planting a kiss in her hair. "Do you want me to take you home now?" A nod was his response. "I'll have to tell Squall that I'll pick him up later. You can go wait in the car if you want." Jem stuck his hand into his pocket to get his keys.

"No, I'll go with you. There's something I have to do."

He frowned. "I thought you weren't going to apologise at once."

"Who says I'm going to apologise to Squall? I have to deal with Emily and she's with him." Rinoa wiped her eyes once more and smiled. "Do I look like I've been crying?"

"Yeah, it's kinda hard to hide that," he honestly replied.

"Well I guess it's a good thing I don't wear mascara." She paused to do up his jacket, covering the stains she'd made with her waterworks. "Sorry 'bout that."

"S'all good. See how easy it is," Jeremy smirked.

"Don't push your luck, buddy," Rinoa deadpanned. "Just 'cause I let you off the hook for that lecture, doesn't mean I'll let you off for every smart comment you make."

"And yet, I still love you."

- - -

After Rinoa stormed off it took Squall a few minutes to recollect his thoughts, replaying the events that had just passed over in his head. Squall then watched as his cousin buried her face in her hands. Unexpectedly, he began clapping. Emily's head shot up to face him, a frown in place.

"What on earth did I do to warrant an applause? I put shit on a cake, yeah, something to be really proud of," she scoffed.

He smiled at her. "No, but you did get through to her."

"How do you know that?"

"Would she have stormed off like that if, after all you said, she was right? She would've stayed and told us off a bit more. But no, I think she knows that what you said is the truth."

Emily's eyes narrowed. "Shit Squall, you've been back here, for what? A week? And you already know everything about everyone."

"Just three days actually. I don't know everything about everyone. I just know Rinoa, and she hasn't changed, as you could probably tell."

She finally laughed.

"Hey Em," Squall started with a slight tilt of his head. "Am I a prick?"

She smiled mischievously. "No, I just added that for effect."

"Nice touch," he deadpanned.

"I thought so."

Squall stepped forward and put a hand on her shoulder. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah I'm fine, I've just never made an enemy before."

"It'll be alright. Now, what were we talking about?"

Emily rolled her eyes. "Will you get off it? I'm determined to do nothing but admire him from afar. He has a girlfriend, may a remind you."

"I know, and I'll admire her from afar."

"What ever happened to that chick you were going out with last time I visited?"

"Who? Lara?"

"Yeah that's her name. Well?"

Squall shrugged. "She broke up with me. She said I 'wasn't paying enough attention to her'," he mocked his ex-girlfriend's whiny voice. "I can't believe I let that last more that three months."

"I told you she was annoying! Why don't you ever listen to your older cousin?" she smiled as she shoved him.

"You're ten days older than me. But hey, thanks Em."

"What for? Warning you about Lara? My pleasure!"

He shook his head. "Nah, for what you did tonight."

"It's okay. I gotta look out for my little cousin now, don't I?"

"Whatever. Oh yeah, I probably won't be going home with Jem anymore-"

"Why not?" Emily frowned, then nodded at the realisation.

"Rinoa," they said in unison.

"Dad's picking me up so I guess you can hitch a ride with us. Are you living at the same house as before?"

"Yep, same rooms and all."

"That house is huge! I always wondered what happened to it."

"Well mom and dad rented it out for the first five years we were gone, just to help pay it off. Then they just left it alone. It's kinda weird being in my old room. Really freaky. You remember that shifty floor board in my room we found with Ellone?"

"Yeah? It's still there?" Her eyes widened.

"You bet! And guess what's still there."

"No way! That wacky board game we made up!"

Squall nodded. "Down to every single stone we collected to use as pieces. Your handwriting was shocking!"

"What are you talking about? I didn't write it, Ell did. I did the drawings on the stones and you cut out the shapes and stuff. Do you have any idea how to play anymore?"

"Nuh! How is Ell, by the way?"

"Oh gee, my lovely older sister? She's off studying in Balamb. She tries to call every week, but mom and dad end up calling her every few days. They are so paranoid sometimes." Emily rolled her eyes.

"They aren't that bad."

She gave him an unbelieving look. "That's 'cause you don't live with them."

"True."

"You wanna go inside? It's getting rather cold, don't you think?"

"Yeah, come on."

They were about to ascend the wooden stairs when two figures came out from the door. Squall and Emily stepped back as Rinoa and Jeremy came down to meet them. Rinoa's face was blank and she bit her lip as she extended her arm to Emily.

The brown haired girl frowned and glanced at her cousin. What the hell?

"I'm sorry, Emily."

. . .

A/N - AH! Horrid winter! It's freezing up my imagination! not good, no0t good! But it is okay, i will go against anything, short of a gun and anything that can kill, to write my fic hahaha. I'm just going to make this short and unfortunate don't have time to write responses because I'm going to ballet in a few minutes hehehe. but a quick question, I've assumed through my 2 and a half fics that Squall's eyes are blue and I went on a massive websearch yesterday for piccies of Squally when I got a review that said his eyes were stormy grey. Someone wanna clarify this for me? Anyhoozy...Just want to thank Dark Angels, Noacat, zornoid13, angel-brokensorrow, TheBlackRose5, Angelprinczess29 - [update your fic! I can't wait for the next installment!], Sickness in Salvation - [I thought about a catfight, I couldn't do it though hehehe] , Vergil - [I could've sworn his eyes were blue...but thanks for the heads up!] , wcigtdniw - [SPIDEY IS HEAPS GOOD! you should so see it! and yes Emily does tend to show a bit more of me than anything else hahaha luv ya mate! enjoy your holz!], shinji - [Jem doesn't leave for a while, sorry. but i kind of like Jem! him being based on someone i know and everything hehehe]. Thanks you guys! please R&R! I appreciate all of your comments! [huggles] You all rock!

3 e.t.