Chapter Eleven: Rats Belong In the Sewers

You know how people sometimes get these feelings of emptiness and dread and they don't really know why? That's how I feel this morning of October 31st, empty. I don't really know why, but as the day has progressed the feelings have become unbearable…

The tiny cabin is a couple of miles into the forest behind Godric's Hollow. I've stayed here before when I was too drunk to drive and didn't want to piss Lily off or something like that. But now… now I was hiding. Hiding from Voldemort. And, I don't know why but the thought was not nearly as scary as actually being in hiding. I am not really worried about me, though. I am worried about Peter. What if Voldemort found him?

We'd all go to hell, probably.

Or, in a nicer way, we will all die with unfinished business. Well, I would, isn't that a nice thought? Compared to all of my other thoughts, it is the best thought I've had all day. I can't even try to bring myself to think about Marissa. Last I saw her was two days ago, and it was because I went at the crack of dawn so that I wouldn't be seen. The visit was short, though, because she started getting all worried about Voldemort finding me and all that crap. For some odd reason I feel like I should've told her I was not the Secret Keeper. After all, I had told her why I had to go into hiding.

Right now, I'm thinking of how much fun we used to have in Halloween while we were at Hogwarts. The pranks, even the teachers would laugh at our Halloween pranks. James. He was the perfect partner in crime, and if Voldemort even suspected Peter to be the Secret Keeper, which I doubt, I could lose James. I could lose my best friend, and that was not a very comforting thought at the moment.

I am practically dying here. I keep wanting to get the hell out of this place and breathe fresh air. But I cannot do that for another month when I'll finally be able to get out of this stupid place, and my friends will be safe… I hope.

It's eight o'clock and I'm bored out of my wits! I have absolutely nothing to do but stare at the empty bed in the corner… or I could be staring at the picture of Harry… My little godson. I would do absolutely anything in this entire world to make sure he grows to be old and have a lot of children. I would give my life for him, just as I would for Lily and James.

I just hope they don't find Peter.

At least Peter's hiding place is far away in Wales. We thought it would be safer if he was not in England, lord knows it would be a whole lot easier to find him here. I wonder what he's doing. Probably as bored as I am. Or maybe Lily and James gave him something to entertain himself with? Lily probably likes him better than me… His a very clean person, and no matter how much pressure Lily puts on me to make me understand the meaning of a clean house I always seem to get lost in translation, something that pisses Lily off royally.

Lily "the Temper" Potter, I call her, 'cause that red-head temper of hers is out of control. I can imagine her being pissed off right now 'cause James doesn't want to change Harry's diaper or something. Hell, even I've changed Harry's diaper. You know how many times I had to baby-sit that boy? More times than I can count… I guess that's the reason Marissa thinks I would make a good father. The first thing I'm going to do after I get out of this place is set a date for my wedding. I mean, why not get married? It is the best way to keep her… that came out the wrong way. What I meant is that I want to get married so that it would be completely and absolutely illegal for Marissa to sleep with other guys but me. And, that is very selfish.

I suddenly feel like the boredom is making me sleepy…

Very sleepy…

"James, he's coming."

"Go, Lily! Go!"

"James!"

"Go!"

"Not without you!"

"Go, I'll stop him… take Harry and go!"

"I love you, James…"

"You silly girl."

"Out of my way!"

"Not Harry! Please, not Harry!"

I woke up panting and sweating. I could see the full moon shining through the tiny window and I remembered Remus… traitor. He was probably the one passing information to Voldemort, but he'll get what he deserves sooner or later.

Right now, I'm worried about that stupid nightmare… Why did it feel so real? I didn't have time to think about that. I threw on my clothes and jumped on my motorcycle. I had to see for myself that Peter was safe and that nothing of the sort of my nightmare would happen.

It probably will. Peter is not here. I lost an hour of my time looking for Peter and he's not here. I should've gone to Godric's Hollow first. Now, I have to go, 'cause even though I don't want to admit it, something happened. And I know it is not good.

Different images cross my mind as I fly over the city, each one progressively more depressive. I don't know what to think about. I don't know what I'm going to see. But I hope my nightmare was wrong. I hope Peter just went out to get something to eat. I hope… I hope James, Lily and Harry are still alive.

They are not. As I get closer to the house I can sense it more and more. The house is not standing anymore. They are dead. Dead and I am to blame. No one else. But where is Peter?

"Hagrid!" I said as soon as I was parked. I could see his back hunched. They are dead. "Hagrid, please tell me they are not…"

I couldn't finish my sentence. James' body lying on the ground prevented me from it. His eyes were still open. I kneeled down to close them, closing my own, preventing the tears from escaping. I kissed James forehead before I walked a little further to were Harry's room was supposed to be above of.

There, under a door, the door to Harry's room, I could see Lily. I kicked the door out of the way and sat down beside her. I closed her eyes and held her hand trying to compose myself. It was too difficult. I got up and walked over to where Hagrid was standing with a bundle of blankets.

"Is that?" I asked pointing the blankets. He sniffled before nodding his head. "Can I hold him?"

He gave Harry to me, immediately recognized me and put his arms around me.

"Hi, there, fella," I said wiping away some tears that were threatening to fall. "Are you okay?"

Harry just held on to me for dear life. I pulled him away from me to look at him, and that's when I noticed the lightning shaped scar on his forehead.

"That's were the curse hit him," Hagrid was saying. "They say You-Know-Who was defeated by him."

"I'm taking him with me, Hagrid," I informed him. "I'm his godfather."

"Now, Sirius, I have strict orders from Dumbledore to take him to his aunt's house," said Hagrid. I nearly screamed.

"But he's my godson!"

"But Dumbledore–"

"I don't care what Dumbledore says! My best friend and his wife were just murdered! I'm the only person Harry has left!" I yelled. Harry started crying and I held him closer.

"Now, Sirius, I'm just following orders," Hagrid argued. "If you want, go talk to Dumbledore tomorrow. But, right now I have to take little Harry with me."

I thought for a moment, and finally gave in. Not before I held Harry for a little longer, I was practically trembling.

"There, there, Sirius," said Hagrid, patting me on the back. "You'll get through this."

I simply nodded. I was not going to cry. Not in front of Hagrid anyway.

"Take my bike," I said, handing him the baby. "I don't think I will need it anymore."

"But, you love this bike!"

"I don't need it," I said, shaking my head. "Go now… it could be dangerous if you leave later." I apparated into the forest and watched from behind the trees as Hagrid took Harry with him.

As soon as they were out of sight I went back to where Lily's body was lying and carried it towards the edge of the forest, away from the mess. I then carried James' body and put it next to Lily's, sitting down beside them.

"I guess this is goodbye, mate," I said looking over at James' body. "Came too soon, huh?"

"Lily, I…" I couldn't bring myself to finish that sentence. I just sat there looking at them. Not believing their bodies were actually lifeless. "I'm sorry…" I whispered.

"This is all my fault…" the tears starting spilling out like mad, but I wasn't trying to stop them anymore.

I tried my best not to scream. I didn't have a friend anymore… I didn't have my best friend with me anymore.

I just sobbed. I couldn't believe it. I would never be able to believe it.

Then that hunger for revenge came over me. Peter had told on them. Peter was a Death Eater. Peter killed them… no… I, Sirius Black, killed them. But now I only had one thing in my mind: Find Peter Pettigrew.

I wanted to know why. I needed to know why. Why would he do such things? Why would he betray his best friends? Why? It was all I needed to know. What I was going to find out.

"I'll take care of, Harry, mate," I said. "I won't let you down." A slight breeze brushed the hair out of my face. It was James. I know it was. And he was trying to warn me about something… But, I didn't listen.

I stood up, and taking one last glance at their lifeless bodies I apparated.

It was hours before I encountered Peter, in a street full of muggles. I didn't really expect to find him anywhere else. He was a coward.

"Well, well, Peter," I said. He looked back at me trembling.

"Sirius," he said. "What are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be on your way to Azkaban?" he said with a little more confidence.

"Funny," I replied. "I was about to ask you the same thing… Tell me something, Peter. Did it satisfy you to kill Lily and James?"

He just stared at me. The fear coming over him again.

"You know, if you had come clean about this, we would've been there for you. We would've helped yo–"

"Like you can just hand out your resignation to, my Lord," he said. "It's a lifetime of service… you should know."

Bastard. He was trying to make me think about Regulus.

"Do they give you a lifetime achievement award or something for serving the worst wizard that has ever existed? I mean, he was defeated by a one-year old… That must be really embarrassing," I said.

"You and your little jokes, Sirius. I hope the Dementors in Azkaban like them or you'll be in a lot of trouble," he said viciously. "Or they might even want to give you a little kiss."

"All I want to know is why, Peter?" I asked. "Why did you betray your friends?"

"They are not powerful enough to keep me alive, Sirius," he replied, I could feel my hand closing over my wand. "As soon as the dark lord recovers he will take over the world… and I will be a very powerful wizard."

I swallowed back tears and nodded my head a little, letting his words sink in.

"Pete, your brain damage has really affected you," I said. "I really never thought, you were actually this dumb."

"Dumb? I'm the only one getting alive out of this," he said. "As soon as my Lord comes back I will be his servant… I will be serving the greatest wizard that ever existed."

"Dumbledore is the greatest wizard, Peter," I reminded him. "I mean, even your dear master knows it."

"Sirius, I would really want to stay here and chat, but I have things to do," and before I could register any of this he started shouting and crying.

"LILY AND JAMES, SIRIUS! HOW COULD YOU?" he yelled, the muggles who were nearby stared. I stared. What was he doing?

"THEY WERE YOUR FRIENDS! AND YOU KILLED THEM!" I took out my wand but before I could even think he had blown half the street apart and just like that he was gone.

It took me sometime to register what he had done. I could see bloodied bodies everywhere, people screaming and pointing at me. And, all this time I stared in disbelief.

Then, I saw it. Peter had transformed into a rat and was standing next to a finger. His finger. The little rat had faked his own death. I followed the stupid rat until he was out of sight.

A rat had outsmarted me. He had faked his own death. And, I was going to be the one to blame for all of it.

All this time I had believed Remus to be the spy. All this time I had been trusting the wrong person. All this time was a lie.

While the aurors arrested me, I didn't even put up a fight. The little rat was right… I was going to Azkaban.

I killed Lily and James. I was going to be charged for killing about twelve muggles. I was going to be charged for killing Peter.

Fifteen people. I was going to Azkaban for killing fifteen people. And I was innocent.

I was innocent.

I was going to spend the rest of my life in Azkaban.

I was not going to be able to see Marissa.

I was not going to be able to see Harry grow.

My life had just turned upside down.

And all I could do was laugh.

I just laughed.

A/N: Okay… so I had to hold back tears while writing this chapter because my mental picture was so horrible! I could even see the people dead on the street.

Thanks for the two people who reviewed last chapter, very appreciated.

Happy New Year!!!!

I'm going to go and get a tissue now… review!