Hey all, surprised to see me? Yeah, me too, but this piece needed to be written. This is a short bit that is based on my personal life. Basically, the only guy I've ever loved just got married to someone I can't stand. She invited me to the wedding, which was the icing on the cake. This story was written to help me cope with the fact that he is no longer mine to have and to hold. So yeah...I'll leave it at that, and get on with this. Oh, and by the way, I'm thinking of how to finish up Dreaming of You, so sometime soon, I should be finishing that up...Sorry about the long wait...major writer's block and bad life. But yeah, back to the story.
Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha, just using him for my pleasure...wait that sounded really bad...enjoyment? Also really bad...I'm just borrowing him, ok?
And So the Truth Goes
I was invited to their wedding. Just another twist of the knife that was jabbed so deep into my heart. They knew I wouldn't go. At least, she did. She knew how much it would hurt to see the words of their impending nuptials so eloquently printed on the pale flowers of the page that rested delicately in front of me. How much it would hurt to see them together.
My vision blurred until the paper was just a fuzzy patch of color obscured by the black lines that used to be words. How stupid I had been to think he would stay with me. To think he would choose me over her. I sighed softly, running my fingers through the tangles of my hair, feeling myself falling into the dark pit of depression from which there was no escape. When I think about it, I'm not sure I would even want to escape, given the chance. There's a certain amount of comfort within the black void. There, I feel nothing. I'm lost in the sea of nothingness. Adrift with no where to go.
I smiled grimly to myself, noting cynically my own melodrama, something I would normally be intolerant to in others. Why does it matter so much? Why does he matter so much? He disappeared from my life months before the invitation arrived. We were together at the beginning of the year. He was so kind and made me feel like a queen. I should have known it was too good to be true. Should have escaped the relationship when I could. I laughed coldly, couldn't have escaped even if I wanted to. He hooked me in good. Suckered me in with corny jokes, sweet words, and even sweeter kisses. He promised me the world, but I never knew the world would feel like Pluto, cold and bitter.
Just as suddenly as he was here, he was gone. Without a word, he walked out of my life just as suddenly as he had entered it. He'd taken my heart as he trotted out of sight. Maybe that's why I can't get over him, or this heartache of them together. I had been with him first, but she had gotten his heart. Something I apparently never possessed, and no matter what I've tried, some attempts too unmentionable to write down here, I can't get him out of my mind and away from my heart.
I tossed aside the invitation in disgust and stood, walking to my window to look at the night sky, ignoring the better cold of the winter wind. No, not really ignoring it, but reveling in the frozen pain it gave me. A sure sign I was still alive. I never thought I would fee such despair. Feel this angst building up within me. I thought I was stronger than this, stronger than getting torn apart by sentimental feelings. I shivered from the cold and shut my window, moving to my desk once more and sitting, resting my weary head pitifully upon my crossed forearms. What a pitiful person I ended up being. Unable to shake free from one who so obviously doesn't want me. What makes me love him still, even after everything he's done to me? I suppose I shall never really know, or I will allow my subconscious to keep it from me.
I glanced over to the neat little package of straightedge razors and once more smiled humorlessly, hollowly. No matter how much I wanted to escape the pain, I was too much of a chicken to end my own life. No matter how many times I held the blade to the delicate skin of my wrists, I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I sighed again, restlessly moving to my bed. Perhaps I should just accept the fact that he loves her more than he ever cared for me, but how? Maybe going to the wedding wouldn't be such a bad idea. Going there and seeing them happy together could possibly help. I laughed mirthlessly once more to myself. That would be the irony to end all ironies.
The more I thought of it, though, the more it somehow made sense to me. I went to my puppy calendar and marked the date. December 1st. In one week's time.
It almost seemed like a dream I just couldn't shake free of the cobwebs in my mind. This was the day I had hoped for, yet at the same time, had dreaded. Their wedding day. I had to admit, it was a breathtaking sight within the church walls. The decorations were quite elegant. Pale lilies with blue ribbon so pale they could have been mistaken for white, had they not been closely inspected adorned the old pews of the church. There were many there that i recognized, and wished I had not. Sympathetic glances were shot my way by more than I cared to recall.
I sighed softly and sat in the las pew closest to the door. I was already regretting coming here. They all knew. Knew how I felt and pitied me. I grimaced, not wanting, nor needed, anyone's pity. Hell, I had enough of my own to last a few lifetimes. I jumped slightly when the music began as two females dressed in the same pale blue as the ribbons moved gracefully down the aisle with their respective groomsman. I refused to look where he stood, waiting with, I was sure, baited breath for his love to come in.
The music for the bride started and we all stood in respect for her. As much as I tried to concentrate on her walking down the aisle, I could only think about how this song had been banned from catholic weddings because it was written for a marriage between two siblings. Finally the ceremony began, much to my dismay. I wanted to walk out as they exchanged their vows, but I couldn't. This was something I had to do, no matter what. I almost blurted out that I had a reason why they should not be wed, but I refrained. I don't know why, and I don't know how, but I did.
Before I knew it, it was over. The words, "You may now kiss the bride" rang over and over in my head like an echo in the Grand Canyon. I watched him lean down and gently kiss her, and when he looked down to her I could see his love for her. It was reflected in his eyes and plastered all over his face. He really did love her, I thought as a mixture of surprise, sadness, and acceptance washed over me. As cliché as it was, I had to say it. As long as Inuyasha was happy with Kagome, there was nothing more I required. The newlywed couple walked together down the aisle, and as they passed me, Inuyasha's eyes locked with mine. I smiled softly and mouthed "congratulations," to which he smiled in return and nodded his thanks. I watched them leave the church, followed by many relatives. Alone in the church, I looked to a painting of Jesus and smiled a real smile for the second time that day. It may hurt, but it was just what I needed. Things will get better now.
Well, there it was, something I needed to get off my chest. I hoped you all liked it. I know they aren't Christian, but I wasn't really thinking of it in Japanese style...think of it as AU if you will. Well, thanks for reading!