By animeninjaNIPPON

"Look Zim..." Dib chose his words carefully. "There's not much more I can say. I already told you all the interesting stuff."

"Tell me why you got a big heeeaaad..." Gir begged.

Dib ignored the little robot, instead peering out of the spaceship to see the Earth below. The planet had become a cesspool of rotting humans, debris, and inedible snack products. Dib sighed sadly - his home was gone forever.

"Stop looking at that dirtball," Zim ordered. Reluctantly, the human boy shifted his gaze to the alien, who was fidgeting with a bag of Irken chips.

All of a sudden, Dib realized how hungry he was. "Are you going to share those?"

"ZIM doesn't share!" He tossed the chips over to his companion and took out a new bag from one of the ship's many compartments.

"Thank you," Dib replied.

"Huh?"

"I said, 'thank you.'"

"Yeah, whatever..." Zim opened his chips. "OK, I LIED. My boot size really IS six."

"Mmph?" Dib inquired through a mouthful of chips.

"Are you HAPPY? You know THE TRUTH!"

Dib swallowed his food and wiped off his mouth on his tattered sleeve. "My shoe size is seven. And there's nothing wrong with that."

Finally, they were having a civilized conversation. Gir was in the back, doing whatever he was doing, making a loud noise...

"GIR!" Zim screamed. "Get OUT of the mini-fridge!" He turned back to Dib. "Well, you know MY SECRET. Tell me YOURS!"

Zim's deepest, darkest secret was his shoe size? He could be lying, Dib figured, but at this point it didn't matter. "My secret? Well..." He blushed a little. "I kinda had a crush on Tak - but I don't anymore. I lost all interest in her when I found out she was evil and stuff."

"Crush? You wanted to crush her?"

"No, not like that - a 'crush' is when you like someone and you think they're interesting, so you want to talk with them and impress them, and think about them...it's kind of like love, but not as serious."

"So you want to 'crush' her by talking to her about yourself?"

"Uh...something like - NO, no, not like that! It's...all it means is, you think about someone a lot and want them to notice you 'cuz you like them, or something like that."

"OF COURSE!" Zim made a fist. "That is how I want to 'crush' YOU!"

Dib fell silent. Either Zim had a thing for him, or else Zim wanted to destroy him with overwhelming personal knowledge. Gir managed to pick up on the air of confusion and twist it into something ridiculous. "Aww, Dib makes Master feel all happy inside..."

Dib turned back to face Gir. "Where did you learn about that?"

"The SCARY MONKEY SHOW!" Gir fell backwards in a heap of laughter.

"Don't listen to HIM!" Zim growled. "Now, tell me how to make this ship go back into the past!"

"I, uh..." Dib reached into his trench coat pocket. "GAH! The notebook's gone! Zim, do you have it in that backpack of yours?"

"You LOST IT?" Zim grabbed Dib by the remains of his blue T-shirt. "You STUPID, STINKING MEATBAG! Now we'll be stuck in this nightmare FOREVER!"

"What's your problem, Zim?" Dib pried Zim's little hand off his shirt. "First you say you like me, now you hate me again! Make up your mind!"

"We're SUPPOSED to be enemies!" Zim ignored the fact that Dib was still holding his wrist. "You're the one making me FEEL like this! YOU did this to me!"

Well, Zim may have changed his opinion of Dib slightly, but he certainly didn't change his impulsive demeanor. Dib grinned like a smart-aleck.

"No I didn't - " He rolled his empty bag of chips into a ball with his free hand and chucked it playfully at Zim. "I did THAT to you. What do you say now, alien?"

Zim narrowed his eyes. "You DARE to - "

"Assault the Mighty Zim?" Dib finished.

"You...DIB!" He tore away from Dib's grasp and directed his attention to his SIR unit. "GIR! Help me devise a way to mes with the time-space continuum!"

"OK, Master!" In response, Gir chucked a book at Zim's head. Zim picked the book up to examine it.

Dib recognized it immediately. "The Zim Files!"

"Gir, you're a GENIUS!" Zim immediately began flipping through it to find the page with the time warp instructions.

Dib looked outside again, only to realize that he was surrounded by infinite universe. Everything felt so unreal, and yet, like destiny was finally falling into place. Any minute now, they would go back in time...

"CURSE YOU, STUPID BOOK OF...STUPIDITY!"

Dib turned his head just in time to be hit with the notebook. "Ow! Zim!"

"The book says NOTHING of use!" Zim slumped back in his seat.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes! It does not tell HOW to make the ship go back in time!"

"Hmm..." Dib yawned and stretched a little. "I'm tired."

"Why do you humans do that SLEEP thing, anyway?"

"To...recharge our energy."

"Do ALL humans SLEEP?"

"Yeah. Why - don't Irkens sleep?"

"There is no TIME for such things! We Irkens are trained to SERVE!"

"Oh..." Dib yawned again. "Well, I have to sleep now. Good night."

Zim watched the big-headed boy curl up into a ball with his hands beneath his slightly bruised cheek. "Good night to you, Dib-worm."

As a last thought before drifting off, Dib mumbled, "Call me by my real name."

End of part eighteen