Another Lonely Night
You've done this before.
You can't explain it but it's something that's become routine.
It's usually after a hard mission and you've all come back alive.
Just a couple of bumps and bruises each of you have sustained stuff
that will hurt but will heal.
You look at the door and wait.
You ask yourself why you do this.
You answer back.
It's to confirm to yourself that he is safe.
You wait to see him walkout of the locker room with his hair wet and
clean. No grime, no dirt or blood.
You want to be sure he wasn't lying when he said he was fine.
If he ever found out you did this he would be upset that you didn't
take his word.
You stall again tying your shoes for the third time.
The door opens and he walks out, sees you and smiles.
Coincidence you're always there waiting for him?
He thinks not.
But it doesn't matter you're satisfied he is well and you can go home
and sleep knowing you have defied the odds again and still have hope
for a future together.
You stand he follows you to the elevator.
You both get in.
No words are needed you just stare and look into each others eyes.
Each reassuring the other that all is well.
He walks with you to your car, he whispers good night.
You long for him to come with you but know there is no way possible
that could happen.
If you two crossed that line all would be lost.
On impulse you call out to him, he turns with hope.
He comes towards you and waits.
You take his hand and whisper good night and squeeze it. He caresses
your hand and you shiver.
You turn to hide the tears of frustration, not wanting him to think
he has to be obligated for your weakness for you wishing for more.
You let go.
He is still there waiting for you to make a move.
You say goodnight open the doorand make sure not to turn around
you get in close itand sit.
You hear him walk away.
You place your head on the steering wheel and close your eyes.
A light tap startles you.
You turn to see himstanding there.
Rational Sam says to start the car and go.
Love struck Sam is thinking this is it he wants to cross that
invisible line.
Soldier Sam takes over and says the one word that shatters all past
feelings and pretenses. The one safe word that makes everything return
to normal.
"Sir?"
He closes his eyes and says his safe word.
"Carter?"
Another mission accomplished, another disaster averted, another
lonely night for both.