Mom
By 7sTar
Author's notes: I watched "Home" the forth time last night still had no idea why Mary said so little to Dean and why Sam not said "Mom" to her like Dean.
Category: Angst
Rating: K
Summary: Sam and Dean's thoughts when they saw their mom coming from the fire in their old house.
Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural or Sam, Dean and their mom. I just write this just for fun. Please don't sue me.
Sam:
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I couldn't move! A powerful unseen strength was astricting me leaning tightly against the door. I wanna move my right hand to slit it but in vain. Looking through my nose tip at the moving fire coming out of the closet I heard Dean yelling "Sam!" Then he rushed into the room, raised his gun to the fire towards us.
"No! Don't!" I bolted out.
"What? Why?" Dean inquired with puzzled eyes.
I knew exactly he wanna rescue me out of the damn house in short order but I felt something other than danger. I couldn't move even if a finger but I could feel, strongly. And little by little I could see it, the one in the fire. It was her. She was my mom.
It weren't for pictures I wouldn't even know what my mom looks like. I knew it was her thanks to those photos. She's so beautiful and peaceful. Looking at us with a slight smile she walked slowly to us, like a mother to coax her naughty babies to bed.
Dry and coarse in my throat, I felt hard to breath. I heard Dean murmured "mom", grief in his voice. She paused her eyes on his face for a while, so soft eyes and even softer in her voice as she said "Dean."
I wanna say something but I lost my voice and I had no idea what to say at all. No, I had sounds of words for her to say but I couldn't find my tongue. My nose was sore and my lachrymal got ready to work.
I saw her turned her beautiful eyes on me again, tender, warm and full of love. Moving close to me my mom never drove her eyes away from my face. I wanna call her "mom"; wanna run at her to hug her and wanna tell her I miss her. But I couldn't move and I choked on my voice, just staring at her near me.
"Sam," she stopped to say my name with tender affection, "I'm sorry." I noticed the snuffles of her nose and the regrets in her deep eyes. Subliminally I shook my head, instead of saying "No" I burst out, "For what?"
Tears escaped my eyes. Why did she say sorry to me? Did she mean it would be the first time I would ever really get to see her? Did she mean I would never get to see her again? Did she felt guilty because she wasn't there when I grew up? Did she felt guilty because she knew the demon that killed her was still after her baby son?
I never blamed her for she left me. I loved her secretly in my heart though I couldn't remember every moment with her when I was an infant. I wouldn't see the look of shame on her face. I should say something, I wanna say something but my tongue was bit.
My vocal cords were quivering. I watched my mom through my misty watered eyes until she drove out the demon in the house and disappeared with the big fire. I felt falling in the hell.
The heat broiled me but couldn't burn my tears away. I stared at my brother, he's also as sorrow as me with tearful sad eyes.
Dean:
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Sam said he could see her.
HER?
The moving fire stopped and suddenly extinguished. A figure came out and opened her eyes.
The figure was so familiar to me. The gown on her body was so familiar to me. Her blonde wavy hair was so familiar to me. And her beautiful and serene face, her tender and soulful eyes were so damn familiar to me. It was 22 years ago when I saw her last time but my feelings for her weren't ever fossilized and never even if they would be ancient as years went by.
She's my mom.
"Mom." The word popped out of my lips and tears were killed on their way to effuse from my eyes. I couldn't believe that I saw her again in our old house in such way after so many years. I missed her but I wouldn't express much because I had no idea how to face it. And Sam, my little brother, how could he face her?
Closing up to where we're standing, she smiled to us. Peacful. Full of love. She slightly called my name then moved to Sam, her eyes locked on my little brother.
I wanna ask her. I had so many questions. I wanted to truth about her, about dad and about our family. But I just stood there in petrified astonishment. I heard her soft voice, "Sam, I'm sorry."
Mom, were you blaming yourself? For what? I had the same question with Sam. You thought it's guilty to leave baby Sammy growing up without mother love? So did I. Or she felt sorry because she knew what he was going through. All the pain and suffering of loosing loved ones.
I tilted my head and stared at Sam and my mom for a long moment. I watched my brother. All his worries and fears erased from his face to be replaced with emotion and doubts. All his fears about the demon in the house which chained him were far away. His concerns about facing our mom came forth. He looked ablaze and depressive…. out of his wits. He struggled to say but nothing more burst out from his mouth except the tears in his dark blue eyes and the choke in his throat.
Water brimmed over my eyes as my mom shouted to the demon then disappeared again with the fire. I was hollow in my heart. I turned my head to my brother, he said it's over, and I heard the sadness and despair in his voice.