Ah, nothing like the smell of wet sheep in the morning. It was really starting to pour, now. And I had just mastered walking on solid ground. Muddy roads, uphill, are not fun for quadrupeds. Imagine walking up a steep hill, tired and exhausted, just to find out one's hooves have the same traction as the underside of a fish. It would have been fun to a little kid, I guess, but when your actually trying to get somewhere, a sheep loaded down with an extra fifty pounds of mud on their stomach has every right to feel a little angst.

"DAMNIT!" I proclaimed to no one in particular. Maur wasn't having much trouble. Neither was Fpshk. This didn't help my mood too much.

Eventually, we got in sight of the friggin' city. Finnaly. The gigantic gate in front of us was a welcome sight. Except for one minor detail.

It was closing.

Hell no.

This little fluff ball went into overdrive. I shredded that road like it was paper, kicking up muck into Maur's face. He didn't move, which is weird, but I swear to the Gods for a moment he looked purple. Not my biggest concern at the moment.

There was no way I was going to make it. I'd have to stay outside all night-maybe forever. Maybe I could join a farm and work for food, selling my wool for profit. Maybe I could just be a drifter. Hey, that might actually be cool. "Drifter Sheep," terror of the highways, robs from the rich and becomes richer. The poor can fend for themselves.

I still wasn't giving up. I was pumped, and very, very pissed. It was in the freaking morning, why shut it? Is the rain going to invade? Why should-

Holy crispy crap-what was that? Someone grabbed my neck and threw me upwards. I landed spread-eagle on the saddle of a horse. Great, I'm being abducted. I friggin' hate this place. Sheepnapping probably wasn't a crime. Maybe Maur would curse him, so he could at least have like-I dunno-two left feet or something. Curse out his tongue? Maybe give him bladder problems forever. What exactly do warlocks do anyway? Wage war…against…locks?

I assessed the situation. Looking around, I guessed that the dude who chucked me was probably Maur. Yep, spookums was definitely in front of me, leaning into the saddle like a racer hopped up on speed potions. I still couldn't find Fpshky, the wonder dog.

Wait.

Where the hell did Maur get a horse?

I looked at my noble steed. Maybe noble is too strong of a word. Its hooves were on fire, and its eyes were alight with a fiery blaze usually associated with my employers. It was probably named something, too-Hyskphump or something like that. Damn demons.

Well, at least we'd probably make the gates before they closed. I relaxed a little. But what right did those damn guards have to shut the gates? I mean, as far as I can tell the biggest threat was that a spooky dude and a disgruntled sheep were threatening to attack with the force of a hundred church mice. Maybe I should actually look around myself, to see if anything else gave them the jibblies.

Left. Nothing. Lookin' good.

Right- Oooh, that's a nice piece of real estate.

Forward? The threat of Maur's backside loomed in front of me.

Backward?

If you didn't see it coming, you need to go hit yourself in the head with a blunt instrument of your choosing. Go ahead, I'll wait. Done? Okay.

Behind us were hundreds-excuse me-thousands of murlocs, bristling with poisonous spears and deadly claws. Oh, my gods, irony will be the death of me yet.

I didn't exactly know what to do. They were definitely gaining on us. Odds were they'd make the gate before we did. After all this time I was about to join Fairyboy the heavenly sheep-gnome in the Land of Oz after all. Kinda grim thoughts. Maur apparently had an idea, 'cause he was doing his look-at-me-I'm-glowing-purple-with-a-weird-ball-over-my-head-spiel. With a way too heroic hand backwards, a giant blue demon resembling an upside down raindrop with arms showed up out of thin air. Good thinking Maur! A distraction!

Then, with another wave backwards, the demon exploded. You idiot Maur! You've screwed us over!

But he was glowing yellow now. A new one on me. As I began to ponder this, a dart from a blowgun passed over my shoulder with a thwwwppptt and bounced off the yellow glow. Oh! He was invincible! That explains it. But then again, HE'S NOT DAMN DINNER EITHER! I began to panic again.

The gates were closer. Like, way closer. So close, that, in fact, if we kept on riding, we'd probably slam into them full speed and get knocked off the bottom bar as our hell horse made it to safety. Yay. About the time I realized this, Maur picked me back up by the scruff of my neck and flung me across the ground, under the bars. I rolled like a friggin' pencil-but I made it under the bars. I even had enough time to watch Maur heroically flip out of his saddle and make it safely under the bars, as the horse dissipated into thin air. Way too action-movie.

We started running across the bridge. Great. They put the moat on the inside of the city. Whoever runs this place needs a swift kick in the groin. Let's build in murloc territory! Why not put all our houses in an easy-to-infiltrate location! Let's hire the loopy guard to patrol Goldshire and warn us if anything happens! Morons.

While running Maur looked at me with a grin, and said through an exasperated voice "We made it!"

I would have smiled back, but at that precise moment the forces of irony took control, and two dozen darts from blowguns slammed into my butt, hurling me off the bridge, with the last thought going through my ever-so confused mind damning he who gave the friggin' fish-dudes legs.