Disclaimer: I don't own Fruits Basket.
Summary: Can one still dream in the state of a broken heart? Yuki and Kagura deal with the news of Tohru and Kyo's relationship.
Note: In this story, Yuki, Tohru and Kyou are all in their last year of high school and Kagura is 19.
Hearts Made of Paper
Yuki's POV
XXXXX
Love can be a tricky thing. Just when you think you have it, it comes up and stabs you behind your back. I guess I had always known but never acknowledged it. There is a difference between knowing and accepting. Tohru had always saved the special smile for him, the one that could melt hearts in an instant.
It wasn't fair! That baka neko had taken everything I ever wanted unknowingly. Everybody had always thought I had everything. But that was a lie, a big fat lie. I never had the love of a family. Akito beat me enough to fill a life time of pain. To them I was nothing more than a stupid trophy. All I had ever wanted was to be normal, to fit in, and not have to shy away from physical affection.And that stupid cat wanted everything I loathed.
He wanted to be part of the Jyunushii, to be accepted into a family of freaks. He would never know how much I envied him. Then Tohru came along with her cute braids and happy smiles. One by one, she transformed everybody even Kisa and Hatori. Thanks to her we were able to laugh again, although I doubt Shigure had any trouble in the first place. Her love was the only thing I truly desired. But it was torn from me by Kyou. Tohru's love for Kyou made me ache. Every time she looked at him with her goofy smile, it felt like she had ripped out my heart and crushed into a billion pieces.
And still she never knew what she was doing to me; she was just too childishly innocent.
Looking down from the window of my room, I saw them outside. They were both sitting on the porch, staring at each other like lovers would. The sight sickened me, down to my stomach. A tumble of emotions filled me. Anger, rejection, jealousy, sadness, but mostly betrayal. She was mine; mine and only mine damn it. The anger rushed to my head and I felt my fists tighten. There was nothing more I wanted to do than beat the shit out of Kyou. But I had to control my self, for her sake. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt her. I never wanted to do anything that would upset her.
Kuso! I had to get of out of here before I did anything I would regret. My self control was hurriedly slipping. Grabbing my jacket I hurried downstairs and out the back door. It would be wise not to draw attention to my self.
The cool evening air hit my face lightly, tickling my face. I didn't know where I was going but I didn't care. I just had to get away. I couldn't go to the secret base, it was just too much. Being there would let my memories take hold of me and slip me into another bout of depression.
The sky was starting to turn a rosy color, indicating that night would befall us soon. But I didn't care, I liked being outdoors. It wasn't as stifling as Shigure's house. My eyes looked down, unconsciously tracing patterns on the ground. The steady pace of my feet kept me entranced but wait… what the hell…?
"Aaah! Watch out, hey!"
Too late.
Before I knew what was happening, I was on the ground, a tangle of limbs, with someone trapped under me.
"Yun-chan?"
He knew that voice anywhere.
"Kagura?"
Untangling my hands from hers, I got up off my cousin and then reached out to help her.
"Oh Yun-chan, it's been so long!"
"Hai, I guess so." My voice sounded monotonous, I was in no mood to talk right now but my ears perked up when I heard her next sentence.
"I'm on my way to Shigure-san's house to see my beloved Kyou-kun! Wait till he sees me. He'll be so happy. Don't worry my Kyou-kun, I'll come for you!"
My face paled visibly. If she saw Tohru and Kyou together, she might just destroy the whole entire world. Though Kagura was a very nice girl, she still had her fiery temper. Kyou had been marked off as her territory since we were little kids and anyone who dared to touch him might just up end up dead.
Her plight was kind of tragic. Her eyes were always shining with love for Kyou and yet he didn't give a damn. She was a treasure but that baka had never acknowledged her. He would usually run off or try his best to avoid her. He couldn't see the love right in front of him. What I would give for the devotion she showed him. That's when I made up mind. I wouldn't let Kagura get hurt. She was too fragile to live with a broken heart she didn't need this unwanted heartache. She couldn't see Tohru and Kyou together.
I grabbed her hand and tugged at it gently, leading her in the opposite direction of Shigure's house.
"Yun-chan! What are you doing?"
"No one's home right now." I explained to her, lying right out of my teeth.
"Oh that's okay. I'll just wait for them to get back, really, I don't mind." Kagura tried fruitlessly to get out of my grasp, which had tightened with her struggling.
Was she afraid of me or something? I know we had drifted apart since childhood but still…
"Come on Kagura, I'll treat you to dinner. How about that?"
I sighed mentally, knowing I wasn't going to be getting rich anytime soon. But being here with Kagura, it …it helped take the pain of Tohru away.
"Really? Yun-chan will treat me out to dinner! It's been so long since I've spent anytime with Yun-chan. I'm so happy! A free dinner!" Her excited chatter made her stop struggling and made it easier for him to drag her along.
My lips tilted up wards in a faint smile watching Kagura's childish antics. Sometimes it surprised me that she was two years my senior.
By now she was walking beside in a compatible silence I found enjoyable. Still the ache in my chest didn't stop completely, it just wasn't as severe. But if I showed any sign of sadness or depression, I knew she would spear me on the spot and ask me what was wrong. I let go of her hand, seeing no need in dragging her along like some animal. But as soon as I let it go, she slipped her hand back into mine and offered me a giddy smile.
"Ne, Yun-chan, which restaurant are we going to?"
"Hm, I heard the Kameshi House was good."
"Isn't that the new one? Oh, I'm so excited! Arigatou Yun-chan!" She responded, jumpy with joy.
I whispered a small 'your welcome' before noticing that the last rays of light were leaving the sky. Darkness took its place and the small glow of street lamps illuminated the pathway. Kagura shivered slightly, and that made a memory drift into my mind.
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"Kagura-neesan, are you okay?"
"Of course Yuki!"
"Then why is Kagura-neesan, shivering?"
"It's nothing Yun-chan."
"Is it the dark? Is Kagura-neesan afraid of the dark?"
The black haired girl nodded her head shamefully.
"That's okay nee-san, 'cause I'll always be here to protect you…"
XXXXXX
The memory drifted toward the surface of his mind unexpectedly. But it made him smile in reminiscence.
I tightened my grip on Kagura, drawing her in closer to my body. She looked up at me and smiled, looking slightly less nervous and more relaxed.
"Hai Kagura, I'll always be there to protect you…" I whispered to the wind.
The bright light from the town hurt my eyes as I blinked to clear my vision. Kagura had regained her jittery mood and was pulling me along hurriedly, looking for the restaurant.
"Its okay Kagura, the restaurant is going to go anywhere, besides it's only eight o'clock."
She blushed slightly and slowed her pace.
The taxis and cars zoomed by quickly, creating a 'whoosh' sound. The light from various buildings lit up the sky and outshone the bright stars. I really didn't like the city. It was too fast, too bright and too loud.
But Kagura seemed to be enjoying her self very well. I think she was relieved to have some light instead of darkness. I just hoped her happiness would last.
The Kameshi House came into view. It was a nice restaurant, not too fancy but not too shabby either.Kagura's pace increased and so did mine, I hadn't realized but I was starving! I hadn't stayedfor dinner.
The restaurant was dimly lit with soft lights. The atmosphere was nice and calming, a relief from the outside world. Shigure was right; this was really a nice place to eat. I watched as our orders were placed in front us, along with a bottle of sake.
Wha..? I didn't order that.
I looked quizzically over at Kagura who gave me a cheeky grin. I sighed, knowing she had ordered it. There was nothing wrong with that, as long as I didn't have to have any. Even though I was a seventeen year old boy, I wasn't very fond of sake. Hell, I couldn't even look at it without feeling sick.
And it was all Shigure's fault two years ago.
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"Come on Yuki, drink up!"
"Che, I don't want any."
"Aww, come on, you're spoilin' all the fun."
"Well too bad."
"Oh I see lil' Yuki isn't a man yet, is he? Oh waa waa, I'm Yuki the small lil' baby! Waah Waah!"
"Give me that you damn dog."
The young boy took the bottle of sake and downed it all in one gulp.
And then he promptly fell backwards.
"…baka…"
"Amateur."
XXXXX
"Oh come on Yun-chan have some, its not like you're gonna fall over." Kagura's chiding brought me out of my reverie.
I blushed hearing her words; she didn't know how right she was.
"Kagura its okay, really, I don't want any."
"But you're seventeen now, go ahead have some." She said, pushing the bottle and cup nearer to him.
"Iie, its okay really."
She sighed but still gave me that look that said 'okay… it's your choice'.
The dinner was a good one and the conservation was light.
I never realized how much I missed spending time with Kagura. Her cheery and headstrong nature had always attracted me. But as we grew older I guess we drifted apart. And besides she was always chasing after Kyou anyway.
Kagura flashed me a grin when she said something silly and I couldn't help but smile back. Sometimes her smile could be so contagious. Her smile… it reminded me of Tohru's except Kagura's could never be childishly innocent like Tohru's could be.
At that revelation, my smile faltered and tears pricked my eyes. I just wanted to shout it out; I wanted to tell Kagura everything. Then at least we'd both be in the same boat. Then at least she there would be someone to understand. Funny, how love can make one so cruel. But I couldn't do it. I never wanted to see Kagura's smile falter like mine had, I couldn't drag her down into this living hell.
"Yun-chan?"
I blinked my eyes a couple of times before answering her.
"Hm, what is it?"
"Are you okay Yun-chan, you look terribly sick."
Sick? Of course I was sick. Sick with a broken heart.
"No, no I'm fine, just a bit tired."
She didn't seem to believe it but she let it go before she launched into a conversation about her college. I tried to listen but it was hard when I could only hear the pounding of my own heart.
"Kagura? I interrupted her. "Can I ask you a question?"
"Of course you can."
I fidgeted with my self, not sure how to phrase this particular question with sounding like a hypocrite.
"Um… when you drink… does it…does it … make you feel better?'' The color had risen to my cheeks. Damn, I was such a hypocrite. Drinking to drown out my own sorrow.
She looked surprised but then a sly smile found its way to her lips.
"Oh, is Yun-chan ready to give it a shot now? Hmm?"
"Kagura I groaned. "Just answer my question."
A small pout found its way up her lips and she sighed.
"Hmm, I guess so, that's what people do it for. I guess it also makes you forget your worries."
"So ready to try it now?" she asked
She didn't wait for an answer but just grabbed the bottle and started pouring it into my cup.
"Come on Yun-chan drink up!"
I looked at the liquid in front of me, pondering over my possibilities. But when I looked up at Kagura's face, she looked so eager like she would pour it down my throat if I didn't do it myself.
Hesitantly I picked up the cup and put my lips to the edge of it. I gulped it all down, just like I had two years ago except this time I didn't pass out. The taste was bitter but refreshing at the same time. It did help. Even only after the first gulp, I was starting to feel light like a balloon.
"Well? How was it?"
"It was okay, I guess" It really wasn't that bad. But I still found it hard, how people could drink so much of this stuff.
"Great!" Kagura smiled before taking a cup herself.
The night air caressed my face as I stepped outside the restaurant dragging behind me a tipsy Kagura. She had a little more than she could handle. I'd just drop her home, and she wouldn't have to see Kyou or Tohru.
"Come on Kagura. Stop making a scene!"
"Wha- I'm - not makin…a scene. Kagura slurred. "Yun-cha – is …is jus' a pardy pooper!"
I sighed, why do I always have to be the responsible one? Now I felt sorry for Hatori who had probably had to put up with Shigure's and Ayame's drinking nights.
I grabbed her by the upper arm and was literally dragging her along with me. I hope nobody thought I was going to take advantage of her something.
"Yun-chan…Yun-…."
"Araa?" She suddenly fell forward and gripped my shirt, using it to steady herself before laying her head on my shoulder.
Oh great, I knew she was tipsy but I didn't know she would pass out on me. I propped her head up and looked into her sleep deprived eyes. Poor girl, she must've not been sleeping. Didn't she say she had been doing a college paper?
The night was getting darker once the lights from the city disappeared. The small road once again came into view, bordered by thick trees and foliage. The weight in my arms stirred and I realized I couldn't carry Kagura all the way to the main house.
I sat down, and immediately Kagura's head lolled onto my shoulder. Her even breathing brushed against my ear.
I knew Tohru would be worried. She would probably be having a panic attack because I was missing. As much as I wanted to run away to her, I knew it would only be a sisterly concern she felt, never the romantic kind. Oh why bother?
Shigure, I knew wouldn't be worried. As dumb as he seemed, I knew the novelist was very smart and very good at reading people. He would probably know I had gone out and Kagura was with me. I just hope he didn't think we were doing anything. Shigure had that perverted tendency to always exaggerate things.
And then my thoughts wandered to Tohru again. Her smile, her laugh, her everything. Why did she choose him? I was always there to help her. But no, she chose that baka over me. Did she know what she was doing to me? Did Kyou know the pain he would inflict on Kagura when she found out? Could people just be so selfish? Or maybe I was the one who was being selfish. But by now, I had stopped caring.
"Tohru, why did you have to choose Kyou?" I said aloud
"Didn't you know I loved you? That Kagura loved Kyou?"
Suddenly two strong hands tightened their grip on his fore arm.
He had forgotten Kagura was sitting next to him! But she was sleeping right? She couldn't have heard anything, right?
Wrong.
"What – what did you say?"
All the drunkenness from her voice seemed to have disappeared and all that was left was a clear ringing tone like bells on New Year.
"What did you say Yuki?" This time she looked at me, her eyes mixed into a combination of trepidation and anxiety.
"Nothing, nothing Kagura. I didn't say anything." When had she woken up? Was she awake this whole time?
Fear raced through my veins. What if she found out?
Damn it, damn it, damn it! When had everything became so complicated? I wish every thing was back to normal, that we were just all friends. No more love, no more anything.
She pinned me against the bench with her body weight and repeated her question. What could I do? Lie to her? Looking into those eyes, I couldn't, I just couldn't do it. I looked at her pleadingly; and my eyes said more than words could've ever had.
"Kagura!"
Her body slumped against mine.
"So its-its true, isn't it? Kyou chose Tohru didn't he?" The pain in her voice was evident. It hurts to know that love can be ripped right from under you. It hurts to know that we can never find true love, but just settle on one of the zodiac to hold us. And only a few lucky ones could escape this horrible curse. Kyou was the unlucky but lucky cat. He was shunned from a family but Tohru's love could outshine a hundred families' worth.
"Kagura please…" I wanted to reason with her. Tell her everything was okay; tell her to forget that baka neko. But I didn't because I was a coward. Could I tell her to forget Kyou when I couldn't forget Tohru?
"No Yuki, don't. I don't want to hear the lies. Tell me the truth."
The truth; what truth? There wasn't any truth in this world. Lies, that's what we build our world on. Was my love for Tohru a lie? Maybe it was born from selfish desire. I needed her, I craved her because she seemed to understand. I wanted to keep her all to myself. But Tohru isn't a person you can have all for yourself. She is too loving, too caring, and too nice to shun others away. And yet why does it feel like she shunned me away.
Could you protecting somebody by lying? Maybe, I don't know. But this time Kagura needed the "truth".
"It's…its…true."
I expected her to scream, to howl, to rampage but she didn't. Anger could never express the full content of our sorrow. Only tears could.
"Kyou…" Her eyes looked up into mine. But they weren't the same sparkling jewels they used to be. Now they looked lifeless, so dull that it seemed like nothing could brighten them. Kyou you bastard! Look at her, you killed her Kyou! You killed her!
And it felt like my entire fault even though I knew it wasn't. Why did I let it slip? Imagine; one slip of the tongue could break even the most determined hearts. I could've saved her so much heart ache.
She clung to me looking so helpless. What was I supposed to do know?
Her face buried into my white shirt and I felt a dampness through my attire.
She was crying.
My arms loosely wrapped around her before hugging her close to my body. She needed to cry. They say crying is the only way to heal a heart. That's why you should never try to stop a person who is crying.
The night air whistled around us and I looked up. There was no moon tonight. Are you hiding moon, behind the safety of your clouds? Do you not want to see those who suffer?
I hugged Kagura tighter. I needed to hear her cry. But as selfish as it sounded it wasn't born from selfish reasons. At least she was able to cry. I couldn't even do that. I had wasted all my tears years ago when Akito used to abuse me. Who knew one could run out of tears.
"It'll be okay-…" My voice was cracking; I knew it wouldn't be okay.
You can never forget your first love.
"No Yuki, I – I …hiccup…know..."
So she knew it too. But sometimes to heal, you have to lie to yourself. No matter how ridiculous it seems, it's better to live in a fantasy world rather than in reality.
"Shh, Kagura, I'm right here it's okay." The soothing whisper carried in the gentle wind landing on delicate ears.
"Yuki…don't – leave." Her voice was cracked and hoarse from crying.
"I won't leave, I'll always be right here Kagura…Kagura-neesan."
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A/N: So how did you like it? I had some concern with doing first person and especially with Yuki. But for the most part was Yuki in character? There will be more chapters!