Hope

Rating: G-PG

Season: 8, so Sam's a colonel. Jack's a general and in charge of the base.

Spoilers: not really

Summary: A battle scene drabble.

Disclaimer: I don't own Stargate SG1.

A/N: I'm back! I have missed you all so much! Sorry for my absence over the last few months! I felt like I needed to take a break from fanfic. And I think it did help. I feel like I've really grown a lot over the summer and fall as I got to spend more time on other things. But now that I've got my priorities straight, it's exam time, and there's no better distraction from exams then fanfiction!

I want to say a huge thank you to all of you for sticking with me. I couldn't believe that nobody took me off their author alert after I announced my break. That meant a lot to me.

I've been thinking about this drabble for a while, but could never get it written. But here it is. It just came out. I don't know that I've ever done a drabble before… Not like this anyway. Hope you enjoy!

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Staff blasts are firing. I can hear people screaming. Sometimes in pain. Sometimes as a battle cry. My worst nightmare. A nightmare I have lived out many times before.

Usually I'm fighting back. Not this time. It hurts too much. I'm on the ground. It's cold and muddy. But all I feel is warmth. Does that mean I'm dying?

Everything's bleary. Like when you're half-awake, not quite ready to face the day. But I want to wake up. To help my friends. Instead, I'm frozen here. Face to the ground, forced to watch as five teams are slaughtered right in front of me.

Where's my team? I lost track of them. I don't really recognize anyone. Who's on my team? I can't remember.

The mud is making it hard for them. They're struggling not to slip while fighting for their lives.

Why don't they just give up? Why don't they stop? They won't win. They're outnumbered, outgunned. So why don't they just stop?

I know the answer. I just can't remember.

All I can do is stare expressionless as they scream and fire and fight, though I can't seem to hear them anymore. Never giving up. Never. A silent battle.

Is this what happens when a person loses their mind? This expressionless staring, looking on as if in a dream while the world falls apart around you? I've seen people like this. When we went to visit… Daniel. Daniel. There were people staring into space yet looking straight at us.

Daniel and Teal'c. I know those names. They're on my team. There should be someone else. Someone… I can't remember. Who are they? I see faces in my mind. Kind faces. That is enough for now.

I've lost all feeling. Physical and emotional. Just a shell. Staring on. Another soldier is shot down. Joining those of us on the ground. Not alone. It will be over soon. We will go down together.

Together.

Wait. Who? There are more. More people coming. Through the gate. So many of them. For us. I can see him. The fourth member. The one I couldn't remember. The grey-haired man whose face I saw. He's here. He looks… angry?

With us? No. At them. At the enemy. He's moving forward and firing. Determination. Never wavering. One by one he takes them down. Blasts are firing all around him.

I feel something stir inside me. Feeling. Emotion. A tiny spark of life.

Hope.

That's what it is. That's the answer. That's why they fight and never give up as people die all around them. That's why they don't stop even when there seems to be no way out.

Hope.

Cold air hits me. Sound fills my ears. I am not dying. I will not lose my mind.

I am alive. And there is hope. And as long as I have breath in my body I will fight. We will all live… together.

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Dedicated to anyone out there who has struggled with depression or anxiety or both, to those who have fought against it, and to those who fight it every day. Have hope! Lots of it!

Love,

macisgate