Summary: It all started with a simple love letter, for James Potter, from a lovely admirer. Love letters led to friendships; friendships led to confusion; and finally confusion, slowly led to love. With just three meaningful words, it brought joy to young Potter's heart: Love, An Admirer.

Disclaimer: Anything familiar isn't mine, and unfortunately belongs to the oh-so-brilliant JK Rowling, whom I salute to. Creations of mine are : Piper Valentine, Fiona Caldwell, Jemima Richards, Carissa Andrews, Emily Hart, Dennis Front, Walter Reese, Winston Reese, Marie Lodge, Yvonne West, Gerald Wills, Kurt Randall, Isabelle Frall, and the Fairy and the portrait society.

Author's Note: This is in Remus' POV. My first ever attempt. I've never even tried Sirius or the girls' before. Hope I've managed to pull it off well. :) This chapter was written based on JK Rowling interviews.

Love, An Admirer

Chapter 17: A Werewolf's Lament

Ever since I was bitten by Greyback in my younger days, I was "blessed" with animal instincts to accompany the horrifying transformation I had to undergo every full moon. For example, I could smell suspicion a mile away and could usually tell when Sirius was slipping a dung beetle into my soup. Or, I could sense fear in people, which in times proved handy. Regardless to that, however, having experienced trauma as a child, possessing these "instincts" never helped me, I guess you could say, fully embrace childhood unlike my friends James, Sirius and Peter.

A decade or so later, I had gotten used to the fact that I would face difficulty being accepted by society seeing my condition which folk tales have made seem vicious. I won't argue with the fact that some of us... disabled wizards do not exactly possess a sweet disposition but there is the lot of us who are, well, just trying to fit in. I had this "furry little problem" (as how James likes to put it) as long as I can remember and I needed to be isolated in fear of "harming" other children. My parents of all people understood how incapable I was of inflicting pain of any sort towards anything else but they thought it was best I didn't come in contact with anyone outside while they went around all of Britain in search of a cure.

They were well aware of how prejudiced the wizarding community was of us "half-bloods". My parents feared corruption of the mind and I guess they seemed to overlook the fact that everyone, even the bashful boy in the corner, wanted company; wanted friends. As soon as I was "diagnosed", my parents pulled me out of nursery and I was home-schooled by mother. The result, of which, was the strong family bond I now share with my parents.

I had always looked forward to being enrolled in Hogwarts whenever I heard father bragging about his schooldays and having the time of his life, but I knew it was impossible considering the fact that most teachers would be petrified of even giving me demerits in fear of lethal late night visits every full moon. Professor Dumbledore dropped by for tea one evening and he observed me reading in the drawing room and the next thing I knew I was buying school supplies in Diagon Alley.

Boarding the Hogwarts Express, I did the unthinkable and befriended two young boys who were in the middle of planning to cause ruckus in the next compartment, which belonged to, at that time, "a greasy boy named Snivelly". At that time, my mother made me swear not to tell a soul about my disability in fear of causing havoc in school and thus I kept quiet and surprisingly... they (whom I'm later going to introduce as Sirius and James) dragged me in and I suddenly became part of the plan and, well, we were inseparable ever since.

Since I only had a handful of friends, and was quite weak in socializing skills, I stuck by them through and through, and we became brothers. We befriended another fellow – Peter Pettigrew – and we somehow named ourselves The Marauders. Funny story, actually; it all happened when all four of us were thrown in detention for "marauding the grounds in search of illegal activities" (kindly put by Filch) the night we were caught stealing mandrake roots for entertainment. (If you knew where to tickle them, they made lovely alarm clocks)

Before I knew it, I was elected prefect along with James (a shocker to most students) and I guess that was when my sensibility started kicking in. Causing havoc in Hogwarts during my early years, I had jolly good fun wreaking chaos and striking terror in the hearts of many at the mere mention of our names. Not entirely used to having people actually liking my company, I was blessed with friends who stuck by me – even when they found out I was bitten as a child. To say that I was terrified of being abandoned was an understatement, but I knew better than to doubt the loyalty of the Marauders. Instead of disposing of me for the likes of another prankster, they embraced my problem, sympathized with me and even came up with the ludicrous idea of becoming animagi in order to accompany me during my transformations.

With friends like these, need I even say more?

Despite the bond all four of us shared, I couldn't help but think of the times I could have stopped many of the outrageous pranks we (or more specifically, James and Sirius) had carried out which nearly cost me my badge. My prefectship is, admittedly, something I was very proud of as a schoolboy to even be appointed and it made my parents happy that I was living the life of a normal boy... or at least something close to it.

One of the many notorious pranks Sirius pulled (which nearly resulted expulsion) has burned into my mind and been the reason I had faced many sleepless nights. In fact, I would have given anything to stop it. Had James been late by only a second, I would now not only hold the title of a werewolf, but also a murderer. I didn't speak to Sirius for days after the incident because he was careless and stupid to have crossed the line of "good fun" and just plunged headfirst into "matters of life and death". Although the victim chosen was someone I wasn't very fond of, the situation Sirius had put him in was cruel even for greasy beings such as Severus Snape.

We got over the fiasco eventually, but it caused quite a scene in the headmaster's office. Dumbledore, for one, was furious with Sirius' reckless actions and Snape for wandering the grounds at that time of the night. I wasn't in trouble seeing how I wasn't in the proper state of mind to be justifying my actions but I guess that fateful night determined the limit of how far one could actually go with pranks and jokes. Nevertheless, the fact that I was capable of killing another being shook me so bad, that I even refused to be in the company of the animagi-Marauders in fear of hurting them, as I fully realized the danger I was capable of.

Reflecting on the past, I guess my father was quite right. I definitely had the time of my life in Hogwarts.

'Remus?'

Brushing the hair out of my face, I turned to smile at Emily Hart. Her cheeks turned a tinge of pink and I beckoned her closer. Dusting the empty seat next to mine, I invited her to sit down. I haven't seen her for a good six years and she had definitely blossomed. No longer was she the timid girl I danced with on the night of the Yule Ball in Sixth Year, but here in front of me was a woman.

Running past the chair, she jumped into my arms and I blinked in confusion. Not wanting to make things more awkward than it already was, I engulfed her in a hug and pulled her close. As oddly as it sounds, we had been corresponding through owls all summer and we had lost touch three months before the Hogwarts Reunion. I had been busy moving around (I was forced to relocate every few months in fear of neighbours discovering they had more than they bargained for when I moved in next door) and she with her university degree in herbology in medicine use.

We've now even come to the point of our friendship where I am able to call her a "close friend", but not close enough to dig up my darkest secrets. Well, secret, for that matter. I couldn't bring myself to telling her that I was a werewolf. It was bad enough that she was a pretty member of the fairer sex... and this is where many complications come in.

Being a werewolf made girls a very... complex issue. For one, I had to limit myself from being romantically involved with anyone. This would result in having extra feelings, which would lead to emotional turmoil, which would lead to confessing dark secrets, which would eventually lead to the woman of my dreams horrified at the thought of being with a werewolf and screaming for her life. I've pictured this scenario one too many times and thus made it a point not to get too close to the opposite sex. Sure, I had my share of close girl friends, but that was it. I've never asked a girl out my whole life, and do not plan to.

I've accepted the life of a werewolf and (rather unwillingly) a bachelor. I knew the circumstances to follow if I were to have a steady girlfriend. Mother, James, Sirius and Peter have coaxed me into giving it a shot many times because they believe that once I find my companion, she wouldn't care whether I was a mummy or a werewolf. I'd like to believe them, but I wouldn't want to burden her (if I were to ever marry) into leading the life of a werewolf's wife. Quite frankly, I've sworn off girls, or dating of any kind.

And so as I gazed into Emily's eyes while we were catching up, I knew I could never be with her. She once confessed of having extra feelings for me during our correspondence, and that was when, ironic as it is, we "lost in touch". I can't exactly justify my feelings towards her but I knew no matter what it was, it would just have to be dismissed. I could tell that she was in love with me by the way she looked at me adoringly, but it's going to break my heart to tell her that I cannot be with her, or anyone for that matter.

My life as a werewolf isn't one that is easy. In fact, it's far from it. I have to be careful with whom I befriend, where I stay and what I do. This is why I envied Lily and James' fairytale romance; Sirius and Jemima's chemistry and practically everyone else who had the chance to commit themselves to that one special person. Having distanced myself from developing extra feelings for the opposite sex, I have never, as depressing as this sounds, fallen in love. I never bothered to, knowing that it would only end up in heartache.

So I suppose it is alright that I'll be best man to most of my mate's weddings and never be able to look into the eyes of someone with so much passion... Frankly, what choice have I got? I wasn't given much choice as a child, because no one really asks your permission before they bite you, do they? For the time being, there's nothing I can do but put on a smile for the world, pretend I've been having the time of my life ever since I left Hogwarts, and catch up with friends whom I have lost touch with over the years.

Author's Note: I know this chapter is pretty sudden and has not much connection with LAA, but I just thought I'd give Remus fans some satisfaction .Sorry if this took so long, as I just returned from a two-week vacation in Austria/Italy! It was beautiful – but then again, I'm in love with Europe. :p Anyway, this is my first shot at a Remus POV I hope the POV's convincing, and I think I'll continue with another Remus chapter before I head on to the James and Lily moment.

Do leave a review. :)

Love,

A. Khair.