Ryan was exhausted when he arrived back in LA the next afternoon.

The apartment was spotless for once and Seth was on the phone, pacing.

Ryan waved at him, not wanting to interrupt and went into his bedroom.

"No, Mom, I'm serious, he just walked past me like nothing's up," Seth followed him, talking loudly.

"What's up?" Ryan asked.

"You've been AWOL for, like, 2 days, I mean, you missed classes and…" Seth started.

"I'm sorry, man, I didn't know I needed to check in," Ryan replied, surprised by Seth's concern.

"I'll call you back, Mom." Seth closed the phone. "Dude. What's up?"

"Nothing, I had some errands to run and…"

Seth walked over and pushed up his sleeve. "You're still wearing the bracelet."

Ryan was tired. He'd forgotten to take off the inpatient hospital bracelet.

"Were you at the hospital? Ryan?"

"Seth, don't…"

"Don't what?" Seth's face was drawn with worry.

"Don't stress. It's nothing, just a little check up, that's why I didn't mention it," Ryan began again.

"A check up. Overnight. In the fucking hospital…" Seth stated flatly.

"Yeah. They don't know anything yet, but…"

"But?" Seth's eyes were panicked now. "Ryan, why would you go there, you haven't been sick, you've been totally healthy, there's nothing…what's wrong?"

"Seth, I really need you not to panic," Ryan sighed. He couldn't take a manic Cohen right now. He needed to catch up on his homework before his classes the next day and he needed to get some sleep. He couldn't deal with hyperactive Seth in overdrive.

"Ryan, why'd you go to the hospital?" Seth asked, visibly calming himself.

"I…I haven't been feeling that well lately."

"Go on, man. Please."

Ryan sat down on the bed and Seth pulled out his desk chair, waiting for an explanation. "I've been throwing up after meals again. Dizzy. Just generally icky feeling. I don't want anyone to worry until I get a definite verdict."

"But…you saw Dr. Tarleton, right?" Seth waited for his nod. "And he kept you overnight for testing and honestly didn't tell you anything?"

"He's going to call me when he knows something, Seth. I swear."

Seth sighed. "What do you think?"

"I think that if something's wrong, I'll deal with it. I think that I'll be fine, even if I am sick. I think…"

"You're scared shitless," Seth whispered.

"No. I'm not," Ryan replied, honestly. "Not yet. I don't know anything yet. And you don't know anything either, Seth. You hear me?"

"Ryan…"

"No," he shook his head. "I don't want you running off to Sandy or Kirsten about this, not until I know something, okay? Promise me, Seth."

Seth stared at him, startled. "Ryan…"

"No. I mean it. I don't want everyone going into a panic over some fucked up blood tests. I want to be sure."

"And you'll tell them when you're sure," Seth said.

Ryan nodded. "I'll have to. I'll…if it turns out that I'm sick again…I'll need all the help I can get. Please, Seth…"

"Okay. Okay, man. But you'll tell me as soon as you know, right?"

"Yes."

"Promise," Seth said seriously.

"I promise, Seth," Ryan agreed.

Seth nodded. "Okay." He stood up and started for the door, but paused without leaving, turning back to face him. "Have you told anyone that you've been feeling bad?"

Ryan shook his head. "No, Seth…"

"Okay, man…" Seth said, leaving.

Ryan was sitting on the couch, leaning forward, his whole body tense.

He had to kick Luke's virtual ass, he had a case of beer riding on this game.

"And he goes deep…" Luke said through gritted teeth. Luke talked more during video games than Seth. He hadn't even thought that was possible until they moved in together.

"Come on, Ryan, you've got to go for the interception…" Seth said from nearby.

Ryan's phone rang and everyone jumped and he stole the ball as Luke dropped his controller.

"No fair, interference!" Luke yelled.

"Time out?" Seth called.

Ryan pulled the phone out of his pocket while they discussed the 'house rules' for PS2ing. "Hello?"

"Ryan?"

He knew that voice. And worse, he knew the tone of that voice. He stood up stiffly and turned to walk into his bedroom. Luke and Seth stopped talking, watching him. "Yeah. I'm here."

"I wish I had better news. There's something on the ultrasound. And the MRI," Dr. Tarleton said quietly.

"I guess I need to come in for a talk now," he stated. He sat down on his bed but he was completely numb.

He couldn't be sick again.

He couldn't.

He couldn't go through it again. He couldn't put his family and friends through it again.

He wasn't strong enough and he had so much more to lose.

"Ryan? Are you listening?"

"Just…give me a second…"

He looked up and saw Seth standing in the doorway. "Dude…"

He lowered the phone. "Um…can you tell Luke for me? I need a few minutes to myself…"

Seth opened his mouth and then realization washed over his face. "It's…is that the doctor?"

Ryan nodded.

"Okay…I'll tell Luke…" Seth said, disappearing, stumbling slightly in his rush.

"I'm back. What's my plan?"

"Can you come back to Newport for treatment?"

Ryan closed his eyes. "I'll call my professors tonight and set up a meeting with the dean. Will I be well by summer?"

Dr. Tarleton hesitated.

"Am I going to get well?" Ryan asked immediately, as the numbness was replaced by intense cold.

"Ryan, don't even think otherwise, we can fight this, just like last time…"

Ryan didn't know if he believed him or not.

"Ryan. I want you in my office by Friday. Okay? This is not something that you can sit on…"

"I'll see you on Friday," Ryan stated, closing the phone.

"Chino. He's not making sense," Luke said, walking in with Seth by the arm, worried.

"I'm sick," Ryan said.

"Sick?" Luke repeated.

"Very, very sick. I have some calls to make, my professors, the dean, Jodie and…fuck." Ryan remembered the important people suddenly. Kirsten and Sandy and Anna.

"Fuck," Luke whispered. He pulled Seth into a hug and they both watched Ryan lower his gaze to the floor, silent.

Kirsten was pleased to find Ryan at the door instead of her father. She'd deliberately played hooky from work today with Sandy and didn't want him to find out that she'd pawned off the budget meeting.

"Hi, honey, what a nice surprise…" she said, embracing him.

"Hey. Is Sandy home? I need to talk to you guys," Ryan said, walking in.

"Is Seth with you?"

"He's coming in a couple of hours. Luke, maybe, too. Depends," Ryan said vaguely.

"Come in, honey, we're in the kitchen," Kirsten said, immediately sensing something off about her foster son.

She hadn't seen him so shut down in years, since his last big fight with Anna.

"Hey, kid, what's the occasion?" Sandy smiled, always glad to see one of his boys.

"It's…not a good occasion, I'm sorry. Sit down," Ryan nodded to her.

"Oh god…what…" she recognized the fear in his eyes, under the mask.

Sandy put his arm around her waist.

"I'm…I'm sick again. The cancer's back, it's centralized, or whatever and Dr. Tarleton thinks he can fix it with chemo like last time so we're probably going to go with that…" Ryan said slowly.

She felt her body go weightless and she found herself in the seat beside Sandy, gripping his hand tightly.

This couldn't be happening. Not again. Not to her family, not to Ryan.

He'd come so far…

"And I just got confirmation last night, I didn't want to tell you over the phone and I came straight home after I talked with my professors because…" he paused, taking a deep breath. "Because I knew after I told you that I wouldn't be able to tell anybody else…and I really hate that I have to ask you to help me like this again…"

Sandy got up first, pulling him into strong hug.

She watched as he crumbled and cried.

He was so scared.

She was so scared.

She embraced Sandy and Ryan, running her fingers through his hair like she did whenever he let her. They'd get through this. Again

He'd come to them. He was home.

"I can't tell her on the phone, she's just going to freak out, but if I don't tell her she's going to hate me for keeping it from her," Ryan was saying.

"It doesn't matter how you tell her, as long as you fucking tell her, man!" Seth replied, shaking his phone at him.

"Everything all right?" Sandy asked, stepping in.

"Dad. Make him call Anna. He has to tell her," Seth said, frustrated.

"I know I have to tell her, but what the hell am I supposed to say, don't panic? I'm panicking and she's going to know it!" Ryan replied, frustrated.

"Ryan…" Sandy started.

"No. I'll do it. I'll call my girlfriend, the girl that stood by me last time I almost died and tell her that I'm almost dying again and I don't want her here. I can't do that, Sandy…if she asks me if I want her to come home, I don't think I can lie to her…"

Sandy had never seen Ryan so shaken. His blue eyes were glazed and distant. He turned to Seth. "Give me a few minutes."

"Sandy…I can't tell her on the phone…let me get a flight, I know if I see her in person that I can tell her…" Ryan said, desperate now.

"Hang on just one second," Sandy said. He looked at Ryan. "What are you taking?"

"Prescriptions? Why?"

"Because you are officially fucked up," Sandy stated.

Ryan gasped. "Sandy. Don't say 'fuck'…"

"You are in no shape to fly. You have to be at the hospital tomorrow and you know how tired you're going to be just from the poking and prodding, you couldn't do it after five hours of airports and flights," Sandy said.

Ryan put his hand over his face. "God…"

"I can call her…"

"No way. I'll do it. Just…give me some privacy so I can gather my thoughts?"

Sandy nodded. "I'm outside if you need me…"

Ryan didn't respond.

Anna walked out of her last class of the night and smiled when she recognized Ryan's familiar ring tone. "Hey, baby," she answered.

"Hey. Where are you?"

"About to go home, Sabrina's bringing home tacos, I think, if Dennis doesn't eat them all," she answered honestly. "Where are you?"

"Home. At the Cohens."

"Party or something?" She stopped and waved a dollar at the clerk by the coffee machine.

"No. Anna…I need you…god, this sucks so much…"

Something was wrong. Ryan wasn't supposed to sound like this. Depressed. Sad. Something was wrong.

"Ryan, what happened?"

"I didn't want to tell you on the phone but I have to tell you because I tell you everything and even though I don't want you to leave school I really need you stick with me because I can't do this without you, I swear to god…"

She took the coffee and walked out, sitting down on a bench, dropping all her books on the ground. She clung to the phone. "Tell me, baby…"

"Cancer. Again. Chemo and pills and puking and bedrest…cancer, Anna."

She couldn't breathe.

"I hate this, Anna…I hate having to say this to you…"

She wanted to say his name, she wanted to wrap her arms around him, she wanted to make him not sick, not sad…ever…

"I am so sorry…" he whispered.

She opened her mouth but she couldn't talk.

"Anna?"

"I…"

"Anna…"

"I have to go."

Ryan was in the kitchen when Kirsten got up.

"Hey. I was hoping to catch Rosa…what are you doing up?"

He smiled at her weakly. Anna wasn't returning his calls and he'd stopped calling her. "Nothing. Thinking."

"Too early for all of that," Kirsten smiled, going to start the coffee. "You feel okay?"

"Fine. Dreading today. Hopefully it'll go smoothly and I'll be back here before dark. You know how you always like us home by dark," he teased.

She didn't believe him. Despite his levity, she could tell he was scared and it showed on her face. They'd gotten bad at lying to each other.

He appreciated the Cohens more than he could ever express. They cared about him and they showed it, they had always been there for him.

"Anna?"

"She took it hard."

"She'll call," Kirsten said.

Ryan smiled. "How do you know I'm waiting for a call?"

"The phone's still in your hand," she replied.

She heard her alarm blaring on her nightstand but before she could fully wake up, the door swung open and her roommate rushed in.

"You're going to miss your flight, we have to go right now, the cab's waiting…"

She remembered hanging up the phone. Walking to her car. Walking to her room. Crying for a full two hours before her roommates found her.

They'd bought her a plane ticket, forced her to email her professors who all replied before five am giving her two weeks of 'family leave' to spend with Ryan.

She hadn't called him, knowing that he was going to be at the hospital with his family all day but she couldn't stay away. She needed to be with him.

If he was sick again that meant that there was a chance she could lose him. She needed to spend all the time she could with him. Fuck school, fuck everything, she loved Ryan too much to be away from him at a time like this. She'd drop out if she had to.

She was still dressed in the clothes he'd called her in but she decided that fashion and cleanliness could wait until she had her feet on California soil again.

Kirsten insisted on staying with Ryan for his first chemo, which made Sandy and Seth stay insist on staying, too. Dr. Tarleton had startled them when they'd arrived, explaining that he didn't want to wait to start him on the meds. By this point, Ryan was exhausted and pissed off and sick of their constant chatter. He hadn't slept at all and now, sitting in the posh recliner with the IV's running into his veins, he had to say something.

"Please, can we just have a moment of silence?" he asked.

Seth stopped, his brown eyes flashing with concern. "You okay?"

"You're all giving me a headache. Can we just…take it down a notch?"

"Sorry, Ryan," Seth said immediately.

He was immediately apologetic. They were all frazzled, too, since he'd sprung it on them so suddenly.

"Seth and I are going to take a walk. We'll bring you back something to read," Sandy said.

"And I'll get some gum, it'll keep me from talking so much," Seth said.

"Guys…" he started.

"Will you get me some coffee?" Kirsten asked, her face hiding the tension effectively and relaxing Seth and Sandy.

"Sure thing," Sandy replied.

Ryan was shaken with his first chill as they walked out.

"Kirsten, can you pass me that blanket?" he asked after a long moment.

She seemed relieved to have something to do, fetching the blanket and draping it around his shoulders before settling on the arm of the chair.

"Thanks."

"No problem, Ryan." She started to stroke his hair gently and he closed his eyes, the tender gesture relaxing him instantly.

"You're being so strong, kid. We are so proud of you…but you have to promise to keep letting us take care of you…it's all I ask…"

"I can't do it by myself," he said, his voice pounding in his ears as another chill shook his body. "It's nice to finally have people that I can trust…I hate doing this to you, but…"

"You'd do it for us. I love you, Ryan, and we'll get through this just like last time."

Sandy pulled the car around as Luke and Dr. Tarleton helped his weakened foster son to the side entrance.

Dr. Tarleton had given him a prescription for painkillers to him and explained about the intense side effects of the regiment of chemo. But none of them had been prepared for Ryan's utter loss of strength after his first dose of oxycotin.

Ryan couldn't even hold his head up but he insisted on going home to his own bed.

"I got him," Luke said, lowering his friend into the backseat of the BMW.

"Thanks, Luke. Are you following us?" Sandy asked.

"I have to pick up Larry and Summer from the airport, can you get him out?"

Ryan slumped against Seth's supporting shoulder.

"Sure, just come on in when you get there, he should be better once we get back to the house," Seth said.

Sandy glanced in his rear view mirror and watched as Ryan's drooping eyelids finally slid shut with a murmur to Seth.

"He wants to know if you can turn the heat on," Seth explained, reaching over and zipping up Ryan's jacket.

Kirsten handled the thermostat as he floored it, hurrying to get his family home.

"Mom and Dad? Can I come home, too?" Seth asked, once he was sure that Ryan was sleeping.

"Seth…" Kirsten said, glancing at Sandy.

"I'll go to summer school, but I want to be here…"

"Ryan wants you to stay in school. There's only two months left in this semester and you're only an hour away. We'll take care of him," Sandy said. "My caseload is light…"

"And I work from home half the time already to avoid Julie," Kirsten said, turning in her seat to face her son. "We'll take care of him."

"I should be here."

"Commute," Sandy said suddenly. "You could drive to class every day."

"With what car?" Seth sighed.

Kirsten glanced at him again, pleadingly.

"Well, if you agree to stay in school…maybe we can afford to get you a car. You both made the dean's list last month so you earned it…will you share it?"

"Are you serious?" Seth asked.

"If you promise to stay in school, then we'll go shopping tomorrow," Kirsten said, taking his hand across the gearshift.

"And I can commute? Stay with you guys?" Seth asked.

"If you promise to keep your grades up," Kirsten said.

"I can do that," Seth promised.

Anna rang the doorbell nervously, her single bag hanging off her shoulder.

"Anna?" Rosa answered the door.

"Hey. Is he here?"

"Come in, he's in his room, everyone else is still sleeping, but he's been up a while. Won't eat anything and he won't even take anything to drink," Rosa said.

"Put on some tea, I'll talk to him," she said. Rosa took her bag with a nod.

Anna stepped into the room where she'd spent so many nights. The bed looked slept in but she heard the sound of retching from the bathroom.

As she pushed open the door, she heard Ryan's low voice spewing a series of obscenities before heaving again.

She crouched beside him and caught his attention by wiping his sweating forehead with a towel.

"Anna? These must be some serious drugs to make me hallucinate like this," he muttered, blinking at her will muted eyes.

"You're not hallucinating…"

He smiled sluggishly. "I'd kiss you if I hadn't been throwing up for the past five hours."

"You don't have to kiss me. Seeing your smile is enough for me," she replied, stroking his cheek gently.

He seemed to relax, turning his face into her touch. "Can you be here?"

"I've got two weeks…I'm not leaving your side."

He nodded, nuzzling his nose against her hand. "I love you so much…"

"Not as much as I love you," she whispered, pulling him against her. His skin was clammy and she could tell that he was miserable.

"I'm sick…this sucks…"

"Have you gotten any sleep?"

"I can't…too sick," he murmured in her ear.

"I'm here. Can I put you to bed?"

"I'm too sick to sleep…"

"Will you try?"

She felt his weak nod and gently helped him to his feet. She guided him to the bed, folding back the covers.

She pulled off his jeans leaving him in his boxers and a tank top before climbing into the huge bed with him. She wrapped her limbs around his chilled body before pulling the covers around them.

"I'm so cold…"

"I'm here, I'll warm you up," she promised, rubbing his arms and back.

He curled against her. "I'm so glad you're here…"