He woke up the next morning to find Teal'c sitting on the floor next to his bed. This didn't surprise Jack in the least. In fact he wondered why the Jaffa hadn't visited him sooner. What did surprise him was the fact that Teal'c was the only one in the room. Maybe the guards figured Teal'c could take care of himself, he was certainly big enough for the job.
"Teal'c," he said to let his friend know he was awake. "Can you get me out of these restraints?"
Teal'c opened his eyes and turned to look at him with a solemn expression. "Good morning," he said with a slight nod of his head.
"Morning," Jack replied. He waited, but Teal'c didn't move. "The restraints?" he said as a reminder. Teal'c got up then and came over to release him. "Did I hurt anyone last night?" Jack asked, as Teal'c unfastened the collar of the restraints.
"No, you did not," Teal'c responded, "Your dreams did not bother anyone since I was the only one who stayed with you last night."
"Thanks," he replied. There was nothing else he could say to that, so he resorted to silence while Teal'c worked on releasing him. He ended up remembering the dream he'd had that 'bothered no one, but Teal'c'.
He had dreamed of the day that Handar had given Taria to him for his mate. Apparently, the slaves had no say so whatsoever in their lives, which Jack had found out the hard way. Even their mates were chosen for them. The dream had taken a different turn than what really had happened, as dreams were wont to do, and Jack found himself struggling with the guards when they'd grabbed him and forced him to his knees to accept a punishment for something Taria had done. Her laughter was the last thing he'd heard before the whip tore open the skin on his back. He had wakened at that point to find himself back in the darkness of his cell, struggling to get out of the restraints that were becoming another prop in his day-to-day hell.
He had been alone when he woke from that dream; at least he thought he had been. Teal'c must have just let him ride it out, figuring the restraints would be enough to keep him down. God knows he had wakened from enough nightmares in the past when they were camping off-world without Teal'c coming to see if he had survived those dreams. That was one of the things he appreciated about his friend. Teal'c didn't feel the need to try to coddle him.
Teal'c finally unlocked the last of the restraints and Jack got up to stretch. "Thanks T," he said, as he sat back down on the bed. "Now if you could only get me out of this place, I'd be all set."
"That is impossible," Teal'c said, stating the obvious. "You must remain here until Dr. Mackenzie agrees that you are well enough to leave."
"And that won't happen as long as I keep going back to Hulmeshur in my mind, will it?"
"No, it will not," Teal'c agreed. That's another thing he liked about Teal'c, he almost always told it like it was and spoke only when it was necessary.
"Now see, that's what I like about you Teal'c. You're a regular chatterbox. Talk all the time, never shuts up. Not as bad as Daniel, but close."
Teal'c didn't respond, just smiled as he waited for him to wind down, but Jack didn't want to wind down. Winding down meant sitting quietly, which in turn meant the chance of thinking of the past eight months. From there, he would probably end up kicking the crap out of the bed, thinking it was a bad guy while the people watching him through the camera would be thinking he had finally gone off the deep end. No, it was better if he just kept on trying to annoy Teal'c.
Teal'c must have seen it coming, because he turned toward the camera and gave a signal. The guard immediately came into the room and stood by the cell door waiting for further orders.
"Don't want to stay and keep me company Teal'c?" Jack asked, doing a great job of hiding his fear.
"It would please me to stay and visit with you," Teal'c responded. "I was told to summon the guard once you were awake." Jack just nodded at that. He had gotten used to the routine.
Teal'c stayed with him until his breakfast had arrived. They talked of the ongoing rebellion that Teal'c had played a major role in and of happier times. Not once did Teal'c mention Jack's recent experiences, which Jack appreciated with every fiber of his being. He had absolutely no intentions of even thinking about that place.
He enjoyed his breakfast of oatmeal and toast. The oatmeal brought back pleasant memories and he savored every bite, remembering the day Daniel and Carter stared at him with a mixture of astonishment and disgust when he'd inhaled a whole bowl of the stuff.
The airman who delivered the food and the guard who accompanied him just looked bored as they waited for Jack to finish eating. Jack spitefully took his time, mainly because he knew he could get away with it. He could get away with a lot of things here, he realized. A hell of a lot more than when he was back in Handar's domain. Damn it, couldn't one day go by without thinking of that place?
He finished his meal and placed the tray back down on the floor, glaring at the guards as they walked out and left him to face the silence alone. There had been a time when silence was a blessing, but that was in the past. He had a hard time dealing with it now.
It wasn't long before he got another visitor. Visitors were good, so long as the visitor wasn't Dr. Mackenzie. It wasn't Dr. Mackenzie, but this visitor was just as dangerous, as far as Jack was concerned. He watched warily as Captain Gordon walked into the room, stopping just outside the cell door. Probably feels safer out there, Jack thought to himself, as he waited for the Captain to say something.
"I wanted to stop by to see how you're doing," Gordon said.
"I'm still a prisoner," Jack replied.
Gordon nodded at that, his eyes taking in the surroundings as he struggled for words. Jack didn't feel the need to help him out; he just waited to hear what was on the Captain's mind.
"That was some battle," Gordon finally said. Jack just nodded, knowing which battle Gordon was referring to. "I barely got out of there alive," Gordon continued. "The Doc wouldn't let me come back with the rest when they went to back you all up."
"It's over with," Jack said, hoping to steer this conversation away from that planet. It was all he needed to start remembering something of that place for him to go ballistic again. "How's the wife?"
"Fine," Gordon said, his face showing his surprise. "Well, uh… she's fine. The marriage isn't doing too well, but she's fine."
"Glad to hear it," Jack replied. "Not about the marriage," he added in a rush. "I mean… I'm glad to hear that your wife is well." He gave up at that point and waited, as he couldn't think of anything else to say.
"Listen," Gordon said, "I… I want you to know that I was devastated when they brought back the rest of the team in body bags and then had you listed as Missing in Action. I wanted to go back to look for you, but the General wanted to wait until things cooled down there. Handar and his men were determined to kill anything that came through their Gate, and they almost succeeded with the guys who came to help in the battle we were fighting."
Jack knew first hand how ruthless Handar and his men were and he hated Gordon for bringing on the memories he had been trying valiantly to tamp down. The memories were flashing through his mind now, taunting him cruelly with images of the battle he had fought with SG-8 and of waking up from a blow to the head to find himself in a room full of people who were barely surviving. He tried to block out the memories of refusing to submit to the demands of servitude from Handar and his men when they tried to force him into slavery, and the agony he endured from the punishments he received when he stubbornly refused to give in.
He glared at the Captain as the memories of the past eight months crowded into his mind, fighting his resolve to keep them at bay. He closed his eyes and clenched his fists, struggling with all his might to not give into the memories.
"Are you okay?" Gordon asked, his voice reflecting his fear.
"I'm okay," Jack replied, although he was really talking to himself. He opened his eyes to find Gordon staring at him, worry and fear showing up clearly in his features. This was a good sign, Jack thought as he stared back at his former teammate. He didn't go off on a tangent this time, maybe he really was getting better.
"I'm really sorry," Gordon said. "We didn't know if you were dead or alive, but we still..., oh God," he added with a sigh, "We left you behind. Every single person in this facility knows your feelings on that subject. I wanted to go back. I really did."
Jack wanted to respond to this, mainly because Gordon had hit a raw nerve with his words, but he worried that in doing so, he would be playing right into Mackenzie's hands by reacting in violence.
Knowing that he was going to be rescued was one of the things that had kept him going as he dealt with the guards, the pain and his fate as a slave. It wasn't until after several months of beatings and brutal punishments that he realized the truth of his situation and he ultimately gave in to their demands. He had been left behind and apparently forgotten.
"They had to practically tie Teal'c down," Gordon said, trying to smooth things over. "He was determined to go back there and kick ass until he found you."
Jack nodded, wishing Gordon would just leave. It was taking way too much effort to keep from punching the man in the face. He knew better than to do anything remotely violent, but Gordon was just making it harder to maintain this façade.
The tension between the two men finally got to Gordon. "Well, I'd better be going," he said, apparently deciding that now would be a good time to leave. "I have to be in a meeting in a few minutes."
Jack nodded again, still not trusting himself to speak. Gordon went to the door and knocked on it to have the guard open it for him. "I'll try to come back later," he said as he looked back at Jack, although both men knew that he wouldn't.
Jack went over to the bed and sat down heavily on it, leaning his head back against the wall. He closed his eyes as he tried to relax, hoping to chase away the dread and the memories that were floating around in his mind. The good news was that he hadn't reverted back to Hulmeshur and he hung on to that thought as he sat there in the silence, breathing deeply in an effort to make sure he relaxed.
Taria's laughter brought him out of his musings and he opened his eyes to stare out at the room on the other side of the bars. She wasn't there, this wasn't a dream, but he was sure he had heard her laughter. She did that a lot when they were together, despite the hardships they endured. She laughed at his jokes, when she did something silly or when he was hurt. He had come to love her at the beginning of their relationship, but she had destroyed him and any love he felt for her the day she turned on him to save her own skin.
"Don't go there," he growled, trying to fight off the memories that haunted him every time he turned around. He just couldn't seem to get rid of them. They waited in the shadows, waiting patiently until he let his guard down.
He looked toward the door when he heard the buzzer, knowing someone else was coming to visit. It was too early for lunch, so it had to be a visitor and he held his breath as he waited, worried that it was Dr. Mackenzie making his obligatory visit.
He just couldn't get a break, he realized, as Dr. Mackenzie walked in and stopped just outside the cell door. "Hello Jack," Mackenzie said with a patient smile. Jack just stared back at the psychiatrist with dread. This was so not good.
He spent the next hour and a half waiting for the doctor to get the hint that he didn't want to talk to him. The doctor was patient, Jack had to give him that. Mackenzie had asked questions designed to prompt Jack into talking about his time at Hulmeshur, but Jack continued to refuse to even think about that place. He just sat on the bed completely ignoring the man, even when Mackenzie told him he'd be facing a medical discharge from the Air Force if he didn't talk. Jack just shook his head at that. He'd faced worse punishments during the last eight months alone, a medical discharge was minor compared to the terrors Handar and his guards used to force him to comply.
"I can't help you if you won't let me," Mackenzie told him as the guard opened the door to let him out. "Talking about it and facing the horrors is the first step in dealing with this. I'll be back tomorrow."
Jack just nodded without responding. What Mackenzie didn't realize was that Jack was dealing with the horrors on a daily basis - every single minute of every single day. Dealing with the horrors only caused him to retreat into the memories of the past and Jack knew this couldn't be a good thing. Reliving the horrors was never a good thing.
He spent the next hour working on methods of distraction. He was alone and the quiet was threatening to send him over the deep end, so he decided to work on techniques he had learned to use in the past to keep his thoughts focused on memories other than the ones he knew would be his downfall.
He was successful to some degree, but he was still glad when the door opened again. He so hoped his visitor would be Carter, Daniel or Teal'c. They were his friends, after all. They wouldn't expect him to talk about the terror he experienced and he could always depend on them to help him. He stared at the door, wondering if maybe Mackenzie thought of something else to torture him with.
Jack's eyes widened and his mind shut down when he saw who it was. Apparently the General must have decided to pull out the big guns in an effort to help him get over this, because his visitor wasn't Dr. Mackenzie or his friends. He swallowed hard as he stared at the one man he had sworn he would never go to for help. There stood General Jonathan "Jack" O'Neill in all his glory and Jack felt the stirrings of genuine worry threading its way through his mind.
"You want to tell me what's going on?" O'Neill said as he stood outside the cell. Jack didn't know whether he was glad to see his counterpart or not. Although, he knew that if there was anyone who would understand him, it was the original Jack O'Neill.
He continued to stare at O'Neill wondering why he even bothered coming here all the way from Washington. Mackenzie would have been more than happy to pick Jack's mind apart to get at the memories he was trying so desperately to hide, but here was O'Neill instead.
"Well?" O'Neill prompted. Jack didn't know what to say to the man standing in front of him. He, himself, had been O'Neill up until the day he had been cloned by a renegade Asgard. Although very few people knew that O'Neill's clone had survived and was living and working among them incognito under the alias of Jack Gallagher, he still had some very big shoes to fill.
General Jack O'Neill wouldn't have given into slavery or to the demands of the brutal sadistic bastards that were determined to break him. General O'Neill wouldn't be sitting in a jail cell because of flashbacks that caused him to lash out at anyone who came near him. O'Neill wouldn't have to be tied down at night while he fought off the demons in his nightmares. Well he had news for all of them. Jack O'Neill was doing all that, no matter that it was the younger version of the General.
He was not O'Neill anymore, but that didn't erase the fact that he still had all the memories of the original O'Neill, who at the moment was motioning for the guard to open the cell door. The airman complied and O'Neill came over to the bed to sit down next to his clone.
"Why are you here?" Jack asked. He was genuinely surprised that the General would come all the way from Washington just to talk to him. He had always figured O'Neill would rather not be around his clone, if he could help it.
"General Landry called and told me you were in trouble. He asked me to come and talk to you," O'Neill replied as he gave him the once over. "You don't look crazy," he added.
"Well thank you," Jack responded with a small smile. "Looks can be deceiving though."
O'Neill nodded at him before saying, "So, what's going on? I hear you're trying to stay one step ahead of Mackenzie."
"Yeah," Jack said, glaring at the camera. "Is he watching the show?"
"No," O'Neill said with a frown as he, too, looked over at the camera. "Not that I know of, anyway."
Yeah right, Jack thought cynically. Mackenzie was probably foaming at the mouth to have the opportunity to watch O'Neill and his clone interact with each other. The very thought of that caused Jack to clam up. Apparently the guards at Hulmeshur didn't break his stubborn streak, he thought with some relief. At least he had something of his old self to fall back on.
"I'm waiting," O'Neill said with a trace of frustration showing through. "I came all this way to hear what you have to say and you clam up. The least you can do is tell me why I'm here."
"I don't know why you're here. I never was all that great when it came to mind reading. Maybe if you give me a hint…"
"Okay, I think I can help you out here. Let's start with Dr. Mackenzie. Does that give you an idea?" O'Neill ground out.
"Mackenzie," Jack snarled. He really did not want to talk with Mackenzie, mainly because the psychiatrist was way too good at what he did for a living. He knew the doctor wouldn't give up until the memories surfaced and were dealt with, but he also knew that he would end up in an institution if he couldn't control the flashbacks. No, he definitely did not want to talk to Mackenzie.
"Look Jack," O'Neill said, "I got a call telling me that they'd finally found you and brought you home, but you were violent and prone to fighting anyone who came near you. I was asked to come out here to talk to you, to see if there was anything I could do to help."
"I appreciate it," Jack responded. He knew that there probably wasn't anything the General could do, but he did appreciate the effort.
Silence filled the room as both men sat and waited for the other to say something. Jack debated on telling O'Neill about his problem, worried that if he did, O'Neill would berate him for giving into his fears. Hell, O'Neill would have done the same thing if he had been the one stuck in that place. They were one and the same, after all. Or at least they had been… Oh hell, what was the use?
"What's it going to be?" O'Neill asked. "You going to talk to me or do I leave you to Mackenzie?"
Jack didn't have much of a choice at that point. He had to choose the lesser of two evils, although he wasn't sure he was making the right choice. "I'll talk to you on one condition," he said. "Away from here with no one listening in," he added as he looked pointedly at the camera, then at the airman standing guard just outside the cell.
O'Neill stared at him for a few moments, then nodded his head. "I'll see what I can do," he said as he got up to leave. "I'll be back later."