Chapter One: This is Going to Be Strange
Harry looked around, severely puzzled. What in the hell was he suddenly doing at Hogwarts? A moment ago he had been sleeping in a bed at the Weasleys'! Was this some kind of ambush?
"Harry!" he turned at the sound of Hermione's bewildered voice, "What are we doing here?"
"No idea…" said Ron amiably having appeared out of thin air with a slight pop.
Suddenly, they whipped their wands out as a voice spoke, filling the Entrance Hall, "Hi! I'm The Author and it is I who has brought you here today!" Harry glanced around, "Why?"
"I was seized by a spur of the moment idea to write a really stupid, pointless story- and throw in a bunch of songs!"
"Oookay," Hermione said, "This is going to be strange isn't it?"
Randomly, the Weasley twins swooped in on their brooms through a window, bringing back fond memories of the night they had left. They grinned wickedly and with a flash of light, they were suddenly both sitting on absolutely gorgeous custom Harleys and clad in black dragon skin jackets and huge sunglasses, giving them the classic 'biker' look. As the students who suddenly inhabited the Entrance Hall cheered, they began to belt out with feeling,
Get your motor running
Head out on the highway
Looking for adventure
In whatever comes our way
"Not that I don't like Fred and George, but where did they just pop up from? And why in hell are they singing?" Harry asked confusedly as Ron and Hermione also stared.
Yeah, darling
Gonna make it happen
Take the world in a love embrace
Fire all of your guns at once and
Explode into space
I like smoke and lightning
Heavy metal thunder
Racing in the wind
And the feeling that I'm under
Yeah, darling
Gonna make it happen
Take the world in a love embrace
Fire all of your guns at once and
Explode into space
"Eh, don't know, don't care," Ron said, "Good song for them, though."
Like a true nature child
We were born
Born to be wild
We have climbed so high
Never want to die
Born to be wild
Born to be wild
The students clapped enthusiastically and Harry spoke, "That was odd. How strange is this story going to get?"
"Pretty strange!" boomed the voice from above! And suddenly, Snape inexplicably burst through the front doors, a strange, highly unrealistic look of woe on his face as he warbled,
Lonely I'm Mr. Lonely,
I have nobody,
For my owwnnn
I'm so lonely, I'm Mr. Lonely
I have nobody,
For my owwnnn
I'm so lonely
"I'm going to kill him with my bare hands!" roared Harry, having finally recovered from the shock that Snape was singing and tried to fling himself upon the old potions master and strangle him!
Iwoke up in the middle of the night and I noticed my girl wasn't by my side, coulda sworn I was dreamin, for here I was
Feelin, so I hadda take a little ride, back tracking ova these few years, tryna figure out wat I do to make it go bad, cuz
Ever since my girl left me, my whole life came crashin
I'm so lonely (so lonely)
I'm Mr. Lonely (Mr. Lonely)
I have nobody (I have nobody)
To call my own (to call my own) girl
"Why is Snape here in the first place?" Hermione asked Ron exasperatedly as she fought to hold back Harry.
Ron shrugged as he too struggled with his friend, "Dunno, but he can't sing-" and suddenly, a light bulb appeared over his head as he shouted, "DOGPILE!"
Been all about the world ain't neva met a girl that can take the things that you been through
Never thought the day would come where you would get up and run and I would be out chasing u
Cuz aint nowhere in the globe id rather be, aint noone in the globe id rather see then the girl of my dreams that made me
Be so happy but now so lonely
I'm so lonely (so lonely)
I'm Mr. Lonely (Mr. Lonely)
I have nobody (I have nobody)
To call my own (to call my own) girrll
Harry still struggled under the weight of around a hundred people, wheezing angrily, "Get the bloody hell off me and let me kill him!"
Hermione sighed, "No Harry, control yourself…"
"Personally, I think we should let him at the bugger and get rid of this awful din!" Ron interjected, his fingers in his ears.
Lonely, so lonely
So lonely, (so lonely),
Mr. Lonely, so lonely
So lonely, so lonely, (so lonely), Mr. Lonely
Just as he reached the last note in a very off key way, the Author's upset voice shrieked, "I hate you, you stupid bastard- you killed Dumbledore! Yet, because I am all powerful and I say so, you will now be miraculously turned into a slug and squashed by Harry!" As the final pronouncement rang, Snape suddenly disappeared and Harry, astoundingly freed from the dogpile, ran over and stomped happily on a very ugly slug. And thus, Severus Snape who was never handsome, though for some reason always looks like a freakish bishounen in fanart, perished.
A/N: Hey ya'll! This here is my pet project- I just did it for fun! I was really bored over the summer when I started this andI just recently found it again and decided to wreak havoc upon the world by posting it! I hope you're ready: nest chapter will contain the Marauders, Draco, and a Surprise Guest! Oh, by the way- if ya'll have any particular characters/songs you would like to see, I might work them in. I've already written four chapters, but not everyone's in it yet... Have fun!