Chapter Two: Is This Prongs Junior

"Harry," Hermione said, "I think you've stepped on Snape enough by now. At this rate, you'll never get him off your trainers." "Ew…" Ginny wrinkled her nose as she came to stand next to them, "Isn't this whole thing weird?" "Weird; you ain't seen nothing yet!" A voice that sounded somewhat liked Harry's boomed happily across the hall. Harry spun and his mouth dropped open, "Dad!" "Well, I guess so- wotcher, son!" James Potter grinned happily when suddenly, some else appeared beside him, "Hey, Prongs, is this Prongs junior, or something?" "Sirius?" The young Sirius looked slightly annoyed, "Why're you looking at me like I'm a ghost or something?" James elbowed him, "Anyway, Harry- we've come to join the madness!" Padfoot and Prongs grinned wickedly and began to sing rather well,

i b I'm too sexy for my shirt too sexy for my shirt
So sexy it hurts
And I'm too sexy for Milan too sexy for Milan
New York and Japan
And I'm too sexy for your party
Too sexy for your party
No way I'm disco dancing /i /b

The duo both ripped their shirts off and waved them over their heads. Many people swooned and a loud thump was heard from above. Hermione snorted and looked away, "I think the Author just passed out."


i I'm too sexy for my car too sexy for my car
Too sexy by far
And I'm too sexy for my hat
Too sexy for my hat what do you think about that /i

b I'm a model you know what I mean
And I do my little turn on the catwalk
Yeah on the catwalk on the catwalk yeah
I shake my little touche on the catwalk /b

i b I'm too sexy for my too sexy for my too sexy for my /i /b

By now, almost every girl in the hall was trying to mob the two Marauders. Both looked thoroughly pleased with themselves and Harry said, "Gee, it must have been interesting back in those days, with these two on the loose…"


i 'Cos I'm a model you know what I mean
And I do my little turn on the catwalk
Yeah on the catwalk yeah on the catwalk yeah
I shake my little touche on the catwalk /i

b I'm too sexy for my cat too sexy for my cat
Poor pussy poor pussy cat
I'm too sexy for my love too sexy for my love
Love's going to leave me /b

i b And I'm too sexy for this song /i /b

Just as they finished, a voice shrieked angrily, "POTTER! You are such an arrogant prat!" James sighed dreamily, "Ah, Lily; I thought I recognized thee for thy dulcet tones!" A pretty girl with long red hair and blazing green eyes snorted and turned to Harry, "You seem familiar…" "Well, I'm your son." Lily looked surprised, "But, you look like-" she now had the funniest look on her face, "Please, spare me the detail of who your father is…"

Just as Lily pleaded with Harry, Hermione gave a blood curdling scream! Voldemort suddenly appeared in the middle of the Great Hall and leered evilly as he cackled of key,

i On the day I was born
The nurses all gathered round
And they gazed in wild wonder
At the joy they had found
The head nurse spoke up
Said "leave this one alone."
She could tell right away
I was bad to the bone

Bad to the bone
Bad to the bone
Ba ba ba bad
Bad to the bone /i

Everybody shot each other looks. Ginny said, "I take it back- i this /i is weird." "I agree!" the entire hall chorused as Voldie began to break dance and the Author crowed madly! Lily remarked, "For some strange reason, I have the strangest feeling that he did something to me- I just can't remember what…" "Hey, me too Lily! Maybe we have more in common than you thought!" James slung an arm around her shoulders but hurriedly removed it at her death glare.


i I broke a thousand hearts
Before I met you
I'll break a thousand more, baby
Before I am through
I wanna be yours, pretty baby
Yours and yours alone
I'm here to tell ya, woman
That I'm bad to the bone

Bad to the bone
Bad to the bone
Ba ba ba bad
Bad to the bone

I'll make a rich woman beg
And I'll make a good woman steal
I'll make an old woman blush
And I'll make a young girl squeal
I wanna tell you pretty baby
What I see I make my own
I'm here to tell you pretty woman
That I'm bad to the bone /i

"Well, this song certainly works for him, but I can't see who he would ever like…" Hermione said thoughtfully. Harry flexed his hands and grabbed his wand, "Ah, I wish I could just kill him already!" "Oh, not yet!" the Author said cheerfully, "Maybe later, but I want to keep him around for comic relief you know!"

i Bad to the bone
Bad to the bone
Ba ba ba bad
Bad to the bone

Now when I walk the streets
Kings and queens step aside
Every woman I meet
They all stay satisfied.
I wanna tell ya, baby
What I see I make my own.
And I'm here to tell ya, pretty woman
That I'm bad to the bone

Bad to the bone
Bad to the bone
Ba ba ba bad
Bad to the bone /i

Voldie bowed. The hall was absolutely silent and a distant cricket chirped. Everyone looked at each other rather awkwardly and suddenly the spell was broken when Draco Malfoy clambered into the hall through another window, looking half dead. He was scratched and bruised, his right arm purple with yellow spots, and it seemed as though his ears had been replaced with that of a ferret's. Everyone gasped and chorused together, "What in hell happened to you?"

Draco grinned, revealing a few missing front teeth, and rasped painfully, "Well, I've been Crucio-ed and generally cursed around the block, beaten, stepped on, whacked over the head with a heavy book, and tormented by extreme guilt but-"

i Well, you can tell by the way I use my walk,
I'm a woman's man: no time to talk.
Music loud and women warm, I've been kicked around
since I was born.
And now it's all right. It's OK.
And you may look the other way.
We can try to understand
the New York Times' effect on man.

Whether you're a brother or whether you're a mother,
you're stayin' alive, stayin' alive.
Feel the city breakin' and everybody shakin',
and we're stayin' alive, stayin' alive.
Ah, ha, ha, ha, stayin' alive, stayin' alive.
Ah, ha, ha, ha, stayin' alive. /i

As Draco shamelessly hobbled around the hall, singing in a surprisingly strong voice, though exceptionally high. The Gryffindors looked at each other, shock apparent in all of their faces. Hermione couldn't resist shouting, "Malfoy, you know that's a muggle song, right?" He pretended not to hear her and kept singing.

i Well now, I get low and I get high,
and if I can't get either, I really try.
Got the wings of heaven on my shoes.
I'm a dancin' man and I just can't lose.
You know it's all right. It's OK.
I'll live to see another day.
We can try to understand
the New York Times' effect on man.

Whether you're a brother or whether you're a mother,
you're stayin' alive, stayin' alive.
Feel the city breakin' and everybody shakin',
and we're stayin' alive, stayin' alive.
Ah, ha, ha, ha, stayin' alive, stayin' alive.
Ah, ha, ha, ha, stayin' alive. /i

Draco smirked widely, really getting into and continuing in the amazingly high voice…

i Life goin' nowhere. Somebody help me.
Somebody help me, yeah.
Life goin' nowhere. Somebody help me, yeah.
I'm stayin' alive. /i

By now, the entire hall was belting out the song and doing the John Travolta themselves, from Voldie to, "Dumbledore!" Harry cried! The old professor smiled, "Ah, Harry! How have you been?" "But sir, you're dead?" "Pfft!" the Author snorted, "My ass he's dead! He had to come and sing a song or two! And I just like his character so damn much; I couldn't just leave him to rot in some tomb! Anyway, I advise you all to hold you ears, guess who's about to sing!" The duo turned as the hall darkened and the spotlight centered on: dun, dun, dun, Pansy Parkinson!