Chapter Three: Is She Talking About Krum

Pansy posed in the spotlight and began to screech very, very off key, causing almost everyone to stuff their fingers in their ears as she butchered the 80's classic,

I come home in the morning light
My mother says when you gonna live your life right
Oh mother dear we're not the fortunate ones
And girls they want to have fun
Oh girls just want to have fun

The phone rings in the middle of the night
My father yells what you gonna do with your life
Oh daddy dear you know you're still number one
But girls they want to have fun
Oh girls just want to have -

"Not very good is she?" Hermione said to Ron as Pansy bounced around the hall, people shrinking away from her as she went. "What?" Ron yelled, "I can't hear anything over this- it's worse than Snape!" Harry's glasses cracked, "And that's saying something!"

That's all they really want
Some fun
When the working day is done
Girls - they want to have fun
Oh girls just want to have fun

Some boys take a beautiful girl
And hide her away from the rest of the world
I want to be the one to walk in the sun
Oh girls they want to have fun
Oh girls just want to have -

"Urgh! I can't take this torture! Lily- put a silencing charm on 'er!" James pleaded desperately as Lily quickly removed her hands from her ears, "With pleasure- silencio!" Silence roared through the hall for a moment before being broken by the loud cheers of the thankful students, "Hooray! She's shut her up!" Pansy slunk away scowling when suddenly, out a random portrait, came Fleur with Bill in tow, "Ooh! And now eet ees my turn!" and promptly belted out,

My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard,
And their like
It's better than yours,
Damn right it's better than yours,
I can teach you,
But I have to charge

I know you want it,
The thing that makes me,
What the guys go crazy for.
They lose their minds,
The way I wind,
I think its time

La la-la la la,
Warm it up.
Lala-lalala,
The boys are waiting

Almost as soon as Fleur had walked into the room, the male population was drooling. Bill said rapturously to no one, "Isn't she GREAT!" Even Sirius the hard hearted playboy was puddling happily at her feet. Ginny said with a shudder, "Well, the song does kind of fit, but I still can't believe she did this- it's degrading even for her!"

My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard,
And their like
It's better than yours,
Damn right it's better than yours,
I can teach you,
But I have to charge

I can see youre on it,
You want me to teach thee
Techniques that freaks these boys,
It can't be bought,
Just know, thieves get caught,
Watch if your smart,

La la-la la la,
Warm it up,
La la-la la la,
The boys are waiting

James snuck up behind Lily while she was too disgusted watching Fleur to notice, pulled a sprig of mistletoe from the air and said cheerily, "Early Christmas present, darling!"

My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard,
And their like
It's better than yours,
Damn right it's better than yours,
I can teach you,
But I have to charge

Oh, once you get involved,
Everyone will look this way-so,
You must maintain your charm,
Same time maintain your halo,
Just get the perfect blend,
Plus what you have within,
Then next his eyes are squint,
Then he's picked up your scent,

My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard,
And their like
It's better than yours,
Damn right it's better than yours,
I can teach you,
But I have to charge

While Lily screamed and slapped him, Hermione glared at the heavily salivating Ron. Harry, noticing this said hurriedly, "Why, it looks like Fleur is almost done with her song!" Hermione didn't need telling twice- as Fleur finally shut up and went to go make out with Bill, the brunette girl began to sing in a heartrending tone,

Hands touch, eyes meet
Sudden silence, sudden heat
Hearts leap in a giddy whirl
He could be that boy
But I'm not that girl:

Don't dream too far
Don't lose sight of who you are
Don't remember that rush of joy
He could be that boy
I'm not that girl

Ron looked angrily at Harry, coming out of his Fleur induced coma, "Is she talking about Krum! I knew that bloody git was no good at all!"

Ev'ry so often we long to steal
To the land of what-might-have-been
But that doesn't soften the ache we feel
When reality sets back in

Blithe smile, lithe limb
She who's winsome, she wins him
Gold hair with a gentle curl
That's the girl he chose
And Heaven knows
I'm not that girl

"When I get my hands on him," Ron muttered threateningly, "For thinking about some blonde airhead when he could have Hermione!" Realizing what he had just said, his ears turned scarlet as Harry rolled his eyes, "Sure, Ron- of course she's talked about Krum. Who else could it possibly be?" Ginny snorted loudly but quickly turned her attention back to the sobbing Hermione,

Don't wish, don't start
Wishing only wounds the heart
I wasn't born for the rose and the pearl
There's a girl I know
He loves her so
I'm not that girl…

Hermione hit the last note and promptly dashed out of the Great Hall, quickly followed by Ginny and Lily, who had lots of practice with insufferable boys. Suddenly, with a loud pop, a girl fell from the ceiling, landing none too gracefully on top of the Marauders. They stared at her as she glanced hurriedly at the ceiling, as though making sure she hadn't been followed, "Phew! Thank God- I escaped in time!" They all looked at her, "From what exactly?" "The Harmony shippers- they're all going to try to kill me later on in the story!" "So, you're the Author!" Harry said, "But, what's 'Harmony?'" Eternity glanced around furtively, "The Harry/Hermione shippers- of course, they are entitled to their own opinions, though I prefer Ron/Hermione and Harry/Ginny…" Ginny looked somewhat alarmed, "Why did you need to escape?" "Oh, they're all pissed off about that Mugglenet interview. Heh, delusional, ha ha ha! Not that I think they're delusional or anything-" Eternitystated quickly under the heated glares from Harmony shippers. The characters looked at her oddly and the Author stated quickly, "I'm just going to go over there and finish scribbling this- and by the way, Marauders, you're up!"

A/N: And if you don't know what I'm talking about- go to Mugglenet and check up on it. I think it's all rather funny of course, but meh. I've decided I don't care what anybody else thinks, I like writing this. But, please, even if you are a Harmony shipper, no flaming. I've never flamed a Harmony fic and some are beautifully written. I just don't see how it would work out between Harry and Hermione… anyway, if you don't like Ron and Hermione (though it's relatively minor in this fic), go and read my Lily and James stories since we all know they get together in the end…