Disclaimer. Still not mine.
A/N. Thanks again to NicoleMack for beta-ing this chapter.
Part Three: That is…
There were some people who had a seemingly endless capacity for tolerance and patience. Such people could wait for an eternity and never once complain about it. He was not one of those people, Luke decided irritably as the group of tourists who had just entered the diner hovered indecisively near the door before finally deciding on a table. His patience, never one of his strengths at the best of times, was now essentially non-existent.
Saturday had always been a busy day at the diner, and such a day was therefore never likely to inspire an abiding love of humanity in him. But when you factored in the wearying see-saw of anticipation and disappointment that he felt each time that bell above the door rang, it was perhaps unsurprising that he had reached the end of his ever shortening tether. Each time the bell diner rang today, he looked up hopefully and each time he was irrationally disappointed that the person there was not Lorelai. It didn't matter how many times he reminded himself that she had only returned the night before and was therefore likely to be sleeping off the after effects of jetlag, bad airplane food and six weeks of travel. All the rationalizations in the world didn't make a single iota of difference.
Lorelai was home and that meant he would finally find out where he stood with her and if he had even the slightest of chances that she was interested in him. He'd been regretting for six weeks that he hadn't talked to Lorelai on the day that she left. If he had to wait much longer, there was a very real possibility that he was going to go insane. The memory of the night that he fought with her, kissed her and watched her run was never far from his mind. Those short moments of elation that he felt when he realized he could finally be getting what he wanted for so long had been all too quickly swept away by the overwhelming guilt he felt about what he had done to Nicole. He never, in his life, had been unfaithful to a woman before, but when Lorelai looked at him like that, the world outside of the two of them had just ceased to exist. In the aftermath, what was completely and utterly clear was that no matter what did or did not happen in the future with Lorelai, he could no longer be with Nicole.
Even if those few moments in his apartment with Lorelai was his only chance to have her in his arms, he just couldn't pretend that those feelings did not exist. It wasn't fair to himself, but most of all it wasn't fair to Nicole. So he met her the day that Lorelai left for Europe and ended things. It was neither easy nor pleasant, but it had been necessary. Since then, he'd been stuck in a maddening holding pattern, with no idea of where he stood with Lorelai. Not knowing if he had any kind of chance with her and unsure of what, if anything, she felt for him. He'd been berating himself for six weeks and it was abundantly clear to him now that he should have insisted they talk before she left.
Luke looked up as the bell to the diner rang once more, and inevitably it was not Lorelai. Even more disappointingly, it was Kirk who entered and crossed to sit at the counter. Knowing that his chances of getting through even a two second conversation with Kirk without raising his voice were essentially zero, Luke left Caesar to deal with him and crossed to start clearing the plates away from a corner table. As he did so, he found he was staring directly into the new window that Taylor had installed between the diner and the Soda Shoppe. Barely restraining himself from tossing something at the window, Luke shook his head and began to wipe down the table instead.
There was definitely a lesson to be learnt there. Under no circumstances allow Taylorfree reinover building renovations while not around to prevent travesties like that damn window. He never should have gone to the cabin. In those first few days that Lorelai was gone, he found himself so irritated and on edge that he started to burn the food and yell at people for no good reason. At the time, it seemed like a wise course of action to close the diner for a couple of weeks. It would have been closed anyway if he'd gone on the cruise and he'd already given Caesar the time off. What was more, he didn't particularly relish serving the summer crowds alone. Of course taking the time off hadn't been a particularly brilliant course of action either. While spending time at the cabin meant he could go fishing and hiking, it also meant he was alone and therefore had ample time to think. Only he hadn't felt like thinking at all by that point.
He knew that if he started thinking, then he would start imagining that there was some kind of chance that Lorelai would reciprocate those long denied feelings he could deny no more. Things never worked out well when he got his hopes up. He always told himself to never plan more than two days in advance and it wouldn't do to go changing that now. Still his mind would wander and he would find himself thinking about things he hadn't considered, since…Rachel. He wasn't given to flights of fancy, yet somehow in the isolation of the cabin, tempting thoughts of a future with Lorelai would come to him. But then he would remember how she looked at him before she ran away and negativity returned. Now, six weeks later, he just had to know one way or the other. This torture was killing him and he just wanted to be put out of his misery for once and for all.
As the afternoon slowly became evening and the dinner rush petered out, Luke finally gave up hope of seeing Lorelai in the diner that day. The Stars Hollow grapevine was in top form and he'd heard from more than one person about their varied sightings of Lorelai throughout the day. Once, when he glanced out the window for a moment, he thought he caught a glimpse of her moving briskly across the town square. But she disappeared from sight before he could confirm it was her. He knew from Babette that Rory was spending a few days with her father in Boston before finally returning to Stars Hollow, and so Lorelai had returned alone. Miss Patty had seen her in Doose's and Gypsy had talked to her in the video shop. He was starting to wonder if perhaps Lorelai was going to just avoid him completely. He'd more than half expected that, but that didn't prevent the disappointment he now felt.
Luke let out a sigh and glowered at his only remaining customer, Kirk. He, apparently, had had a fight with his mother and was trying to gather up the courage to return home. Just as Luke was resigning himself to the lengthy battle he would face to get rid of Kirk, he noticed the expression on his face change abruptly. Casting a quick glance outside, Luke could see a stern faced Mrs Gleason beckoning to Kirk. For a moment, Luke thought he might actually have the courage to resist, but instead he dug some money out of his pocket, placed it on the table and stood up to leave. With an inward sigh of relief Luke gathered some coffee cups from the counter and carried them into the kitchen. As he did so, he heard Kirk open the door and utter a greeting to someone. Luke froze when he heard that person reply. It was Lorelai.
Dumping the cups in the sink, Luke hurriedly made his way back out and came to a halt when he saw her. She was standing by the door and she held a small white cardboard box in her hands. He drank in the sight of her hungrily, thinking she looked even more beautiful than he had remembered. She was wearing a red tank top and jeans and her hair flowed loosely over her shoulders. Those piercing blue eyes were fixed intently on him now and he stared back at her without speaking until what seemed to be a slightly restrained smile crossed Lorelai's face.
"Hey, Luke," she said, her grip on the box she held seeming to tighten a little.
"Hi," he returned awkwardly, shoving his hands in his back pockets. He stared at her for a moment longer and then asked gruffly, "Coffee?" He turned to walk behind the counter, grabbing the pot and a cup as he did so.
"Sure, okay," came Lorelai's reply and she slid onto a stool, placing the box on the counter in front of her.
Luke pushed the coffee cup over to her and watched in silence as she took a long sip. Then Lorelai began to speak, babbling nervously as she held her cup. "After much in-depth research across at least seven different countries, I can safely say that your title as the king of coffee is unchallenged, Luke. Well in my opinion anyway, your position with Rory is more precarious. She was definitely entranced by the coffee at this one place in Florence. Her opinion may have been somewhat influenced by the fact that a gorgeous Italian waiter served it to her though. But fear not, I think it was merely a brief flirtation and if you give her some of the special stuff with the nutmeg she could be tempted back." Lorelai's nervous words trailed off as she looked up at Luke for a moment, before she focused again on her coffee.
"Uh yeah, I'll make that my number one priority," Luke replied absently. He was only half paying attention to her words as he fought the urge to reach across the counter and haul Lorelai into his arms and kiss her senseless. He stared at her for a moment, longing to ask her straight away about her feelings concerning that night before she left. Instead he settled for asking about her trip. "So, did you and Rory have a good time?"
Lorelai nodded enthusiastically, seeming to relax a little now. "Oh yeah, it was the best. We made it through seven different countries without creating a single diplomatic incident, I'm sure you'll be relieved to know. I did come close once though. You'll never believe it, I got to touch the Pope. Well, the Pope mobile at least. I can tell you that those Vatican guards have absolutely no sense of humor at all."
Lorelai broke off for a moment to take a sip of coffee, but then began to chatter away again. "Oh, and the shopping was fabulous. By the end of the fourth week, Rory had actually banned me from buying anything more unless I could come up with a way to clone myself to carry it all. Alas, my mad scientist genes are severely lacking. Mind you, she wasn't blameless either. Every time we came across an English language bookshop, she wouldn't leave until she'd practically bought up their entire stock. Now I bought my fair share of shoes and clothes and souvenirs, but nothing quite matches the sheer bulky awkwardness of a big pile of books."
At the mention of Rory's propensity for reading, Luke seized his opportunity. He took advantage of Lorelai's momentary silence to reach below the counter and pick up Rory's copy of Anna Karenina. He pushed it across the counter and whatever Lorelai had been planning to say next never came as her gaze locked onto the book.
"Speaking of books…you left this here," Luke said softly, his eyes trained eagerly on her face. Lorelai looked up at him fleetingly and he watched as she reached out and silently pulled it towards her.
"Thanks," she muttered, all the animation that had been in her face moments before fading as she focused on the book.
It was now or never, Luke decided suddenly. Leaning on the counter, he said her name quietly.
She looked up, trepidation plainly written on her face as she met his eyes for barely a moment.
"We need to talk," he said. Lorelai was shaking her head in denial almost before he could get the words out.
"No, Luke. We really don't." Lorelai's grip on her cup tightened and she avoided eye contact again, as if she suddenly found the contents of her cup incredibly fascinating.
Luke felt a stab of panic at her words. He heard a note of desperation enter his voice as he made another effort to speak. "But we…"
Lorelai broke in before he could complete the thought. "No. There's nothing to talk about. It was a mistake and let's just forget it ever happened."
Luke felt his stomach drop and an embarrassed flush rose on his face as he focused his gaze on the counter in front of him. Well, that made things pretty clear then. All of his hopes and worrying about this had been for nothing and he was right back where he started. Picking up a cloth and playing with it restlessly, he looked up at Lorelai again and queried solemnly, "Mistake, huh?"
"Yeah," she replied and he watched as she slid off her seat and quickly said, "Look I guess I'm still jetlagged, so I'm going to go." She picked up Rory's book and stood there hesitantly for a moment. Finally, she pushed the box she had been holding earlier across the counter in his direction. "We got this for you when we were in Ireland."
Luke watched in silence as Lorelai made her way to the door. She opened it slowly and looked back at him for a moment. "See you later?" she queried.
He nodded silently, his hands clenching into fists on the counter as he watched the door close behind her. Barely aware of what he was doing, Luke reached forward and picked up Lorelai's cup and took it through to the kitchen. He walked back out and carefully wiped down the tables, placing the chairs on each as he finished cleaning. Then he meticulously began to wipe down the counter top, neatly stacking the menus, and lining up the condiments on the counter top as a smug voice in his head told him that he should have expected this would be the way things ended.
The last six weeks of waiting had been for nothing. She didn't want anything from him and never would. Sitting down heavily on the chair that Lorelai had recently vacated, Luke dragged the box she had left behind towards him and stared sightlessly at the plain white exterior. Yeah, it was a mistake all right, he thought bitterly. It was a mistake to hope that Lorelai would ever see him as anything more than a friend or more than the person who served her coffee and burgers. It was a mistake to foolishly get his hopes up for something that obviously wasn't ever going to happen. It was a mistake to have let it happen in the first place, to hurt Nicole and destroy whatever hope he had for more out of life than running this diner. With a sigh of resignation, Luke leaned forward and opened the lid off the box. He lifted off some tissue paper and tossed it onto the counter before looking inside.
"What the hell?" he muttered as he looked down at the box. He reached into it, and picked up the contents, staring at it for a moment. It was a crystal bell. He frowned in confusion and set it down carefully on the counter, hearing a gentle ringing as he did so. Why on earth had Lorelai bought him a bell and a glass one at that? What exactly about him suggested that this was an appropriate gift for him? What the hell was she thinking? He looked into the box again, hoping to find a written explanation, but there was nothing.
For a moment longer, Luke sat there completely perplexed by her gift, but then anger suddenly rose to the forefront. What the hell was Lorelai trying to do to him? She didn't want to talk about the thing he'd just spent the last six weeks thinking about constantly? A quick 'It was a mistake' speech was all that he was worthy of? And now she had given him some mysterious present without even the courtesy of an explanation. She really was trying to drive him round the bend.
He'd been waiting for six weeks for her to return and he couldn't take this anymore. Everyone had their limit and in all truth he reached his long ago. He had been too much of a coward to say anything to Lorelai for seven years but now he wasn't going to give up without a fight. Luke picked up the bell and placed it back in its box and then crossed the distance to the door in three quick steps, holding the box firmly in one hand. He locked the door to the diner and strode off down the street towards Lorelai's house. It had taken him seven years and the last six weeks to get to this point. This time, he wasn't going to let Lorelai get away until she explained to him, in-depth, with flow diagrams if necessary, exactly why this wasn't going to work.
Some minutes later, Luke walked across Lorelai's front lawn and stomped up the stairs to the door. Knocking on the door, he waited impatiently for Lorelai to answer. When the door failed to open within ten seconds he knocked again loudly. Eventually there was movement on the other side and he could hear Lorelai yelling irritably, "Yeah, yeah, keep your shirt on."
When she swung the door open, her mouth dropped open when she saw who stood there. Some small part of him noticed that Lorelai's eyes seemed a little red and she looked worn and tired, but the greater part of him was too angry to notice anything at all. Luke strode into the house past Lorelai into the living room, waiting for her to shut the door and follow him.
When she entered the room, he didn't let her get a word in however, but held out the box to her and demanded, "Okay, what the hell is this?"
Lorelai blinked at the ferocity of his words for a moment but then replied relatively mildly, "I told you, Rory and I got it for you in Ireland."
"Yeah, I heard that part," Luke said impatiently. "But what I didn't hear was the part about why you thought a glass bell screamed Lucas Danes. I know I'm not a Harvard graduate or anything, but I don't think the connection is immediately obvious."
"It's all there in the card Luke, or am I about to have a Lifetime movie moment and find out that the surly, rude man is that way because he's ashamed he cannot read?" A defensive note entered Lorelai's voice now and she started to glare at him.
"Card?" Luke asked, pulling off the lid of the box and lifting out the bell to set it on the coffee table before turning back to Lorelai. Showing her the box he growled, "I don't see a card, do you?"
The frown on Lorelai's face had deepened as he spoke, but it seemed to falter for a moment when she saw that there was, in fact, no card. "Oh," was all that she said in reply however.
"You're driving me crazy. You know that, don't you?" Luke spoke again now, his voice hard and strident as he started to pace up and down in the living room. "I don't get it. You'll date Christopher and Max and Chris again and that fishing guy and boys who are just barely old enough to have graduated from college, but you won't even give me a second glance. But then you flip out completely when you find I'm thinking about proposing to Nicole and you kiss me. I may have started things that night Lorelai, but you were right there too and you didn't seem to have any complaints. Then you run off and you leave for six weeks, and when you come back you're telling me that it was a mistake and giving me glass bells. I just can't understand it."
"What don't you understand, Luke?" Lorelai burst out angrily as he finished his rant. "It seems pretty damn clear to me. Of course it was a mistake. You are the one who already made the choice, not me."
"Choice?" Luke swung around to face her, confusion wiping away most of his anger. "What choice?"
"What choice do you think? The one where you decided to go on the cruise with Nicole." She threw the words at him quickly and broke off as she mentioned Nicole's name. As the implication of her words struck him, Luke saw Lorelai wipe at her cheek for a moment before she continued, hurt now clearly evident in her voice. "I'm trying to do the right thing here Luke, and you're throwing it in my face."
As she trailed off, she turned her back to him, wrapping her arms around her waist and stunned realization washed over Luke. "You think I went on the cruise with Nicole?" he stammered out. Lorelai nodded, not once looking at him as she moved a few steps further away from him. For a moment Luke was too stunned to move as he tried in vain to work out how she had arrived at such a conclusion. But then he drew in a deep breath as hope returned once more in full force. There was a possibility that there could be a light at the end of a very long tunnel. "I didn't go on the cruise."
Lorelai froze for a moment and then turned around to stare at him. "What?" she asked, confusion now evident in her face.
"I didn't go on the cruise. I ended things with Nicole the day you went to Europe."
To be continued