Dream Walker

Disclaimer: I deny any ownership of any adult or adolescent transformed shadow warrior chelonians.

Chapter Nineteen: Hanging by a thread

Jennifer:

I don't think I would ever forget that night, the terror, the blood the sheer devastation. All to be followed by a long exhausting grueling trip back to the turtles home. I know I would be haunted for some time by the memories and horror of the things that had passed, but the turtles well, they far more then I would bear the marks physically, and possibly mentally, for some time to come. Leo couldn't carry Mike and the damage under the plastron was too extensive for us to do much, but Raph returned hobbling slightly with his leg splinted up, between some sturdy sticks and his bandanna to tie the sticks into place.

"Jen, help me out here" Raph pleaded, "Maybe tween the both of us, we can get Mike home."

"What about Don?" Leo demanded sharply glaring at Raph, "I told you to stay with him!"

"Wit this leg Leo?" Raph gave a disparaging shake of his head, "Forget it, be like you tryin' to handle your katana at the moment." Raph snorted, "Don and Akuma are gonna have to deal wit one another and I'm willin' to bet that Don is the winner."

"What if you are wrong?" Leo growled.

Raph's face twisted into a sneer, "Look Leo case you didn't notice Mike needs treatment and fast. Akuma doesn't have a lot of fight left to it. I made sure of that for it broke my leg. Now lets try and get Mike home."

Somehow between Raph and I, we managed to sort of carry and drag Mike along, while Leo followed to watch our back, and cover any tracks we might have left, a task that had to be almost as difficult for him at the present moment with his injuries as it was for Raph and I to move the badly wounded Mike. Don caught up with us before we had gotten all that far and told us simply that Akuma was dead by the carousel. He seemed deep in thought showing no outward signs of relief or victory over the fact the demon was dead.

I noticed that there was only a sigh of relief from Leo and a nod of acceptance from Raph, but there wasn't any cheering or excitement, no true sense or feeling of joy. Maybe it had to do with their injuries especially Mike's. Perhaps as they drew closer to home they realized that Splinter might not be awake or alive, and it filled them with reluctance, sorrow or trepidation, or all of the above. Perhaps it was just the fact that they were all battle weary, exhausted, hurting and so wouldn't celebrate now.

But I had a feeling they wouldn't celebrate at all. We might have had won but I couldn't say that we were victorious in any sense of the word.

I knew I was worried about Mike and the other turtles, I was afraid that Splinter had passed to whatever world or hereafter that might be waiting for him. Me, I still felt so lost and unsure about so many things and I wondered if perhaps if there had been more time for me to grasp, this dream walking skill of mine, that perhaps none of this would have had to happen to begin with. We returned to the lair in silence and Raph sat down propped up his broken leg and began to check out Leo's shoulders while Don went to work checking Mike out.

I could only hang in the back ground wanting to help but figuring I would only be in the way. I thought about checking on Splinter, but I didn't want to be the one to find out if he had passed or not, if he had passed on I wouldn't know how to break it. So I stayed in a corner fiddling with my hair and chewing my nails in anxious anticipation.

Leo was watching Don carefully, though wincing now and again, when Raph, who seemed to be working with extreme care his fingers nimbly working and his eyes locked on Leo, managed to still cause a bit of pain on the open injuries, there was no way for Raph to completely avoid it.

"Don what's the verdict on Mike?" Leo asked imperatively.

Don looked up and heaved a sigh, "The plastron is an easy fix as you know" Don replied but then he cast his eyes down and away.

"Give it to us Don" Raph insisted.

Don glanced my way, I knew by his hesitation, that the news could not be good.

Raph raised his head toward me and then gave an abrupt nod of his head, "Some things are best taken quickly Don, bad news is one of them." He gave a wry grin, "It ain't sactly like we haven't had our share of that in our time."

Don turned back to Mike, "It was the damage Akuma did under the plastron. There's a huge hole there, shards of bone, shell, torn muscle and everything all in places where it shouldn't be and..." Don paused, " I can't fix his shell with that sort of damage on the inside" he whispered. He paused " I don't know how well he will heal, or if he will." he admitted, bowing his head and a tear or two trickled from his eyes down his cheek.

Raph balled up his fists at his side, a dark chilling deadly look crossing his face, ever hear the saying if looks could kill, well if they could that look could not only kill but freeze you to death on the spot. I'd never seen Raph look so dark or menacing as he did in that one instance. I could see him shake and tremble as he fought for control, his face twitching and contorting as if not quite sure what expression to display but going through a whole range of them. I thought for sure he was going lose it big time.

Leo took many deep breaths and looked toward the concrete tunnel ceiling and then a bit shaky he asked "If he does make it Don?"

"He'll make it!" Raph half barked half sneered, "Mikey will make it!"

"If he makes it. He probably won't be able to handle intense fighting. Ever!" Don replied, " The damage is extensive and there is no way, with what we have that he will be able to perform as he had before be lucky if he can manage light duties."

"That's bettah then nuthin'" Raph muttered.

I shook my head, no poor Mike, I could all ready feel my own tears burning and rolling heavily from my eyes. I didn't want to hear this, didn't want to believe it. I sank my head into my hands and sobbed deeply and quietly, my whole body feeling numb.

I felt a hand touch my shoulder and jumped a few feet up and a few back banging into a counter, my eyes opening suddenly to see Raph staring at me. I didn't know what he was going to do and I wanted to back away from him, not wanting anything to do with his animosity. He reached out and almost tenderly pulled me into his arms hugging me in a comforting way stroking my back, not saying a word just holding me, and somehow that just made me bawl all the harder.

When I was done, I took a few shaky breaths and hiccupped a bit, sniffling a little. I could remember Mike saying something about being a hero, what was it welcome to being a hero? Something like that, at any rate, when we had first headed out after Akuma, even with Splinter left behind. I didn't think I cared much for being a hero.

"You've been through a lot Jen" Raph admitted, " No shame in a few tears. You came through for us, but it weren't sactly the win we were hopin for ya know?"

"I kinda gathered that" I mumbled.

"Look kid, right now, you're in shock and been through hell tryin' ta find your way back. We understand that, and once every one is as treated as possible will all have some tea, or some strong alcohol to ease the tension." Raph informed me.

"Raph she is too young to be drinking and..." Leo began.

"Don't say it Leo or you may find out how bad my bedside manner can get" Raph threatened, "After tonight I more then earned a good stiff drink and you aren't keeping me from it." He announced then smirked, "Specially not wit two bum arms."

Don smiled "Jennifer if you want to make yourself useful in the bottom right cupboard is an electric tea kettle, fill it with water and warm some for us huh?" he suggested.

I nodded glad to be of service even if it was in such a menial task as warming water. When I opened the cupboard indicated I also found a teapot, cups and a sealed container of tea bags. I sighed, it seemed I had everything at hand to make tea, and I realized that these items were here for a reason, or at least Raph's last comment about after getting everyone patched up and having a relaxing drink meant anything. I wasn't going worry too much about it, I was just glad of the break I was able to achieve by making a pot of tea.

By the time the tea was made Leo was pretty well patched up, and he was working on Raph's leg, a rather tricky task considering how badly damaged both shoulders were, but then again Raph was helping where he could. Don was almost finished doing what he could to make Mike comfortable, with what he had, though it didn't seem to be enough.

Leo glanced a the doorway, and at the steaming cups of tea, "I best check on Splinter first." he said with a touch of finality, as if he was aware he could put it off no longer.

"Want me to go Leo?" Don offered, though it was a half hearted gesture, for he didn't seem all that eager to be the one to go and check on the Master.

"No Don stay here with Mike. His presence is here, but..." Leo paused and a scowl crossed his face, heavy lines forming on his brow, " His essence is missing, so if he is with us still then I ..." he gulped, "Doubt it will be for long. However if he is still with us, he ought to know how it went."

Don and Raph nodded, Raph hobbled off toward the kitchen, or where ever but I had a feeling he would be back quickly. Still we sat in silence, sipping our drinks and avoiding one another's eyes as if afraid to say or notice each other. It was so strange, as if we had just met and yet far more awkward then all of that even. Raph came back in and he looked at first Don then towards me, he had a bottle of something in his hand, I wasn't sure what it was, but I knew it wasn't beer, scotch, or rye something that had more kick I guess then fermented hops and barley.

Raph sat with us for a bit then an exasperated look crossed his face and he looked as if he was about to say something, only he fell silent as Leo entered the room, Leo gave a very slow dejected shake of his head, his eyes filled with pain and sorrow, there was no need to speak any words to confirm that the Master had died. I thought I had cried myself out but found new tears coming. Sure I hadn't known the old ninja for very long and yet, he had touched me, he had been so gentle, sincere and kind, that the news, even though expected still hurt. I knew if it could take me this way then the turtles, his family had to feel even worse by a hundred fold or more.

I knew that I shouldn't be here, they ought to be alone to share their grief, and once again I was feeling so out of my depth, and unwanted. " I ...I should go" I whispered as I realized that I had no place here.

Leo looked up and he walked over, moving his right arm gingerly he put it on my shoulder " Jennifer, you knew him and you helped us. You belong here." he spoke in a reassuring way but there was no denying his grief or sorrow of his loss. " Besides it would be better if you stayed here with us, for what little of the night is left. You shouldn't be alone. "

Don cast me a pleading look, "Don't leave us alone. We've been through so much all of us. We are grateful for your help."

"I didn't do anything. Perhaps if I had learned sooner or...had done more then..." I stammered.

Raph shook his head, "No, you're wrong Jen. You did all you could, we asked a great deal and you came through. We are warriors what we did was normal fer us, what you did weren't" he insisted.

"But if...things had been done different Splinter and Mike..." I began in protest.

"No Jen, Splinter was old, far too old for intense battle. By facing Akuma he knew the odds and had already accepted them. He died with honour" Leo declared giving me a look that said, none of us should take his choice from him."

"What about Mike he isn't old?" I flared gesturing to the bed where Mike lay still under blankets.

"He's a warrior. He knows that death could have happened at any time, during any battle, the fact that it happened in this one is just the way it is. We can't come away unscathed all the time." Leo replied, "If he dies he does so with honour, and if he lives he will find new meaning for his life." Leo gave me a pointed stare, "You are not to blame now or ever Jennifer."

I sighed raising my eyes to meet his, I wish I could feel so sure but...I wasn't. I didn't know what to think or believe, I felt numb all over.

Leo smiled "Come Jen you are dropping with exhaustion you need to sleep." He urged kindly.

"What about you guys?" I asked suddenly.

"Will rest too." Leo stated, "You can sleep in my room."

I followed him stumbling and staggering, even after I slipped under the covers of his bed, it took a while before I found myself falling asleep. I dreamed many strange dreams none of which I could recall on waking but I felt a bit better after I woke up. I sat up and stretched yawning, before pushing the rumpled sheets and blankets back slipping out of the room to go in search of the others. I heard some soft thumping noises coming from the dojo and went to investigate, it was Raph he was working out by punching at a dummy while keeping the weight off his broken leg, but there was no sign of Leo or Don.

Raph turned as if aware of my presence and I slunk back a bit, more in uncertainty he gave a small faint smile, that turned back into the all too familiar scowl, "Mornin' Jen. Or close to it, nuther hour or so and it'd be afternoon." he remarked.

"How's Mike?" I asked swallowing hard.

Raph dropped his head, "Bout the same," he muttered his eyes filling with grief and pain, he whirled suddenly screaming and swearing lashing out at a work out dummy. I shrank further back suddenly very afraid, though I knew he wouldn't hurt me, I couldn't help but be afraid of him. He let out one large expletive and rammed his fist so hard at the dummy he punched a large hole into it, then he withdrew his fist shaking his head.

Raphael:

Why was everythin' goin wrong now? Why? We had defeated Akuma, sure we had expected to lose Splinter, gods Splintah why'd it have to be you? Why did ya have to go and leave us? Now what were stuck with the turtle whose got his shell too far up his ass to figure it out! It's all so damned mixed up right now!

Too many questions and not enough answers. I was feelin' so lost and adrift.

I didn't want to lose my brother, my best friend.

Last night after Jen had gone to sleep the rest of us had talked a bit about Splinter, I mean it hurt with him, but weren't totally unexpected. Hell he's been threatening to roll over and play dead on us since we were in our early teens. Course rats aren't normally a long lived animal, but the mutation had given him many years over and above that, no denyin' his age though. It wasn't easy us just sittin and talkin, but I couldn't zactly run away not with one bum leg. I hate bein' laid up rather go out and bust some heads or sumethin. Anythin had to be better then sittin' at home jawing and waiting for the fact to sink in.

But I could accept Splintah's death a hell of a lot easier, cause I could make excuses and say he was old, he lived his time, it was his time and he probably didn't suffer none, least I'd like to believe that.

What could I say about Mike though? What would happen if we lost that goofy, god damned idjit of a brother so naive and so wise, the child and the adult. The royal pain in the kister and the joker. Sure there were times I threatened to kill him, want him to just drop dead, but I didn't mean it.

Don had told us as morning came that Mike's vitals didn't look good, and odds were he weren't going make it. He looked at Leo, then and asked if we ought to pull the plug on the machine keeping tabs of Mike's blood pressure and other stats, it weren't as good as what you'd find in a hospital, being a home made Donatello specialty but it had come in handy after some very serious brawls at one point or another in our lives.

"What are ya sayin Don?" I flared soon as the words left his mouth, "He's our brother!"

Don bowed his head, a bit "Raph we could keep him like this or let him go. If Mike wants to live, if he has the will to fight turning off the machine won't make a difference. But keeping him on it well..." he gulped, " Is different." he muttered. " It might keep him alive when he doesn't have the strength or will to do so."

"All the more reason to keep him on it Don. Keep him on it until he gains the strength to fight it" I growled. I glared at Leo "Don't tell me you agree with the mad scientist here!"

"I think we are all under too much stress to even consider any of those options at the moment" Leo replied in an unsteady way, " Leave it for now and in a day or two then we can decide" he declared.

In that instance, Leo passed a death sentence on our brother and I had to get out of both their sights before I killed them for even thinkin that way. So since topside was sorta off limits at the moment I decided to blow steam in the dojo, not as good as topside but it did the job. Course all thumpin on the dummy had done little to ease the pain in my chest, the ache of loss and more loss to come.

I turned back to face Jen and saw her tremblin' a little. I sighed.

It wasn't her fault, it weren't like she was to blame for Akuma, or Splinter or Mike, but a part of my mind seemed to insist that she was responsible for it all. After all she had been scratched by Akuma long fore we knew it had existed and perhaps in her psychic dream ways she had brought Akuma to us. I spose it were plausible, and it made sense. I wanted to accept it and point my finger and shoulder all the blame on her, but I knew it weren't true. Much as I wanted to accept it and have it be so, I knew it were no more than a lie, and I just couldn't live a lie. I could rant and rage against the truth, but I could nevah close my eyes totally to it either.

"Jen look I'm uh...well...I hope I didn't startle ya just everthin's real different right now" I explained.

She nodded "Yeah I understand."

"Look why don't ya, call the hospital see if your Aunt will be sprung soon and then come have a bite to eat." I suggested.

She brightened a bit " I'd like to call and see how Aunt Crystal is doing" she agreed, " But I don't feel all that hungry. What's gonna happen to Mike, Raph?" she gave me a deep pleading look.

I swallowed turning away, "We don't know quite yet. It is to be determined see Don feels Mike don't have the strength or will to come back from this" I choked out, "But that ain't your problem so don't worry bout it kay?"

Jen paled and I saw her gulp as tears shimmered suddenly into her eyes, she wrapped her arms about herself as if she suddenly grown cold. " Raph you aren't going to...uh..." she stammered and fell silent, " You know assisted suicide or anything like that." She finally finished.

I shook my head no "Long as I'm alive it ain't gonna happen" I told her. I hoped she didn't press for more information cause I didn't know if I could honestly tell her the answer or have to tell her a lie, a lie I couldn't pull off at the moment.

She nodded and muttered "I'd like to call my Aunt now" she whispered.

A few minutes later we were in the kitchen and she was tellin me that her Aunt had been cleared she seemed good enough to be released, especially as her niece would be at home to help her for a while. Jennifer took a deep breath, "So what are you guys going do?"

"Well first we gotta figure out whats up with Mike. give him a chance to gain his strength or whatevah, then we'll call C.J" I said.

Jennifer smiled, " Casey Jones."

I smirked, man she really didn't know, "Cassandra Juliann Smith. She goes by C.J she was a kid we helped once and remained a good friend, a little rough C.J is so her and April tend not to get along, but C.J sort of has a home she gave to us, for our use. Who knows might just give up on this forsaken city and stay out there now."

" I thought C J was for..." Jennifer muttered.

"Maybe for the comics and stuff, but thought ya learned Jen this is the real world and its a bit different then the dream." I told her simply.

Jennifer nodded " You have that right."

Jennifer:

It was good to be back in my aunt's apartment and my Aunt was too tired, to question or worry what I had been up to while she had been in the hospital, so I was able to evade twenty or more questions, course Aunt Crystal never seemed to worry about me in that way, not like my parents did. Of course she had to answer some questions about the assault to the police but Aunt Crystal knew we had gone out but didn't remember coming home so she wasn't able to offer much to the police. She decided to turn in early as she was still pretty tired. I was going to head to bed soon myself, as I felt exhausted after everything and sleep just seemed to be calling me big time.

But before I did lay me down to sleep, I thought of what Raph had told me about Mike and, what Don had told me as he lead me through the sewers towards the hospital, Don had confessed before that he didn't think Mike would make it, he had said as much just the last night.

"How can you be so sure though that he won't pull through?" I pressed him.

"Jen if he was going to, there should be some sign of improvement but there isn't."

"He isn't getting worse though is he Don?" I asked, hoping that in that lay a slim ray of hope.

"No but the machine I have him on will help maintain his system more or less where it is at, it may swing a little one way or another. At the moment the swing has been downward about as far as it will go." Don confessed.

I sighed as I sat on the bed in the guest room. Splinter had taught me about the dream world, but I didn't know a great deal of walking the dream world in meditation, but I wondered if possibly I could reach Mike and maybe convince him to come back or to return to his family. I was a little nervous about going into the dream world alone without the turtles or Splinter to help me. Yet the thought had pricked at my mind in a persistent way so that I couldn't ignore it either.

I know the turtles didn't blame me, but I also knew the events being what they were, there could easily come a time or point when one or more of the warriors might point the finger my way. I wanted to stay their friend and most of all I didn't think it was fair for them to lose Mike on top of everything else they had gone through.

I know the idea was crazy, certifiably insane even and yet it wouldn't leave my mind, I kept thinking by walking the dream world there was a chance, there was hope, and maybe there was life for Mike. For Mike who had been so friendly and caring I was more then ready to face what lay in the dream world. Besides it had to be fairly safe now, I mean, Akuma was dead. I think that was the true deciding factor for me. I didn't know what I was getting myself into but I was ready to leap in with both feet any ways.

TBC