Dream Walker

Disclaimer: I deny any ownership of any adult or adolescent or transformed shadow warrior chelonians

Chapter Twenty: Dream and reality

Jennifer:

I entered the dream world, realizing all of a sudden that, though I was here I wasn't quite sure where it was I needed to be, or even how to get there from where ever the heck I was at the present moment. I glanced a round hoping for someone or thing to help me in figuring out just what the devil I was going do now. Yeah I had really thought this through. All right. I exhaled a large frustrated breath, a little angry and embarrassed that I figured out this great plan to find Mike, only to run into a stale mate so quickly. Then I had to chuckle a bit at my own audacity and bravado, charging ahead in an impulsive way if only to be tripped up by it.

Okay so the way I saw it now I had two choices, I could exit the dream world and seek help from Leo or I could forge on ahead. After all the dream world was now safe with Akuma gone so I couldn't be in that much danger by staying here and seeing what I could learn by roaming around in this world. I took a deep calming breath doing my best to center myself and listened silently to my inner voice, the one Splinter had assured me would help guide me.

I relaxed, a bit feeling my doubts stop clamouring in my mind, sure the doubts were still there and longing to be heard, but I didn't have to heed them, any more then I had to pay attention to my psychic dreams, it was simply what it was, sometimes you could do stuff with what was revealed other times you couldn't. Change the things you can, and accept the things you can't' I reminded myself. I slowly took a few steps into the shrouding mists, not quite sure what I was looking for, but I knew that I would know it when I found it.

I wasn't sure how long I walked or even how far I had gotten, it felt like I'd been moving through the dream world for an eternity. Then I felt something that caused my heart to pound hard and fast. A grunting snuffling noise, the sound magnified by the thick fog. I shook my head backing up a few steps, not daring to believe.

"It can't be Akuma is dead!" I stammered uneasily.

The noise turned to a barking roar, and the sound of an animal smacking it's lips.

"Don killed Akuma and the demon is no more. It has no right in the dream world" I protested weakly.

The mist parted as the huge bulk of the demon rose above me, blood droplets splattered and fell along Akuma's path and the demon hardly seemed to be aware of the damage done as it's one beady eye fixed on me "Killllllll girrrrrrrrrl" Akuma seemed pleased, as if not expecting to see me, but quite willing to accept the fact I had somehow managed to stumble into his claws.

Is it possible to be killed by one that is all ready dead? I mused, No this can't be happening it isn't real. It can't hurt me. I assured myself but Akuma still stood there a gleam in its eye as it stalked slowly toward me, as if the demon knew it had all the time in the world to finish me. The problem was Akuma didn't look like a dream, so telling myself that it was a dream and didn't belong wasn't helping me in the least. I could see individual hairs on the beast,moving with each step, saw the muscles tighten and release, saw the blood that clotted up other hairs, large gaping wounds that weep life's red liquid at a steady pace.

"You Akuma are not real. It is just a dream, you don't belong in the dream world not even as a figment" I declared, but my voice was slightly meek and shaky, not bold or defiant in any way.

Akuma charged at me, and I couldn't help but turn to run, unable to stand my ground or remain firm, I could only bolt into the mists and hope to evade the demon somehow in the fog. Three claws snagged my leg ripping long gashes from knee to ankle. At first there was no pain, and I wasn't expecting any but then as I saw three separate paths on my leg start to weep blood, I could feel the slight stinging sensation down my leg. I gasped as I realized that, even though Akuma was dead and gone he could still kill me.

Suddenly I desperately wanted to wake up, to be taken from my dreams and open my eyes to the bedroom in Aunt Crystal's apartment. I shut my eyes tight and opened them again only to see Akuma rearing up over me, saliva drooling down from cavernous jaws. I reached and pinched myself with a hand but it didn't seem to help. Akuma gave three or four quick sharp barks as it landed on the ground moving in toward me. I found my heart hammering at incredible speed and I got up to run in spite of the scratched up leg having to bear some weight.

Akuma growled as it took off after me, I could feel the demon's warm breath, felt the fall of it's footsteps as it chased after me through the dream world, but I sensed that it was playing with me, much as a cat might play with a bird, mouse or insect it has caught. Allowing it to run to give it the faint hope or belief that it is free, only to pounce and dash all hopes of life or freedom as it batters you with tooth and claw. A game that was all this was to Akuma. Perhaps all it had ever been was a game.

I wanted to wake up, I had to wake up, oh please let me wake up!

Akuma might be content to play his mental game of torture, but if he played too long I could escaped, or I hoped a part of me knew that the demon just might win after all.

Child what is this place? came a familiar voice.

" The dream World" I replied.

The dream world holds fears too, you must be able to banish these fears for they are yours alone to face. If you do not face your fears they can grow into monsters. The voice advised.

I shook my head, what was the use, of acknowledging it. Akuma was real, Akuma was alive.

Do you truly believe that any of those you were with would allow the demon to live? The voice wondered.

"Of course not but..." I argued, I stumbled sprawling to the ground and Akuma pounced upon me, I could feel spittle and saliva dropping down on the back of my neck, smell the fetid, rotting smell in the beasts mouth, I could feel it snuffling and growling low near my ear and I could only tense under Akuma's weight, knowing that it was inevitable and all I could do was wait for the demon to finish me off. Probably at this moment my best chance would be to provoke an attack and let Akuma kill me quickly.

Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they will be yours. If a dream can chain you, then, in that same dream is the power and ability to set yourself free. The voice assured me in a firm way.

I tensed as I felt long sharp claws raking at me, tearing my clothing felt Akuma bite me ever so slightly on the shoulder.

I never had felt any pain as bad as what I felt then, and I screamed in pain and rage at a world that could allow demons out to play when it should have been, could have been safe for all. " You filthy disgusting monster! Get the hell off me and go back to whatever hell hole you call home and stay there!" I shouted, "You are a dream. Nothing more than a dream, and you are distracting me from my true cause" I declared and in so doing, knew it was true, " Akuma you have no power. You scared me once but I don't have to live in fear of you. I'm the one with the power. Do you hear me Akuma do you understand?"

Akuma backed up and off standing shifting his weight in nervous anxiety as I continued to scream and screech at the demon for all I was worth until I noticed Akuma started to fade ever so slowly going bit by slow degenerating bit, becoming more of a shadow, and then a cloud, and then something even less tangible then that. I gritted my teeth but smiled in triumph at what I had conquered feeling as if I had done something tremendously special.

A thin hand rested on my shoulder " Well done Jennifer, you faced the fear you had and found a greater power within."

I turned not in the least shocked to see it was the ninja Master himself, who stood so calmly behind me, his whiskers twitched, "Still you should not walk the dream world alone, for there are other dangers here."

I scowled, " But I thought you said..." I began calling to mind his words that the dream world was a place for enlightenment and that sort of thing.

Splinter's eyes narrowed, and what was left of his tail lashed against the clouds that settled around us " The dream world is a world of dreams shaped by our thoughts, goals and fears. But while most come here to achieve a higher understanding of themselves it is not always a safe place for the uninitiated." Splinter explained sharply, as if to say don't ask anything more, the subject is closed. " There are always those who seek to gain power by controlling those who are weaker by using their fears against them."

" How come you didn't tell me this before?" I accused crossing my arms over my chest.

" You were with me, it was not necessary to frighten you needlessly. I operate on need to know basis, you did not need to know it at that time." Splinter replied, " Knowing that might have made it harder for you to enter the world to help us in defeating Akuma." He admitted.

" But if I am a dream walker shouldn't I know how to walk the dream world, unafraid?" I asked.

"You have the right to learn it is true, but I can not be your teacher." Splinter pointed out the obvious, " For while I walk the dream world now it does not mean that I will continue to do so, in fact I feel my time here is short."

I sighed, " You are here to convince Mike not to ..." I gasped and then paused because I knew that he had no idea how dire Mike's present circumstances were.

Splinter seemed to hunch over on himself looking smaller and more huddled, "It is not my place to convince him of anything." Splinter refuted a tear rolling from his eye, " Perhaps Jennifer that is why you are here."

"Well I did want to see Mike to talk to him" I confessed, " I just, ...well ...I'm not too sure where I can find him."

Splinter nodded his head, "Ah follow me. I know where all my sons can be found." With that said he offered me his hand and I took it willingly.

Michaelangelo:

It wasn't so bad being here. It didn't hurt. Once in while I sensed Leo nearby, or Don on rarer occasions I felt Raph and he seemed to berate me for my stupidity and then beg with me to come back. I didn't quite understand it, but Raph was always kind of hard to figure out any ways. I didn't pay any of them much mind, I was just sort of kickin' back relaxing and enjoying what was. Nothing wrong in that is there? I mean after all I'd gone through I felt I more then earned some down time.

I was sitting there watching the clouds, and thinking about food, even though I didn't feel hungry, when I heard someone talking to me.

"Mike it's you. Ohh it's great seeing you again and..." the girl gasped.

I looked at her, I knew her, I knew her name, or I thought I did. I just couldn't place it. Funny it didn't bother me that I couldn't figure out who she was or how I knew her. "So um, whatchya doin' here?" I drawled.

"Mike" she hugged me, I could see long slashes in her clothing and scratches that left a trail of dried blood on her leg, " Listen to me your brothers need you."

I blinked at her, " Naw. You got that wrong girlfriend I'm just a pain in the lower portion of the shell. They don't even notice I'm gone." I assured her with a casual wave of my hand.

"That isn't true Mike. They all know and they are worried about you. They need you to come back." She pleaded with me.

I scowled wishing I could recall her name. "Come back to where, babe?"

"Mike you were badly hurt by Akuma. Your brothers are afraid you are going to die. If you die now Mike then..." She gasped and tears welled up in here eyes, "You can't just let go. Your a fighter right, you'll keep fighting right?"

"Why do I want to fight? What am I fighting?" I asked curiously, "What is really important to me though is, who the hell are you? I mean your face looks familiar but..."

She stepped back giving me this odd look like I had turned into some beast right before her eyes and I was ready to devour her. "It's me Jennifer, I helped you and your brothers fight Akuma, the genetically created monster. I " She paused and licked her lips, "You got hurt trying to help me Mike" she wailed.

I winced at those words, for they brought with them memories of a creature and blood and pain. I shut my eyes and could smell the earth, fresh greenery, saw the little glint of a sword blade in the shadows of the bush and a larger shadow that was powerful and deadly in its own right. A game of ninjas that had gone awry, sooner or later it had too, one can play such games only for so long before somebody gets hurt. I looked at her, with new understanding and took her into my arms.

"Jennifer, how bad is it?" I asked.

"Akuma is dead. Don killed him Mike." She replied quickly.

"That isn't what I meant" I answered with a wry grin, "What does it look like for me?" Okay. I know that sounded selfish but hey. At the moment I really needed to know. Don't ask me why. I all ready knew all the reasons for staying or being with my brothers but the thing was what was I going get out of staying returning to be there with them, when it really might not be worthwhile, where I was right now wasn't so bad. Not really.

"Don says that..." She coughed and looked away choking back sobs.

I nodded "Not a good outlook huh?"

"That doesn't mean that you, can't make it or pull through Mike" She declared, "Come on your optimistic aren't you, you can make do and..." Jen protested.

"Possibly I could." I agreed, "But what sort of life is it going to be for me? Or even for my brothers?" I wondered, "They'll be the ones going off to battle while I stay at home, when they are in trouble in a major skirmish they must then rely totally upon themselves. Meanwhile I stay at home I cook, clean help patch the others up. Something will be missing Jen because my brothers will have to form a stronger, more united bond between each other to pick up where I am gone. I'll be left alone behind in the shadows." I shook my head, "I'm a creature of light, I hate living a half life as it is Jen, I can't stay forever in the shadows."

"Mike, Raph mentioned something about going out to the place CJ gave you. Maybe you could just stay there and not even bother coming back, I mean all this fighting and everything doesn't that get to be just a little too much? Don't you all just want to live your life and never have to worry about being found out or hiding."

"Sure Jen, but the whole problem is we will still be hiding. Sides fighting is in our life. It is who we are; we are warriors. What else are we supposed to do? We can give it up but sooner or later the Foot will find us and engage us in battle again. We need a truce girl and I don't know if I'd personally trust a truce drawn up with the Foot Clan, some of their schemes and things, well" I paused a little then gave a small smile, "Let's just say devious is an understatement where the Foot are concerned."

Jen stepped back and she gave me a look of scorn intermingled with hatred, a look I'd seen often on Raph's face and could ignore with ease, but the look on Jen's face seemed to hit me harder, like a sucker punch to the gut. It made me falter and feel a bit like I was the stuff you scraped off the bottom of your shoe.

"What?" I demanded, tossing my arms wide, "What is that look for?"

"You!" she answered simply her voice full of bitterness. "All your talk about being a hero, and you." she sputtered a bit, " You are willing to turn your back on your brothers and leave them. It is hard enough to lose Splinter, right now at this time, they shouldn't have to deal with two deaths. They still need the light, the joy you can bring them. You are not just a creature of light, you are a being of life and enjoying it to the fullest. Yet you selfishly decide now, of all times, that living isn't good enough if it can't give you what you want. As a hero, you of all people, ought to be aware that you don't always get a choice in what is given to you. Sometimes you take what is given and make the best of it." She paused in her ranting taking a few deep breaths, "The real hero isn't just the one who can go on in the face of danger, the real hero is the one who fights adversity and triumphs. The real hero is the one who proves nothing in the world can keep him down. So tell me Mike, what kind of hero are you anyways?" She demanded sharply.

I stood flabbergasted at her words, hadn't I always fought the good fight, come through for those who needed me? Hadn't I done everything expected of me and more? Well maybe not quite everything but...you know, I did what I had to at any rate. Sure I brought a few laughs with me, and played the innocent to weasel out of any trouble, chores or what ever I found to be boring, but I wasn't about to take life too seriously, our job and Splinter or Leo's speeches of paying attention to duties and being proper ninja was just a little heavy on the serious side as it was.

"Jen, look even heroes die, they fade grow weak. I know this. I know as well, that sometimes no matter what we may want there are other things that determine the end result" I began to explain.

The hard look on her face told me she didn't want to listen, didn't care to hear what I had to say unless it agreed with her own mind set. Yet there are some things a person just knows or feels, and I didn't think there was any way for me to go back. I sighed softly bowing my head, "Jen I am only what I am. I can only be what I was meant to."

"If you want to you can make it Mike" She accused.

"No, it isn't like tinkerbell where you clap your hands if you believe in me or not" I told her kindly, "See, the body knows when it is time to let go, knows when things have been enough. Life in pain ain't a big joke you know. Yes, I could live that life, but for how long. Would you rather I be hurt and suffer only to end up gone anyway"

Her attitude and look didn't change, she was sure that all I had to do was wave a magic wand, twitch the nose whatever it took to get what she felt would be the happy ending, the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow and it was irritating to think that she seemed to want to work things that way no matter what I might have to suffer for it.

" This might be the dream world, but it isn't always a dream. Know what I mean Jen? There is no quick fix. Look you know the future tell me am I with my brother's in the future?"

She opened her mouth as if about to reply, and I waggled a finger at her.

"Careful there. No lying Jen, don't tell me that is what you see." I insisted.

She shrugged "Actually I don't know. I see nothing about it at all." She confessed.

"Which means certain options, either I return or I don't. Now fact of life if I return I am never going to be what I once was, and I could live with that. I've never been much of a ninja so even losing that aspect of myself isn't going hurt any. My brothers will have to rely on one another and come together. Hopefully they can do it, whether I am there or not that part won't change. They need each other more now. I'll be a hindrance and, weak." I sighed softly, "Being weak could open me to illnesses that the others won't be as susceptible to." I explained patiently as I tried to comfort her, "In other words not much of a life waits for me." I winced it was beginning to hurt suddenly, like a sharp knife sliding in and stabbing at me, right through my plastron. Each breath I took was painful and I shut my eyes breathing deep against the sudden pain. " Dreams don't always work out the way we want. Reality almost never lives up to what our dreams are but life is always what you make of it Jen." I gasped and rolled my eyes, the pain was getting worse. It was excruciating to cling on to speak with her, but I wasn't about to leave her like this either, I was a hero and a gentleman, my father had trained me right after all.

"If there is a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow it is in the riches of friendships that brings us both happiness and tears, for rainbows only come when there is sun and rain." I clenched my teeth and closed my eyes tight, "Master Splinter used to say when the candle flame of our lives burn out a brighter light shines forth for all to see. Look for that Jen, and tell Leo and Raph that it will be there for them too. As for Don well, tell him I know he did all he could, he was a great brother especially when it came to fixing important things, like the TV, the video games man we'd have been lost without him."

Jennifer looked up her face tear streaked, and puffy looking while her eyes were red I touched her and couldn't feel a thing through my finger, I ought to have some sense there shouldn't I?

"I think it is time for you to go Dream Walker. You'll always be my hero" I told her, " You were very brave." I glanced over my shoulder and saw Splinter standing there waiting for me. He and I would take this trip together. "Take Care Jen."

I noticed she seemed to disappear and I went to join my Master who rested his hand on my shoulder he nodded his head simply as the mists of the dream world thickened around us, and the pain I had been feeling was suddenly gone.

Jennifer:

I opened my eyes, and collapsed on the bed bawling into the pillow, knowing that I hadn't been successful, that there hadn't been a way to achieve what I wanted. All I knew was it shouldn't have to end like this. In stories, the heroes win the bad guys die, in stories those who are young and who have so much to give shouldn't be taken from those who need them. That was all I knew and I sobbed for Mike and those who were left in his family because real life had to be so cruel and bitter compared to the dreams and stories, the same stories we heard numerous times before, the ones about heroes who could never die.

I felt that even though Akuma had lost his own life that he had still won.

TBC