"Carson? Carson!"

"DR. BECKETT!" With that cry, the named jolted awake.

"Huh? Is there an emergency?" He sat up. "Ooh… meh back!" Beckett noticed why. He had been draped over the side of the Chair for a whole night and the Chair wasn't the most comfortable place to sleep. The party surrounding him consisted of Zelenka, McKay, Weir, Ford, and, of course, Sheppard. John looked at him with a slight, lopsided grin on his face.

"Wha'?"

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

"Carson, in the Chair."

"NO!"

"Doctor, please. It makes our jobz here at Atlantis much easier," Radek explained. He had a lot more patience than Rodney.

"Get in the Chair Beckett. What could possibly be wrong? After all, we did find you draped over it this morning!"

"Ye canna mak' meh! I'm bloody sca'ed of th' thing! Las' time, I almos' blew the gen'ral outta the sky an' ye wan' me to sit in th' thing?"

Rodney just stared at him. "What?"

"I'm sorry… I'm jus' A TAD BIT AFRAID!"

"Vhy? It's just a Chair."

"Jus' a Chair?" he cried. "Ye can be eatin' bloody hors' shit… jus' a Chair he says! I WILL NOT SIT DOWN IN THA' CHAIR!" he protested loudly. The Chair could hear him. It pulsed blue. He noticed McKay gulping slightly at the light.

Zelenka and McKay looked at each other and used Beckett's preoccupation with the Chair wisely. They forced him into it and the Chair did the rest.

BASTARD!

Wha'?

YOU DIRTY SON OF A BITCH!

What'd I do?

You SAID you LOVED me, but you won't activate me? You won't sit! What kind of love is that?

I'm not sure there can be any-

What? Love? You dirty rat bastard! She searched his memories. I'm a chair… I'm an inanimate object to you.

Well… men and chairs just don't seem to work if you noticed.

I KNEW it! I'm just a chair to you. Nothing more, nothing less. SCUM BAG!

But I-

NO BUTS JERK! You turned on me. You lie with me then not love me because of my housing!

"Beckett, while you're there, would you show us the planets under the Wraith attacks?" Carson's back couldn't arch any farther away from the platform.

"Why don't ye do it Rodney?"

DON'T YOU DARE! her rage ripped through him. You may not love me because I'm a chair to you, but NO ONE will sit in me… I will not be dragged in again! He got the impression that she had turned from him, chin up in stubborn defiance.

Darling? Honey? Love? he sweet-called to her. I'm sorry; I never should have called you a chair and nothing more. Nothing.

"Beckett, the planets? Now." Carson glared at the scientists.

"She doesn't like me anymore. Your turn." He got up slowly. Zelenka and McKay had identical expressions on.

"She?" they asked together. He smiled and pointed to it.

"Don't ask. Sit." McKay, thinking he had a chance, sat… only to be hurled across the room. Zelenka forced Beckett to sit again then tended to McKay.

How dare you! You are my lover, no one else! That one had love on his mind! You used me for a little fun… you USED ME! Get your pompous ass out of my sight! She shut up again and forcefully shoved him out of her seat. The city shut down.

"Well… that was interesting," he said calmly, considering the situation. It wasn't everyday your chair 'girlfriend' got pissed at you.

I dont think i'm very good at writing in scottish... ya like it?