Destined
Chapter 1 ?
By: Siren
Authors Notes- this is a little dark in the beginning, but don't let it turn you away. It just sets the theme for the rest of the story. I hope you all enjoy it, and tell me if I should make it into a series, or just a one time thing. I also just want to warn you that this is a little different than other crossovers you might have read. I tried to make it unique, and I think that I succeeded. Also Mamoru lovers beware, you don't want to read this. And also REVIEW. You have no idea how much it motivates someone to write, and how it totally makes someone's day.
Disclaimer-I do not own Sailor Moon or Gundam Wing. If I did I would kill both Relena and Mamoru...slowly...they belong to their respective owners.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I stared at his fist in fear as it started to descend. It was almost like it was slow motion, the way it seemed forever before it finally connected with my stomach. I could barely suppress a grunt of pain as it finally connected. I had learned early that he takes pleasure from my pain. The more I cried out, the more he enjoyed it. Even if I had to stay with Mamoru, forever and into eternity, I could keep this one pleasure from him. This was one small comfort in my hell of a life, I could deny him this. No how matter how long, or how hard he beat me...I WOULD NOT grant him this. I WOULD NOT show pain.
I looked up again, just in time to see his foot start to mover toward my stomach. I ignored his foot, and looked at what REALLY scared me... his eyes. It was always his eyes that told me just how mad he is. As I looked into his eyes I began to become even more afraid. I could tell that he was not only VERY mad, but very drunk also. It would be BAD tonight. Sometimes he would let me off easy, and other times it would be VERY BAD. I could never be sure before I went out with him, I was different every time.
I couldn't help but wonder what set him off THIS time? Lately anything has been able to set him off, a little thing that I do wrong, or not exactly as I tell him to. Maybe I shouldn't have eaten so much at dinner that night...yes, that must be it. Mamoru has been telling me I've been getting fat, and I can tell that he is embarrassed whenever we go out and I pig out on the food. I've been eating less and less lately, but nothing is good enough.
As he continued to beat me I went into my one and only safe haven, my head. Here is where I would escape the horrible life that destiny has dealt me. What was really here is my perfect man. No, he isn't perfect, I love him BECAUSE of his flaws. One day when Mamoru was beating me, I was trying to ignore the pain. This was when I first entered the gray area inside my head. This is where I first met my hero.
He is someone loving and caring, someone who is everything that Mamoru is not. I have all of his traits down. I believe that my subconscious mind must have made him to be a comfort. There is no other way to describe how someone who is so perfect for me could suddenly appear in my time of need. Sometimes I like to pretend that he is real, but only to a certain point. I know that if I ever truly believe that he is real I will truly be insane. It's bad enough that I have an imaginary man.
I have never imagined the perfect face for my man, but I still call him Heero, for my hero. For some reason that just seems the right thing to call him. After all, where else could this name have come from?
Heero might seem cold on the outside, but I am the ONLY one who can find the goodness, the hero inside. There are so many things that I love about him. He is just so REAL. There are so many things that I can know about him. We often have deep conversations about everything, about life. I know him more than I know myself, even if he isn't real.
Heero is my only safety. Without him I am sure that I would truly either go insane(if I'm not already, BECAUSE of him) or kill myself. Heero is my only reason for living. Life is cold and bleak without him. The only thing the real world has to offer if PAIN.
The thing about Heero that is most important is I the way I can have SOMEONE who I can give my whole heart and soul to, even if it only is in my imagination. I would not want to live if I didn't have someone who I can love more than life itself. Even if in the flesh I had to be with Mamoru, my spirit, my heart, everything that made me ME would always be with Heero. Mamoru would only have a empty shell, while I lived in the gray area. In return he also gave me his heart, and promised never to hurt me. That was one assurance that I had. I could give him my heart, and he couldn't hurt me like Mamoru had, how could someone I dreamt up hurt me? I also needed someone to love me, otherwise why would I want to stay alive? Even if I have to stay with a man that I cannot stand, and who cannot stand me, at least I can pretend that I am not with him, and that I'm with Heero. My life here soon became more real than my 'real' life. That life would never be mine, because I will never be allowed to live it as I choose. What kind of life is a life where you do everything according to destiny? That just isn't living.
I left Heero for a moment to think about what brought me here in the first place. I paused to think about my life so far...
Everything seemed to be going great for a while. We had defeated the Sovereign of Silence and found Sailor Saturn. It seemed that we would FINALLY be at peace for a while, and I would FINALLY be able to truly get to know my Mamo-chan. We went everywhere, and it seemed like we were deeply in love. Then one night it all changed.
*Flashback*
we were going to Mamoru's apartment. Apparently he had some surprise gift for me that he wanted to give to me before we went to the restaurant that I had been pestering him for weeks to go to.
I was REALLY excited. On the whole way there, I kept on imagining what this surprise could possibly be. I just LOVE surprises.
When we finally DID get there, Mamoru told me to take a seat on the couch.
"Don't go ANYWHERE Usako, I'll be right back with a big surprise! It's something that you would NEVER expect!"
I waited impatiently for him to come back with something 'I would never expect.' I kept on imagining what it could possibly be. I started fidgeting with excitement.
FINALLY he came back, he was holding a box wrapped in metallic pink wrapping paper. He walked slowly over to me, and with sweet smile gave me the box.
With the prized box finally in my hands, I instantly started wripping it apart, an to the mystery inside.
I stared in shock at what he gave me. It certainly was unexpected...it was a...First Aid Kit.
I just stared at my Mamo-chan in shock, this WAS unexpected.
"What this for?" I asked curious.
THEN was the first time I saw the mad glint in his eyes, slowly replacing the look of love and adoration that had before filled his eyes. That was when I first realized that he was showing me his true feelings towards me. They weren't of love, they were of hate.
*End Flashback*
That was the first time he ever beat me, and he did it badly. I had not yet learned to keep my hurt to myself, and I had screamed, and screamed. I saw the smile of satisfaction on his face every time I did. He loved my screams more than he could ever love me. I was in shock that my precious Mamo-chan could ever hurt me.
I was innocent before that night. I used to believe that the world was overall a happy place. That there was light at the end of every tunnel, and everyone had a good side, even pure evil.
I cried for hours after he told me why he did it, and why he would continue. I can still remember the exact words that he used.
*Flashback*
"You see USAKO" I winced at the way he said the formerly beloved nickname. It was so full of hate, just like anything that connected him to me. "I have never loved you, even as Endymion. When I first got my memories I remembered how much I hated you back then, and my past self told me what to do. He told me to pretend to love you for a while...and then show my true feelings when everyone knows that we cannot not be together, and then to tell you this: You will take everything that I give to you, without complaint. You will not leave me, and you will not tell anyone anything."
I stared at him in shock as he said these words, I always believed that although Mamoru was bad, I always believed that Endymion and Serenity were really in love.
"You see Usako, we are destined to be together, nothing either of us can do will ever change this. We will die, and be reborn, never being free of each other. YOU will never be free of me, and if you tell anyone, or try to run, I will make all of your future lives horrible, a living hell, forever and into eternity."
"Just as there is no way you can escape me, there is no way I can escape YOU. There is no WAY that I am going to keep you the way you are. At least I can change you to better suit my own tastes. No more stupid ditz, now you will willing do whatever I tell you to do, and be whatever I tell you to be. You will act the way I tell you to, and if you don't I will make you suffer, sooner or later you WILL see my way."
*End Flashback*
I did do as he told me to, at least I didn't tell anyone what he did. The one thing that I didn't do is follow his every command. I would remain my own person, at least on the outside if only to spite him.
This is the reason that he beats me so often. He thinks that sooner or later I will see things his way...I guess he doesn't know me very well then. The one thing that I can be sort of grateful for is that whenever he hits me, he does it in places that I can cover up. This is mainly my chest, stomach, and legs. This makes it much easier to lie to everyone. What they cant see, they cant ask questions about.
Despite my convictions not to change, I did change. I became much more depressed, and everything I do is only with half a heart. If anyone bothered to look, I'm sure they would notice the change in my attitude, I guess I'm just to good of an actor.
None of my friends or family had any idea what was going on. They buy the fake emotions that I put on, because they don't want to bother looking deeper into my attitude. I've always been cheery and full of life, why should they think that I would change? All they see if the cover emotions on my face, and knot the real look of sadness.
They also don't seem to notice that I've been daydreaming more often every day. I spend less and less time in the real world, and more time in the gray place. Over time Heero did become my life, everything I did was for him, even living.
I couldn't tell anyone about him of course, not that I would have any desire to. If they ever did find out that my life rotated around an imaginary man in my head, I'm sure I would be sent to the crazy house for good.
I can feel the beatings stop. Mamoru must have either gotten tired, or passed out drunk. Without a sound I get up and walk up to my First Aid Kit, and patch up my bruises with the practice of someone who does this often.
I quietly grab my things and creep out of the room. I don't want to accidentally wake him up and have him start over again. In his condition, he might go to far some time.
Wearily I start walking home, ignoring my aches and pains with great stubbornness. I would not show pain, even if he wasn't here. I start the long walk home...
Did I actually write that! I was planning a short beginning, but words just seemed to keep coming, and ideas that I didn't even plan on.
So what do you think? I appreciate Flames, Advice, and anything you want to say. Even hi, would make my day, I need to know whether to finish it or not.
e-mail me at sirencalling@yahoo.com
I will post the possible next chapter after I get 10 reviews.
Chapter 1 ?
By: Siren
Authors Notes- this is a little dark in the beginning, but don't let it turn you away. It just sets the theme for the rest of the story. I hope you all enjoy it, and tell me if I should make it into a series, or just a one time thing. I also just want to warn you that this is a little different than other crossovers you might have read. I tried to make it unique, and I think that I succeeded. Also Mamoru lovers beware, you don't want to read this. And also REVIEW. You have no idea how much it motivates someone to write, and how it totally makes someone's day.
Disclaimer-I do not own Sailor Moon or Gundam Wing. If I did I would kill both Relena and Mamoru...slowly...they belong to their respective owners.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I stared at his fist in fear as it started to descend. It was almost like it was slow motion, the way it seemed forever before it finally connected with my stomach. I could barely suppress a grunt of pain as it finally connected. I had learned early that he takes pleasure from my pain. The more I cried out, the more he enjoyed it. Even if I had to stay with Mamoru, forever and into eternity, I could keep this one pleasure from him. This was one small comfort in my hell of a life, I could deny him this. No how matter how long, or how hard he beat me...I WOULD NOT grant him this. I WOULD NOT show pain.
I looked up again, just in time to see his foot start to mover toward my stomach. I ignored his foot, and looked at what REALLY scared me... his eyes. It was always his eyes that told me just how mad he is. As I looked into his eyes I began to become even more afraid. I could tell that he was not only VERY mad, but very drunk also. It would be BAD tonight. Sometimes he would let me off easy, and other times it would be VERY BAD. I could never be sure before I went out with him, I was different every time.
I couldn't help but wonder what set him off THIS time? Lately anything has been able to set him off, a little thing that I do wrong, or not exactly as I tell him to. Maybe I shouldn't have eaten so much at dinner that night...yes, that must be it. Mamoru has been telling me I've been getting fat, and I can tell that he is embarrassed whenever we go out and I pig out on the food. I've been eating less and less lately, but nothing is good enough.
As he continued to beat me I went into my one and only safe haven, my head. Here is where I would escape the horrible life that destiny has dealt me. What was really here is my perfect man. No, he isn't perfect, I love him BECAUSE of his flaws. One day when Mamoru was beating me, I was trying to ignore the pain. This was when I first entered the gray area inside my head. This is where I first met my hero.
He is someone loving and caring, someone who is everything that Mamoru is not. I have all of his traits down. I believe that my subconscious mind must have made him to be a comfort. There is no other way to describe how someone who is so perfect for me could suddenly appear in my time of need. Sometimes I like to pretend that he is real, but only to a certain point. I know that if I ever truly believe that he is real I will truly be insane. It's bad enough that I have an imaginary man.
I have never imagined the perfect face for my man, but I still call him Heero, for my hero. For some reason that just seems the right thing to call him. After all, where else could this name have come from?
Heero might seem cold on the outside, but I am the ONLY one who can find the goodness, the hero inside. There are so many things that I love about him. He is just so REAL. There are so many things that I can know about him. We often have deep conversations about everything, about life. I know him more than I know myself, even if he isn't real.
Heero is my only safety. Without him I am sure that I would truly either go insane(if I'm not already, BECAUSE of him) or kill myself. Heero is my only reason for living. Life is cold and bleak without him. The only thing the real world has to offer if PAIN.
The thing about Heero that is most important is I the way I can have SOMEONE who I can give my whole heart and soul to, even if it only is in my imagination. I would not want to live if I didn't have someone who I can love more than life itself. Even if in the flesh I had to be with Mamoru, my spirit, my heart, everything that made me ME would always be with Heero. Mamoru would only have a empty shell, while I lived in the gray area. In return he also gave me his heart, and promised never to hurt me. That was one assurance that I had. I could give him my heart, and he couldn't hurt me like Mamoru had, how could someone I dreamt up hurt me? I also needed someone to love me, otherwise why would I want to stay alive? Even if I have to stay with a man that I cannot stand, and who cannot stand me, at least I can pretend that I am not with him, and that I'm with Heero. My life here soon became more real than my 'real' life. That life would never be mine, because I will never be allowed to live it as I choose. What kind of life is a life where you do everything according to destiny? That just isn't living.
I left Heero for a moment to think about what brought me here in the first place. I paused to think about my life so far...
Everything seemed to be going great for a while. We had defeated the Sovereign of Silence and found Sailor Saturn. It seemed that we would FINALLY be at peace for a while, and I would FINALLY be able to truly get to know my Mamo-chan. We went everywhere, and it seemed like we were deeply in love. Then one night it all changed.
*Flashback*
we were going to Mamoru's apartment. Apparently he had some surprise gift for me that he wanted to give to me before we went to the restaurant that I had been pestering him for weeks to go to.
I was REALLY excited. On the whole way there, I kept on imagining what this surprise could possibly be. I just LOVE surprises.
When we finally DID get there, Mamoru told me to take a seat on the couch.
"Don't go ANYWHERE Usako, I'll be right back with a big surprise! It's something that you would NEVER expect!"
I waited impatiently for him to come back with something 'I would never expect.' I kept on imagining what it could possibly be. I started fidgeting with excitement.
FINALLY he came back, he was holding a box wrapped in metallic pink wrapping paper. He walked slowly over to me, and with sweet smile gave me the box.
With the prized box finally in my hands, I instantly started wripping it apart, an to the mystery inside.
I stared in shock at what he gave me. It certainly was unexpected...it was a...First Aid Kit.
I just stared at my Mamo-chan in shock, this WAS unexpected.
"What this for?" I asked curious.
THEN was the first time I saw the mad glint in his eyes, slowly replacing the look of love and adoration that had before filled his eyes. That was when I first realized that he was showing me his true feelings towards me. They weren't of love, they were of hate.
*End Flashback*
That was the first time he ever beat me, and he did it badly. I had not yet learned to keep my hurt to myself, and I had screamed, and screamed. I saw the smile of satisfaction on his face every time I did. He loved my screams more than he could ever love me. I was in shock that my precious Mamo-chan could ever hurt me.
I was innocent before that night. I used to believe that the world was overall a happy place. That there was light at the end of every tunnel, and everyone had a good side, even pure evil.
I cried for hours after he told me why he did it, and why he would continue. I can still remember the exact words that he used.
*Flashback*
"You see USAKO" I winced at the way he said the formerly beloved nickname. It was so full of hate, just like anything that connected him to me. "I have never loved you, even as Endymion. When I first got my memories I remembered how much I hated you back then, and my past self told me what to do. He told me to pretend to love you for a while...and then show my true feelings when everyone knows that we cannot not be together, and then to tell you this: You will take everything that I give to you, without complaint. You will not leave me, and you will not tell anyone anything."
I stared at him in shock as he said these words, I always believed that although Mamoru was bad, I always believed that Endymion and Serenity were really in love.
"You see Usako, we are destined to be together, nothing either of us can do will ever change this. We will die, and be reborn, never being free of each other. YOU will never be free of me, and if you tell anyone, or try to run, I will make all of your future lives horrible, a living hell, forever and into eternity."
"Just as there is no way you can escape me, there is no way I can escape YOU. There is no WAY that I am going to keep you the way you are. At least I can change you to better suit my own tastes. No more stupid ditz, now you will willing do whatever I tell you to do, and be whatever I tell you to be. You will act the way I tell you to, and if you don't I will make you suffer, sooner or later you WILL see my way."
*End Flashback*
I did do as he told me to, at least I didn't tell anyone what he did. The one thing that I didn't do is follow his every command. I would remain my own person, at least on the outside if only to spite him.
This is the reason that he beats me so often. He thinks that sooner or later I will see things his way...I guess he doesn't know me very well then. The one thing that I can be sort of grateful for is that whenever he hits me, he does it in places that I can cover up. This is mainly my chest, stomach, and legs. This makes it much easier to lie to everyone. What they cant see, they cant ask questions about.
Despite my convictions not to change, I did change. I became much more depressed, and everything I do is only with half a heart. If anyone bothered to look, I'm sure they would notice the change in my attitude, I guess I'm just to good of an actor.
None of my friends or family had any idea what was going on. They buy the fake emotions that I put on, because they don't want to bother looking deeper into my attitude. I've always been cheery and full of life, why should they think that I would change? All they see if the cover emotions on my face, and knot the real look of sadness.
They also don't seem to notice that I've been daydreaming more often every day. I spend less and less time in the real world, and more time in the gray place. Over time Heero did become my life, everything I did was for him, even living.
I couldn't tell anyone about him of course, not that I would have any desire to. If they ever did find out that my life rotated around an imaginary man in my head, I'm sure I would be sent to the crazy house for good.
I can feel the beatings stop. Mamoru must have either gotten tired, or passed out drunk. Without a sound I get up and walk up to my First Aid Kit, and patch up my bruises with the practice of someone who does this often.
I quietly grab my things and creep out of the room. I don't want to accidentally wake him up and have him start over again. In his condition, he might go to far some time.
Wearily I start walking home, ignoring my aches and pains with great stubbornness. I would not show pain, even if he wasn't here. I start the long walk home...
Did I actually write that! I was planning a short beginning, but words just seemed to keep coming, and ideas that I didn't even plan on.
So what do you think? I appreciate Flames, Advice, and anything you want to say. Even hi, would make my day, I need to know whether to finish it or not.
e-mail me at sirencalling@yahoo.com
I will post the possible next chapter after I get 10 reviews.