This is just one loooong one-shot.

Disclaimer: I dont own nothin'

I'm always made out to be un-fearing, well we all are even if we are barely adults. The majority of the adults and the reporters that tried to worm information out of us about and during our…time away, put me down as the grounded one, a good head in a crisis, a thinker, that kind of thing. It was, at least, better than the damsel in distress. I'lladmit to that.

I do fear something though, more than I let on. I hate graves, I'm not entirely sure when it had started. Thinking about it, it was probably when granddaddy died when I was seven. I had watched him lowered into the ground on a bright sunny day, the day that we were supposed go to the park and he was supposed to teach me about cricket.

I remember asking my mother why Granddaddy was being put in the ground. She came off with something you tell small kids about him wanting to give his body to the ground to help all the living things that were now alive, along those lines. But all I could see was dead grass, turning yellow in the heat and spindly trees. There wasn't any life there that I could see.

I fear deathI know it, now more than ever. It's not my own death; that it is the only certainty in life after all. No, it's the people that I love dying. That's what I'm scared of, being left to deal with it all on my own. It started last year when first, Dumbledor, which hit us all hard, then Kingsley, who I had become close to with his knowledge of advanced transfiguration, then my father were killed.

Mum died not long afterwards, she just became sick and I couldn't be there with her. There was some stupid rule which meant we weren't allowed to leave the school. I managed to sneak out with Harry as an escort, Ron covering for us. She had been so glad to see me that it even looked like she might get better.

We spent three days there, in the hospital. Harry and I charmed the room to look a lot more homely but so that no muggle apart from her could see it. We performed every healing spell we knew and they seemed to work.

She loved Harry, she thought she was looking at her future son in law. Quite where she had got the idea that we were even together, let alone engaged from is still a mystery to me. I have quite a large hunch that Harry had something to do with that, though I'm not sure why. I couldn't tell her that it wasn't true though she was so happy, showing off us, the 'not really couple', to the nurses and her friends who came to visit.

My Mums' friends didn't even recognise me, even my own godmother asked Mum who I was. I felt guilty then about not being around. I grew up away from all of them in an entirely different place and world, and they couldn't understand why I was so different from their children. I think compared to them Harry and I had an air of maturity that could rival most adults and we shouldn't have had that at our tender age of seventeen.

I think Harry picked up on my guilt because whenever they came to see her he would send me looks that said 'it's not your fault' or kept an arm round me. I admit that I did practically leave home when I was about twelve, spending the majority of my holidays in the Burrow or at school, barely going home, leaving my parents alone a lot of the time but I know now that staying with Harry was more important.

Once it was found out that we were actually 'missing' we were retrieved and sent back to Hogwarts. We had tried to explain it to Mum. Harry even told her the prophecy and that we had to go and look for something that would stop the war.

She just looked at the two of us, standing next to each other, for a long time. She saw something then, maybe it was my intense closeness to Harry, the fact that he barley strayed more than three feet from me unless he had to or that we had a habit, by that time, of practically reading each other minds. She gave us her blessing, I had been able to practically see the life go out of her. Despite all the healing magic we could think of she simply slipped away us holding onto both her hands.

Harry didn't move, simply stayed still holding her hand on the opposite side of the bed to me, I can't remember him moving there. I broke down, I could feel the tears running down my face but something was so different. I looked over at him and he looked into my eyes, they were almost glowing with some kind of light. I can't remember the colour or anything but it was definitely there. I don't remember him moving either but the next thing I knew was that I was in his arms and we were sinking down the wall while all the doctors rushed in and asking what had happened.

I don't remember a lot after that, I do remember that I barely left Harry's arms and that at one point we were holding each other crying. I remember coming back to what was now my home and Ron hugging me tightly and then Harry joined the hug. I felt safe there between my two boys, my best friends. I don't know how it happened but I found Harry's hand had woven with mine at some point and I didn't care. I welcomed it in fact.

When we broke apart people were looking at us but we couldn't have cared less. I vaguely remember Ginny getting up and walking out the room, looking hurt. Now I feel a bit bad but then I was simply glad to have anyone there. We sat there for a long time just in silence then the boys played chess, Harry still holding my hand.

I buried myself in work for the next week until Harry decided it was time for us to go we had all the information that we needed, for now.

We spent the rest of the time chasing the parts of its soul. Ron and I both ended up at St Mungos for a time with various injuries. I have scars all over me, so do the boys. They aren't really boys anymore though really but I know that they wish they were. I do, I wish I was a child, an innocent and that I did not to have to see and comprehend what we do everyday, the evil of people's greed.

It's all over now though. I'm glad about it but coming back was hard and getting back into normal, well as much as it ever will be, will be hard. Since no could find us to tell us who had died and we didn't dare send any letters unless we absolutely had to. So on the day we won I've found out that; Seamus, Lavender, Charlie, Percy, Colin, Firenze, Flitwick and Luna had died.

I know that one has died, the moment is going to be burned into my memory forever, my best friend, big brother, one of the two most important people in my life died a little over a week ago and I can still see it when I close my eyes.

He pushed Ginny away from a curse and it caught him in the side of the chest, I didn't know it. I thought it was just a knock as he got up and ran after Luna, while I went back to concentrating on fighting a death eater. They died together, the killing curse sent at both of them by the evil bastard. It felt like someone had kicked me in the chest and I saw Harry almost fall one hand to his ribs.

It set him off and I really do hate to think of it this way but I think it was our best friend and his new girlfriend's deaths that caused Harry to destroy it. He was tiring I was trying to get over to him to help but I couldn't reach him, death eaters. Once I saw what had happened I ran to him as he hid to get his breath behind a rock and it stood in the middle of the ground taunting us.

He was crying and holding his chest trying to breathe through the pain as I was. I don't remember what I said to him, it was a spur of the thing but I remember what I did. He was getting so angry with everything that was going on and not understanding I could barely touch him. The amount of magic coming off him was much for me to bare.

I don't know why I did it but I kissed him, hard. I could feel the magic changing around us becoming more controlled and the pain fading slowly to a dull ache as he kissed back putting his arms round me. I opened my eyes to see him glowing white while I could see my own hands shimmering with a bluish tinge.

He looked at me but didn't say anything, he kissed me on the forehead, took one look at Ron's body wincing slightly then ran out. He glowed brighter as he ran and I could feel something building within me too, I let it go aiding him. In the middle of that white mass a figure outlined in blue was seen. I could see him clearly.

He stopped in front of Voldemort and I could almost see the horrific face. It was looking triumphant until it really saw Harry and I. I can only think that it saw me because I was definitely there in some way, it was like I was seeing through Harry's eyes. He brought his hands together then brought them apart slowly, the power building between them.

I saw its face and how scared it was. It knew. It knew it was the end. It tried to strike him but it couldn't a new light was holding it still. This one was silver almost invisible but it was there.I swear as it moved that I saw Ron's face, and Luna's and my parents along with Harry's and many others, a lot of whom I recognised.

Harry released the light then and it ripped right through both of them. I can still hear that scream and Harry's the two completely different sounds causing silence on the field. Harry dropped to his knees still holding his hands out towards it. I could feel pain in my own head and it pushed more of my energy around Harry. I don't know how I was doing it but I saw Harry throw his hands up then bring them down fast. The light changed into something that resembled a sword and it cut it clean in two.

There were only ashes left. They were black.

The entire battle stopped and turned at the explosion of light and darkness as it fell. They all saw Harry stand up shakily then collapse again after moving a few steps towards Ron's inert body. I ran too him as fast as I could. He was so tired asI was and he felt hot somehow, his hands were burnt but looked fine, don't ask me how I knew they were. I looked at mine and saw that they were the same but not nearly as bad.

We did get to him eventually the pain was burning in my chest again. We both collapsed on our knees looking at his face. He looked peaceful, quite thankful in a way.

"We did it mate" Harry whispered to him, touching his forehead for a second before he drew his hand back. He was trying not to cry and to dull the pain, I know because I was doing the same thing. It hurt so much "You did rather" he said laughing slightly, it wasn't much of a laugh "Thank you"

I let it go the same time as Harry really, his tears set off my own streaming down our faces. I saw that Ron's hand was still holding Luna's tightly. I pushed his hair out of his closed eyes, just, my hands were shaking so much.

"Thank you, you…prat" I swallowed and then looked at Harry who was leaning against me. "Ron, you don't need to go yet" I cried "You've saved so many. You have to see them. You have to live to be a hero. It hurts too much Ron you have to live and be alive"

I knew he was dead so did Harry but the pain was so much. I don't know why it hurt that much but I knew the moment I let go of Harry it increased so we clung to each other. My hand was going through his hair of its own accord and Harry's was on his shoulder squeezing it.

"Wasn't supposed to be you" said Harry shakily "I told you it was me that i was the one that was supposed to go. It was supposed to be me. I told you. You forgot about that plan. You were supposed to name your first son after me, remember? One of your three plus kids with Luna"

I glanced at Luna then, she was on her side facing Ron. She could be taken for being asleep she was curled up against him. I saw Harry looking as well.

I heard a shout and turned, Harry with me. The rest of the field erupted into action as the order and others rounded up the death eaters. I turned away from it tuning it out to focus on my friend, both of them. Harry sat back on his haunches looking at me for a moment. His feelings were so obvious it felt as if I could almost read his mindmore than usual.

He looked so tired and sad. I leant in and kissed Ron's forehead and then put a hand on Luna's. I put a hand on Ron's chest and let the tears flow as I began to speak

"Goodbye Ron, you were the best friend I could have ever hoped even if we did argue all the time. I love you, brother"

I couldnt manage anymore so I stood up and turned away from Ron's body trying to control my emotions and the pain that was coming at me so hard. I needed to give Harry some time with him. He needed to try and make some kind of peace.

"You welcomed me into you family" I could hear Harry's voice talking to him "I'll never forget that and the first train… everything. You are my best friend and you always will be. You did this. It wasn't really me, you deserve the glory. I hope you're happy wherever you are because you bloody well deserve, it more than all of us. Take care of Luna for us. I love you I'll always think of you as my brother. It can't hurt anyone anymore. I swear to you that your family will never be in need and I will track the rest of the bastards down that did this. They won't hurt people anymore. You'd better make sure that I do that"

I turned again to see Harry kiss his forehead and then stand up visibly wincing and grimacing as he did. He looked down at our fallen friend before turning to me.

All I could focus on were his eyes, they were swirling so many emotions it was had to see how he really felt. I could see: sadness, happiness, relief, tiredness and fear still but I could see so much pain. I took a step closer to him. I felt his arms go round me rather than saw them and I did the same in return burying my face in his chest crying. It dulled the pain at least.

"Shh" he whispered to me "Hush 'Mione it's all over"

"I know but I'm still scared. It hurts so much"

"I know" he said and pulled back slightly.

He touched my face and the leant down and kissed my forehead gently. I reached up and pulled his head down gently to do the same to him. I felt him sway slightly in my grip. He held onto my shoulders with his eyes closed.

"You ok?"

"I don't know"

He was swaying more and then with no warning he went limp We fell to the ground, his fall pulling me down with him. I screamed in shock I scramble off him to look at his face. He was so pale and looked so tired, I put my head down by his mouth willing there to be sounds of breath. There was very shallow and horribly far apart.

I remember yelling for help but I can't remember what I said and then Remus was next to me. He was worried and looked so tired but he called some healers over who levitated Harry carefully and then sped him into the castle. I followed them even when they said I shouldn't. I could barely walk myself the pain had come back again. I think it was Remus that helped me.

I couldn't have left him then I'd just lost one best friend and I wasn't about to give up on the other just yet. Once we got up to the hospital wing which was fairly crowded as was to be expected. The medi-wizards were shooed away by Madame Pomfrey. She took one look at me and let me stay.

I stood there for about five minutes I think, before I fell. I'm not sure why I did, probably extreme tiredness or I blacked out from the pain. The adrenaline had finally gone, it was the only thing that had kept me moving after the battle.

I woke up in a bed, staring at the ceiling of the hospital wing. I sat up slowly and looked around. There was still a dull throbbing in my chest. All the beds were occupied. I stood up and walked down the isle between the beds. I looked at every face but I couldn't see him. Suddenly pain seared through my head and I cried out falling to my knees.

He was in pain and I could feel it. Madame Pomfrey was next to me helping me up muttering a spell that eased the pain.

"Easy, child, easy"

"Where is he?" I managed to get out

"Who?"

"Harry!" I almost shouted then stopped because it hurt too much "Where is he?"

"They had to take to him St Mungos" she said gently "He needed their help"

"He's in pain" I said

"What?"

"Take me to him please"

"You need rest"

"I need to be with Harry," I said looking hard at her "I've already seen one of my best friends die and the other one is scared and in pain, he's needs me. Take me to him please. It hurts"

She looked at me for a second before leading me to the fireplace and she flooed the two of us to Harry's room in St Mungos. There were about six healers round his bed. They were shouting and I could see the white light again. I felt myself responding to it and I started to feel the blue light.

I ran to his bedside the healers moving out of the way quickly. He looked terrified and was sobbing. He had his arms up as if to ward them off. I spoke softly to him.

"Harry"

He looked at me with wide eyes.

"It's ok it's really me. I'm not leaving you again"

"'Mione" he sobbed holding his arms out to me which I gladly fell into.

We held each other tightly the pain diminishing again, he was still shaking and I'm sure I was crying to. I turned to the healers after a minute and said

"Let us go back to Hogwarts now"

"But he is too weak" the eldest said "He needs to be properly cared for here"

"No he doesn't" I said sternly still holding Harry's hand tightly "He needs to be somewhere that he knows and feels safe. He just saved you all and he had to watch our best friend die along with a lot of our friends. We need to go back"

"Please let me" he whispered.

They all looked at him surprised and I smiled at him to keep going.

"Madame Pomfrey has always been the one to look after me. I don't trust anybody else"

I saw our nurse's eyes fill with pride and tears at that point. I turned away from the healers who had started to argue amongst themselves. Madame Pomfrey bustled them all out of the room.

I looked at Harry, he was looking at me with such an odd expression all I could do was smile at him. I sat on the bed next to him still holding his hand. He tugged on it as he had done so many times before when he wanted to draw my attention to him. He whispered

"Come here"

"Harry I am here"

"No I mean lie down you look dead beat"

"With you"

"Yes" he said "Please, I need to know you're here. Everything feels so weird it's as if something's happened to my heart"

"I know. It hurts me too"

I looked at him before lying down next to him. He slipped an arm under me and I rested my head on his shoulder with one hand on his chest. He turned on his side slightly so his other arm came round me. I closed my eyes and he kissed me on the forehead before resting his head on mine and drifting off.

Now I'm awake, at Hogwarts and still in his arms. I've only left his side for about three hours or so since we got back, I couldn't stand to be away for more than three quarters of an hour, the ache go too much after that. He's been out the entire time and barely responding. He puts his arms round me and it's a struggle to make him let go at times but I don't really mind all that much. It's comforting being here, I feel safe. I don't even know if it's helping but I talk to him.

I can tell that the adults are getting worried, it's been nearly a week since we got back from Mungos and the only thing he does is hold me. He's still very weak I can feel it but he's getting stronger. He's had a few nightmares, he screams Ron's name and mine. I have to hold him and make sure he knows I'm there, it's all I can do.

I slip out of his arms slightly and sit up getting out from under the covers and pulling some proper clothes on. At the moment that means some loose bottoms and one of the large sweatshirts that the boys have given me over the years. I sit on top of the covers and move him gently so that his head is lying on my shoulder and my arm is round his back. I stoke the hair off his forehead, it seems like a long time since I saw his eyes, alive. In fact it's probably been almost a year or more now since I saw them truly happy and at peace. We haven't had an awful lot to be happy about for the last year or so.

There is a noise by the door and I look up. I see Mrs Weasley, eyes still red from crying. I went to move from under Harry but she held up a hand.

"Stay there Hermione, he needs you now"

"Molly" I say unable to say anything else.

Whenever I see any of them now I feel lost for words, I find myself thinking that it was partly my fault he died.

"I know sweetheart" she says coming over and taking a hold of my hand the one that isn't holding Harry's "It's not wrong to mourn. You're hurting as much as I am. Draco told me how you both reacted, you were connected much deeper than most other friends and the three" she took a deep breath "Of you being so powerful only amplified it"

Her eyes have filled with tears and my eyes are full too, I squeeze her and Harry's hand hoping for a response from him and smile sadly at her.

"I don't know how to feel, it still hurts" I say "But being strong is the only way I'm going to get through this at the moment. Harry needs me here" I wipe my eyes taking my hand from under hers. "I need at least one of them" I whisper looking more at Harry's pale, drawn features than Molly.

"He's going to make it Hermione. You have to believe it"

"I do" I say quickly "I have to but it's been nearly a week now. They're getting worried I can tell. I don't want them to take him to Mungos"

"They won't" Molly says firmly "We won't let them and he's getting stronger everyday isn't he" I nod "Well he just needs some time then"

"How's Ginny?" I ask after a minute

"She's coping just" she says running a hand through her greying hair "Draco is helping"

"Yeah he really is a good guy" I say.

It was true he had managed to find his way back to Hogwarts and had become a spy for us nearly paying the price more than once. I don't know how how it happened exactly, we weren't there or how he became involved with Ginny for that matter but even Ron was ok with them being together.

"He's lost everything too" Molly says "His father's estate has been given to the government and he can't get it back not that I think he really wants it"

"Is he staying with you here?"

"Yes Griffindor tower is actually fairly full"

"I should come and say hello" I say

Why did I say that? I really don't want to do that, I want Harry to be back, Ron to be alive and actually celebrating that we won, like I'm sure the rest of the world is. Actually, all I really want is Harry to look at me with a real smile again and for him to be at peace. I want this ache to go.

"Come when you want to and if you want to" Molly says drawing me out of my train of thought.

"Ok" I say.

She stands and leans over to hug both me and Harry and kissing both our foreheads.

"You'll always have a home with us, both of you. I hope you know that"

"Thank you" I whisper and it's barely audible but she manages to hear it somehow.

She walks out and I look after her then talk to Harry.

"She's seems a little better today" I say "Though I don't quite know how they are ever going to get over it, they've lost three children and Bill still isn't right. We'll have to help them Harry when you wake up we'll have to help them" I sigh and put my head on his "I miss you Harry, so much. I need you to wake up, I need to see your eyes happy again, I need you to help me and I just need you"

It had struck me over the past few days that I really did need him. He had been around me almost everyday for seven years and we were always close. Harry and Ron were always the 'best friends' but they fell out at least three times a year but Harry and I have only ever fallen out once really and then it wasn't for that long.

Ever since the battle I've had the oddest sensations sometimes when I look at him. I was so terrified for him at Mungos and then so safe and content whenever we hold each other. Maybe it's just my pessimistic and somwhat reclusive nature or something but I don't want to be left with anyone else.

I can still even feel that kiss we shared, in the height of battle, about to be killed, withour best friend having just died. I've tried to explain the feeling I get when I think of it in a million different ways and think of it as nothing but I can't. Something in my head won't let me forget the thrill that was there and the warm flow of magic that rolled off the two of us.

The room's begining to have a bluish hue for third time this week. I give up trying to stop it and isteadI concentrate on Harry and he begins to glow as well. The light coming off him is much paler than mine. I slip out from under him, gently laying his head on the pillow and stand next to the bed.

I can see my hands are glowing bright blue. God I have no idea what I'm doing. I put one of them on his chest and the other on his cheek while I bend to kiss his forehead. I lean my forehead against his and look at his closed eyes. I concentrate a little more, shutting my eyes. I hear him taking a deeper breath. I don't want to open my eyes I could just be imagining it all. This could just be a dream and when I open my eyes I'll be staring at the ceiling of the hospital ward, not into those orbs of green fire that I so desperately want to see alive again.

I can feel tears slipping out from under my closed lids. There's a gasp, no, no don't open your eyes you're just imagining things again. I choke on a sob, there's a hand on my face and it isn't mine and one on my ribs on the exact spot where it aches that also isn't mine and the ache is fading.

It's wiping away my tears. I still can't quite bring myself to open my eyes.

"'Mione" a whisper in his voice "'Mione love what is it?"

My eyes open of their own accord and I see green. His eyes are open he's awake I can see the white light out of the corner of my eyes much stronger now mixing with the blue. I can't stop myself crying, he looks confused.

"Harry" I sob

He just wraps his arms around me tightly holding me in close, keeping me safe and pulling me across himself to lie on his chest and whispers comfort to me.

"'Mione love please tell me what's wrong"

"Nothing" I say looking at him "I'm happy. You're awake"

"How long has it been?" he says looking down at me.

"Nearly a week since Mungos" I say taking one of his hands and weaving our fingers together "You were beginning to worry me"

"I'm sorry" he says

"Harry I don't care about that now" I say "You're awake and that's all I care about," I look into his eyes "I need you to be alive"

"I need you too" he says putting a hand on my face and gently stroking my cheek "When I woke up in Mungos I thought there had been another attack, they wouldn't tell me where you were or anything. I thought you were dead" he's whispering so quietly and fast it's difficult to understand him "I'm not letting you go again. I can't loose you as well as Ron, I'm not strong enough for that. It would kill me if you died. Literally I mean it hurt so much before"

"I know" I say quietly putting my head against his chest listening to his heart beat at a normal speed and his breath coming out at regular intervals.

He kisses the top of my head and squeezes my hand gently.

We've been lying here just being together for about five minutes. I sigh and he squeezes me a little. The light is still glowing around us dimly. We both start at the door opening and my head whips round to face an astonished Madame Pomfrey.

"Merlin, you're awake" she says mouth practically hanging open

"Yeah" Harry says from above me "I'm feeling ok, just tired"

I look up at him and see that he still looks as if he hasn't had any sleep for a week. His eyes meet mine and he smiles slightly as if to reassure me that he is ok.

"I can finally tell those creeps hanging outside the gate to go then" she sighs in relief "They promised to once you woke up if you promise to give an interview to one of them in the next year"

Harry and I look at each other then nod to the nurse. I'm now shoved out so that she can check Harry over. He looks scared as walk away but I smile at him mouthing that'll I'll only be outside.

I walk out to find quite a little crowd. I smile at them and they all run over and hug me muttering 'thank Merlin's and other exclamations. I see Ginny crying and go over to her hugging her tight.

"He's ok Gin" I say and she smiles

"Are you ok Granger?" asks Malfoy

After all we've been through together he still can't call me by my name. I just smile and nod at him. Malfoy looks at me for a second then nods slightly. He puts an arm round Ginny pulling her close to him and kissing her forehead gently.

"He's fine Gin" he whispers "There's no need to worry anymore"

"I know Draco" she says looking up at him before looking at me and smiling "I'm glad…I just wish"

"We all do" he says quickly hugging her to him tighter "We all do"

I walk away from the two of them and down the hall slightly. I just want to be by myself for a few minutes. I lean on the wall and sigh quietly closing my eyes. This is going to hard and I know it.

Ron, I miss you so much. You would be able to cheer me up or at least make me argue about something else. You aren't here though and it's going to hurt Harry so much. You know him he'll blame himself… like I do. I can see you're about to start arguing with me wherever you are but stop, no zip it. I know I shouldn't but I can't help it. I was there, I could have helped but I'll try not to dwell on the what if's. I have to be strong but I'm not really all that strong, level headed, yes, quick witted, fairly, but I'm not that strong in myself.

I can feel someone looking at me and I open my eyes to see Remus leaning against the opposite wall. I smile slightly at him. He looks tired and in pain as usual but happy too, an improvement.

"Harry's alright then?" he asks

"Yeah, or at least I hope so" I say "You should go and see him. He'd like that"

"I will" he says still looking hard at me "But first I have to check on you"

"Remus I'm fine" I say "Everything's fine with me. All healed. Never better"

I'm kidding myself and I know it. The headaches that I've always had are getting stronger than before. I think it's that magic in me, the blue stuff.

"Yes you're fine physically, near enough" he says pushing off the wall and walking closer to me "But it's your heart and state of mind that I'm talking about"

"Remus I'll admit I'm fragile in that area but I've just come out of a battle that's taken a lot more from me than I'd ever planned"

"I know" he says sighing slightly "But you need to tell him how you feel Hermione"

"Who?"

"Harry" he says

I just stare at him. He's confused me there I have no feelings for Harry except love like a br…well it's not really like that more a…oh I don't know. My eyes widen suddenly and I put a hand over my mouth as I realise what he's talking about. He saw us didn't he, that's how he was the first one there.

"Yes I did see you two" he says looking right at me so I can't look away "I saw the magic around you too which I suspect you probably didn't notice"

I shake my head. I was a little preoccupied give me that.

"It changed so fast" he's speaking again I should really listen "I was afraid that it was going to tear him apart before you got there. A few of the others, not as close to him, were ready to just throw him at it like a bomb or something just to end it. I was trying to hold them back, then I saw you go over to him and then well…you know. Hermione, you are more powerful than you know. It was your magic that tamed his. I saw it. It just wrapped around the outside of it and brought it back to him. I could practically feel the emotion in that kiss Hermione, it was so strong. You can't be afraid of it or what will happen or what it might do."

He looks right at me before speaking again.

"You know that I watched over him when you went for a walk or something" Really not sure where he's going with this "I wasn't allowed to tell you this before he woke up so as not to scare you but when you weren't there he was so much weaker. Madame Pomfrey did some tests when you were there, you were both asleep, I was there too so she could have a witness. He was healing when you were there Hermione but when we tested again when you weren't he wasn't, there was nothing going on, no thoughts, no feelings, nothing. He needs you more than he knows and you need him. You were and are healing like him and you heal faster when you're with him."

I step back from him trying to get my mind around what he just said

"It isn't just now either" he says slower "She'd noticed it before, the fact that he healed faster when you or you and Ron were with him. You are his lifeline Hermione as i…was Ron. It was always more you. Madame Pomfrey said she only told Dumbledor and he did little with her observations except smile"

"This can't be right" I say trying to string a sentence together "Is this even possible? I mean it would have been documented or something"

"It has, but it's rare" Remus says slowly as if talking to a child "It happens when there is complete and utter trust in the other person. It is common but weaker in close families, like the Weasleys for example. Orphans like Harry who don't have any family or people to love him as they deserve are the most common people to have this. They set their trust in few people but it has to be truthful and needed on both sides. It's become stronger since your parents…"

"Died" I finish for him "So as it's between the two of us and we depend on each other so much, it's stronger"

"Yes" he says "Along with that fact that you are both among the most powerful wizards and witches of your age ever seen. That's why it hurt you so much when Ron died he was part of you in a way, you were bound by this and it made that you tried to share each other's pain. With You and Harry it's the other thing too"

"Remus I don't"

"Don't kid yourself Hermione"

"I'm not" I almost shout "I'm so confused. One of my best friends has just died, the one I thought I liked for so long until that disastrous relationship and my other friend who you're now saying needs me to heal properly. I'd guessed about the bond thing it felt like I'd been kicked or something when he died I was there. You're saying Remus that if Harry doesn't heal it's my fault. That's a lot to take on Remus. I'm only seventeen this is too much. I keep remembering that kiss and everything with it. Our best friend had just died for god's sake I wasn't in my right mind maybe I was looking for some kind of comfort or a way to get Harry's attention or a way to get rid of the pain or something. I really don't know. I don't"

My voice falls to a whisper and trails off as I feel tears rolling down my face. Remus tries to talk to me again but I stop him. Ow ruddy shooting pains, ah. Oh no Harry. I start to run back to the hospital wing at full speed.

He needs you hurry. Ahh, pain is getting worse. I fall to my knees, I can see the door to the hospital wing along with several red heads looking at me curiously.

"Harry" I whisper before giving into the pain.

Harry POV

Thank god I have some real clothes on again. Ow, I thought I'd be let off the whole flashing pain in head thing by now.

"Ahh" I say a particularly sharp pain goes through my head.

Madame Pomfrey looks at me weirdly, as usual. I sit up suddenly causing her in gasp in annoyance or it could be shock I'm not sure and at this point I honestly don't really care. It's Hermione, she's in pain. I practically jump out of bed, much to Madame Pomfrey's surprise as well as my own and run down the ward towards the door.

I fling the door open the pain in my head lessening slightly I'm close to her. I can see the surprised faces of the gathered crowd but I am drawn to something else. She's there on the ground bent over in pain. I run to her, I can see the white light going ahead of me trying to surround her and comfort her.

I drop down beside her and pull her to me. I can see the blue light coming from her, it's strange trying to almost fight off mine. I turn her over and see her nearly unconscious and crying.

"Hermione!" I shout terrified.

I can feel her fear as if it were my own. It's like in the battle I could feel her when I was charging at it, like I could at Mungos when I held her to me.

"Hermione?" I say again quieter just to her "Speak to me 'Mione I need to hear your voice"

"Harry" came a whisper from her lips even as close as I am to her I barely heard it.

"Mione, Mione love stay with me" I'm crying like she is now "I'm not loosing you now"

"Harry" she says again no louder but more determined

"It's ok love I can hear you. You're safe"

Will somebody tell why I'm calling her love all of a sudden. I mean I've wanted to call her that for awhile now but why now. Maybe it's that's kiss, my god what a kiss, or that I know she was the one holding me and chasing those nightmare away when I was asleep. Get back on track stupid mind listen to her.

"Harry, take me outside somewhere, the place you told"

"Ok hold on we'll go. It's ok"

She tries as best she can to hold onto me and I hold her tight as I visualise the place I want us to go. There isn't even any of that sensation of being squeezed that I usually have, we just appear there.

My place, not even Ron knows, knew, about this. I told Mione about it but I've never taken her here until now. It's my pace to be alone for awhile and it was to train as well. Essentially it's a cave, quite large, dry but a cave. The exception is not just the view which is spectacular but the wall of almost pure crystal. It breaks the light into rainbows and makes the cave shine. They're strangely warm as well. I don't care what they are but I really like them.

There's a bed in the corner and I lie Mione on it gently. I sit on the edge while she stares up at me. I keep a hold of her hand just to make sure she doesn't go anywhere. She lets go of my hand briefly to push herself up into a sitting position. I support her gently putting the pillows behind her.

"It's beautiful" she breathes.

"Yeah" I say looking at her.

She looks so beautiful right now, hair that has been somewhat tamed half pulled back as usual and her eyes dark with something I can't place. She skinnier than she was. I know I am but I lose weight easily and barely put any on.

"Are you feeling any better?" I ask after a minute

She nods slightly then looks at me with that look again.

"Hold me" she whispers

"Ok" I say. It's all I can say.

I slip behind her lifting her carefully onto my lap. I wrap my arms round her and she sighs as she puts her head on my shoulder. One of her hands holds mine while the other rests on my chest right where the ache is or was as the case may be now. She closes her eyes for a minute and I watch her. She's supposed to be alright, it's meant to be me that is all ill.

Oh Ron mate, you should be here too. Maybe not where she is now, no offence mate, but we were never that close. You should be at the end of the bed or something, making comments at us or trying to convince me to put her down and play chess. If it weren't for you though we would probably all be dead or still fighting. I'm sorry that I dragged you into this and got you killed. You, my friend, would never have let me get away with these thoughts and I'm sure Mione will keep me in check.

I'm drawn from my thoughts as she stirs slightly and I stroke her hair gently. I hope she's just tired I couldn't bare it if there was something wrong with her. Her eyes open and look right into mine. They are boring into me reading my very thoughts, or that's how it seems to me. She smiles and I smile back bringing my hand up to touch her cheek.

She closes her eyes and leans into it. I lean in slightly and kiss her forehead. Her eyes open again and I freeze mere centimetres from her face.

Hermione POV

All I can see are his eyes, so close now. Our noses are practically touching but all I can do is stare into are those pools of green. I have to tell him what Lupin said.

"Harry" I whisper and he nods slightly in response "I have to tell you something"

"What?" he breathes.

I can feel his breath on my cheek like I have so many times when we were lying together when he was asleep but it's so different now. You have got to concentrate Hermione.

"Lupin told me something about the lights" I say looking down at our hands intertwined on my leg.

"What about them?" he asks clearly interested.

"Lupin said they come from us…our connection but it was from Ron as well" I pause and look at him. He looks interested and curious but holding it in like he always does when he doesn't know something he'd try asking Ron and then they'd both turn to me to explain it. "When I'm with you or you're with me when we're sick, Madame Pomfrey says that we heal faster. It was with Ron too that's why she let us stay with you when you were ill or something. Harry, I don't know what the light really means. Remus said that only happens when people have complete and utter trust in each other and that it is more common in…orphans. He said that since the three of us were so close that it has come from the breaking of that bond. I don't know what to think"

He's just looking at me, totally confused and clueless as usual. I would laugh if the situation wasn't this serious.

"I don't know what this means" I say starting to babble "Remus thinks it's something to do with our feelings for each other or something but I don't know what mine are. He said some of the others were about ready to use you as a bomb or something to just end it. He said that the…the…when I kissed you I calmed the magic down and brought it back to you so you could control it. Then when you ran at him I could… it was like I was in your mind or something and at Mungos I was so scared that you might be worse or something Harry. In the hospital wing when you wouldn't let me go and I didn't want to Harry, the blue light made you wake up. I didn't to leave your arms as if I knew that you would stop healing or something and it was helping me whenever I was away from you that ache got worse and worse. I had to be with you too. I don't know I'm so confused Harry. I'm scared"

I'm crying by now and he's just holding me. I feel his hand under my chin and lifting it gently. He dips his head down slightly to look into my eyes which are still avoiding his.

"Mione" he whispers and I look into his eyes "You don't have to be afraid anymore it's all over. We've got stuff to work through but we don't have to be afraid of it. I know how it hurts even when you were just outside the door it started to hurt more. Maybe we're trying to heal the bond we had with Ron so we need to be together or something. We don't have to be afraid of it"

He looks at me in a way I haven't seen before almost shy but excited and that other look too.

"Mione you were the one that made me defeat it" he whispers face close to mine. I gasp and start to protest but he puts two fingers lightly against my lips. "You made me realise that I shouldn't destroy myself to destroy it. I was so angry Mione. I wasn't in control of myself. The pain of what happened wasn't letting me think straight. I could feel him getting into my head and I tried to block him out but it wasn't working. Then you were talking to me and I had something else to focus on but it still wasn't enough to drive him out. You kissed me Mione and I came back to myself. It drove him out of my mind and made me focus on you. I could control it and I could feel your… essence, I suppose, round me and I knew that we would win and that you would be safe. I just knew it."

He pauses to look at me silently for a second. I can't believe what I'm hearing really and he's beginning again.

"In Mungos when you weren't there and I thought I'd lost you too, I went mad. They couldn't get near me. It was taking me over again and I couldn't destroy it. I tried but I couldn't stop it. I was calling out for you and then you were there and I've never felt such relief. I could control it again letting it out to mix with your light. It calmed it then all I remember after that, apart from the nightmares, was hearing your voice talking to me. I wanted to answer you so badly tell you I was alright and that I wanted to wake up to be with you but I was too tired, I just needed more time then I would be there. I felt myself starting to slip away more than once and then I tried to reach you and I could always see you just there calling me back. When I woke up and I saw you. All I wanted to do was hold you and never let you go. Mione you saved me from the dreams and the despair and the light. I wouldn't even be here if it wasn't for you"

I choke slightly on the tears and then hug him tight and he holds me like he always does, incredibly tightly but so gently that I think he thinks I'm made of glass or something. I cry into his shoulder and then lift my head to whisper in his ear.

"I couldn't live without you Harry. I need you so much, more than you know"

He answers with four words that shake me to the core and make me pull back to look into his eyes in shock.

"I love you Hermione"

There has been a bubble of emotion growing inside me since he woke up and it's just exploded. I've just had a revelation and it's fantastic, I love him more than I thought possible. I can't form words as yet, so I just lean forwards and kiss him. My god I thought the other one had emotion but that's nothing compared to this one. I can feel us both shiver. My arms wind round his neck then slip down to his arms while his hands are at my waist, in my hair but always gentle, never demanding.

We break apart as we need to breathe but keep our foreheads together just touching. I have to tell him now before I freak out or he does.

"I-I love you too Harry" I whisper.

A huge grin sweeps across his face and he kisses me again quickly. I feel something inside me explode again and I look at Harry and see it in his eyes as well. We look out of the cave at the same time and see the light now a soft blue colour, like the two have mixed to become one and I turn back to him and grin again. The ache has gone, I mean I think it'll always be there but now it's barely noticeable. I think we've just repaired the bond the thing we needed to do so much and have made it so much stronger.

He just looks at me cupping my cheek with one hand. I press my hand to the one on my face. All I can do is look into his eyes, we have so much past, and present, and future, to deal with. Our best friend died a barely a week ago, we're both plagued with nightmares about what has happened to us. We've lost our parents, our friends, allies and almost each other but right now, right nowI can't really stop myself from feeling and being happy, with him.

He rubs our noses together and I laugh, I actually laugh. He looks at me oddly but smiling and the begins to laugh too pulling me closer to him in an iron grip and tickling me for all he's worth.

"Harry, stop it" I shriek

"No" he says grinning "You're laughing and I'm going to keep it that way"

I break free of his grasp and run to the other side of the cave. He sits on the bed looking slightly bewildered then grins and flicks his wrist pulling me towards him.

"You're not going to get away with that Potter" I say and stare at him before moving my own hand raising him up into the air. I'm not the top of the school for nothing.

"Uh Mione" he says from near the ceiling "How are we doing this? We don't have our wands"

"Don't know" I say.

How are we doing this? We never got trained in wandless magic well Harry did a bit but he wasn't too good at it. I let him down and we look at each other. I just shrug and he cracks a smile.

"You don't want to investigate and go straight to the library and look it up" he says teasingly walking over to me.

"Uh don't think so" I say as he puts his arms round my waist tentatively. I smile at him reassuringly and he squeezes me slightly "I'd rather just let it be. Maybe it's because we realised like the light"

"Yeah" he says.

"You know we should probably go back sometime soon before they send out a search party" I say somewhat reluctantly.

"Well we can walk back" he says "Do you want to do that?"

"Ok" I say "But where are we exactly"

"In the mountains behind Hogwarts"

"Ok then" I say "Promise me we'll come back here"

"I swear" he says smiling and leaning in.

We kiss for a few minutes before we start out. We walk holding hands or arms around each other sometimes stopping to just hug or once to cry.

It was Harry that started to cry. I think everything had just caught up to him. He simply drew me to him saying

"He's really gone Mione hasn't he. He's gone"

All I could do was nod I'd had a week to try and start dealing with this but all he had had was barely a day even. The pain, diminished as it is, it's still there we've still lost our best friend. I sat us down and we both cried.

We still there now, we've been her for about half an hour just crying or holding each other silently. I've just about realised what we're going to have to deal with. The funerals, the grief ,the reporters, possibly actually getting round to doing our N.E.W.T's and what on earth we're going to do after school. I don't want to leave Hogwarts, it's my home. I can't go back to my parents house and Harry can't go back to the Dursley's even if he wanted to.

"What are you thinking about?" he asks shaking me out of my thoughts

"The future" I say rather unhelpfully

"I know what you mean" he says, somehow I doubt he does, no matter how I love him I doubt he' sgot the female psyche down just yet "Well I probably don't actually" I smile. Maybe we can read each other's minds "But I'll be with you, if you want me"

I look him in the eye and see that he really isn't lying. He would be. I touch his face and kiss him gently on the mouth.

"Thank you" I say against his lips.

I go to pull back but he doesn't let me keeping me close to him.

"I mean it Mione. I don't just mean while we deal with…this" his eyes are worryingly serious "I mean I can't live without you being in my life. I need you and always will"

"I do too" I say quietly realising he's right

"I don't want to live alone" he whispers into my hair, we've moved to hugging tightly by now "I'm scared of being on my own when I am they come more strongly"

Of course, the nightmares, they won't stop plaguing him he's too good a target.

"I'm not going to leave you Harry"

"Thank you"

"Good" he says leaning back and looking into my eyes seriously "Because I wasn't planning on letting you go without a fight love"

"I love you"

They are the only words that I can say to that to try and prove my point to him right now

"I love you too"

We'll be alright eventually I know. I won't leave him unless I have to, I need him too. He won't ever leave me unless he thinks it'll make me safer or some stupid thing like that but I won't let him. He has his eyes closed head leaning on mine while I look up at the sky.

Hey Ron, we won't forget you brother. You'll always a big part of our lives, just watch out for us will you? Unless you're a little too busy with Luna.

I smile at that thought then close my eyes snuggling close to my love who's arms tighten round me his head moving to make more room for mine.

"Love you" he whispers sleepily.

"Love you too" I whisper back

We really should not go to sleep out here but at the moment this precise moment I really don't care. I make a safety circle around us and sigh against him. He's a good pillow and I'm tired, I'll sleep too. They'll find us soon what with the flares I've sent up. Night. Some sort of peace at last.

The End

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