Carry on Confession
Disclaimer:
This story is a fan fiction of Shaman King.
Especially dedicated to a boy that I admire very much (yoi, phosphor), but I know surely that he doesn't know anything about my feeling to him.
I'm too shy to get along with him and to tell him my true feeling.
And I think it's impossible enough to reach him (ouch…..). May be it's not my destiny to be with him.
Meanwhile, I'm still too young to get a boyfriend, ha? Hehehe…..I believe he doesn't know about this fan fiction too. However, while trying to forget him, I made this story.
Now, in a happy condition…I want to tell you that this story is dedicated to all my friends too and to the Shaman King lover. Yo, Shaman King! Have a nice reading!
Chapter one: Fatal instrument
It's me, the dumb girl. Who always felt that he's absolutely gorgeous…
Who's not brave enough to do more than seeing him, watching him from behind.
Who doesn't have much bravery to tell him about my feeling.
Sometimes it felt no one understand…..
How your feeling would be if you love someone, but you're too shy to confess that love….
How your feeling would be if you like someone, but he didn't and never gonna be realize that….
How your feeling would be if you dream to be with him, but you know surely that you even never gonna reach him…
It would break our heart well right?
It's enough to make our heart bleeding until we feel we can't breathe anymore…
Well, after the shaman fight over, I only rarely met him…
Just if there's a little gather, and it seemed that the cliff between us became more and more deep……
And I never talked to him anymore
Too nervous to do that,
Too confused what's the topic to be talked,
Too shy to get along with him,
Well, one night, when we stayed at Ren's house; Yoh and his fiancée; Anna, Manta, my brother and I, was the beginning of my feeling.
After dinner and chatting, everyone went to bed…
But I couldn't…
The feeling was too strong until it caged me in a confusing spiders' web….
I couldn't close my eyes, my heart burst all the night, wanted to announce that confession….
My heartbeat was too strong; it felt like kicking my chest…..
The heartbeat of the surrender…
The surrender to see deeply into his eyes, into Ren's eyes…
First, the first time I started to like him, I thought I just liked his handsome face, and his magnificent power….
I thought I would forget him in couples of days…
Then, I recognized that the feeling didn't wanna go away, and it's annoying….
I really tried to throw away that feeling….
But I had to say that I wasn't that strong to fight it, to beat it, to defeat it
I felt my back had been numb to carry this truth again….
And my heart had been hurt and bleeding enough to keep carrying on this confession…
I felt that I ought to throw this feeling
Then, I recognized again that it's wrong to say he feeling didn't wanna go, the right one is, the feeling wouldn't go…..
That night, I shared room with Anna
It's warm enough, and then I decided to go out and took a walk.
Then, after made sure that Anna had fallen in sleep, I opened the door and went out from the room
I walked around the Taos' mansion, and suddenly, I heard strains of a song from a piano.
The strains was beautiful and romantic enough, it attracted me and flirted me until I sought to search for the source….
I walked steadily, guided my self by the strains with a flat candlestick on my hand.
Then, amongst the dark corridor, I saw a luminous -lighted room. And I was sure that the strains came from here….
I could hear the beautiful tones of pressed piano key that dances in the air.
Then, I stood in front of the half-opened door and looked at the piano player
It's shocking
It made my blood dances to other music
It made my heartbeat tapped to other rhythm
It made my eyes going big and bigger
It burnt my cheeks with red dye
It was Ren….
The piano player….
I tried to be silent, and kept the candlw away from the door, so the light wouldn't tease him and make him knew my appearance.
He played a mallow melody which could melt my heart.
Even I had to admit that if other guy plays the same song as Ren played, might be it wouldn't be that beautiful.
After tried to tranquil my self and hide from that incredible guy, I looked at him again through the door.
I smirked for seeing him
It was such a nice song.
(I'll help you imagine that, this is the table of the sort of songs that Ren played. I give you some choices, so if you don't know a song, you still can see the others and it will be easier to understand Pillica's feeling:
These songs were played in piano version and instrument
1. Kimi o nosete (or)
2. Byakuyatrue light (or)
3. Get over (or)
4. 13 Jours en France (or)
5. My heart will go on (or)
6. Dance with my father (or)
7. The way we were
So, with these songs that I have given to you, I hope you can imagine better. Back to the story)
Then, I felt that I could watch him all the night
I could play piano a little, but seeing Ren played piano was a heavenly view.
When I saw his back, suddenly I felt scared….
Felt scared that I will never gonna reach him…
He's too far for me…
I even never talked with him….
I couldn't describe it well
But have you ever felt that you knew surely about the wall between someone you loved and your self?
And it's too high to be climbed…..
Too strong to be destroyed…..
Too thick until you couldn't peep at
Too painful to be felt…..
At that time, I recognized my limit….
That I couldn't tell him the truth…
That I couldn't touch him and say 'I love you very much'
That I couldn't be in his heart…
That I couldn't accept if he refused me…
That I couldn't stand here anymore because it would hack my heart well…
That I couldn't hold my tears anymore because of those facts….
That I couldn't do anything meanwhile he didn't know my feeling at all…
That I couldn't get him and hold him as mine...
That I couldn't do anything…..
That I was stupid….
Stupid and dumb….
Stupid, dumb, and looser…..
Stupid, dumb, looser, and chicken……
Stupid, dumb, looser, chicken, and useless…
Then, in that terrible emotion, sarcastically, I dropped my candle….
It made a noise…
Then I realized that the strains from the piano had stopped…
Oh my! Oh my! Oh my! Oh my!
I swept my tears quickly and got silent.
Silence……
Then, I heard Ren got up from his chair and walked around that room.
I was so afraid.
"Who's that?" he asked fiercely.
I trembled and tried to keep quiet as hard as I could
Then, I heard Ren walked to my position, to the half-opened door.
Yeah, I was stupid because of fear
Why didn't I go away from the door and hide between the buffets, it wouldn't be realized by him…
Stupid Pillica….
'Don't come, don't come, don't come,' I prayed in my heart
The food steps of Ren fell on my ear
Then, suddenly, after he almost reached the door, he stopped.
For a moment I felt my prayer had been answered by God.
And I Ren walked to his piano again, went away from the direction toward me.
Thanks God….Thanks God…..Thanks God….
I hear he mumbled "maybe just those stupid mice,"
Yes, you're right, Ren.
I'm a stupid mouse, who just could move stealthily and watch from the little gap
This stupid mouse didn't have enough bravery to show itself to you, Ren….
Then, I saw him again….
He sat on the chair and started to play piano again….
Those beautiful songs again…..
Reminds me to you, Ren….
Sometimes it felt you're so evil to let me fell in love with you….
Sometimes it felt you're so cruel to steal my heart….
Sometimes it felt you're so mean because of the distance between us that impossible to be crossed…
And, after thought that I felt some warmth on my cheeks….
The tears…those silly tears…
I was shedding bitter tears while thinking those words….
Those scary words…..
Was that the thing that named suffer of love?
I sat on the cold floor…
But my heart warmed my body well
'I'm gonna stay here all the night…..'
'I'm gonna spend my night with watching you….'
Those ridiculous words echoed in my brain….
Then, I embraced my knees….
Looked through the window….
Watched him playing piano….
As long as the night still stood….
Chapter one ended