Charlie: MERRY CHRISTMAS! Erm, anyways, it's just an idea I got trying to think about Christmas. An old friend of Keitaro from the US comes by the Hinata house and lives there for twelve day. Lets just say things get a little hairy.

To those who care: My goal to accomplish by December 20th: Write all twelve chapters of this, and complete at least one chapter of Fourteen Days, WHILE finishing my USC app. Can I do it? I dunno, but let's get cracking.

Twelve Days Before Christmas

Day One: The beginning

The sun rose on a rare clear day in December on the Hinata House. Inside, the landlord Keitaro was just beginning to stretch. He yawned and reached absentmindedly for his glasses, putting them on and glancing at a clock near his futon. Eight Thirty.

Keitaro sighed, it was time to get up, despite being on Winter break, he still had chores to do. In fact, now that he was on break, the girls seem even more determined to work him to death.

'Must be revenge for what I did to them months back…' The lanky landlord grumbled as he put on some comfortable clothes. Although the sun was out, the weather was still cold enough to bite uncovered skin. And he knew one of the first things the girls would tell him to do would be to sweep the outdoor baths.

Sighing, Keitaro grabbed a broom and headed towards the baths. Suddenly, he felt a finger tap him, and he turned sleepily to face the entire female population of the Hinata House.

"AHH!" Keitaro yelled, being startled by the sight of all the girls gathered purposefully in one place. "Oh…it's you guys."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Naru shot back with a glare.

"Ahh! Nothing! Sorry!" Keitaro quickly apologized, reverting to his old traits.

The girls giggled. Keitaro's routine apologies to whenever he pissed off his girlfriend or fiancée or whatever the hell they were now was always quite comical, though now Naru's satellite launching punches were becoming less frequent. Still, one could always hope.

"Anyways, we're going out today to do some shopping." Naru said. "You better get the entire house cleaned by the time we get back."

"WHAT? THE ENTIRE HOUSE?"

"Well, we are giving you a whole day!" Naru said. "Well, chao!"

With that, she and the girls turned and walked away, giggling.

"Hey wait! YOU CAN'T LEAVE ME LIKE THIS!" Keitaro yelled desperately.

As they left, Shinobu cast a apologetic glance at Keitaro, wondering if she could maybe take a part of his heart by staying behind and helping.

"Hey Shinobu!"

Shinobu jumped and looked up to see everyone waiting for her. Kitsune had her trademark smirk on her face.

"Keitaro's taken, so don't get any ideas." Kitsune said winking, causing Shinubo to blush and flail her arms around flusteredly. "It's not like that!"

"Sure it isn't." Kitsune smiled. She looked at Naru. "Looks like you still have competition even WITH that rock on your finger."

Naru blushed and hid a well-sized ring on her left ring finger. "Oh cut it out Kit, lets go."

With a laugh, the girls ran out of the house, laughing and smiling, all thinking about the gifts they were going to buy for the others and for Keitaro.

Meanwhile, Keitaro was sulking alone in the hallway, still trying to get over the shock of having to clean the entire Hinata house by the days end, a task that included scrubbing floors, washing windows, and the worst of them all, clearing out Kitsune's room. Keitaro shuddered involuntarily at the mere thought of it. Taking for what seemed to be the hundredth sigh of the morning, Keitaro pulled himself to his feet and trudged off to start his work.

As the day trudged by, Keitaro managed to sweep the baths, scrub the floors, nearly kill himself washing the windows, clear up the living rooms and take out most of the garbage. By late afternoon, Keitaro had miraculously gone through the entire house. He of course, did a cursory job at best, but at least everything touched a washcloth. Now all that remained was Kitsune's dreaded room.

Keitaro approached the sliding door with caution, his hands redundantly wrapped in layer upon layer of plastic wrap. He also wore a flu mask and a pair of rubber boots. Slowly, he crept to the door, and slid it open. The blast of alcohol that hit him nearly knocked him unconscious, even with the mask on.

"Good gods!" Keitaro cried. "What the hell does she DO in here!"

Fighting back the fumes, Keitaro stumbled to his feet and staggered forward. "Oh gods… this is bad… this is bad…oh Jesus, how long has THAT been there!"

Keitaro at that point fervently wished that he owned a flame thrower. He slowly began getting to work, scooping piles upon piles of empty bottles, wet magazines, and all sorts of other odds and ends into a large trash bag. The job was grueling, and took a good hour to compete. But soon it too was done. The sky was already dimming since it was December. Keitaro fumbled around for the light switch, trying to get some light. After fighting with the blasted contraption for a few minutes, he gave up and pulled out a book of matches.

When he woke up, he found himself outside, staring at a pair of brown shoes.

"Whoa, Keitaro!" Someone said in English. "What happened?"

Keitaro looked back and saw his imprint in five layers of walls and the now completely scorched room that was once Kitsune's. He then looked back at the person that addressed him.

"BOB!"

"Yep! It's me! And the family!"

Bob Roberts was the professor Keitaro had lived with while he was in America. He had a wife named Maureen and two kids, Bob Jr. and Charlotte, and of course their pet orangutan, Jody! Right now, Keitaro was staring at the entire family, all in parkas and shivering from the cold. Before he could speak more, a pair of hairy arms picked him up and proceeded to strangle him.

"WHOA! JODY!" The professor said, staying the giant orangutan. "Easy girl. So Keitaro, how've you been?"

"I've been better." Keitaro said rubbing the back of his head sheepishly. "I'm engaged now."

"Oh really?" Maureen asked. "Congradulations!"

"Is she pretty?" Bob Jr. asked.

"What's her name?" Charlotte followed.

"Can we see a picture?"

"Can we meet her?"

"Does she live with you?"

Bob laughed and calmed his kids down. "Come on now, lets give the man a break."

"Heh, thanks Professor."

"Hey now, lets not get to formal."

"Haha, alright Bob, so what're you doing here in Japan?"

"Ahh well, the kids were clamoring for a vacation, and Jody missed ya, so we'd figure we visit Japan for twelve days or so."

"Oh really." Keitaro said rubbing his chin. "Well, it's pretty exciting around the wintertime here, if you can take the weather. Though you might have trouble getting Jody around. Actually, now that I think about it, how the heck did you get her past customs?"

Bob laughed. "Oh that's not important. What is important is what I need you to do for me, as a favor. Please Keitaro?"

"Hmm? Oh sure, what is it?"

"Could you watch Jody for us while we're away?"

Keitaro smiled, not quite taking in what he said. "Oh sure! Absolutely-… wait… WHAT!"

"Come on Keitaro! She really missed ya, and it's going to be really hard bring her around. I mean, bribing customs was hard enough."

Keitaro raised an eyebrow. "I'm not going to ask, but Bob, what do you want me to tell the girls?"

"Oh, you have a big house! I'm sure you can hide Jody for twelve days."

"WHAT!"

Before Keitaro could refuse, Bob and his family was already in a van that looked strangely similar to Keitaro and Seta's own vans.

"WELL HAVE FUN JODY! WE'LL MISS YOU! TAKE CARE OF HER KEITARO! BYE!"

And with that, they were gone, leaving a wide-mouthed Keitaro in their wake and an overjoyed orangutan.

"You've…got…to…be…kidding…me…" Keitaro choked out each word like it was poison in his mouth. He looked back at Jody, who was more than happy to grunt and give him another rib cracking hug.

It took a while for Keitaro to convince Jody to follow him into his room, and a longer time for Keitaro to convince Jody to stay there. But after Keitaro grudgingly gave her some of his prized antiques to play with, she was content for the moment. Keitaro seized the chance to clean up as much as possible after the explosion incident. He patched the walls, watered down Kitsune's room, and covered up any muddy orangutan tracks there might be, followed up by a heavy overdose of Fabreeze, in case the girls could pick up smells. After living with them for more than three years, Keitaro's learned that nothing is impossible for the bunch living at the Hinata house.

It was nearing eight at night when he finally finished. The girls would be home soon, and Keitaro still had a problem. One large, furry, three hundred plus pound problem. He walked back into his room and watched Jody crack one priceless vase after another, cringing everything one crashed to the floor, even though he knew that they were saving his life from his fiancée's wrath later on.

"What am I going to do with you Jody?" Keitaro asked nobody in particular. The orangutan looked over at him and smiled a toothy smile, crashing another jar into the walls. At that moment, Keitaro heard the front door open and six voices call out.

"KEITARO! WE'RE HOME!"

Keitaro, not one known for being calm and collected, started to panic. He quickly considered various locations to stuff Jody. Furtively, his glanced went from his lamp, to his kotatsu, to his dresser, and in a moment of absolute desperateness, his pants.

"Uhh…maybe not there…" He thought as he continued his search. Finally, he pushed Jody into his dresser along with a bunch of antiques and slammed the door. He grabbed a broom and swept the broken antique shards under his kotatsu before responding.

"In here!"

Naru poked her head into his room, and saw him sitting at his kotatsu with a big smile, a very big smile…perhaps TOO big of a smile.

"Hey Kei, we brought home some take out, you want some?"

"No, I'm fine, thanks."

Naru noticed Keitaro's uneasiness and walked into his room, thoroughly suspicious. She knew Keitaro did SOMETHING, she just didn't know what. So she went fishing.

"Keitaro, your face is flushed, are you okay?" She asked.

"No! I'm fine!" Keitaro said a little to quickly. "It's just warm."

"Well, you're layered and under a kotatsu. I mean, it's cold, but it's not that cold, and…hello what's this?" Naru had accidentally stepped on a little piece of a jar. "Oh, so this is what you were trying to hide hmm?"

Keitaro sighed and nodded sheepishly. He must admit, he couldn't lie outright, but he could falsely lead quite well. "Yeah, ya caught me."

Naru giggled. "Oh silly, you don't need to worry, I don't give a damn about those old jars. Now come keep me warm outside hmm?"

Keitaro smiled and nodded. He hoped Jody was still occupied as he walked out of his room arm in arm with Naru. As the couple settled on the couch to watch some TV, another frightening thought came to his mind.

'Eleven more days… God help me.'

And to make matters worse, the girls weren't going to be out of the house all day for the next eleven days.

'Oh gods, I'm dead.' Keitaro thought as Naru sighed softly and fell asleep against her love.

Charlie: Okay, if you watched the Anime, you're not gonna get the Orangutan (or are you? I'm not sure) But anyways, the story goes, Kitsune finds a golden hair on Keitaro when he comes back from the US, Kanako (She's just damn creepy) and Naru goes berserk, the confront him after a horrible double date, and find the truth. Yes, Jody is an orangutan. As for the family, I made up their names, but I mean, how much more American can you get with stuff like Bob, Maureen, Bob Jr. and Charlotte?

Anyways, comments are always appreciated, happy holidays everyone!