V
Severus only had to blink twice before he found himself in a Great Hall that was even more crowded than usual. Puzzled, he looked around at who was present that night, then saw the dais had been cleared of its table and a popular band set up there.
"Ah, yes, I recognize this," Dumbledore smiled, glancing around. "Do you know when we are, Severus?"
"Holiday Ball, during the Tri-wizard Tournament," Severus murmured.
"Why do you suppose we're here?" Dumbledore asked.
"You don't know?" Severus asked.
"Not entirely, Severus. I simply wanted to bring you to a happier Christmas memory, but it doesn't seem like you have any! At least, everyone else seems to be having a good time…well, nearly everyone," he amended, glancing over to where Ron and Harry were standing with their nonplussed dates near the door. "But you seem to be no more enjoying yourself than they are," he said, pointing to where Severus was standing near the refreshment table, glaring at anyone who came near him.
"Of course not," Severus snapped. "How could I with everything that was going on that year? I was worried about student safety, and your attempting to hire Moody as a teacher turned out to be disastrous…"
"I assure you, I had no more control over that Crouch business than you had, Severus…"
"And on top of that, my potion stores kept getting raided. I was in no mood to celebrate anything."
"I understand, Severus," Dumbledore said calmly. "I can hardly blame you at all, can I? But what is this? Why, Severus, your other self has an expression that is quite un-Snapelike," he said with open interest, then turned to see that the Severus behind him had acquired a similar expression as a woman in a burgundy velvet dress came over to stand by him, pouring herself some punch. She had auburn hair, Irish eyes, and a small pointed English nose, despite the fact she wore a blue Beauxbatons pin on her collar. "Ah, that's Alice's daughter, isn't it? Mademoiselle Craw, a potion's assistant at Beauxbatons…she had to leave early, I recall, because of all of that."
"Yes, her mother came up missing," Severus sighed. "Her father was a former Death Eater who fled the country…not far enough, it seems."
"I now wish I had taken more time to chat with her during their visit here," Dumbledore mused somberly. "Ah, but you spent some time with her, didn't you?"
"She simply had some questions about potion theory which I consulted her on," Severus snapped.
"No need to get defensive. I was only asking," Dumbledore said calmly, walking closer to the table.
"Lovely evening, isn't it?" Jennifer asked Severus with a grin. "They should be calling the first dance in a moment. Aren't you going to go over to watch the champions?"
"I hardly need to go over there to tell they're going to trip over each other's feet," Severus said. Jennifer grinned at him.
"I suppose not, but still I don't envy them the audience. I'd be tripping over my feet too," Jennifer said. "Of course, I never was good at that sort of thing. Father was always more concerned about my magic skills than 'getting along' with anyone," she sighed. "It's hard not to wonder what I might have missed if I had grown up in a normal family."
"You may not have missed as much as you think. 'Normal' is highly overrated," Severus said in a low voice. But just then, the living Dumbledore gestured to Severus and he sighed. "Looks as if I have to go up there whether I want to or not."
"It won't hurt you to be nice for one night, you know," Jennifer teased. "Come on, if we must we must."
"Why, Severus!" the ghost of Dumbledore said with surprise. "I do believe that young lady is flirting with you!"
"Oh, nonsense. She was simply being polite," Severus said grumpily. "Dumbledore, there's nothing here of interest. Can we leave?"
"I disagree, Severus. I for one am quite interested," Dumbledore said. "Now, don't look at me like that. This entire exchange missed me that night, for I was busy playing good-will ambassador. It's just as well, I suppose. Had I noticed it, I may have been tempted to get involved," he said mischievously. Severus glared at him, reluctantly following him around the edge of the crowd as the champions and their dates went to the dance floor.
The younger Severus gazed over the procession with a look of complete boredom, while beside him, the living Dumbledore looked on with an enigmatic smile. Nearby stood Madame Maxime, while just behind her stood Jennifer, who seemed lost in her own thoughts. They were broken when Dumbledore made a gesture towards Maxime, and Jennifer watched with surprise as they went out onto the dance floor, followed along by a number of other staff members, the students joining timidly after that. Severus, however, stood with his arms folded, shaking his head at those who had gone out there.
"Don't you dance, Severus?" Jennifer asked after standing beside him a moment, watching his glaring expression.
"I'm hardly going to make any sort of spectacle out of myself in front of all those students," Severus said flatly.
"It isn't like they're paying attention to anyone but themselves…well, I suppose Professor Dumbledore dancing with Olympe requires a look," Jennifer grinned. "But I suppose I don't blame you. I'm not much of a dancer myself, that's why I wear Ultra-lites. Saves me from embarrassing myself."
"Better just to not go out at all," Severus said firmly. Jennifer nodded slowly.
"I quite agree," Jennifer said.
As the two stood there quietly watching, the ghost of Dumbledore shook his head at them. Beside him, Severus attempted to ignore it, his eyes instead on Igor Karkoroff slipping away from the crowd and bowing to Jennifer with a click of his heels.
"Professor Snape, if you don't mind, I would like to steal your companion for a dance," Igor said graciously.
"It is for her to decide," Severus shrugged indifferently. Jennifer glanced over at him unsurely for a moment, but finally took Igor's offered hand, letting him lead her to the dance floor. Severus' eyes immediately flicked over at them, but he neither moved nor seemed inclined to do anything but stand there.
"Severus!" the ghost of Dumbledore said with exasperation. "Why ever didn't you ask Jennifer to dance with you?"
"I am hardly going to go out there and make a fool out of myself. You looked ridiculous enough out there," Severus said, folding his arms defensively. "Besides, she's not canon. People would have talked."
"Severus, if there is one thing I have learned from this particular visit is that you seem to intentionally miss opportunities to have an enjoyable time. I think you have been miserable for so long that you have come to like it too much! Would it have been such a crime for you to have one Christmas you didn't feel was a complete waste? It's really no wonder that you are so down on the holiday, but perhaps it wouldn't be so bad if you weren't always so down on yourself," Dumbledore sighed.
"I hardly deserve a pleasant evening of any sort, after all the misery I've caused in my life," Severus said.
"You know, Severus, I know it's in your nature to be judgmental. But if you simply stopped judging yourself by your failures and started judging yourself by what you've done right, I doubt we'd even be having this conversation at all," Dumbledore said sternly.
"And yet, in a way I am glad to be having any sort of conversation with you," Severus said, feeling a strange sensation come over him, like a dream ready to slip away. "We may have saved Draco and my identity with your death, Dumbledore, but I fear time has shown it wasn't worth the price."
"I think time still has a lot to tell, Severus," Dumbledore said as he began to fade. "But what lies ahead for you will depend quite a bit on whether or not you allow yourself some self respect, for only then will you truly be able to respect anyone else."
"Wait…Dumbledore don't leave yet! I still have much to ask you…like how to complete the next phase of this plan without taking Minerva's life as well…"
"Trust yourself, Severus," Dumbledore's voice echoed in Severus' mind even as he faded completely away. "Heaven knows I always trusted you."