Inner Strength.
THAT'S RIGHT PEEPS! I finally got another chapter of my story out, and I hope that it's from a perspective you enjoy. I know it's not Heero, but I'm missing some of my chapters, so I wrote this instead until I can find them. ENJOY!
I also wanted to remind you that I have other stories out if you want to check up on them.
REVIEW! IF YOU WANT TO HAVE THE NEXT CHAPTER OUT, I NEED TO HEAR IT FROM YOU! YOU KNOW THAT THEY SAY…ASSUME NOTHING.
Rei stood with all of her friends, and the only member of her family. Everyone who had ever loved the small energetic blonde was there. Tears were abundant in the crowd as all those who were still mourning, and would still for a long time to come tried to comfort those near them.
Usagi had been gone for nearly two weeks. No, Rei mentally corrected herself, if Usagi was gone she might come back. Usagi was dead. The girl that was so full of life was now completely devoid of it. She was never going to smile, or get in a tongue war with her again. There were so many things that Rei wished that she had said to Usagi. She wished she could apologize for all of the times she had been mean, but most of all she wished that she could have told Usagi just how she felt about her before she died. Not only was Usagi her friend, she was her best friend. Rei knew that Usagi most likely hated her, after all, when she spoke to her before she died her voice was so full of loathing, a hatred so great the Rei didn't even believe that Usagi who loved everyone could feel it for everyone, let alone her. It was a shock that she was still reeling from.
NO. She wouldn't let herself think of the day that Usagi died. It was constantly in her mind, and even sleep wasn't an escape from the wrenching guilt that she felt, because nightmares haunted her every night. The same words echoing in her head over and over again.
It's all your fault.
As much as Rei tried to deny it, she knew that it was true. Usagi was fine until Rei slapped her. Such a crude mean was to deal with a girl that had just had a huge problem in her life. Rei should had realized as soon as she saw Usagi screaming her head off that something was wrong even greater than some problem with her boyfriend. She should have been kind, and tried to comfort the girl. Instead she had slapped her so hard that there was a red mark on Usagi's face afterward. She had spoken harsh words when she should have only told Usagi that she was there for her, and if she needed to, she could cry on her shoulder. So many things that she could have done differently haunted her, as she constantly wished that she could just go back and do it all differently. She couldn't even apologize, all she could do was walk up to the empty coffin, and place a white daisy on it, and whisper an apology to the air around her. It would never be heard by the girl she wanted to hear it, but it still needed to be said.
All of the other roses on top of the coffin were red, and her daisy stood out like a sore thumb. She could have gotten Usa a rose of that color, but for some reason to her it had seemed wrong…
**
Flashback
**
Mothers day was tomorrow, and Usagi and her were going out some roses, 1 for Usagi to give to her mother, and 1 for Rei to put on her mothers grave. The air was brisk on this early morning, and they were both wearing heavy sweaters to protect themselves from the chill.
Usagi was surprisingly quiet for someone who normally wouldn't stop talking. It wasn't a comfortable silence either, like when she was alone with her birds, this was an uneasy silence that put Rei on edge.
When Usagi didn't think that she was looking, Rei would quickly glance in her direction, something was wrong, and she knew it. She wasn't quite sure how she knew, but something was and she was going to find out what.
She would have completely missed it if she hadn't been looking. When Usagi walked, she usually took great strides, almost like she couldn't wait to get where she was going. She was normally smiling, and in a good mood. Usagi was smiling like she normally did, but there was something wrong with it. There was also something wrong with her walk. It was almost like she flinched when she was walking, like she was in pain but trying to hide it.
Rei was just about to ask her about it, when Usagi suddenly stopped.
"Rei! Where did your mind go? You were just about to walk past the flower shop! You can be such a baka sometimes." Usagi still had the smile on her face as she turned to speak to her, and her words were still teasing.
THERE. That was it, what she didn't notice before. Even though Usagi had a big grin plastered onto her face, her smile never reached her eyes. Her words also sounded forced. As if she was trying to sound teasing…
"I'm not a baka MEATBALL HEAD. You're the one that can't even make it to anything on time!" She automatically said as she watched Usagi to check out her reaction.
For a second there was no immediate reaction, then almost as if Usagi suddenly realized that she should be angry her face turned red and she stormed off into the flower shop. Strange…
When she got there, Usagi was already looking at the flowers. She seemed caught in indecision, as if she couldn't figure out what flower to get for her mother.
"I'm going to buy a red rose for my mom, aren't you going to get the same?" Rei asked, confused at the way Usagi was acting. She LOVED roses, especially the red ones. She had ever since she had first seen Tuxedo Mask throw one in the middle of a battle. Rei was so sure that she would go and get one of those right away.
This was the first time she had received a real reaction from her friend all day. Usagi's face turned a color of white plaster, and she whispered in a raspy voice. "I think I'll get something different, roses just aren't me anymore."
Rei's eyes widened in shock. On scrap paper Usagi would constantly draw roses, and had even become fairly good at it. Her favorite shirt had a red rose on the front of it, what did she mean when she said they weren't her anymore?
Rei dropped it, and they both ended up buying their flowers. Rei still ended up getting a red rose, and Usagi got, of all things, got some strange black flowers from the back of the room. Rei had never seen their like before, and now that she was thinking about it, she couldn't even remember what the names of them were. They were almost depressing to look at, and as far as Rei had known, Usagi hated anything black.
On the way back to the temple they passed a little girl playing in the park. She was chasing a butterfly, and ran to try to catch it as it flew and landed on one flower, and she would run to try to pick the flower while the butterfly was still on top of it, and then she would run as fast as she could to the next flower and quick as lightning would pick it again.
Rei wanted to move on, but for some reason Usagi didn't move. She was just staring at the little girl.
Finally as they watched the little girl became exhausted, and gave up. She lay on her back, and started looking at the clouds. Rei started to move on, but Usagi seemed to be waiting for something.
Just when she was about to give up, Rei saw something she had never thought she would see. The girl had closed her eyes, and looked like she was sleeping. Then, almost like it came out of nowhere, the butterfly once again entered the scene. Not seeming to care that this was the girl that was chasing it only minutes before, it gently landed on her nose. The girl didn't seem to move a muscle, but Rei couldn't help but notice that she had opened her eyes, and was now staring in awe at the beautiful butterfly not even inches from her face.
Finally Rei felt more than saw Usagi move. She walked slowly up to where the girl had been chasing the butterfly, and like it was a precious jewel she picked it up and put it in her hair. When she turned around and Rei saw the smile that covered her face, Rei realized that a smile like that…she hadn't seen one on Usagi's face for a long time.
And they walked home, and continued with their lives.
**
End Flashback
**
Rei's need to know what was wrong with her friend nearly drove her away. She only asked her once what was wrong, and the response she got made her realize that she wasn't going to get an answer that way.
Usagi had been staring of into space, but Rei thought the she could still hear her. She quietly asked what was wrong, trying to be nice about it, like a true friend would. Usagi just pretended not to hear her, and ignored her for the rest of the day. After that she spent most of her time staring off into space when she thought no one was looking, and so Rei never asked again.
She soon became snappy with her friend and even at times downright mean. After all, if they were really friends, Usagi should have been able to tell her anything…right. That was the main reason she reacted like she did when she saw her friend screaming. She was so frustrated when she once again saw her friend in pain, and knew that there was nothing she could do to help, because she didn't even know what the problem was. She didn't really think that Usagi was shallow enough to be in so much pain over a boyfriend, but she hoped that if she said that, she would force Usagi to tell her what was really wrong, just to prove that she wasn't screaming over something so stupid. Even Rei knew that Mamoru wasn't worth it, and somehow she felt that Usagi knew that too.
But these things can't be changed, so pulling herself out of her thoughts Rei walked over to her other friends who were grouped together, gaining comfort in the closeness.
Rei stood out of all of them though, everyone around her's faces were bathed in tears, but she had none left to shed. All she could do was remember, and try to never forget the small girl that was so full of energy, and love for all those around her, and then resorted to something no one though her possible of…suicide.
Rei couldn't help but briefly wonder what her friend had done to end her own life. She hoped with all of her might that it was truly painless, and when she left the world, she was able to gain a small measure of peace and respite from the problems that she had as long as Rei knew her.
'Usa…my friend' she though. 'From this day forth, when I sing, it will be for you, and no one will be able to forget the impact that your life made on all who knew you.'
Knowing that was all she could do, but that it wasn't nearly enough, she once more said goodbye…forever.
EMAIL ME AT SIRENCALLING@YAHOO.COM! I HOPE YOU WILL, AND KNOW THAT IF I CAN, I WILL RESPOND.
THAT'S RIGHT PEEPS! I finally got another chapter of my story out, and I hope that it's from a perspective you enjoy. I know it's not Heero, but I'm missing some of my chapters, so I wrote this instead until I can find them. ENJOY!
I also wanted to remind you that I have other stories out if you want to check up on them.
REVIEW! IF YOU WANT TO HAVE THE NEXT CHAPTER OUT, I NEED TO HEAR IT FROM YOU! YOU KNOW THAT THEY SAY…ASSUME NOTHING.
Rei stood with all of her friends, and the only member of her family. Everyone who had ever loved the small energetic blonde was there. Tears were abundant in the crowd as all those who were still mourning, and would still for a long time to come tried to comfort those near them.
Usagi had been gone for nearly two weeks. No, Rei mentally corrected herself, if Usagi was gone she might come back. Usagi was dead. The girl that was so full of life was now completely devoid of it. She was never going to smile, or get in a tongue war with her again. There were so many things that Rei wished that she had said to Usagi. She wished she could apologize for all of the times she had been mean, but most of all she wished that she could have told Usagi just how she felt about her before she died. Not only was Usagi her friend, she was her best friend. Rei knew that Usagi most likely hated her, after all, when she spoke to her before she died her voice was so full of loathing, a hatred so great the Rei didn't even believe that Usagi who loved everyone could feel it for everyone, let alone her. It was a shock that she was still reeling from.
NO. She wouldn't let herself think of the day that Usagi died. It was constantly in her mind, and even sleep wasn't an escape from the wrenching guilt that she felt, because nightmares haunted her every night. The same words echoing in her head over and over again.
It's all your fault.
As much as Rei tried to deny it, she knew that it was true. Usagi was fine until Rei slapped her. Such a crude mean was to deal with a girl that had just had a huge problem in her life. Rei should had realized as soon as she saw Usagi screaming her head off that something was wrong even greater than some problem with her boyfriend. She should have been kind, and tried to comfort the girl. Instead she had slapped her so hard that there was a red mark on Usagi's face afterward. She had spoken harsh words when she should have only told Usagi that she was there for her, and if she needed to, she could cry on her shoulder. So many things that she could have done differently haunted her, as she constantly wished that she could just go back and do it all differently. She couldn't even apologize, all she could do was walk up to the empty coffin, and place a white daisy on it, and whisper an apology to the air around her. It would never be heard by the girl she wanted to hear it, but it still needed to be said.
All of the other roses on top of the coffin were red, and her daisy stood out like a sore thumb. She could have gotten Usa a rose of that color, but for some reason to her it had seemed wrong…
**
Flashback
**
Mothers day was tomorrow, and Usagi and her were going out some roses, 1 for Usagi to give to her mother, and 1 for Rei to put on her mothers grave. The air was brisk on this early morning, and they were both wearing heavy sweaters to protect themselves from the chill.
Usagi was surprisingly quiet for someone who normally wouldn't stop talking. It wasn't a comfortable silence either, like when she was alone with her birds, this was an uneasy silence that put Rei on edge.
When Usagi didn't think that she was looking, Rei would quickly glance in her direction, something was wrong, and she knew it. She wasn't quite sure how she knew, but something was and she was going to find out what.
She would have completely missed it if she hadn't been looking. When Usagi walked, she usually took great strides, almost like she couldn't wait to get where she was going. She was normally smiling, and in a good mood. Usagi was smiling like she normally did, but there was something wrong with it. There was also something wrong with her walk. It was almost like she flinched when she was walking, like she was in pain but trying to hide it.
Rei was just about to ask her about it, when Usagi suddenly stopped.
"Rei! Where did your mind go? You were just about to walk past the flower shop! You can be such a baka sometimes." Usagi still had the smile on her face as she turned to speak to her, and her words were still teasing.
THERE. That was it, what she didn't notice before. Even though Usagi had a big grin plastered onto her face, her smile never reached her eyes. Her words also sounded forced. As if she was trying to sound teasing…
"I'm not a baka MEATBALL HEAD. You're the one that can't even make it to anything on time!" She automatically said as she watched Usagi to check out her reaction.
For a second there was no immediate reaction, then almost as if Usagi suddenly realized that she should be angry her face turned red and she stormed off into the flower shop. Strange…
When she got there, Usagi was already looking at the flowers. She seemed caught in indecision, as if she couldn't figure out what flower to get for her mother.
"I'm going to buy a red rose for my mom, aren't you going to get the same?" Rei asked, confused at the way Usagi was acting. She LOVED roses, especially the red ones. She had ever since she had first seen Tuxedo Mask throw one in the middle of a battle. Rei was so sure that she would go and get one of those right away.
This was the first time she had received a real reaction from her friend all day. Usagi's face turned a color of white plaster, and she whispered in a raspy voice. "I think I'll get something different, roses just aren't me anymore."
Rei's eyes widened in shock. On scrap paper Usagi would constantly draw roses, and had even become fairly good at it. Her favorite shirt had a red rose on the front of it, what did she mean when she said they weren't her anymore?
Rei dropped it, and they both ended up buying their flowers. Rei still ended up getting a red rose, and Usagi got, of all things, got some strange black flowers from the back of the room. Rei had never seen their like before, and now that she was thinking about it, she couldn't even remember what the names of them were. They were almost depressing to look at, and as far as Rei had known, Usagi hated anything black.
On the way back to the temple they passed a little girl playing in the park. She was chasing a butterfly, and ran to try to catch it as it flew and landed on one flower, and she would run to try to pick the flower while the butterfly was still on top of it, and then she would run as fast as she could to the next flower and quick as lightning would pick it again.
Rei wanted to move on, but for some reason Usagi didn't move. She was just staring at the little girl.
Finally as they watched the little girl became exhausted, and gave up. She lay on her back, and started looking at the clouds. Rei started to move on, but Usagi seemed to be waiting for something.
Just when she was about to give up, Rei saw something she had never thought she would see. The girl had closed her eyes, and looked like she was sleeping. Then, almost like it came out of nowhere, the butterfly once again entered the scene. Not seeming to care that this was the girl that was chasing it only minutes before, it gently landed on her nose. The girl didn't seem to move a muscle, but Rei couldn't help but notice that she had opened her eyes, and was now staring in awe at the beautiful butterfly not even inches from her face.
Finally Rei felt more than saw Usagi move. She walked slowly up to where the girl had been chasing the butterfly, and like it was a precious jewel she picked it up and put it in her hair. When she turned around and Rei saw the smile that covered her face, Rei realized that a smile like that…she hadn't seen one on Usagi's face for a long time.
And they walked home, and continued with their lives.
**
End Flashback
**
Rei's need to know what was wrong with her friend nearly drove her away. She only asked her once what was wrong, and the response she got made her realize that she wasn't going to get an answer that way.
Usagi had been staring of into space, but Rei thought the she could still hear her. She quietly asked what was wrong, trying to be nice about it, like a true friend would. Usagi just pretended not to hear her, and ignored her for the rest of the day. After that she spent most of her time staring off into space when she thought no one was looking, and so Rei never asked again.
She soon became snappy with her friend and even at times downright mean. After all, if they were really friends, Usagi should have been able to tell her anything…right. That was the main reason she reacted like she did when she saw her friend screaming. She was so frustrated when she once again saw her friend in pain, and knew that there was nothing she could do to help, because she didn't even know what the problem was. She didn't really think that Usagi was shallow enough to be in so much pain over a boyfriend, but she hoped that if she said that, she would force Usagi to tell her what was really wrong, just to prove that she wasn't screaming over something so stupid. Even Rei knew that Mamoru wasn't worth it, and somehow she felt that Usagi knew that too.
But these things can't be changed, so pulling herself out of her thoughts Rei walked over to her other friends who were grouped together, gaining comfort in the closeness.
Rei stood out of all of them though, everyone around her's faces were bathed in tears, but she had none left to shed. All she could do was remember, and try to never forget the small girl that was so full of energy, and love for all those around her, and then resorted to something no one though her possible of…suicide.
Rei couldn't help but briefly wonder what her friend had done to end her own life. She hoped with all of her might that it was truly painless, and when she left the world, she was able to gain a small measure of peace and respite from the problems that she had as long as Rei knew her.
'Usa…my friend' she though. 'From this day forth, when I sing, it will be for you, and no one will be able to forget the impact that your life made on all who knew you.'
Knowing that was all she could do, but that it wasn't nearly enough, she once more said goodbye…forever.
EMAIL ME AT SIRENCALLING@YAHOO.COM! I HOPE YOU WILL, AND KNOW THAT IF I CAN, I WILL RESPOND.