Authors Notes- You asked for it, and you got it. A whole chapter dedicated
totally to the man that you all know and love, Heero. I has been months
since I first started this story, and I know how bad it is to wait. I hope
this chapter makes it worth it. You may be shocked, you may be amazed, you
may want to strangle me, just enjoy.
1 Must Read
I wanted to let you know, that I worked really hard on this chapter to make it perfect, to make you guys happy. I'm usually nice about things like this, but if you people don't review, I am DEAD serious, I won't finish this story. Unless you're a writer you can't realize that when I write, I put a piece of myself into my words, and if you EVER want to know what is going on, you NEED do tell me. I've seen stories with 2 chapters and 20 words a piece get tons of reviews, when it's obvious it only took them minutes to write. If you think that I'm not worth it, don't tell me, don't review, just sit there, and wonder.
**
Dr. J's voice sounded through the small boys mind, over and over again. Heero couldn't remember the day that the Dr. had first entered his life. It seemed like it had always been like this. Endless training, even from when he was a small boy. There was the pain, and the exaustion, that seemed like everyday occurances now. Most of all…there were the nights…
Heero would usually go to bed, completely exhausted, but he could never sleep. It should be such an easy thing, to just close your eyes, and drift off into dreamland, but it was never so easy for him. It wasn't some problem with this brain, or him, or anything. It was the recording, that played endlessly through the night.
"You are Emotionless. You are the Perfect Soldier. You are a Weapon. You are a Machine. You have no life. You live only to Serve…" And so it continued on and on. Slowly brainwashing the young boy's mind.
For a boy so small, so young, and nothing to live by, this was pure torture. He was only 7 years old, and he wasn't allowed to have the childhood he needed. There was no time to play. The word was not even in his vocabulary. There was no one his age. There was only Dr. J, his father, his mentor, his captor. He was the one who wanted him to be emotionless. He was the one who wanted him to be a machine, and try as he might, Heero couldn't do it. He tried not to feel, but there was always the pain in the back on his mind. There was the humanity, and need to be sheltered. This part of him had been blocked up by walls of brick, trying to protect the little child left inside. But try as he might to protect himself, they were slowly crumbling…
Heero felt the desperate need to save himself from a fate worse than death, but try as hard as he could, he just couldn't do it. There seemed no way. It would be very soon, he would turn into a machine. He was so young, it wouldn't be long now that the walls would be gone, and he would turn into everything that he had feared becoming for so long…He was about to give up hope, when the man entered his mind.
"I will take you to a place to keep you safe." Was all he said. Heero had no idea how he did it but he could feel his mind slowly seperating. It was like part of his mind was leaving his body, to go off somewhere else. The sensation was like nothing else he had ever felt, it was so unnatural. He had no idea what was going on, but somehow, it felt right.
The next thing he knew, he was surrounded by shadows. There was a man standing in front of him, the first one besides Dr. J that he had ever seen. There was something beautiful about the way he smiled almost fatherly at him and it caused a warm feeling to spread throughout his body. He felt almost loved. It was the first time anyone had made him feel that way and he didn't really know what to do. Unconsiously, he found himself slowly smiling back.
The man's golden hair and blue eyes were extremely strange for someone who had never seen either before. The big man slowly held out his hand, and said. "Hello" Cheerfully "I'm Kanishina. What's you're name?"
Heero didn't know how to respond to the man. What did he want him to do with this hand? Kanishina smiled encouragely at him, and on pure instinct heero stepped forward and placed his hand in his. Kanshina slowly shook it, while Heero looked at his strangely. "I'm Heero."
"It's very nice to meet you Heero. Now that I think of it, Kanishina is a large name for you to say, and far too formal. To tell you the truth, and don't tell anyone, that's not even my real name. It's just a title. It means Guardian in my native tounge. You can just call me Razan. That's what my parents called me."
Heero nodded dumbly. He still wasn't sure why he was here, or even how he got here. Whatever happened to this cell, and his horrible training?
"I'll bet you're wondering where you are hun kid?" Razan said with a small smirk on his face. "That's kind of hard to explain, and way to complicated for you to hope to understand. I'll just say for now that you're in a dream world. I felt your soul calling out for release, and decided that you needed the extra help. I seperated your humanity from the rest of your body, what you were it's like I took your soul here. That MAN wanted a perfect soldier, and he'd as soon kill you as let you keep your human side. Dr. J will get what he always wanted, a machine. Every person has an essence, a soul. It takes a lot of energy, but what very few people realize is that they can be separated. A soul can leave the body, leaving the body as nothing but a empty shell. Even if the body dies, or the soul dies, the other will live on. Even though your soul is now separated, if you wish to enter your body, you can look though it's eyes like a movie screen. You can't control it without combining them both though. If you ever choose to do that, you must remember that it's a one-way ticket. Once you're here, you get one chance. If you ever go back, you won't be able to come back here. I don't want you to feel trapped here like you were there. You can still check up on your body and see what it's doing."
So much information…all it once. This man certianly didn't mince with words. He didn't give him time to hear one new idea, before he was smashed with another.
Heero's small 7-year-old body shook with excitement. It was like some sort of a dream. He had always wanted to give his surrogate father what he wanted, a machine. He had never been willing to do that at the expense of his personality, his childlike attitude. Now, it seems that he will get the best of both worlds.
"So what's this place like?" Heero asked curiously. "After all, if I'm going to live here, I should get to know the place."
Razan smiled thankfully, he had thought for moment that the boy would refuse his offer, and become a monster. That wasn't a risk he was willing to take.
"This world is a shadow of your world….."(AN: insert previously stated explanation.)
"But if this is just a shadow, what am I supposed to do here?! This place is just a gray world, with nothing to look at, or nothing to do!"
"But that's where you're wrong. If you can learn how to part the mists, it can be just like you're in the real world. You can see the sights, look at the people going about their daily lives, and observe. The one thing that you can't do is you cannot affect the world you're looking at. This place is just a shadow, you can't smell the grass, or really be there, unless you are in your body." Razan finished.
"And now it's time to begin your education. If you're going to be with me for a while, I can't let you grow up stupid." Heero grimaced at the idea. He didn't want to do school here! Not yet anyway. He wanted to explore!
It was much more fun than he would have ever thought could be. Razan didn't force him to study and do things that he didn't want to do. He didn't get hurt if he didn't do something right the first time. It was almost fun... Razan could use the shadow as like a virtual reality place. He could take them to whatever time they were studying about, and Heero could watch with his own eyes as wars, and weddings happened. Instead of just reading in a book, Heero was THERE. Razan was also an excellent teacher, and explained what he was talking about in a way that made it easy to understand.
**
And that had been the beginning of his dream. Sometimes he would look through the eyes of his body, but not very often. He couldn't believe what it started doing after only a short period of time. Even now, Heero shuddered at the thoughts of what his body, and in a sense HE had done, and thanked god, or whoever designated him to be the one saved that he had managed to escape when there was still time.
He had learned more than most people can ever know in a lifetime there. He had learned about other worlds, and science more high-tech than any other person. Most of all, he learned how to grow up into a good person. To his surprise he discovered that Razan also had a childlike personality, and they spent quite a bit of time playing around, and making fun of people they saw. I was all in all a good, no more like magical life. That was what makes it so hard to accept.
It was bad enough that he left his life behind, but he also left what had become his reason for living behind.
He could even remember the first day he had seen her…
**
It was the first time Heero was able to part the shadows himself. Razan had been trying to teach him for almost 5 years, but he had never been able to do it himself. He always needed Razan to do it for him. It was a problem that he simply couldn't understand. It should have been so easy, just use your subconscious, and part the mists to see what was beyond them. Razan was able to do it easily, and could even change the dimension, or time, or even place that they were in. Heero couldn't do anything but try in vain to do what he had a mental block for.
Heero had wanted to give up so many times, but the thought that he could do it himself, and how much fun it would be drove him on and on.
And then it happened. It parted right before him, and revealed to Heero the strangest sight ever. It was one of a young girl running as fast as she could in some direction. Her pigtails were flying from two strange buns on either side of her head.
There was just something about her that drew Heero's attention. He couldn't help but watch her, and what he saw, amazed him. She was so carefree! There was more to her though…an outer tension. It was like something was wrong with her aura or something.
She was a lot like his body was. There was something about her that was missing, like his body was missing a soul. He would never had noticed it if he hadn't seen something like it before. It was something that was so hidden, but somehow Heero could just see it.
And that began his facination with the strange girl, that he soon realized called herself Usagi.
If Razan ever realized what he was up to when he spent most of his free time all alone doing something, (watching the girl), he never showed it. So Heero watched as she grew up, and he saw her go through all of the problems of her life. He wanted to cry as she constantly looked at her face in the mirror, and asked herself 'what's wrong with me?' and called herself a freak. He wanted to scream 'I know, your not a freak! You're just like me!' but he never did. He just got to know her better than she knew herself without ever even meeting her.
You could only imagine his shock when he watched as a black cat came into her life and told her that she was some kind of superheroine. This wasn't what she needed, or wanted, but she did it for everyone who was counting on her. He stared amazed as he saw all of the things that she could do, and she wasn't even a complete person!
And then that Mamoru character came into her life. Heero had an immediate dislike of him, and knew that he wasn't good for his angel. She was only for him.
And that was also the first time Heero was forced to confront a startling fact, that had feelings for her that was more than friendship. It was the strangest feeling. The need to protect her, and hold her, and the yearning to be with her. He had never felt anything like this for anyone before, and at first he didn't realize what it was. Then it came crashing down on him like a ton of bricks. He had heard of this when he was having lessons. This must be love…Everything about her was perfect in his eyes, even her flaws. He was down to earth, head over heels in love with the girl! He wanted to run up to her and proclaim his feelings to her face. He wanted to kiss her pink lips, and have her kiss back. He wanted to tell her everything about his life, and have her tell him all about hers. He wanted to…
But he couldn't do anything like that. For the first time in his life Heero regretted the fact that he was living in this shadow world. Sure if it wasn't for it, he never would have seen her, but he could never be with her. Not only was she too good for him, but if he ever wanted to be with her, he would need to go back to his body. That was something he was willing to do, but he knew that she was in dimension different than his, and even if he got a body, she would still be beyond his reach. He wouldn't even be able to see her anymore.
No…this was the best. At least like this he could watch her, grow up, and fall in love with someone she could be with.
And then jelousy boiled in his stomach at the thought that this Mamoru character would at least have a chance with her. He could talk to her, he could be with her.
So Heero tried to push down the rage, that slowly came boiling even hotter as he watched as Usagi turned into Serenity, and fell in love with the black haired boy. He wanted to strangle the man as he kissed those lips that Heero had been dreaming about for so long…
Mamoru didn't treat Usagi like she deserved either, all of the times he hurt her, when he went to the side of the Negaverse, and then when he couldn't remember her. Heero was forced to watch as Usagi tried to get him back, and then he blew her off.
And then he dumped her. Heero wanted to kill the man as he saw Usagi cry by her bedside every day.
But nothing could compare to the first time that Mamoru hit her…Heero blew up. He felt his anger turn almost tangible. He barely took notice of the black energy whipping around him. He was so caught in his anger that he didn't even see the black lightning got closer and closer to the scene in front of him. It was mere inches from touching the hated man. He had no idea of what he was doing. All he wanted was to see this monster cry out as he experienced greater pain than he had ever felt in his life. He wanted to see this man fall to his knees, and beg for the pain to end. He wanted this man to die…
**
What can I say? I wasn't going to end there, and I even have the rest of it already written! It was just too good an opportunity to pass up. Please don't kill me… all you have to do to get the next chapter VERY soono (did I mention it's already written?) is review my story. Like I said before, I could easilly end it here if you want me to.
Email me at sirencalling@yahoo.com if you have ANYTHING so say. Even if it's just hi, I'd love to hear from you.
Ja ne till next time!
1 Must Read
I wanted to let you know, that I worked really hard on this chapter to make it perfect, to make you guys happy. I'm usually nice about things like this, but if you people don't review, I am DEAD serious, I won't finish this story. Unless you're a writer you can't realize that when I write, I put a piece of myself into my words, and if you EVER want to know what is going on, you NEED do tell me. I've seen stories with 2 chapters and 20 words a piece get tons of reviews, when it's obvious it only took them minutes to write. If you think that I'm not worth it, don't tell me, don't review, just sit there, and wonder.
**
Dr. J's voice sounded through the small boys mind, over and over again. Heero couldn't remember the day that the Dr. had first entered his life. It seemed like it had always been like this. Endless training, even from when he was a small boy. There was the pain, and the exaustion, that seemed like everyday occurances now. Most of all…there were the nights…
Heero would usually go to bed, completely exhausted, but he could never sleep. It should be such an easy thing, to just close your eyes, and drift off into dreamland, but it was never so easy for him. It wasn't some problem with this brain, or him, or anything. It was the recording, that played endlessly through the night.
"You are Emotionless. You are the Perfect Soldier. You are a Weapon. You are a Machine. You have no life. You live only to Serve…" And so it continued on and on. Slowly brainwashing the young boy's mind.
For a boy so small, so young, and nothing to live by, this was pure torture. He was only 7 years old, and he wasn't allowed to have the childhood he needed. There was no time to play. The word was not even in his vocabulary. There was no one his age. There was only Dr. J, his father, his mentor, his captor. He was the one who wanted him to be emotionless. He was the one who wanted him to be a machine, and try as he might, Heero couldn't do it. He tried not to feel, but there was always the pain in the back on his mind. There was the humanity, and need to be sheltered. This part of him had been blocked up by walls of brick, trying to protect the little child left inside. But try as he might to protect himself, they were slowly crumbling…
Heero felt the desperate need to save himself from a fate worse than death, but try as hard as he could, he just couldn't do it. There seemed no way. It would be very soon, he would turn into a machine. He was so young, it wouldn't be long now that the walls would be gone, and he would turn into everything that he had feared becoming for so long…He was about to give up hope, when the man entered his mind.
"I will take you to a place to keep you safe." Was all he said. Heero had no idea how he did it but he could feel his mind slowly seperating. It was like part of his mind was leaving his body, to go off somewhere else. The sensation was like nothing else he had ever felt, it was so unnatural. He had no idea what was going on, but somehow, it felt right.
The next thing he knew, he was surrounded by shadows. There was a man standing in front of him, the first one besides Dr. J that he had ever seen. There was something beautiful about the way he smiled almost fatherly at him and it caused a warm feeling to spread throughout his body. He felt almost loved. It was the first time anyone had made him feel that way and he didn't really know what to do. Unconsiously, he found himself slowly smiling back.
The man's golden hair and blue eyes were extremely strange for someone who had never seen either before. The big man slowly held out his hand, and said. "Hello" Cheerfully "I'm Kanishina. What's you're name?"
Heero didn't know how to respond to the man. What did he want him to do with this hand? Kanishina smiled encouragely at him, and on pure instinct heero stepped forward and placed his hand in his. Kanshina slowly shook it, while Heero looked at his strangely. "I'm Heero."
"It's very nice to meet you Heero. Now that I think of it, Kanishina is a large name for you to say, and far too formal. To tell you the truth, and don't tell anyone, that's not even my real name. It's just a title. It means Guardian in my native tounge. You can just call me Razan. That's what my parents called me."
Heero nodded dumbly. He still wasn't sure why he was here, or even how he got here. Whatever happened to this cell, and his horrible training?
"I'll bet you're wondering where you are hun kid?" Razan said with a small smirk on his face. "That's kind of hard to explain, and way to complicated for you to hope to understand. I'll just say for now that you're in a dream world. I felt your soul calling out for release, and decided that you needed the extra help. I seperated your humanity from the rest of your body, what you were it's like I took your soul here. That MAN wanted a perfect soldier, and he'd as soon kill you as let you keep your human side. Dr. J will get what he always wanted, a machine. Every person has an essence, a soul. It takes a lot of energy, but what very few people realize is that they can be separated. A soul can leave the body, leaving the body as nothing but a empty shell. Even if the body dies, or the soul dies, the other will live on. Even though your soul is now separated, if you wish to enter your body, you can look though it's eyes like a movie screen. You can't control it without combining them both though. If you ever choose to do that, you must remember that it's a one-way ticket. Once you're here, you get one chance. If you ever go back, you won't be able to come back here. I don't want you to feel trapped here like you were there. You can still check up on your body and see what it's doing."
So much information…all it once. This man certianly didn't mince with words. He didn't give him time to hear one new idea, before he was smashed with another.
Heero's small 7-year-old body shook with excitement. It was like some sort of a dream. He had always wanted to give his surrogate father what he wanted, a machine. He had never been willing to do that at the expense of his personality, his childlike attitude. Now, it seems that he will get the best of both worlds.
"So what's this place like?" Heero asked curiously. "After all, if I'm going to live here, I should get to know the place."
Razan smiled thankfully, he had thought for moment that the boy would refuse his offer, and become a monster. That wasn't a risk he was willing to take.
"This world is a shadow of your world….."(AN: insert previously stated explanation.)
"But if this is just a shadow, what am I supposed to do here?! This place is just a gray world, with nothing to look at, or nothing to do!"
"But that's where you're wrong. If you can learn how to part the mists, it can be just like you're in the real world. You can see the sights, look at the people going about their daily lives, and observe. The one thing that you can't do is you cannot affect the world you're looking at. This place is just a shadow, you can't smell the grass, or really be there, unless you are in your body." Razan finished.
"And now it's time to begin your education. If you're going to be with me for a while, I can't let you grow up stupid." Heero grimaced at the idea. He didn't want to do school here! Not yet anyway. He wanted to explore!
It was much more fun than he would have ever thought could be. Razan didn't force him to study and do things that he didn't want to do. He didn't get hurt if he didn't do something right the first time. It was almost fun... Razan could use the shadow as like a virtual reality place. He could take them to whatever time they were studying about, and Heero could watch with his own eyes as wars, and weddings happened. Instead of just reading in a book, Heero was THERE. Razan was also an excellent teacher, and explained what he was talking about in a way that made it easy to understand.
**
And that had been the beginning of his dream. Sometimes he would look through the eyes of his body, but not very often. He couldn't believe what it started doing after only a short period of time. Even now, Heero shuddered at the thoughts of what his body, and in a sense HE had done, and thanked god, or whoever designated him to be the one saved that he had managed to escape when there was still time.
He had learned more than most people can ever know in a lifetime there. He had learned about other worlds, and science more high-tech than any other person. Most of all, he learned how to grow up into a good person. To his surprise he discovered that Razan also had a childlike personality, and they spent quite a bit of time playing around, and making fun of people they saw. I was all in all a good, no more like magical life. That was what makes it so hard to accept.
It was bad enough that he left his life behind, but he also left what had become his reason for living behind.
He could even remember the first day he had seen her…
**
It was the first time Heero was able to part the shadows himself. Razan had been trying to teach him for almost 5 years, but he had never been able to do it himself. He always needed Razan to do it for him. It was a problem that he simply couldn't understand. It should have been so easy, just use your subconscious, and part the mists to see what was beyond them. Razan was able to do it easily, and could even change the dimension, or time, or even place that they were in. Heero couldn't do anything but try in vain to do what he had a mental block for.
Heero had wanted to give up so many times, but the thought that he could do it himself, and how much fun it would be drove him on and on.
And then it happened. It parted right before him, and revealed to Heero the strangest sight ever. It was one of a young girl running as fast as she could in some direction. Her pigtails were flying from two strange buns on either side of her head.
There was just something about her that drew Heero's attention. He couldn't help but watch her, and what he saw, amazed him. She was so carefree! There was more to her though…an outer tension. It was like something was wrong with her aura or something.
She was a lot like his body was. There was something about her that was missing, like his body was missing a soul. He would never had noticed it if he hadn't seen something like it before. It was something that was so hidden, but somehow Heero could just see it.
And that began his facination with the strange girl, that he soon realized called herself Usagi.
If Razan ever realized what he was up to when he spent most of his free time all alone doing something, (watching the girl), he never showed it. So Heero watched as she grew up, and he saw her go through all of the problems of her life. He wanted to cry as she constantly looked at her face in the mirror, and asked herself 'what's wrong with me?' and called herself a freak. He wanted to scream 'I know, your not a freak! You're just like me!' but he never did. He just got to know her better than she knew herself without ever even meeting her.
You could only imagine his shock when he watched as a black cat came into her life and told her that she was some kind of superheroine. This wasn't what she needed, or wanted, but she did it for everyone who was counting on her. He stared amazed as he saw all of the things that she could do, and she wasn't even a complete person!
And then that Mamoru character came into her life. Heero had an immediate dislike of him, and knew that he wasn't good for his angel. She was only for him.
And that was also the first time Heero was forced to confront a startling fact, that had feelings for her that was more than friendship. It was the strangest feeling. The need to protect her, and hold her, and the yearning to be with her. He had never felt anything like this for anyone before, and at first he didn't realize what it was. Then it came crashing down on him like a ton of bricks. He had heard of this when he was having lessons. This must be love…Everything about her was perfect in his eyes, even her flaws. He was down to earth, head over heels in love with the girl! He wanted to run up to her and proclaim his feelings to her face. He wanted to kiss her pink lips, and have her kiss back. He wanted to tell her everything about his life, and have her tell him all about hers. He wanted to…
But he couldn't do anything like that. For the first time in his life Heero regretted the fact that he was living in this shadow world. Sure if it wasn't for it, he never would have seen her, but he could never be with her. Not only was she too good for him, but if he ever wanted to be with her, he would need to go back to his body. That was something he was willing to do, but he knew that she was in dimension different than his, and even if he got a body, she would still be beyond his reach. He wouldn't even be able to see her anymore.
No…this was the best. At least like this he could watch her, grow up, and fall in love with someone she could be with.
And then jelousy boiled in his stomach at the thought that this Mamoru character would at least have a chance with her. He could talk to her, he could be with her.
So Heero tried to push down the rage, that slowly came boiling even hotter as he watched as Usagi turned into Serenity, and fell in love with the black haired boy. He wanted to strangle the man as he kissed those lips that Heero had been dreaming about for so long…
Mamoru didn't treat Usagi like she deserved either, all of the times he hurt her, when he went to the side of the Negaverse, and then when he couldn't remember her. Heero was forced to watch as Usagi tried to get him back, and then he blew her off.
And then he dumped her. Heero wanted to kill the man as he saw Usagi cry by her bedside every day.
But nothing could compare to the first time that Mamoru hit her…Heero blew up. He felt his anger turn almost tangible. He barely took notice of the black energy whipping around him. He was so caught in his anger that he didn't even see the black lightning got closer and closer to the scene in front of him. It was mere inches from touching the hated man. He had no idea of what he was doing. All he wanted was to see this monster cry out as he experienced greater pain than he had ever felt in his life. He wanted to see this man fall to his knees, and beg for the pain to end. He wanted this man to die…
**
What can I say? I wasn't going to end there, and I even have the rest of it already written! It was just too good an opportunity to pass up. Please don't kill me… all you have to do to get the next chapter VERY soono (did I mention it's already written?) is review my story. Like I said before, I could easilly end it here if you want me to.
Email me at sirencalling@yahoo.com if you have ANYTHING so say. Even if it's just hi, I'd love to hear from you.
Ja ne till next time!