Disclaimer: I don't own any part of Veronica Mars, sadly, although you would think that with all the stressing that I do over it that it was my child or something.
The second the words are out of his mouth he regrets them. She's facing the window, her hands covering her eyes, and he has a sneaking suspicion, from her shaking shoulders, that she's crying.
"Veronica," He whispers, reaching over to her, his fingers lightly grazing her shoulder. She whips around to face him, her face a mask of hurt, anger and confusion.
"What, Logan? What do you want from me?" Her voice cracks, and she squeezes her eyes closed, irritated at the sign of weakness. "Don't you realize what you're doing to me?" She asks a moment later, her voice low and broken.
"I don't mean to do anything." He responds, but no matter how earnestly the words are whispered, he knows they aren't the right ones. Nothing he says can help her now. She wipes her eyes with the back of her hand, glancing up at him and inhaling sharply as their eyes catch.
"What did you expect me to say, Logan?" She asks softly; her tone even. Her eyes are trained somewhere around his ear, almost as though she's afraid that looking into his eyes will spill her secrets. "Did you want me to tell you that I love you too? So much so that just looking at you hurts? That every single time I see you my breath catches?" She's crying again, but she makes no move to wipe her eyes. He swallows, and bites his lip, staring at her so intently that she can't help but looking back.
"It would be nice." He responds teasingly, and she can't control the spurt of amusement that lightens her eyes.
"God, Logan!" She exclaims after a moment, leaning forward-as far away in the seat as she can get from him, and runs her fingers through her hair, tugging on the ends. "You can't say that." She swallows, trying to regain her breath, her footing, but as she glances at him out of the corner of her eye, she finds she can't. He's pushed her to the brink again, and she doesn't know how to get back.
"What, Veronica?" His tone is suddenly hard, and she looks up at him, her eyes watery. "What? Do you want me to lie to you? I can't. I won't. Looking at you doesn't hurt-it fucking kills, but I still do it. And when you walk into a room? I don't lose my breath; you steal it." She starts to cry again, great, big, noiseless sobs that wrench at his heart. Wiping her eyes again, she curses under her breath and sneaks a peek out of the window to his right. "Veronica," He murmurs, his tone soft and low, and she swallows, forcing herself to look at him. "Loving you isn't easy. But I'll never stop." He reaches over to her hunched form, and cups her cheek. It takes a few seconds for her to push him away and it's those seconds are that are keeping him alive.
"I can't do this right now, Logan. Actually, I can't do this ever-but especially not now. I am on a case. My personal feelings about you, or Duncan-" She stops for a moment, and swallows, the name tearing through her throat like a shard of glass. "Or anything, don't matter." She turns away then, pulling the notebook from out of her bag, slipping it in her lap out of view of the window, and nibbling on her lip.
"Okay." He responds, and startled she looks up at him, expecting to see the answers in his eyes, but they are hooded.
"Okay?" She asks, hating herself as her voice catches on the second syllable. "No, it isn't 'Okay'!" She writing furiously now, her pen making squeaking noises on the page, and for the first time since they'd left Neptune, he notices that she doesn't have her laptop. "But it doesn't matter. College money is college money." He hates that there is an edge to her voice. Hates that if he hadn't been there, she would be here alone, and the very thought causes his pulse to race.
"Where's your computer?" He asks after a moment, and her petite shoulders shrug.
"Smooth transition, Echolls. You get a 10." A smile plays across his lips at her sarcasm, but when she glances up at his silence, she sighs, rubbing her temples. "When there's a brand new surveillance technology that you're not quite sure about, the smartest thing to do is to leave it unobtrusively in a hotel room. You'd be surprised at how well it works. Great sound and everything." She's looking down again, her eyes not meeting his, but he can feel her pragmatism in waves. Her tone is lifeless.
"So that's how you knew." His words are simple; the sentiment behind them is not. His heart breaks for her, this girl who has come to mean more to him than life itself.
"That's how I knew."
"Veronica, I'm sorry. I wanted-" She glances up at him, and for a second everything else disappears. They have always had this affect on each other, and it is as dangerous as it is heady.
"I saw it, you know." She replies, turning away again. Back to her notes, to the manual surveillance that Duncan has forced her to.
"…saw it?" He cringes as he pictures her happening upon the same sweaty scene as he had. At least her method had been unobtrusive.
"The second that you walked in on them. It was the first time I was getting the feed back, and from the look on your face, I just knew." Her voice is muffled, and his stomach drops.
"I should have told you. I wanted to tell you. But there was…" His voice trails off, and he shakes his head, turning away from her, and all at once she misses the contact of his eyes. "You seemed so happy. I didn't want to ruin that again." Again. Once more reminding her of their past, and just how much she wants to surrender to it. She wants to speak, but words would not be adequate. As a knock sounds on the window, she is pulled out of her reverie. Their cover is blown.
A/N: Ok, I don't know what it is about this story, but it's getting harder and harder to write. I hope you guys liked this chapter, because it has my blood, sweat and tears in it.