Authors Notes- Enjoy the chapter. It's not very long, or very good either,
but at least it's something. It also answers a question you might have had
for a long time. If Heero loves Usagi so much, why would he ever leave?
Remember to review when your done!
**
Heero smiled softly to himself. It was so good to relive those memories, and the times when he was truly happier than he had ever been. After the brief happiness that came after reminiscing always came the immense guilt, and the heart-wrenching pain. He didn't want to leave his Usa, but what else could he have done. He would never have been able to live with himself if he had done nothing…
**
Flashback
**
Heero once again stared at Usagi's retreating back as another day for them ended, and she had to go back to the real world. It was always painful to watch her go, but it was livable because he knew that no matter what, he would see her again soon, if not in the shadow world, than at least he could watch her…
But she would only be going to school, and as much as he would love to just look at her, there was something he felt he needed to do. Something he hadn't done in a long time.
Preparing himself to once again part the mist, he went to check on what his body was doing. It wasn't really anything but a vague sense of curiosity that drove his to do this now and then, but he hadn't for almost 2 years now, and decided he might as well.
With an ease that came from long practice, he put waved his right hand at the emptiness, and used his mind to will himself to see what he wanted to see.
Expecting it to be another easy exercise, he wasn't prepared for what happened next. Yes, the mist did part, but not like it ever had before…something was wrong. His mind felt like there was a cold iron clamp on his consciousness, forcing him to watch as the events happened before him.
He saw his body standing there, with no expression on his face. His eyes were dull and lifeless as Heero watched him pull a small control out of his pocket, and hold it in front of him. The wind whipped his dark brown hair as he stood on the top of a hill, overlooking a small peaceful city. The pale moon shone brightly as he took the control once more…and pressed the button.
There was still no expression on the face of his body as Heero watched in horror while the small town, so peaceful just minutes before, exploded in a flash of orange fire. She sounds of screaming filled his ears, men, women, and most horribly of all…children. Heero's spirit fell to his knees, clutching his head and trying to block out the screams, while his body simply said the words "Mission Complete" and walked off into the night.
Back in the shadow world, Heero was still clutching at his head, rocking back and forth, trying to block out the memory of the cries in his head. The guilt nearly drove him mad. Maybe if he hadn't been so selfish, and allowed Dr. J to have his machine, this might have never happened. He could have stopped the deaths of so many people, who he knew were innocents. But it was too late now.
He wanted to go once more to his teacher Razan, but something was preventing him from doing so. He just saw the scene play out again and again in his mind, trapped in his own world. It felt like hours, but he knew that it had really only been minutes since it had happened.
The explosion, lighting up the night sky with its deadly fire…
But something was wrong with that picture. He couldn't quite figure it out, but something was off with what had happened. He was so close to figuring it out…it seemed so important for him to do so…
Then it hit him. He knew from experience, that time ran the same for his world, and for Usagi's world. But in Usagi's world, it was still morning, while then it was night…but the implications of such an event were mind blowing. It was relatively easy to bring pictures from the past, or present, because it had already happened. But the idea that you could look into the future…
There were so many things that could be wrong with his theory, like the small town was on the other side of the world or so many different possibilities, but he clutched to his theory with all of his might. Because if it hadn't happened yet…there might be a way he could prevent all of the senseless death.
He was about to go and find his teacher, but like always, Razan had a way of appearing when you wanted him most. Just when he was about to go searching, he heard the voice of the man he had come to think of as a type of father.
"Heero…are you all right?" Razan had a knowing look in his eyes, but at the same time, he looked worried.
"You saw what happened, didn't you? You always know what happens in your world. Do you think I'm 'all right'?" He answered sarcastically.
"Well…I did feel a strange disturbance in my world, but I want to know what you think of what happened. I know by now your smart enough to realize what you saw are events that are yet to occur, and you are very right in that assumption. I don't know how, but you were able to see the events that are to happen tonight. The question is, what are you going to do about it?"
Heero's face clearly showed the emotions running rampant through his mind. He knew he needed to save those people, but there was only one way to do so. He would need to once more enter into the body he had long ago abandoned, and when he did that he could easily not blow up an entire city, because he could chose not to. A machine couldn't chose to do anything, just follow orders. If he didn't do anything, there was no other way to save those people. But long ago, when he was still a boy he came to accept a certain fact. If he chose to do what he knew he needed to do, he would never be able to come back. He would need to sacrifice his life as he had come to know it, and go back to a childhood nightmare, he thought he would never need to face again. But more than that, and much more important.
If the explosion were going to happen tonight, he would need to leave right now. There was no time to waste…and also no time to bring Usagi here to say goodbye… She comes when she wants to, but there is no bringing her here. He would need to leave the woman he loved, and he wouldn't even be able to say goodbye. For a brief minute he wished there was a way he could simply not do anything, and ignore what he knew would happen, but he knew there was no way he could do that. There was no choice on his part. He would never be able to live with himself if he chose himself over all of those people, and he knew that Usagi would tell him to do the same if he ever told her.
He felt like his heart was ripped out of his chest, and he could only nod silently to himself. He would need to give up his life, and his reason for living, but there was no other way.
"You know what I must do Razan. I have to go back…"
**
I know it's not very good, but I just wrote it RIGHT NOW, because I knew that I needed to post SOMETHING soon, before raging reviewers tore my throat out, and fed me to the wolves. At least it answers a question you've all had on your mind.
Email me at sirencalling@yahoo.com PLEASE! I love emails more than anything, and if you want to give me any advice or help on my story, or say any comments you might have!
Please review my story. I'm here, begging you to say something, because it's because of you I'm staying up late tonight, and writing instead of doing my homework. I'm a very dedicated person to those who review.
**
Heero smiled softly to himself. It was so good to relive those memories, and the times when he was truly happier than he had ever been. After the brief happiness that came after reminiscing always came the immense guilt, and the heart-wrenching pain. He didn't want to leave his Usa, but what else could he have done. He would never have been able to live with himself if he had done nothing…
**
Flashback
**
Heero once again stared at Usagi's retreating back as another day for them ended, and she had to go back to the real world. It was always painful to watch her go, but it was livable because he knew that no matter what, he would see her again soon, if not in the shadow world, than at least he could watch her…
But she would only be going to school, and as much as he would love to just look at her, there was something he felt he needed to do. Something he hadn't done in a long time.
Preparing himself to once again part the mist, he went to check on what his body was doing. It wasn't really anything but a vague sense of curiosity that drove his to do this now and then, but he hadn't for almost 2 years now, and decided he might as well.
With an ease that came from long practice, he put waved his right hand at the emptiness, and used his mind to will himself to see what he wanted to see.
Expecting it to be another easy exercise, he wasn't prepared for what happened next. Yes, the mist did part, but not like it ever had before…something was wrong. His mind felt like there was a cold iron clamp on his consciousness, forcing him to watch as the events happened before him.
He saw his body standing there, with no expression on his face. His eyes were dull and lifeless as Heero watched him pull a small control out of his pocket, and hold it in front of him. The wind whipped his dark brown hair as he stood on the top of a hill, overlooking a small peaceful city. The pale moon shone brightly as he took the control once more…and pressed the button.
There was still no expression on the face of his body as Heero watched in horror while the small town, so peaceful just minutes before, exploded in a flash of orange fire. She sounds of screaming filled his ears, men, women, and most horribly of all…children. Heero's spirit fell to his knees, clutching his head and trying to block out the screams, while his body simply said the words "Mission Complete" and walked off into the night.
Back in the shadow world, Heero was still clutching at his head, rocking back and forth, trying to block out the memory of the cries in his head. The guilt nearly drove him mad. Maybe if he hadn't been so selfish, and allowed Dr. J to have his machine, this might have never happened. He could have stopped the deaths of so many people, who he knew were innocents. But it was too late now.
He wanted to go once more to his teacher Razan, but something was preventing him from doing so. He just saw the scene play out again and again in his mind, trapped in his own world. It felt like hours, but he knew that it had really only been minutes since it had happened.
The explosion, lighting up the night sky with its deadly fire…
But something was wrong with that picture. He couldn't quite figure it out, but something was off with what had happened. He was so close to figuring it out…it seemed so important for him to do so…
Then it hit him. He knew from experience, that time ran the same for his world, and for Usagi's world. But in Usagi's world, it was still morning, while then it was night…but the implications of such an event were mind blowing. It was relatively easy to bring pictures from the past, or present, because it had already happened. But the idea that you could look into the future…
There were so many things that could be wrong with his theory, like the small town was on the other side of the world or so many different possibilities, but he clutched to his theory with all of his might. Because if it hadn't happened yet…there might be a way he could prevent all of the senseless death.
He was about to go and find his teacher, but like always, Razan had a way of appearing when you wanted him most. Just when he was about to go searching, he heard the voice of the man he had come to think of as a type of father.
"Heero…are you all right?" Razan had a knowing look in his eyes, but at the same time, he looked worried.
"You saw what happened, didn't you? You always know what happens in your world. Do you think I'm 'all right'?" He answered sarcastically.
"Well…I did feel a strange disturbance in my world, but I want to know what you think of what happened. I know by now your smart enough to realize what you saw are events that are yet to occur, and you are very right in that assumption. I don't know how, but you were able to see the events that are to happen tonight. The question is, what are you going to do about it?"
Heero's face clearly showed the emotions running rampant through his mind. He knew he needed to save those people, but there was only one way to do so. He would need to once more enter into the body he had long ago abandoned, and when he did that he could easily not blow up an entire city, because he could chose not to. A machine couldn't chose to do anything, just follow orders. If he didn't do anything, there was no other way to save those people. But long ago, when he was still a boy he came to accept a certain fact. If he chose to do what he knew he needed to do, he would never be able to come back. He would need to sacrifice his life as he had come to know it, and go back to a childhood nightmare, he thought he would never need to face again. But more than that, and much more important.
If the explosion were going to happen tonight, he would need to leave right now. There was no time to waste…and also no time to bring Usagi here to say goodbye… She comes when she wants to, but there is no bringing her here. He would need to leave the woman he loved, and he wouldn't even be able to say goodbye. For a brief minute he wished there was a way he could simply not do anything, and ignore what he knew would happen, but he knew there was no way he could do that. There was no choice on his part. He would never be able to live with himself if he chose himself over all of those people, and he knew that Usagi would tell him to do the same if he ever told her.
He felt like his heart was ripped out of his chest, and he could only nod silently to himself. He would need to give up his life, and his reason for living, but there was no other way.
"You know what I must do Razan. I have to go back…"
**
I know it's not very good, but I just wrote it RIGHT NOW, because I knew that I needed to post SOMETHING soon, before raging reviewers tore my throat out, and fed me to the wolves. At least it answers a question you've all had on your mind.
Email me at sirencalling@yahoo.com PLEASE! I love emails more than anything, and if you want to give me any advice or help on my story, or say any comments you might have!
Please review my story. I'm here, begging you to say something, because it's because of you I'm staying up late tonight, and writing instead of doing my homework. I'm a very dedicated person to those who review.