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Chapter 3

The Mustering of the Good Guys

It was a fine day in Rivendell and Elrond was busy cleaning for some guests. Actually, he was not cleaning; some other elves were doing that. Elrond was busily reciting what he was going to say. Just then, a horn sounded, and a strong man rode up to the front walk. After about forty-five seconds, a whole barrage of men in armor rushed up to the oblivious Boromir and surrounded him.

He flung his hands in the air and screamed, "Don't shoot!"

"You rang?" asked a grumpy soldier with a rather ugly face.

"Yes, tea and crrrumpets, please," said Boromir rolling his R's.

"Hey, Smart Aleck! You're only 'sposed to blow your horn when you are in danger!" grumbled the soldiers marching back to Minas Tirith. .

Then Gandalf, Legolas, Gimli, Aragorn, and the four hobbits strode up the path. That night, Aragorn and Arwen met on a bridge next to the local casino.

"Do you remember the first time we met?" asked Arwen.

"YEAH! I had wicked poison ivy, and you looked like you had just fallen off a cliff!" recalled Aragorn thoughtfully.

Arwen shoved him. "That's all you remember? Poison IVY? You're supposed to say, 'I thought I had strayed into a dream'!" she screamed.

Aragorn was rather taken aback, "Well," he said indignantly, "I had strayed into a dream. The poison ivy was making me so delirious that I thought I was in a dream."

Arwen turned her back on him.

"IT WAS ITCHY!" he called after her. He sprinted to catch up with her.

"What do you want?" she asked without looking at him.

Aragorn looked down at his toes, which he could see quite plainly for his boots were too small and threadbare. "Uh, you look pretty now," he said stupidly.

Arwen rolled her eyes.

"Pretty eyes," hinted Aragorn, being rather a suck up.

Arwen hurled the Evenstar at him. "Here! Keep the stupid rock! I have no use for it!"

Aragorn dropped it.

"On second thought, it would look better on my neck." She snatched it back from him.

He clutched for it and wrestled out of her grasp.

"Mangy Mutt!" she hollered scratching at him for the necklace.

Aragorn climbed a tree, which Arwen could not do, for her dress. "Aww, keep it," she muttered and stalked away.

The next morning, all the people made their way to the council. Galadriel was there and so were Théoden and Gollum.

Aragorn pulled out his sword and sauntered to the middle of the room. He drew out his sword and said, "This is Anduril, Flame of the West, forged from the shards of Narsil." He swung it around and smoothly put it back. He gave a flashy smile and marched back to his horse.

"I need a pint of spray for my hair," moaned Legolas.

"It comes in pints?" asked Pippin.

"Okay people, we are gathered here in this dark hour to answer the threat of Mordor," said Elrond standing up. "Bring forth the ring, Frido."

"Uh, it's Frodo."

"Just bring the darn ring up!"

Frodo jumped up and ran up the steps and climbed on the parapet and threw the ring on the little table.

"Clever hobbit to climb so HIGH!" screamed Gollum rushing for the ring.

Boromir ran with his sword raised and yelled, "Aiiieeeooowwwahhhhhnnkkkaaa!"

"Please don't hurt us, Master, we promise to do what he wants."

"There is no promise you make that I can trust," said Boromir lowering the saber.

"THEIF!" hollered Frodo, "that was MY line!"

"Order! I will have order!" screamed Elrond.

They all slunk back to their places.

"Who will take the ring to Mordor, and cast it back into the fiery chasm from whence it came?"

Legolas stood up, smoothed his hair, and said, "I..."

But then Gimli leaped up and shouted, "I will not see the ring in the hands of an elf!"

"SIT DOWN AND BE QUIET! NOW!" shrieked Elrond.

Everyone sat down and shut up.

"Now, as I WAS SAYING, who will take the ring to Mordor?

Boromir stepped up and said, "I will take the ring to Mordor, though, I do not know the way."

Frodo turned purple, then red, then green. Then he collapsed, and fainted dead away.

Gandalf said, "He was strong in life. His spirit will make its way to the halls of his father. I will not say, do not weep, for not all tears are an evil."

Everyone stared at him and Pippin dumped some Ent draught onto Frodo's face. Frodo jumped up and opened his eyes, which were now quite big because of the Ent draught.

"Hoo hey! Mr. Bug Eyes!" teased Pippin. As Frodo regained his senses, Boromir accepted the ring from Elrond.

"This task has been appointed to me Boromir of Gondor, and if I do not find a way, no one will." Just as he said this, Galadriel stormed up and punched him in the face. She grabbed the ring from him and shoved it into Frodo's hand. "There, ya little whiner, ya happy?" she growled.

"Uh, duh, um... I..."

"Shaddap!"

"Okay! Now that we have that settled, we must choose those who will go with this honorable hobbit.

We have only to remove those who oppose us. Rohan, my Lord, is ready to fall," said Elrond sneakily.

"Hey! We are your friends! Saruman was supposed to say that!" bellowed Theoden.

"Yeah, that's what I meant. Heh, Heh!"

Theoden glowered and turned away in a huff.

The next day, the fellowship was ready to start on their long journey to Mordor. Everyone was retuning to his proper place, Galadriel, to Lorien, Theoden, back to Rohan.

A couple of days later the Fellowship continued on their journey. They were camping on a small hill of rock and Merry, Pippin, and Boromir were practicing sword fighting.

Legolas had just finished giving his hair a shampoo when his elf eyes saw something. "The stars are veiled. Something stirs in the East. A sleepless malice. The eye of the enemy is moving. He is HERE," said Legolas peering into the sky.

"Sweet mother of Abraham Lincoln, Legolas! That has nothing to do with what is going on! That comes later!" shrieked Aragorn.

Boromir stood up. "Craibain, from Dunland!" he hollered.

"Fly you fools!" screamed Gandalf.

"Cripes!" said Frodo. They all dove under cover just as the fleeting flyers flew from far.

"The passage south is being watched. We must take the pass of Carhadras!" yelled Gandalf when the birds had passed. The fellowship trudged up the snowy mountain. Frodo, of course, fell down and lost the ring.

"Good Gravy, Frodo! Quit fooling around!" screeched Boromir.

Aragorn snatched up the ring and thrusted it into Frodo's hand. "See that you keep it safe from now on," said Aragon irritably. When they had gotten high up into the mountain a dreadful storm was brewing. Lightning struck a cliff and brought an avalanche down on to them. "They will be like the small stones that starts an avalanche," spoke Gandalf.

"That's in the last movie!" shrieked Pippin.

"Cripes!" said Frodo.

"We must go through the mines of Moria," spoke Gimli.

Gandalf looked worried. "You know what the Dwarves awoke. Shadow and flame; whispers of a nameless fear. Let the ring bearer decide.

"Who, me? Uh, duh... um..."

"This will be the death of the hobbits," yelled Legolas.

Then Merry came up with a brilliant idea. Bing! "We will go through the mines."

Frodo hollered, "When last I looked, Frodo not Merry was the Ringbearer."

R&R!