Chapter 3 / Monsoon
Jude left G Major as confused as when she'd gone in. Over the growing months, she'd resolved to know that she and Tommy wouldn't happen, that her 16th birthday was far less than the worst thing she could conjure up in her head. It happened; he took it back. They had their torrent moment and parted ways on many levels. Between her tour and his vacation, they only seemed to talk when one or the other crossed some sort of border. After an eternal six weeks came to an end, everything felt worse than before. Tommy was never in the studio; Jude spent nights in front of a microphone, alone. Tommy backed away; Jude clamored for any glimmer of something. Hot and cold, good and bad, everything turned into a game of polar opposition.
Why did he kiss me? Was it for real this time? Jude tried to push all questions aside and keep things at face value. I won't, he said. Never again. Her head spun violently trying to grasp the concepts brought to her already messy table. She walked in the cold, finally overcome by everything. She backed up against the nearest wall and collapsed to her knees. Sobs wracked her body for the first time in what felt like forever. Turning 17 had done that to her – desensitization – but this was far too much for even the most jaded to handle. How DO I handle this? Soon enough, she sniffed back her last tear and wiped her face down with her jean jacket sleeve. She brought herself to her feet and willed herself to continue her journey home. She never walked like this, but she didn't care this evening. The walk would do her good.
She finally made her way home and found Sadie sitting alone in the living room watching some nameless television program. Sadie looked over at her, raised an eyebrow, and returned to her viewing.
"Sadie," Jude trudged towards the couch and sat next to her sister. Too many questions and too much tension had been plaguing the household since their returns home. Jude knew it was now or never to get to the bottom of this and she doubted she could last never knowing anything. "Sadie?"
"What?" Her razor sharp tone caused Jude to jump a little.
"Why did you and Tommy break up?" She laughed and turned to stare at Jude.
"Naivety was always your forte, sis." Jude rubbed her temples, asking for some miraculous headache relief. It was always a fight, wasn't it?
"Right. I really don't need this. Will you tell me or no?" Sadie shook her head and half-smiled, half-sneered at Jude. She looked down at her nails, examining her fresh manicure.
"If you must know, it was over you." Jude couldn't help but laugh herself. It was ridiculous. It was illogical. It made absolutely no sense.
"Seriously, now..." Sadie's eyes squinted and she leaned in closer to Jude's face. Redness was already beginning to spread over her face and ears, her breathing coming in long, angry pants.
"I couldn't write this if I wanted to. The beginning of the trip was great. Romantic, exciting, everything a girl could want to happen on a trip with a guy she thought was her boyfriend." Jude winced slightly at 'boyfriend'; Sadie continued on, unnoticing. "But after about a week, maybe week and a half? Things began to slowly change. Tommy was growing distant, but I chalked it up to him being him, moody and all. Around the fourth week, I was growing tired of the charade. Finally, I called him on it. 'Forget it,' I said. 'I have to know what's up.' The entire argument he's sitting there, staring down at his opened cell phone. I grab it expecting something lame like he's playing a game or messaging someone or anything other than what I saw. He's sitting there, staring at your picture; some still he took of you looking at your CD. He apologized; I said for us to drop it. And there you have it."
She couldn't believe it and she didn't want to; Sadie had to be lying. She just wants someone to blame but... Everything came cascading down on her at once. Sadie's anger, Tommy's distance, it was all put into a semblance of perspective but oh how skewed it was.
"I... I never knew..." Sadie stared blankly at the TV, disregarding all rebuttals.
"How could you, Jude?" She hissed. "Whatever, have your publicity stunt. Leave me alone." Jude stood to leave, giving once last look at her sister. How could she think she did this? Better yet, do it on purpose? Tommy chose who he wanted to go off with. Sadie couldn't honestly think it was an intentional ploy or something she planned on. She could admit she'd wished it but not at the expense she would pay. Sadie wasn't her biggest fan, but she was her sister.
She wanted to run. She wanted to get as far away from her house as possible. Things were too complicated to take in, too heavy to comprehend and it clung to her lungs killing all capacity for breathing let alone rationalism. Everything was spinning so far out of control. She dug through her pockets finally finding her cell phone and dialed her only reckoning.