I swear to god. I wake up in the morning, some far off dream still playing in the back of my mind, and all I can think of is, "I want to write." (And not just on my FF's). That... and I'm crawling into the shower realized that I dreamed of Law & Order: Criminal Intent and Tommy's on there YET AGAIN. Dammit, boy! I really need a new hobby. lol

I have direction for this story! I actually know how it'll end (whenever it actually does) and where I want it to really go. I swear; it's liberating. Hopefully, I'll be able to kick this writer's block that's been plaguing me and just plow through. I have so much in store!

Things are about to get interesting... Enjoy...

PS: I've been listening to a shit load of Sister Hazel. Please believe... I've gotta radio.blog all of these songs one day. lol. But yeah... they are the driving force for the next few chapters.

PSS: An upcoming V&P installment will have an SH song featured. LOOK FOR IT!

PSSS: Yes, this chapter is long. Haha... I told you! I've got my muse!

Chapter 19 / Toast to the Future but That's be a Lie

Jude let Tommy's phone ring its 10th finale, finally growing tired of the sound. She quickly dialed her voicemail, changing the message to something that could only be called cryptic. She was pleased with it that way. It told so much to mean so little. She was done with everything and everyone.

It's been great, my lovely.
It was so simple; I loved you, Tom Quincy.
Where will I be when I stop asking why?
I'd toast to the future, but that'd be a lie.

She turned off her cell phone, tossing it in her bag. She grabbed it and her notebook, leaving her guitar in the corner, sighing to it before she turned to leave. It really was great, my friend.

She quietly left G-Major, giving her unmarked goodbyes to Georgia, EJ, Kwest, and the building she'd used for the past year. She mentally noted how she'd gone in with a bang and was leaving in silence. It's best, Jude.

She was so tired. She was tired of the longing, the love, and the loneliness of it all. She was tired of the hurt and drama. She was tired of screaming and crying and never feeling good enough for the people who'd all walked away. Today, she'd walk away. She'd leave those people to deal with her gone and would find her own warmth and compassion. Going was her destiny and no one would be able to dissect her path. It was what they wanted all along, anyway. She'd give them their final resting and she was through with giving.

It would be all her.

Jude thought of where she would go, quickly thinking of the small house her family had in the "country". She smiled against the bittersweet remembrance of her house and how it was now tainted with the same old Tommy. The house where he'd kissed her sister, where she'd seen them do it. The house where everything felt so right to be so wrong. Her old, glorified refuge turned into a mocking shadow that only reminded her of how foolish she was, but she'd return. Return solely for a roof over her head and to dwell in the sadomasochistic echoes of something that should be, to replay over and over again the scenes of their history.

She walked towards the nearest pay phone to call a cab, not daring to turn on her cell phone lest she turn back to incessantly dialing Tommy's number. She wouldn't turn back now, not while she felt her most faltered strength.

"Dot Taxis?"

"I need a cab." The woman seemed so cheerful; a stark contrast to the scruffy tone Jude had taken on. Jude rattled off an address and the woman said a car would be there within twenty minute to pick her up. "Thanks..."

She softly put the phone back on its hook, and waited for her ride. It arrived quickly but not quickly enough. Again, Jude was rattling off an address, glad the guy knew where it was.

The ride was a short fifty bucks, scenery passed and forgotten. Her mind was black and empty save for the unceremonious silent hissing that still whistled in and out. She made her way to the front door, instantly taken aback by the familiar sights and smells. She braced herself for nothing and opened the front door. The same pictures and trophies lined the mantle; the same pictures and trophies that were Sadie's that Tommy seemed to enjoy. She huffed a short laugh as she turned her back to them, instantly going back and shoving them to the floor. She grabbed random pieces here and there, throwing them around the small living room. An old, semi-faded picture of her and her sister hung above the fireplace. She stared at it, hating it for everything that it was worth. Her fist went impulsively to the center, glass shattering, her hand ripped to near shreds. She looked down at her knuckles, a bloody, bruised mess, and laughed. She shook her head, dropping her hand to her side, allowing the blood to drip onto worn rug. She enjoyed the way the crimson complimented its rust tones.

I'm alone. Finally, I'm alone. No one knows. No one will find me. I'm dead to them.

Jude passed the pine table Tommy and she had decided to write together at. She picked up one of the papers still remaining, realizing it was bits and pieces of their song. She ripped it up, biting the inside of her mouth to stop herself from crying. It was an act of futility, the brininess stinging as it made its way down her face.

I'm so alone. God, I don't want to be alone!

You will be. It's destiny.

She walked with cloudy vision towards her room at the back of the house. It was as bleak as the future she imagined for herself now that everything had finally been broken beyond repair. She laid down, praying the rocking would lull her to sleep and kill the pain that was aching to kill her. In that moment she wanted to die, even contemplated it. She knew she wouldn't. She feared fucking that up too; her failed attempt turning into a front page story. She'd be damned if she'd be ridiculed for not even killing herself right.

Sleep finally overtook her; her thoughts her wistful songs of goodnight.

Your lonely destiny...

Tommy had reached Stuart Harrison and was meeting him at the same shop he'd had it out with Victoria. He waited patiently in their corner booth, remembering how he and Jude had shared many evenings surrounded by empty coffee cups and laughing about nothing but the caffeine high they were floating on. He couldn't help but sorrowfully smile, thinking about yet another fight they'd had and how it was completely juxtaposed to the lightness they shared any other time. He cursed whatever damning Fate decided that they'd always dance in such a psychotic waltz, hate and glory one in the same.

The familiar jangle of the door announced Stuart's arrival, Tommy standing to invite him to their other island. Stuart sat, Tommy noticing how he wasn't the same straight-laced music fiend he'd met months before. He reminded him of himself, hair messy and polo hanging as if on a mannequin.

Is this going to be me? Tommy leaned back, thinking over the idea and all that Jude had told him of her father. They held similar ideals, but one thing stood out to him: Stuart's affair. That would be one thing he'd never do to Jude; he never would nor could cheat on her.

"So, Tommy... why'd you call me here?"

"Huh? Oh. Yeah..." Tommy shifted uncomfortably in his seat. "Jude told me... what she told you. To put it bluntly, I didn't believe her when she told me you were ok with this."

"Why not?"

Tommy but couldn't help but laugh at the absurdity of his question.

"Like you don't know what's going down with her mother. Come on!"

"Victoria is crazy. You know this as much as I do."

"Yeah, but she's still Jude's mother, just like you are her father. How do I know you aren't trying to set shit up? How do I know you aren't going to do something worse than what Ms. Harrison already wants to do?"

"I'm been there, Tommy. The same place you're at right now? I've been there."

Tommy crossed his arms over his chest, giving Stuart an eye of suspicion and an arrogant grin.

"Alright. Tell me..."

Stuart leaned back, matching Tommy's cocky smile.

"I'd just met Victoria. I was 21; she was 16..." Tommy straightened up his posture, waiting for him to continue. "I'd just returned home from uni, summer break, and she'd moved next door..."