DAMN! You all sure know how to feed an addiction! 16 reviews for chapter 20. SWEET. I feel loved... (sniff)

To just sum things up for a few of the comments I got, here goes: It is THAT serious... to Jude, but my A/N's tend to kill speculation. And... DAMMIT, YO. Someone threw in some speculation and well... you're getting close to my surprises so I won't sway or un-sway your thought process. (Then again, if it seems like I've gripped your question hardcore, then well... haha. There you go!) And... I never thought people would flip seeing Jude go crazy! Haha... Trust me... the battle is long and the time is dark... it ain't over until I want it over so enjoy her insanity. (Doesn't THAT sound sadistic?)

But yes... Here's to it, loves!

PS: I really need to edit all of my damned chapter numberings. I've got (2) chapter 17's and 19's. LORD SAVE ME!

PSS: Nirvana played during this chapter. ;)

Chapter 21 / Lord, I'm in Purgatory

God, she looks gorgeous. Stuart couldn't help but be amazed by the girl he'd let go only a couple of months earlier. The two of them drifted apart after he broke up with her, barely a "hello" said since that day. And here he was, standing uncomfortably in his suit and tie, at her seventeenth birthday party; a party she didn't invite him too.

It'd been a balmy August day when her mother had approached him, smiling in a fashion that resembled her daughters.

"Stuart, are you going to come to Victoria's party tomorrow night?"

He took in the question, processed it, and got giddy at the thought that she wanted him to be there.

"Does she want me there?"

"I would suppose so. Why wouldn't she?"

Because you're asking me and not her?

"No reason, Mrs. Chesterfield. Just a passing question, I guess. I'll be there, no worries." Like hell I'd miss it! The woman gave her goodbyes and walked back towards her house. Stuart had just stood there, contemplating the moves he'd make when he finally saw her.

He missed her. He missed her more than he'd ever missed anything.

She walked happily around the small hall, if it could be called that, her parents rented for the evening. She had on the prettiest, softest aqua dress that hit every spot it should in perfection. Stuart couldn't help but long for her in that dress. Stuart also couldn't help noticing that she never looked at him or in his direction as if to say he was there by mistake. After what seemed like ten forevers, he saw her come in his direction.

"Hey, S."

"Hey, Vee. Happy birthday..." He leaned over and pecked her softly on the cheek. "You look great."

"Thanks..." She swayed back and forth, looking around the room. "So, I'm seventeen."

He smiled at her warmly.

"How does it feel?"

"Ok..." She looked over her shoulder, mumbling. "Not old enough."

She pulled at the heart strings she'd long played. He couldn't let this go on any longer. He couldn't stand seeing her so distant, wanting her more than he was able to say.

"Vee? Will you step outside with me for a second? It's just so loud in here."

She nodded, leading the way out into the hallway. It was bright, too bright, for his head to handle. Pain slashed through his temples and mixed with the urges he had to just ramble on and on about how sorry he was and how he never wanted to break up, that he never stopped thinking about her. He suppressed them for the time being, rationalizing that it wouldn't help matters if he didn't approach the subject clearly.

"Did you want to talk?" She looked over at him, watching as he looked everywhere but at her. "Stuart?"

"You didn't have to stop coming over."

"I didn't want you to have to baby sit me."

"I wouldn't have thought that."

"Everyone else would, remember?"

"Screw ev...er...y..." The split second realization put an abrupt halt to the rapid fire banter. It wasn't until that moment did he realize what she'd felt that day when she was telling him to forget what people said and he couldn't. Now, she was playing his game too well and it stung. Wasn't she only supposed to be seventeen? "What if..."

"What if what?"

"What if I wanted you back? What if I hated never seeing you? What if I couldn't stop thinking about you? What if I was the walrus?" He couldn't stop his babbling words nor did he want to. He felt like the most horrible of persons and he couldn't stand to let her just forever be gone. Clarity was officially lost. "What if I was sorry? Sorrier than ever? What if I didn't give a damn what people said? What if I wanted to forget you were seventeen and my hang-ups with your age? What if I..."

She held up her hand, bringing to a close his on-going game of "What if?" only to begin her own modified and simplified version.

"What if I still felt bad? What if it still hurt?"

Her eyes shown fluid and silvery, hanging onto his not yet received response. Stuart found himself turning back into the emotional teenager he'd been before moving off to school, uneasy and melancholy. He was at a loss for most words. He wracked his brain for an answer, logical, illogical, happy, sad, good, evil. The only think he could think of poured from his lips.

"I love you and I'm sorry."

"Me, too."

"Marry me."

"Marry you?"

"Yes, marry me."

"And she did." Tommy stared at him in shock. "Not right away, though. It took a long time to gain back her trust and, even though we had only been apart for two months, she'd changed. She'd grown up. Not to mention her parents weren't all gung ho with the idea. They wanted to protect their only daughter and made my life hell. I think I went through more hell with them than I did with Victoria."

"Mr. Harrison, that... I can't believe that worked. I mean, it's a nice story and it has a good 'happily ever after' ending but that's... Jude would have smacked me."

Stuart couldn't help but to snort at his last remark, visualizing his feisty daughter hitting Tommy at his proposal.

"She probably would, actually. That's Jude for you."

"I have to ask you this though. If you know what happened with you and Victoria in the end, why are you giving your support for us? Me and Jude? Me and you seem to have the same story but you're okay with me being with your daughter?"

Stuart took Tommy's question into deep consideration. He was right after all. To anyone else, Stuart and Tommy were at the same crossroads and were living near identical stories, but to Stuart, they were miles apart.

"Because you aren't me, Tommy."

"Ok... explain."

"The stories are the same – grown men with an issue but not being able to help who we've connected and fallen for – but you aren't me. If anything, I am Jude and you are Victoria."

Tommy's eyes squinted trying to follow Stuart's logic.

"Now I'm completely lost."

Stuart mentally arranged his explanation into neat little points, settling on a final thought.

"You and Victoria both live in the world of 'if it isn't said, it isn't a problem'. Jude and I can't deal with it. It has to be in the open otherwise we can't help but question it. Is it real? Is it ok? Are we ok? Is this wrong? See, secrets and hiding aren't us. I mean, look what happened with Yvette. I wanted to tell the truth so many times, but the only reason I didn't was because I knew what would happen. Secrets turn into lies, Tommy, and lies tear us apart."

Jude slid her hands over her ears, breathing deeply and closing her eyes, screaming as loud as she could. She stopped, gasping for air, screaming again. Rawness burned in the back of her throat.

She couldn't stop screaming.

Sadie sat in front of her illuminated vanity, her makeup a running amalgamation of tears and anger. She pulled her hair from her face and tied it back, looking closely at her reflection.

Hey, Jude. Jude this. Jude that. Jude is the prize-winning, top notch, golden child now. Why'd you have to take Tommy? It wasn't like I didn't like the guy. Hell, I almost loved him. But whatever Jude wants Jude gets, right?

Sadie was pissed. It had been a long time since she'd really sat and thought about Tommy and a longer time since she'd cried over it. She couldn't help it, though. Not today. It marked the "anniversary" to the day her and Tommy had kissed at her family's farm house. Sure, she could admit that in the beginning, it was a thrill chasing after Tommy – the guy she'd lusted after since he was in BoyzAttack! – and a bigger thrill seeing Jude squirm, knowing she was closing in on him and Jude couldn't take him away. But she was wrong. Jude took her father, her diamond plated world, and then Tommy, the guy she'd really fallen for and who wanted her for more than all the other guys she'd dated.

The more she thought of it, the madder Sadie became. She wanted to tell Jude all of this.

She reached for the phone on her nightstand, dialing her sister's number, ready to give the girl hell. Sadie was quickly greeted with the eerie voice of a sniveling Jude, professing love for Tommy and giving her somewhat skewed goodbye.

"Jude, this is Sadie... Just wanted to... talk... You know the number..."

Sadie wasn't sure if she was more angry or disturbed at that moment, but she dialed Tommy's number anyway. He picked up, his voice anxious.

"Jude?"

Sadie couldn't help but roll her eyes.

"No, it's Sadie."

"Oh, hey. What's up?"

"Nothing much. Have you talked to Jude?"

"Not in the past few hours, no. Why?"

"So you haven't heard her voicemail message?"

"No... But I've heard it before, Sadie."

Sadie stood, going for her purse to get her cell phone. She dialed Jude's number again, holding the receiver against the other one. She knew it'd finished she went back to talking to Tommy.

"Ok, that. What the hell?" Silence. "Tommy? Hello? You still there?"

"Meet me at G-Major."

Oh... my... GOD! WHAT THE HELL? To say Sadie was annoyed would have minimized her current emotion to the point of non-existence.

"Why?"

"I think something has gone really wrong."