Shamrock Tea
Letter Five: Gallaher's Blue
To the tears you shed in the dark,
As soon as I enter the room, the smoke of your Gallaher's Blue cigarette pollutes the first breath I take. At first I am stunned to see you smoking and standing in front of the window between our four-poster beds. The window is stuck; no one has ever been able to get it open so I know that you are not attempting to conceal the fact that you are smoking in our dormitory, which is against school rules. For some reason, my first response is to mention that you could get in trouble if you are caught but then I realise that your posture is different. I mentally chastise myself for realising that because that means I have been watching you far too closely, that I know you too well. However, when I realise how stiffly you are standing and how you aren't even bringing the cigarette to your lips, I realise that something is seriously wrong. I walk slowly, cautiously to your side and glance up at your face. Your eyes are wide, unmoving. I look out the window at the flurry of snowflakes and furrow my brow. I can not understand why you are acting so strangely. A terrifying moment passes in which I think you are under the Imperius Curse, but then I see a single tear fall from the corner of your left eye after you blink. I follow its progress down your cheek and somehow resist the urge to reach up and brush it away.
'What's wrong?' I ask, to which you reply 'Everything'. Silence falls. I can feel it pressing against me, urging me to say something more. I hate to see you so sad and I don't even know what made you feel this way. 'What happened?' I ask, to which you reply 'Death Eaters. My mum's dead, brothers and sisters are dead. Everyone is dead.' I say nothing as I feel the weight of your pain suddenly crush down upon my soul. Your voice sounds so hollow. I want to hold you and brush away the tears that are falling rapidly now from your eyes. You turn away from the window and walk over to your four-poster. I watch as you sit down on the edge of the mattress and pull the curtains shut so that I can no longer see your face. I turn back to the window and gaze out at the iron sky of winter as tears of grief for your losses fall down my cheeks and the knowledge that you will never let me in settles on my already devastated soul.