Salt in your wounds
THERE WAS SOME CONTROVERSY ABOUT MY LAST CHAPTER, YES DRACO IS DEAD. I KNOW I KNOW IT'S A TERRIBLE THING, AND SECONDLY DRACO COULD DIE, JUST NOT FROM A GREAT HEIGHT, THE RULES ARE THAT AS LONG AS HERMIONE IS ALIVE THEN IF HE JUMPED OR FELL FROM A GREAT HIGHT HE WOULDN'T DIE, AS IS WITH HERMIONE. BUT THAT DOESN'T MAKE THEM IMMORTAL THEY CAN STILL DIE BY BEING STABBED, SHOT, STRANGELS, BEAT OR KILLED BY ANOTHER WAY, JUST NOT FROM HEIGHTS. Just wanted to make that clear.
And yes, I know, I accidentally wrote that draco had platinum blond hair in chapter 18 OR 19, terribly sorry, I knew there was something wrong with it when I wrote it, but please forgive me
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry potter or any of the other characters or the places or anything this plot is mine but that's about it anything that you recognise is not mine either, although I'm pretty sure there isn't much. And I DO own the poem at the start, just thought it sorta fit so I put it in.
CHAPTER
Goodbye
Watch as I take a blade beneath my skin
Cutting away all the pain I hide inside
Watch as my crimson red blood soaks though my skin
Watch as my blood runs down my arm
Over my clenched fists, and hide within the cracks
Watch as my blood forms a tear falling down towards the ground
Landing with no sound on the pure white tiles below
See into my eyes and see my pain
Listen to the voices that cry what I think
Weak
Freak
Weirdo
Watch as a tear rolls down my cheek
Falling to the ground and mixing with my blood
Watch as I close my eyes and smile into bliss
As I feel the pain
Like burning hot iron
Like nails slicing though skin
Watch as the waves of pain sweep over me
Like the waves at the beach
Lapping at me gently
Don't scream when you find me
Don't try to save me
Don't wipe away the blood and find my cut
Don't try to be my saviour
You're already too late
Hermione stood in front of the full length mirror in her bedroom, she looked deeply into her own eyes, they were glassy and seemed distant even to her. Without thinking she slowly raised her hand to stoke her cheek like Draco had done the day before in short graceful movements comforting her, she felt the heated skin beneath her fingers; it was a hypnotic movement that filled her body.
Slowly her eyes closed and she let the face of Draco float before her eyes, he was smiling and laughing, he seemed to be free in some way, free in a way that he never was during life.
The face of Draco changed from the smiling laughing Draco to one with a far off look in his eyes, and the consecrating stare that he got when he spoke of freedom.
We can leave all this behind, become new people and not have to worry about our pasts. Will you wait for me? His voice was clear in Hermione's head, Hermione continued to run her fingers gently over her cheek slowly pressing harder as Draco's face was replaced by professor Dumbledore's, his voice filled her head, it was so cheerful as he gave her that terrible news.
I'm afraid you will have to complete the remainder of the years head duties along, I'm afraid the recent head boy has died, we found him in his dorm room early this morning again the face changed and her head swam as professor McGonagall's face replaced Dumbledore's. Hermione slowly began to dig her fingers into her cheek, her nails were digging into her soft skin, leaving red marks, and smears of blood as she pressed as hard as she could forcing her nails into her skin. Ms Granger, I expected better behaviour, we all are in shock from Mr Malfoy's death but that gives you no right to slap another student McGonagall's voice rang loudly, her no-nonsense voice infuriated Hermione
'Why? Why did you expect better from me? He's dead and you won't even grieve. Draco was right, nobody in this world does care, their all superficial fools who believe nothing matters except themselves.'
Hermione rocked back and forth as she saw the faces of the people she knew telling her useless things.
After a moments silence Hermione lifted her shirt to gaze at the picture draco had drawn just yesterday, she traced the lines of the stem slowly with her fingertip, she traced the lines of the thorns, they seemed so sharp that they could pierce her skin, she smiled down at the petals as she ran her finger across them, she could almost feel their velvety feel. Hermione looked away from the beautiful picture and up into the mirror, four red streaks ran down the side of her face, the dull throbbing didn't stop it just continued in its steady eternal beat, she gazing at the perfect flower on her stomach with its perfect lines and shapes, she smiled softly tracing the lines of his signature thinking of how he touched her when he kissed, how soft and gentle his fingers where, and how he seemed completely at peace with the world when he drew.
Again she heard his voice filling her mind, one mistake or one choice changes the way our lives go, so I believe it was that one mistake that I made that changed everything to bring me to where I am today Draco's voice filled her, she spoke out aloud in a quite whisper
"What's your mistake?" she was replied by the same reply that she got all those days ago, My mistake was finding happiness the thought made her grind her teeth, hating the fact that it was true. She choked back a sob before shouting to the ceiling letting the tears roll silently down her face letting them fall into her cuts making them sting, but inevitably making them better "Why did you have to leave? You promised we would go away together, run away and become new people! I can't do it without you! Why did you leave me?" she glared at the mirror, it laughed at her, at all her losses and pain, it mocked her, showing her what no one saw, it showed the things that hurt the most. Without looking away she raised her fist and plunged it though the mirror watching fascinated as the shards of mirror fell to the ground, she smiling at the pain that creped up her arm, and she laughed softly as she pulled her arm from the broken mirror, she watched with strange satisfactions as her own blood fell to the ground, she didn't whimper or cry from the pain, but smiled into it, taking refuge in the truth that it possessed, it didn't hide behind false smiles and fake reassurances, it was what it was. 'Pain is sometimes the best friend you could ever possibly have.'
The dining hall was as loud as it always was, the only table that showed any difference at all was the Slytherin's, they were usually loud and unruly but today they seemed slightly detached to the rest of the school, it was like a thick sheet had been pulled over each of them, and in the centre of the table, sat an empty chair, Hermione swallowed hard as she saw the empty chair that had always belonged to draco, nobody dared sit on the designated seat of the Slytherin king, only one face didn't seem empty or lost, Blaise Zimbini sat proudly in his seat opposite the now empty chair, he didn't smile but you could tell by the light in his eyes that he wasn't grieving, he was looking intently at the chair, smiling as he thought of himself in his place. To sit there now would be plain disrespectful, but he would have that chair, and all the glory that came with it.
Hermione sat at the other end of the hall resting on her hand; she had gone to the great hall early and had positioned herself in a way that didn't show her right cheek, she had continued to wear her school robes since they covered her hand easily.
Soon the rest of the school drifted in, Harry and Ron took their place opposite her, each looked slightly uncomfortable in her presence, and she tried to give the both a reassuring smile but failed when she saw Harry's slightly puffy red eyes, and immediately remembered lavender exclaiming that they were 'over'. Hermione looked away from them both and focused on Dumbledore who rose from his seat and was preparing to talk to the school.
"...so let us all raise our goblets and give a toast, to Draco Malfoy" the school raised their goblets and repeated his last three words. Hermione quickly wiper her eyes and looked down at her plate.
"Hey herm, can you pass me the potatoes?" Hermione snapped her head to the left and saw Neville gesturing to the potatoes. She gave him a small smile and passed him the bowl.
"Herm, what's that on your face?" Hermione looked at Harry and tried to smile, but she failed as she replayed the last five minutes in her head. She was looking at her plate, and then Neville interrupted her asking for the potatoes, then she turned and faced him... showing her right cheek to her friends. She clenched her jaw, and tried to look confused.
"What's what?" Harry didn't smile and seemed not to notice her confused act.
"Those scratches on your face" people around the table became silent and tried to listen subtly.
"Oh! Them, their just scratches from Crookshanks" Hermione again tried to smile but stopped faking when she saw Harry's face, he didn't seem to blink, and was staring intently at her.
"Their not cat scratches" Harry stated. Hermione piled some food onto her plate before looking back at Harry, she didn't pretend to smile, she just simply replied in a dismissive voice.
"Yes they are Harry"
The rest of the dinner continued in silence between the two. Hermione stood up from the table, and reached for her books, she was beaten by Harry who lunged forward and grabbed her books off the table.
"Where are you going?" he asked quickly, but soon regained his composure realising he looked like a fool leaning over the table.
"To the library" Hermione stated grabbing her books from his arms.
"let me come with you" Harry said rushed to stand up from his seat a little to quickly and caused the rest of the occupants who shared his bench to all be rocked back and forth until he climbed over to the other side.
"Harry I don't need a chaperone, I'm fine, besides I thought I betrayed you" Harry looked uncomfortably around at the mention of their fight which in truth hadn't been resolved yet.
"I... need to borrow a book" Hermione noticed the moments pause and raised a sceptical eyebrow.
"Harry, I know you're lying, I don't need you to take me to the library, and besides, you need to do some studying" Harry looked uncomfortable for a moment before smiling brightly.
"Your right herm-y, I do need to study, and I think you're just the right person to help me." Ron tuned into the conversation and grabbed Harry's sleeve.
"Mate, I thought we had Quidditch practice, we have a game tomorrow" Harry swore loudly and sat back down.
"Your right, well I'll see you later, Hermione, and... don't do anything stupid" he looked at her sceptically before letting her go.
Hermione sat on the edge of the astronomy tower and watched the sky quickly darken, she smiled as she thought about all the times she had been up here with Draco, this is where they found their understanding, and this was their sanctuary.
'To fly on the winds back, and hear everything it has to tell, that is majesty. To hear the secrets of the world and watch as the sky turns from light to dark, and dark to light, that is only majesty' Draco's voice seemed to fly thought the sky, his deep slightly husky voice filled her head and wrapped itself around her like a blanket, shielding her from the cold wind. In the distance she could see the Quidditch pitch, a few faceless figures flew though the sky, soundlessly, and effortlessly.
Wrapped in the warmth of his words she spoke to the sky. "What would happen if I jump?" again her mind replied with Draco's answer, his wisdom before his time, and his understanding of what life is rang though his voice that filled her head and the sky. 'Your death would make people wonder, make them wonder what made the perfect Gryffindor head girl jump' Hermione listened to the words, smiling at the truth, something she didn't see all that much in her life. "I'm not perfect" she whispered to herself, but this time she said more then she did that day. "But you already know that don't you?" she smiled at the thought of Draco smiling his beautiful half smile, his eyes laughing at the light words. "How long would it take them to find me?" she spoke clear already knowing the answer, basking in the memory of the most truthful conversation she ever had 'As long as it takes for them to notice your absence,' Hermione closed hereyes and let the wind hit her, enjoying its harsh movements.
"To jump from the tallest tower to escape the evil that dwells in the world, seems like something that you'd read in a fairytale, sick and twisted like they are." She recited as Draco had done, his voice ran though hers, making it strong and dominating, it seemed to drown out the roar of the wind. Eventually her voice died down and was once again replaced by the wind. "What would you do if I jump?" she asked before whispering the reply wishing it was Draco who spoke "I'd join you in the sky".
Later that night Hermione sat alone in the common room, the last of the late nighters had already made their way up to bed, and she was left alone in the dieing firelight to contemplate the world.
The words to Goreki ran thought her head, her own voice filled her mind, she pictured draco resting on her stomach as she sung to him, she felt his careful movements as he drew, she remembered how he had paused to listen to her sing, she had felt so free that day, with the gentle morning sun shining on them both as her voice filled the room, it was like the past didn't happen, and the outside world didn't exist, they were alone and everything was perfect. Hermione's smiled as she remembered it all. She had felt alive, but then, she also felt like she had finally died and gone to heaven. She had been safe in his arms and nothing was going to hurt her. He gave her freedom before he was taken away from her.
Hermione slowly rose from her seat and headed towards the portrait whole, she couldn't breathe in the common room, it was too stuffy and inclosed.
She slowly walked the hallways watching the paintings sleep, peaceful and away from all other things, they could live in their own little world, the dangers of the outside world didn't harm them, but yet, most of them were so human they were still scared of death.
Hermione's feet took her to the hospital wing; she wanted to ask madam Pomfrey for some dreamless sleep potion, she knew that if she lay down on that bed, her mind would be filled with memories. She couldn't deal with that, not now.
As she entered the sterile white hospital wing she saw a closed off section, without knowing why she slowly walked over to it and pulled back the curtain that surrounded the cubical.
Lying on the bed was Draco; his face was bruised and cut. As though in a trance Hermione walked forward and touched his skin, just to feel it again. It was cold so unlike how it had always felt while he was alive, she slowly ran her fingers though his black hair, it was still so soft, although parts of it had been clumped together by blood, she stroked his head running her fingers along his sculpt, slowly she let her fingers travel across his cheek and touch his lips, she looked closely and saw a small smile on them, slowly she ran her index finger along his jaw line stopping at his chin, she gently tilted it up and lowered her own mouth to his lips, giving him a final kiss his lips were dry and cold and a contrast to her soft, warm ones, she seemed to melt into the gently kiss, glad to have him again. As she pulled away a tear fell from her eye and landed and his cheek bone, before running down onto his lips, she watched transfixed as it seeped in though the cracks.
Hermione ran her fingers over his lips one more time and ran her hand down his chest to rest on his heart, there was no beat. There was nothing.
Hermione wiped away another tear before it fell, then turning away and whispering.
"Goodbye Draco"
A/N well there you go, I am so nearly finished it's not funny. Well I hope you enjoyed it, because it was a bloody pain to write.
Thanks to my reviewers, you're all wonderful...
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And to all of you, I killed him because he has to die for this story to ever end.
I got around 65 reviews for those two chapters, that's so cool!