All Things Being Equal…
Disclaimer: I don't own Buffy the Vampire Slayer, nor do I own Angel the Series.
Spoilers: BtVS everything up to S6. Angel everything up to S4.
Summery: Gee, Challenges, I don't know. Xander goes to LA—Angel Investigations, specifically—to apologize to Angel. Xander should know by now no good deed goes unpunished.
A/N: At first I imagined this to be Xander-as-Sahjan, but damn, I'm fulfilling my evil!Xander quota with Long Term. So this turned into something less dramatic.
Xander Harris got to the Hyperion Hotel around nine o'clock that night. What was about to happen next was going to be awkward, but not really all that hard. Hard to deal with is your best friend trying incinerate the whole world because, hey, everyone's better off. If Xander can face that he was sure he could face Dead—Angel straight off and apologize.
Sure, it'd suck at first, but Xander knows how to take his medicine. Besides Buffy was cool afterwards, wasn't she? She hardly even rubbed his face in it. Well, she did actually rub his face in it quite a bit but that was beside the point. Angel, Xander like to think, would have a more class—would demure if guys can demure, that is, and accept Xander's apology with tightly controlled dignity even if he wanted to laugh his un-dead ass off at Xander's expense.
And that too was fine by Xander. People've been laughing at him, not with him mind you, all his life. So the mission statement was about the swallowing of pride and when he was done doing that he could leave with a clear conscious, or whatever.
Xander parked his car in front of the hotel fairly certain he had the right place. The hotel wasn't marked with a huge glowing neon sign so Xander had to go by Willow's description of the place. Xander stood outside and took the place in thinking Angel sure did like to live large. First the mansion now a gigantic hotel with more area space than a vampire could possibly need, or even a dozen vampires could make full use of unless they wanted each of their torture victims to have separate accommodations. Xander lifted his left hand and gave the back of it a quick stinging smack with his right. Just a reminder he was here to mend fences not make snide, although very witty, comments even if they were to himself—he had to confront Angel in the right frame of mind.
After pocketing the keys to the rental car in his jacket, Xander searched out the hotel's front entrance. Climbing up a short flight of chiseled limestone steps, Xander pushed on one of the double gold-plated and glass doors and entered the Hyperion's lobby. Which was completely deserted. Xander glanced about, not sure if this was usual for Angel Investigations. He should have made the extra effort to get the number from Willow or Buffy and called ahead and now he has to wait God knows how long.
"Hello?"
Maybe business isn't too good and everybody was, like, taking long breaks?
"Cordy… Wesley… Angel?" Xander snickered. He did with Angel's name what Homer Simpson does when he says Flanders. Hee.
"May ah help you?"
Xander turn his head and found a woman standing just inside an open doorway to his left. She wore a white blouse with long sleeves the hem tucked into the waistband of her black slacks. Once again Xander is thankful for the time he had with Anya, regardless of how badly they ended. Xander looked upon this beautiful young woman and was pleased to know he wasn't drooling and didn't feel any oncoming bouts of Tripping-over-tongueidous. Xander acknowledged she was lovely and moved on. Gone were days when he felt compelled to get the ladies to like him even if it meant making a complete fool of himself. Either women liked him or they didn't. No big.
"Uh, yeah, I'm looking for a guy named Angel," Xander raised his hand and let it hover about three inches over his head, "sort of tall, stupid—I mean interestingly styled hair?"
"You know Angel?"
"We were fur… um, bud… uh… we had a working relationship. It was very strained."
The woman was wearing black rimmed glasses and her hair—brown, and looked like it might be long otherwise—was pulled up into a messy bun. She held what looked like a heavy book, bound with brown leather, open in her hands. Definite spooky research material if Xander ever seen it. The pretty girl closed the book removed the glasses and got even prettier. Sounding infinitely tired, she said, "He's not here."
"Oh. Well, when will he be back? I was kinda of hoping to talk to him about something." Preferably while I'm under the influence of a butt load of drugs and alcohol.
The pretty girl walked over to a small bookcase with wheels, the kind he'd seen Giles use to cart books around the Library while he was re-shelving them, and she placed the book on it. She closed her eyes, sighed and let her hand linger on the book. Xander was becoming concerned. Something about that expression on her face, it was one he'd seen a whole lot lately. Mostly when he watched Willow in one of her unguarded moments. Worn out, rung out like an old dishrag (And, wow, there's something he'll never say aloud. Men have been spitted for less). Except on this woman the look wasn't anything but lost and hopeless. No guilt or… or… she didn't look like you needed to worry if she stayed in the bathroom too long because there were razor blades sitting in the medicine cabinet.
Xander was about to go to her when he heard thumping coming from the staircase. Xander watched a tall, good-looking black man probably no older than he was, jogging down the stairs two at a time. When he reached the bottom, he was glaring at Xander like he'd just spit on the floor and called his best girl a big 'ol slut.
He and Xander eyed each other for several too long moments before the man barked:
"Who are you?"
"Right! Yeah, the name's Xander. Harris. Xander Harris. I'm looking for Angel."
"He's not here."
"So I gathered from the lady," Xander said, tilting his head at the frayed looking women.
"He ain't up for taking any cases right now."
"Case? No, no, I just need to tell him something real quick, then I'm gone."
"Whatever you wanna tell him you can tell me," the man said rather aggressively.
"Yeeeah, no, I don't think so."
The man stalked towards Xander and huffed and puffed like he was this close to knocking Xander on his ass.
"Charles," the woman said softly. Judging by the way the man reacted though, her gently saying his name—or Xander assumed it was his name—might have been a shouted command, because 'Charles' immediately backed off. Though still glared menacingly Xander's way.
"I'm sorry, sir, but we've suffered loses lately and it's been," the woman paused, "very trying on all uh us."
Xander had to tear his eyes off of Charles because the guy was mad dogging like crazy and it made Xander reluctant to turn away. He did though, and looked at the woman again. "I'm sorry to hear that, I really am. I lost—and people I care about—lost someone recently too. I get it."
Oh, boy, did he. Maybe more than these people would ever believe.
The young woman offered a weak smile and said, "Thank you. My name is Fred, and he's Charles."
"You can call me Gunn," Gunn said gruffly. Clearly Xander had made a bad impression already. Man, it usually takes people five minutes to decide they don't like me, Xander thought.
"Nice to meet you, Fred. You too, Gunn… I guess. So you don't know when he'll be back?"
"No, not usually," Fred said. "But you're more than welcome to wait here until he does."
"I wouldn't say welcome," Gunn mumbled.
"That's nice of you," Xander went on to say as if he hadn't heard Gunn's comment.
"No problem, it's the least we can do, we weren't very invitin' when ya came in," Fred said.
"It's s'right. Say, do you know when Cordelia will be in?"
Fred raised an eyebrow. "You know Cordy, too?"
"Went to school together for, oh about, all our lives."
"Funny, she never mentioned anybody named Xander Harris when she talked about Sunnydale," Gunn spoke up.
Xander grinned and bowed his head, blushing a little. "We didn't exactly part on ideal terms. I mean, it's not like she wanted me dead anything," Xander quickly added, "anymore," then continued normally, "but I'm not surprised she didn't regal you guys with stories about me and her."
"You and her?" Gunn asked.
"We dated," Xander replied.
"Really?" Gunn asked doubtfully.
Xander glared at the man and snapped, "Really!"
"Okay." Gunn smirked and walked over to Fred.
"Cordelia went home, but she said she'd be back at eleven," Fred said.
Xander glanced at his wristwatch. It was ten after nine now. Xander decided he'd wait until Cordy came back to the Hyperion and if Angel decided to stay missing he'd get Cordy to relay his message. There was no doubt in Xander's mind Cordy'd get a kick out of it. Hell, she'll probably embellish his apology to the point Xander would sound like a total schmoe begging for forgiveness.
Looking up from his watch, Xander looked at Fred and Gunn, who now stood behind Fred and had his arms wrapped around her waist. Figures, but it does explain his attitude somewhat. Xander thought then rolled his eyes. So what if I was checking her out—look at him. Like she'd chuck him for me.
"So where am I crashing?" Xander asked after getting his jealousy under control.
"You can wait in his office or one of our rooms upstairs," Fred offered.
"Office, I think. Think he'll mind if I snoop?"
Fred smiled at the joke. Gunn made a face. "Don't be going up in Angel's stuff," he ordered.
"Right, like I'm interested in Angel's crap. Probably has a lifetime supply of mousse stashed or better yet freaky drawings of Buffy in a special portfolio or something. Woo, let me at it!"
This time Fred let out an honest to goodness giggle and Gunn didn't like that at all. Xander would have been nervous, but he figured Gunn wasn't the type to beat him down for just making his girl laugh. Xander having experience enough for three geeks when it came to recognizing bullies.
"C'mon, Xander, I'll take you to his office. I think he even has a little TV in there you can watch," Fred said.
"Angel has a TV? Never figured the guy for a couch potato. Like I always say: gotta love those wacky vampires, they always keep ya guessing."
It was like Xander screamed fire or something because Fred and Gunn's tension level jacked up instantly. Sensing their nervousness, Xander asked carefully, "Whoa, I say something wrong?"
"You know about Angel?" Gunn asked. Xander suddenly realized the hostility Gunn showed before was nothing, a sham, compared to the threatening posture he displayed now.
"You know he's a vampire?" Fred stopped her advance towards Xander and took several steps back nearer to Gunn.
Feeling unsure of what he should say, Xander hesitated for a moment before deciding honesty was probably best.
"Uh, yeah? Don't like it, but yeah, very familiar with Angel being a vampire. And I know about demons too, which I guess academically speaking, is the same thing. I even know about Slayers and Watchers…" Xander's voice trailed off, his eyes nervously flicking from one to the other as they pinned him with unfriendly and guarded stares. Finally, Fred spoke up.
"Maybe you should stay out in the lobby," she suggested in a slow polite manner, trying to sound like she didn't think Xander was an unrepentant baby killer after just witnessing video evidence of him downing a screaming, wiggling toddler.
"Where we can see you," Gunn added, not bothering to pretend to sound anything like polite or trusting.
"Wow, this turned ugly real fast," Xander said. "Look, I'm not gonna say me and Angel are friends, not even close, but I'm not here to hurt him or you. If you don't believe me call Cordelia, she'll tell you I'm okay." Xander turned his eyes up and bounced his head a little before adding, "Well, she'll call me all kinds of nerds and losers, but definitely not an enemy."
"We will call her, but until we get the real deal on you, why don't you have a seat over there," Gunn said pointing at one of the sofas in the lobby.
Xander brought up his hands. "Hey, no problem."
As Fred and Gunn made their phone call, Xander took a seat on the couch and wondered why he was surprised this little sojourn to apologize to Dead Boy was turning out to be a royal pain in his ass?
"Well, well, well as I live and breathe, Xander Harris! How nice it is to see you again!" Cordelia Chase belted out from the landing when she caught sight of her former boyfriend sitting in the lobby, his arms folded petulantly over his chest.
Gunn and Fred stood behind the check-in desk, Cordelia nodded a greeting at them. Before noticing her arrival they'd been giving Xander the evil eye. Cordelia wondered briefly if Xander had flashbacks of high school?
Some things never change, she thought after taking in Xander's attire in a quick, fashion-trained glance. The colors matched, surprisingly enough, but Xander's clothes were too relaxed, almost beyond what was decent. She heard he was doing construction, "running his own crew" as Willow put it, so Cordelia was willing to excuse the flannel, blue jeans and work boots ensemble.
Barely.
Xander craned his head around. "Cordelia Chase! Sounding fake as usual!" he retorted snidely.
"Now that's not a very nice thing to say, Xander. You expect me to vouch for you while you have that attitude?"
"Cut it out, Cordy, these people think I'm a disciple of Manson or something. Tell them I'm cool."
Cordelia raised a perfectly groomed eyebrow at his choice of words. Xander, incensed, pursed his lips before he said, "Fine, fine, tell them I'm a loser - dork -face, whatever, but tell them I'm not here to give them problems afterwards."
"I don't know, I've always considered your very existence kind of a catastrophe," Cordelia replied cheekily.
"Cordy…"
"Never mind, man," Gunn said. "If you were a evil, Cordy would be trying to kill you while slamming you like that."
Cordelia grinned at Xander's sour expression in response to Gunn's statement. Her smile sobered when she realized that, despite their back and forth of insults, she was glad to see Xander. After everything that's happened since she left Sunnydale, after all the changes she's gone through, their breakup didn't hurt as much as it used to. His betrayal didn't sting in the same way. She thought about Wesley, and it never was more obvious to her the stuff that happened in high school was exactly that: so high school.
Right now Xander was like a breath of fresh air, or at least the wistful memory of uncomplicated times.
And it sucks that she considers her youth on the Hellmouth uncomplicated times.
"What brings you to La-La Land, Mr. Townie?"
Xander's frown grew and he crossed his arms over his chest again. He said, "None of your business. It's private."
"Sorry, Xander, but if you wanna talk to Angel just to give him trouble, it's not happening," she said, muting the mirth in her expression to show she was serious.
"Right, like I'd come all the way to LA to," Xander took on a corny hillbilly accent, "mingle with you big city folk just to give Angel the piss."
Xander got up from the sofa and walked over to Cordelia. Gunn made as if to intercept him, but Cordy held up her hand and Gunn stayed put. Xander caught the exchange and Cordelia thought his eyes were going to roll back into his brain.
"Okay, some bad stuff went down and you guys're not much with the trusting right now, but I'm this close to saying screw it and heading back home!"
"Hey, calm down. If you wanna talk to Angel it's okay with me, as long as you understand you are not gonna pester him with your general Xander-ness. Get me?"
"Yeah, yeah," Xander answered.
"Great."
"You know how I live to please you, Cordy," Xander drawled, tilting his head to the side and smiling sweetly. "'Cause we all know it's all about you."
"Finally, you get it!"
They stared at each other for a moment before they smiled. Xander's expression was telegraphing confusion as well as levity, though . Cordelia's smile grew bigger, she realizedXanderwas surprised her words, though up to their usual scathing wit, lacked the heat they would have last time they saw each other.
"Wow, what happened to you guys?" he asked bluntly.
Cordelia could feel her smile fade away before she answered him. "It's family stuff."
Xander nodded. "Ah, gotcha."
"So, tell me what--"
Xander shook his head negative. "Nope."
"What do you have to say to Angel that's so private?"
"Nothing I want known to the public at large. It's embarrassing enough he has to hear it."
Cordelia sniffed. "Fine, he'll end up telling me anyway."
"And I'll be long gone before then, so nyah."
Xander and Cordy went into Angel's office after Gunn and Fred retreated upstairs. Xander figured Gunn was starting to believe he wasn't the Son of Sam, because Gunn didn't make a fuss about Cordy being alone with him. Cordelia took the big-boss-man chair behind Angel's desk and Xander sat on the other side in a smaller, plush chair.
Xander decided he was going to say what he had to say to Angel no matter how long he had to wait, especially after all the grief he had to go through to see the guy. Besides, and you could have knocked him over with a feather about this, but Cordy was being nice to him—sort of. They caught up on little things going on in their lives without getting into anything too personal. He told her about his promotion and deliberately avoided mentioning Anya and the other Scoobs. Cordy told him about an almost commercial she shot a year ago, which was the closest she got to jump starting her illustrious acting career.
"How come the job fell through?" Xander asked, feeling her pain due to all the jobs he lost since graduating.
"Oh, you know, problems with the director—a big jerk—Angel getting all over-protective and the mysterious interdimensional portal that sent me to another world where I became a slave then shortly after the queen of the whole kingdom. Usual stuff that gets in the way of super stardom."
Xander nodded sagely. "Yeah, those portals to alternate dimensions can be a bother. But that director—you should have keyed his car. My favorite form of taking revenge when it comes to dealing with ass-like ex-bosses. So you still going on auditions?"
"Not so much. Fighting evil doesn't allow for a lot of pounding the streets."
"I'd imagine."
"What's he doing here?"
Xander turned around in his chair and saw Angel standing just outside the door jam. As to be expected the vampire hadn't changed in appearance at all. Cordy stood up and went over to him and Xander stayed in his chair watching quietly.
"Did you find any leads?" she asked.
Angel seemed to instantly forget Xander was there and responded tiredly. As tiredly as Fred was acting when Xander first arrived. "No. Nothing."
"I'm sorry," Cordy said. "Maybe tomorrow, huh?"
"Yeah, maybe…"
Xander turned away from the pair and glanced around the room, not wanting to appear too interested in what they weren't saying to each other. He hadn't paid enough attention to the office while talking to Cordelia, but now that he needed a distraction he took the opportunity to do it now. Xander noticed how unlike the rest of the Hyperion it was. It was cluttered, very busy. On the wall to Xander's right there hung several maps of the greater Los Angeles area with red markings on them. Next to them hung a conspicuous and hauntingly realistic sketch of a middle-aged man with a bread and long curly hair. Xander squinted and thought the man looked sort of familiar. He shook the feeling off just as he heard Cordy say his name, wrenching his attention back on her and Angel.
"He says he wants to tell you something and it's private," Cordy said and with that left the office closing the door behind her. But not before throwing Xander a smirk. And, yeah, Angel was so gonna tell her everything after Xander left.
Angel stared at Xander with something less than courteousness, then shrugged and walked up and stands behind Xander's chair. Xander had to forcibly clamp down on his swelling irritation at Angel looming over him like that. Instead of commenting Xander got up and stepped away from the chair and Angel.
Man, how he wanted to tell Angel to shove it, not because the guy was acting all tough and stuck-up, but because Xander was nervous, maybe afraid even, and he didn't like that Angel got to see him like that. Okay, calm down, Xand-Man, it's no big deal. Just say you're sorry and you're outty.
"Umm, O-K, it's like this: I'm sorry."
Angel's face went from mildly arrogant to surprise. Xander was pretty sure those two words were the last two Angel expected to hear coming from him. "Excuse me? Sorry about what?" Angel asked after getting over the shock of Xander's apology.
Xander shoved his hands into the front pockets of his jeans and fought off the impulse to go all "aw shucks" and bow his head and kick at the floor, too. He did avert his eyes though and decided to look at Angel's left ear and not his face. "You know, about wanting Buffy to kill you," Xander answered.
"I assume you mean when I was Angelus?"
"Actually—yeah, that's right. I mean I guess I understand why she couldn't do it right away after you went loony tunes."
"You do?" Angel asked with a tone so full of incredulity Xander quickly met Angel's eyes and tried to make his expression as sincere as possible. It wasn't hard, because for the most part he was.
"I do. I've learned recently it ain't easy to want someone you love with all your heart dead, even if they've gone over the deep end. I mean… you love them and you can't really see them… one day they're your best friend and the next they wanna go lay waste to the Earth on you--"
"Okay, I'm gonna have to stop you there, Xander," Angel interrupted.
"Huh?"
"Yeah, I lost interest a while back, so… apology accepted. You can go now."
Xander's mouth was still hanging open when Angel calmly and dismissively walked behind his desk and sat down. He turned in his chair so that he was facing the wall with the maps and sketch pinned on it. He stared intensely at the wall and didn't look Xander's way again.
Xander's mouth snapped shut with a loud clack of his teeth. He comes all the way from Sunnydale, leaves Willow and the others to deal with everything by themselves, even if it's for only one day, just so he can apologize and this is what he gets? Lousy vampire! Thinks he's too good to even listen to me grovel! I bet what he really wants is for me to crawl on my hands and knees and kiss his feet! Well fat chance! I can't believe I actually said sorry to this suck-head! Well, I never!
Gathering his fractured dignity, Xander purposely strode around Angel's desk and stood not quite in front of the vampire, but a little off to the side. He said very pleasantly, "Thank you for generously accepting my apology, I appreciate it greatly. Now I hope I never ever have to see your chalky, gorilla looking ass again. You dick."
With that, and feeling very satisfied with his parting words, Xander turned on his heels and started to leave the office. Just as he reached the door it hit him where he saw the man in the sketch before. He turned back around and found Angel was staring at his back dourly.
"Before I go, dip wad, why exactly do you have a sketch of my Uncle Rory hanging on your wall?"