February 1975

It's only been three minutes since the service was supposed to start and everyone's starting to get restless. Gregory touches my hand, reminding me to be patient as he turns to whisper to the woman on his right. Alex laughs behind her hand and nods to whatever he said to her. She reaches around him and squeezes my hand, smiling effortlessly in the way that always makes me nervous.

Gregory only introduced us when we arrived, but already she can giggle and smile at me like we've known each other for years. It's disconcerting, nearly as disconcerting as the kindness of Gregory's sister. I'm wearing a few hundred thousand dollars of her pearls, and she spent half-an-hour redoing my hair while Gregory romped in the other room with his nieces.

I've never met a man who looked thrilled as two children dragged him to the floor and made him play endless rounds of baby games. As the assembled crowd waits for the Deschanel wedding to begin, they give up on silence and start chatting amongst themselves as everyone gets impatient. Alex and Gregory joke about how much time it took them to find a dress that fit the bulge of her pregnant belly to her liking. The baby's due in just a month.

"Four more weeks of hell." Alex corrects Gregory with that impish smile that makes me feel like I'm the most serious woman on the planet.

"You'll be fine." He promises as he makes room in the pew for Alex's late-comer husband.

"Didn't miss anything Johnny, AJ and Elaine must be building our anticipation." She leans up to peck his cheek, but he just straightens his suit and looks frustrated.

"I should have known a that a Deschanel would make everyone wait. Probably learned that from his mother." John Mitchum complains under his breath as he sits down on the other side of Alex. "Always knew there were two kinds of important people in this town, Deschanels and everyone else."

Alex stands up with a softly apologetic smile. "I'll be right back." Gregory and I both have to stand up to let her get by.

He leans over and whispers in explanation. "Bathroom. Every twenty minutes of so."

Alex heads towards the back of the church, shoes clicking on the hard marble floor as she goes. Her husband just settles back with another sigh. I can't help wondering what it says about her marriage that Gregory seems to care more about the upcoming baby than the father. Both men start to talk about business. John's in import-export and it seems to fit well with the Richards communications holdings.

I did a little research at the library. It started with newspapers and telegraph lines and two Richards brothers a long time ago. The radio stations Gregory mentions were bought by his grandfather after World War Two. The newer television stations were picked up by his father, Patrick, before he turned to politics. Now the entire company rests on it's laurels, keeping Patrick's election coffers full, Caroline's banquets the talk of the town, and little Patricia comfortably ensconced in Paris and Milan. Meredith's wedding to her husband with the shipping company united the Richards and Harrigan families, American wealth from the Carnegie era united with old European charm and titles. Gregory's probably expected to make an equal match. Some princess of fashion who'll increase the family connections just as much as she'll make him happy.

But Meredith didn't seem unhappy. I muse as the priest announces that there will be a slight delay, the chamber orchestra strikes up a new song and the chatter gains an electric hint of anticipation. Something must be going on, no wedding ends up nearly half an hour behind without a major set-back. Alex returns and sits down at my side, not bothering to climb over Gregory and I this time.

"I'll just have to get up again in a minute anyway." She explains to her husband, who turns immediately back to his conversation with some big shot in the construction company. "Maybe Elaine got lucky and went into labor." Alex teases and Gregory starts to chuckle.

"I don't know if a lot of women would consider going into labor on their wedding day lucky." They take hands, resting them on my lap as they share their joke.

"But at least after that she'd have her own body back, I can't think of a better wedding present than that."

I turn my head to Alex, wondering how I could have missed that sort of news. "When's Elaine due? I didn't even know she was pregnant."

"Just a week after me actually." Alex replies as she sighs and tries to get comfortable in the pew. "So at least I've a little bit of a head start."

I take Gregory's hand from Alex and lock my fingers around his hand. "Why didn't you tell me Elaine was pregnant?"

Gregory looks down at our hands and back up at me with a sheepish apology in his brown eyes. "I didn't want to ruin the wedding for you."

"Ah, because I'd never notice that Elaine needed a maternity dress for her wedding." I snap back at him, harder than I should considering how sweet he's been to me all night.

"Well, I did expect you to bring some sort of legal book along to read during the ceremony. Who knows if you'd bother to look up at all." Gregory fires back, and for some reason it hurts. Usually no one can hurt me.

It's my turn to slip across Alex's knees. "Excuse me." I'm walking too quickly and I have to force myself to slow down as I pass the orchestra. Gregory may just be chivalrous enough to come after me so I hide in the women's bathroom. It's empty, thankfully. I close my eyes to avoid looking at the woman in the mirror. She seems so much more together than I feel. So much more beautiful than I should be.

AJ's been with Elaine for months, maybe a year, maybe longer than that. All the time we were dating Elaine knew and she was sleeping with him behind my back. She was carrying his child, so it's no wonder AJ left me by the wayside. Did he want a child that badly? I thought we were two of a kind. The kind of people who'd rather travel the world than sit up nights with a screaming baby.

Maybe I don't give babies enough credit. I've never wanted one. Even listening to Gregory and Alex talk and joke makes me uneasy. Giving birth to me killed my mother, leaving my father alone to raise a baby daughter on a night watchman's income. If they hadn't wanted me, a screaming red-faced little whelp, my mother would have been able to stay with him. Be there in the end when he cried out for her in his fevered delusions and the final bout of pneumonia that killed him.

He never even noticed I was there. His hazy blue eyes never fixed on me. He never said my name. Did he blame me for taking her away? Maybe he was a father like Alex's husband, barely involved in her pregnancy at all. He always used to say how much I looked like her. How I laugh exactly the way she did. Maybe that's why I always smile instead.

"You're not the first woman, nor the last, that's been used by that playboy." Alex leans against the wall, arms crossed over her belly. "In fact, he made a pass at me last summer at one of Del's beach parties." She starts to giggle and then looks at me, suddenly mortified. "You weren't dating him then, were you?"

I shake my head and force a smile. "No, AJ and I didn't start until the beginning of last semester."

She sighs in exaggerated relief. Gregory must have told her. He must tell her a lot. She settles down on one of the chairs in the entryway to the bathroom. "You'll have to forgive me, my feet get annoyed with me after any period of standing longer than two or three minutes."

I give in, playing nice with Alex will keep Gregory from worrying about me, or thinking he's done irreparable damage to my feelings. "I suppose I should have known better."

She pulls me down into the chair next to her, smiling sympathetically. "That line should be engraved on the inside of every wedding ring." She looks down at her own, and back up at me playfully. "Except mine, mine should say 'property of John Mitchum'."

"He seems-" I start, trying to think of something to say, but she cuts me off, laughing yet again.

"Dull, full of himself and obsessed with power." Alex replies with a wicked glint in her eyes. "But don't worry, I promise not to take offense at how fond you are of my husband."

I smile and wrinkle my eyebrows in surprise. Everything's a joke with her. It's going to take some getting used to. "I still can't believe I never knew Elaine was pregnant. We used to be good friends, we just went shopping a few months ago, and I didn't even notice."

"It's not your job to notice what your friends hide from you." Alex reminds me with a firmness in her tone that makes me relax slightly. "If Elaine was any friend of yours she would have said something the moment you started to date AJ."

I sigh heavily and find myself playing with the expensive pearl and gold bracelet on my wrist. "That's what bothers me the most. Elaine was the only woman I really thought I got along with."

She nods as she reaches up to fix a loose pin in the complicated curls Meredith put into my hair with such ease. "You're a member of the boys club all right, but don't worry, spending a little more time with Gregory should girly you up in no time."

My giggling surprises me, I spend so much time trying to hide it that I nearly forget what it feels like to laugh. "He is rather sweet."

"He's a teddy bear or a kitten or-" She laughs with me as she tries to think. "Pick any sort of small, furry little creature that just wants to sit on your lap and be loved."

"I'm allergic to creatures." I make a dry apology, but I start to blush when I realize how much I like the idea of Gregory sitting on my lap.

"Good thing it's just an analogy then isn't it?" Alex straightens the skirt of her dress, rearranging the green silk around her knees. "In all seriousness future-counselor Blake. If you're ready to dive into the ocean of romance once more, you couldn't ask for a better partner. Gregory's sweet, considerate, warm and loving. And unlike AJ Deschanel, he only needs one woman to make him happy. Since I'm up to here-" She rest a hand on the top of her belly. "With the Mitchum men, I think it might be you."

I can't pull together an appropriate response. That sister of Del's loves him, his sister and his nieces adore him, Alex can't stop taking him up, and AJ hates him. What better resume could I possibly want? "What would someone sweet, considerate and fantastically wealthy want with the-" I get up, pace over to the mirror and stare at the lost little girl all dressed up in pearls and satin. "The ice queen."

Alex was already amused, but now she just can't stop laughing. "The ice queen. That must be a Bettism."

"She's never liked me." And it's never bothered me before. "No one really likes me. I've never had time for girlfriends, Del Douglas is probably my best friend, but he only likes me because I'm as callous and jaded as he is."

"And you're what, twenty-one years old according to your law school records." She winks at my surprised expression. "I'll give you jaded, but callous is reserved for people at least thirty. Though, I must admit to being a little curious to know how you're nearly done with law school at the same age I was just finishing my undergrad."

I look around the bathroom quickly and drop my voice to a whisper. "I cheated. Faked a high school diploma and tested my way into UCLA. Since I was coming from England and an orphan they didn't have a lot of people to ask the truth. Law school didn't care how old I was, my LSATs were good and I had an Bachelor's degree just after my nineteenth birthday."

"Gregory's right to find you so fascinating." Alex teases with that look that insists she knows all about me. "You are something special esquire."

A voice on the microphone is carried through into the bathroom. Del, showman that he is, has taken over for the priest. "Since this little wedding don't seem to be happenin' I hope y'all won't mind me moving you to my house and the beach. After all, we are all dolled up, and it would be a shame to waste the good liquor from the reception."

I help Alex up and she cant stop shaking her head in surprise. "He must have stood her up."

"AJ?" I wonder as we head into the main chamber of the church. "AJ wouldn't-"

Gregory catches my arm and kisses my cheek as soon as he can reach me. "AJ did. Bastard never showed up, his best man went to his hotel room and found all of his stuff gone. Guess he got home from his stag party and hopped on a plane for Europe."

"Oh my god!" Alex exclaims as she wraps her arm around John's. "How absolutely dreadful for Elaine, here I was thinking he was just stuck in traffic, or spilled something on his tuxedo."

"Well, Douglas has the right idea. Would be a shame to waste a good party." John suggests as he leads the four of us towards the doorway. "Shame about AJ though, never thought of him as the type to run."

"Maybe you just didn't know him." Gregory finishes dryly as he takes my hand. "I'd be flattered if you'd still come to the party with me, even if it isn't a reception."

I look to Alex, who winks at me before following her husband out to the parking lot. Could I really make him happy? He's smiling at me right now, not because he wants something like AJ or Del, but because he's happy. "I'd be delighted."

I slip the car out of gear and the beautiful old Jaguar sputters and dies. It's a good trick, Gregory looks at me and believes my shrug. "I guess I broke your car."

He laughs and takes my hand off the stick. "It's a tough old bird, she's probably just out of gas."

"That must be it. You shouldn't have let me talk you into joy riding up the shore after the party at Del's. We should have gotten gas first." I look at him with the best mortified expression I can manage. "Oh darling I'm so sorry."

Gregory brushes his hand across my bare shoulder and sends a tingle down my arm just from the gesture. "What did you call me?"

"Darling," I giggle and feel the flush run hot across my face. "I'm sorry, I guess I shouldn't-"

He melts, just like I thought he would. "I think it's adorable. I've never had a 'pet' name before." Gregory leans closer and I can smell the hint of cologne on his neck.

"So I don't have to stop?" I whisper, feeling the champagne from the party rush to my head as my head dances away with thoughts I shouldn't be having., but I can't help it. He's so sweet and caring and absolutely smitten with me and Gregory has no idea how much of a turn on that is. He's the first man to ever look at me like I'm only woman in the world. I let his jacket slide off of my shoulders to the leather of the driver's seat.

"I don't think I could ever prevent you from doing something you wanted to do." He admits sheepishly, but there's naked admiration in his voice.

I cross my legs in the seat, feeling the tightness between them and wondering if he feels as hot as I do. "AJ tried to."

"AJ's the stupidest man I've ever met." His hand sends fire up my arm as he touches me.

I laugh, falling back into the seat and loving every second of his honesty. "Tell me more about how stupid he is."

"What if I don't want to talk about AJ anymore?" It's a bold statement for the shy historian who took me out as a favor to his best friend.

I trace my hand along his collar, feeling him shiver as my fingers brush his neck. "What do you want to talk about?"

"Tell me more about your case, the nasty one-" Gregory's hand caresses my knee and it makes it incredibly difficult for me to think about anything other than moving his hand farther up my thigh.

"They want to settle." I begin softly, but I start to giggle as he traces a pattern on his neck. "But- darling, settling is for losers." He kisses my neck and that spot explodes in a flash of sensation.

Gregory pauses, waiting for my response and I pull his hand up to my thigh, wishing I could get this damn dress off and feel his touch on my skin. Pulling his hand up farther edges him on and his lips leave hot spots as he moves up towards my chin.

"I believe in fighting, fighting until the bitter end." I finish with a sigh of wanting. He cups my chin, looking into my eyes with the kind of hunger that I've never seen in a man stare at me with. His thumb ventures down, pushing the fabric tight as he teases my inner thigh.

"Has anyone ever told you your eyes go on forever?" Gregory whispers as his other hand finds the bare skin of my back.

I can't talk anymore, and I pull his face to mine, crushing our lips together. We break apart for a moment, looking into each other's eyes as we ask each other how much further we intend to go. He responds by thrusting his tongue into my mouth. He plays the sensitive places of my mouth like a well-tuned instrument. Gregory nibbles my lower lip and I sigh in ecstasy. Every nerve that he's touching is more alive than I've ever been.

I re-cross my legs, trying to ignore how desperately tight it feels now. I want him to touch me, to flip me back on the leather of the back seat and remind me that I am a woman under my lawyer's disguise. Gregory keeps kissing me, playing our lips together and reminding me that few pleasures are as exquisite as someone giving you their undivided attention. He puts his other hand on my knee as his right hand teases the embroidery at the base of my spine.

I groan in pleasure as he starts kissing his way down my neck again. "I can't take much more of this." I hiss as he squeezes my thigh playfully.

"Do you want me to stop?" Gregory reaches down and undoes the delicate strap of my left shoe. He brushes across my breast as he lowers his other hand to my right shoe. As it drops to the floor of the car I shake my head.

"Darling, if you stop now I'll never forgive you." I open the door and sneak around giggling into the back seat. The slam of his door follows a half-second afterwards. I can hear him rustling with his pants as I reach for the clasp on my dress. When I can't get it I rip it, I can always fix it later.

Gregory cups my breasts for just long enough to make me wish he'd rip my clothes off right now before he reaches down my back towards my zipper. The straps of my dress hang loosely off my shoulders and I pull them down to expose the simple strapless black bra beneath it. With him distracted by the sudden baring of skin on my chest, I hurry my fingers down the buttons of his shirt.

His chest is strong and covered in scattering of brown curls. I run my fingers through the hair and bite into his chest just above his left nipple. Gregory retaliates by pushing my dress up to my hips, one hand sliding up my leg to tease me to readiness. He doesn't need to prepare me, I can barely keep myself from reaching down and taking over. As soon as my hands move he senses my distress. Gregory's hand teases the sweet spot just below where my thigh meets my hip on my right leg and I bite back my cry of wanting.

I rip open his trousers, sliding them down to and off his feet as I dive my fingers beneath the waist of his dark red boxers. Gregory undoes the hooks on the back of my bra with a practiced hand and as soon as my breasts are free they're falling into his mouth. He sucks one nipple as his thumb and forefinger abuse the other. My breath comes harder and if he doesn't work his way into me soon I'm going to implode.

He kisses his way across my chest to lick a path around the other nipple before taking it into his mouth as well. My hands find their way beneath his shirt as I pull him closer. I try to tell him I'm ready but he catches me with a finger in just the right place to make me cry out. I get up, shoving my dress down off my hips and pulling him down over me. My feet force his boxers off his slim hips and Gregory looks directly into my soul as he finally dives inside of me.

I moan immediately, surprised by my own lack of control. I pull his mouth to mine and crush his lips to his face as I try to understand the feelings coursing through me. Pure sexual passion I know, but this is different. Gregory's making it different. He pulls out, teasing me with the terrible sensation of emptiness as he arranges my legs in a better position. His deeper now, and I can't control my own breathing.

I bite into his shoulder and ding my hands into the skin of his back. Gregory responds by flicking me back and forth with a hand I'd rather have on my breast. He laughs beneath his moan of pleasure as we move his hands to my breasts. Strong hands squeeze them into my chest and I cry out. Gregory stops, too considerate for his own good.

I writhe beneath him, begging him with my hips to keep moving. Deeper, faster and my sweaty skin starts to stick to the leather of the seat. "Oh God-" I claw back from the edge, wanting to wait, stay in this place as long as I possibly can, but Gregory has other ideas. He pushes me onward, teasing with a gentleness in his tongue I could never manage. I close my eyes but he urges them open. His gaze bores into my soul and it's worse than the pounding of my body. I feel him start to tense up and I let go.

I've never screamed like that before. I've never collapsed shaking around someone and felt like every part of my body has died and I've just been too distracted by his body to notice. Gregory flops down to the seat next to me, breathing just as hard as I am. He pulls me down to his chest, cradling my nude body to his as I study the marks I left on his skin. "Liv-"

My name gets broken as he struggles for breath. "Liv, you're-"

My heart's just not beating. How can it be after what I've seen in his eyes?

"No darling, you are." My legs are shaking too much to move, but somehow pull them up to my chest. "You're-"

"Something new." He finishes as he starts rubbing my arm. A drop of sweat catches in my eyelashes and I flick it aside.

"Worth fighting for." I add softly as I realize I can't see an end. Something's started that I'm not going to be able to control. Something that spirals away from me, unfolding towards forever. When I shiver again and snuggle closer in his arms it's not about the chill of the car.

February 1997

I don't think there's a word that properly describes how much I hate medical centers. Gregory's already a wreck, holding on to my hands like he'll die if he has to let go. When we got the call I felt the cold knot of ice settle into the bottom of my stomach, and it's running through my veins now. Sean's unconscious and no one knows when he's going to wake up. Maybe we're being punished, maybe I'm being punished for walking away from Gregory. If I don't want my husband why do I need my son?

My son, the baby I didn't want. The baby I barely kept because I was so afraid after the miscarriage. The baby I cried myself to sleep over even after Gregory promised he would live. He has such faith. Even now he's rubbing my shoulders and reminding me that it will be all right. "Sean's going to be fine."

Gregory was in the room when he was born. He saw how blue Sean was, how still, how quiet. Gregory held me when I collapsed, sobbing in despair because the baby he promised me would be all right was dead. And he had to be dead, why else would he be so still? It was my fault, it had to be my fault. I had killed two of Gregory's children with my fear of being a mother, my residual terror of an event I could never remember. My own desperate desire to live triumphing over the lives of my children. My mother gave her life for me, why couldn't I do the same thing? Why couldn't I trade my life for my son's?

"Do you remember when he was born? How tiny he was, how fragile?" Gregory reminds me, proving that his memories have taken him to the same place. He doesn't have the guilt. Gregory did everything right. He held me when I was sick, brought me breakfast in bed when I couldn't get up for work. Sat by my side in the hospital and supported me as we went from doctor to doctor in search of one who wouldn't make me leave him out of the delivery room.

He never understood my terror. But how could he? Everything always ends up all right in Gregory's world. He's never watched death come over a person like a cloud blocking out the sun. The closest he ever came was with me in the emergency room. I never had a chance to tell him how much I held on to his voice. He kept talking to me and as long as I heard that I knew I couldn't go. He needed me.

"He's going to be fine." I echo finally. Taking Gregory's words and making them into a mantra as he hugs me. What is it about the way he hugs me that makes me feel safe? I'm the most powerful businesswoman in Sunset Beach and the hot shot lawyer. I shouldn't have to depend on my teacher husband to make me feel better. No one's watching right now, right now I can rest my head on his chest and forget about being lost.

Dr. Chang, who seems too young to be a physician, lets us in to see Sean. Gregory goes right to his side, smiling warmly. "Hey son, how are you feeling?"

"Okay I guess." Sean smiles at his father in a way he never smiles at me.

"What happened?" Watching Gregory take his hand is yet another reminder that he's the good parent. The caring father.

"We were just messing around, and I feel. No big deal."

I turn on him, ice in my stomach boiling into hot anger. "Just messing around? You're in the hospital Sean, I think that counts as a little more than just messing around. What were you doing with those two anyway?"

"Oh Olivia leave him alone. He's in the hospital for God's sake!" Gregory turns on me with surprising strength considering how upset he was a moment ago.

"He seems to be fine, this is just another stunt, yet another way to embarrass his mother." Just like the car he gave away, the beautiful BMW convertible Sean gave up just to prove how little respect he has for me.

"Oh it's always about you isn't it? What you want- your reputation-" Gregory pulls me back from Sean's bed, effectively putting himself between my son and I. "Maybe you should spend a little less time worrying about what other people think about you and a little more time thinking about your family!"

I grab Gregory's jacket and pull him forcibly down to my level. "Everything I do is for this family." My voice comes out as a hiss, and there's honest fear in his eyes. "Everything. Don't you dare doubt that."

Disgusted with both of us I release his jacket and walk away. It isn't until I get out of his sight that I realize I'm shaking. I nearly smile at the irony. I used to like it when Gregory made me weak in the knees.