(some adult content)

March 1974

"I'm not taking your money and that's the end of it." Olivia sinks into her stool at the end of my counter and sighs heavily. "Can't we talk about something other than my finances for awhile?" She smiles, trying to placate me as I uncork our bottle of wine. I drop the cork on the counter and roll it towards her.

"Pinot grigio, all the way from Italy."

Olivia picks up the cork and smells it delicately before rolling it back to me. "Should go well with your pasta stuff-"

I stop, nearly dropping the bottle of wine as I feign injury. "I spend an hour removing the shells from the shrimp, two hours making the white wine reduction sauce to put over the angel hair pasta I bought fresh this morning. Pasta stuff indeed." I take her glass from her and refuse to hand it back. "I think I need to cut you off before you stop appreciating everything about me."

She starts to laugh and flies from her stool to kiss my cheek. "I could never do that." Olivia backs up and lets me back to the stove. "You're the best thing to happen to me in a long time."

"Move in with me." I offer hopefully as I set up our plates. The pasta steams up towards the ceiling as I split it in half and dumped it out.

She starts to laugh and pulls away as I pour the sauce over the delicate angel hair. "Your parents would love that." Olivia winks at me as I arrange the shrimp in a circle on top over the pieces of tomato.

"Olivia- you're being evicted." I set her plate in front of her and hit the dimmer switch on the wall. "Where are you going to live?" I light the candle in the middle of the table as I settle down with my plate and glass. "The library?"

She picks up her fork and tries to blush her way out of the confrontation. "You don't have to be charitable."

"I'm not being charitable-" I argue as I try to find a way to say it that she'll understand. I stare down at the way she's picking her tomatoes off of her dinner and realize there's only one thing to say. "I love you."

Olivia's face melts, and I'm not sure if she's going to blush or start to cry. She drops her fork into her pasta and finally settles on nervous laughter as she tries to retrieve it without getting her fingers dirty. "No you don't."

"Liv-" I watch as she wipes her hands anxiously on her cloth napkin. "I love you. I would like you to move in with me because I can't get enough of you."

"Not because you're just too chivalrous for your own good?" She still can't look at me, and she gives up on her mission to remove the tomatoes from the top of her pasta because her hands are none too steady. "I don't want you to save me."

I drop my hands to my lap, smiling softly as I take a bite of my own pasta. "I'm asking you to save me." Turned out better than I thought I realize as I study the flavors in my mouth. Smiling comes so easily when she's around.

Olivia finally swallows her first bite and stares at me in confusion. "What could you possibly need to be saved from? You have everything."

I look out past her at my view of downtown Sunset Beach through the window behind her. "I have things. Things break, things go out of style, things can be replaced. Do you know what I did at night, before we started dating?"

Olivia shakes her head and twirls her pasta around her fork. "No."

"I sat in the library and waited for you to walk by on your way home." I admit softly, remember the thrill of joy whenever I saw her. "I used to pray you'd smile because that made my whole day worthwhile."

The faint flush of embarrassment is a new look for her. "You can't love me."

The telephone starts to ring and I kiss her cheek as I excuse myself to answer it. "Why not?" I get the phone on the third ring, leaving my napkin in my chair to wait for me.

"Hello?" I begin as I watch Olivia secretively grin in shock at her plate. I turn around, she'll never forgive me for seeing that vulnerability in her.

The voice on the other end is entirely vulnerable. "Gregory?" Alex sounds out of breath, like she's been running. "Oh thank god you're home. I can't find John anywhere. He's not answering at his hotel, and I forgot the name of the man he was meeting in New York."

I cover the receiver and turn to Olivia. "Alex." I explain as I lift the phone back to my ear. "What's wrong?"

She inhales sharply and takes an extra moment to answer. "I think I'm having the baby. I've been having contractions for the last hour or so and I kept thinking they'd go away, but they've just been getting worse and I don't know what to do. I feel so awful bothering you with this, because I know you had a date with Olivia tonight-"

"Don't worry about it!" I correct her firmly. "Alex, we'll be right there. You are still at home right?"

She manages to laugh before cutting herself off. There's definitely pain behind her levity. "I'm not going anywhere."

"Ten minutes." I promise as I wave Olivia over. "You be good until then."

"You know me."

I can't help admiring her humor. I don't know if I could laugh in her position. "That's why I want you to be good. Ten minutes." I remind her as I hang up the phone.

Olivia turns around, but she looks shakier than I've ever seen her. I stop halfway to the front door of my apartment and reach for her hand. "What's wrong?"

"Alex is in labor, isn't she?" Olivia can barely look at me. "That's where we're going."

"Hey-" I take her other hand and sit her down. "Alex is going to be fine. She's just a little freaked out because she can't find John."

She pulls her hands back and I can feel cold sweat on her palms as she does. "Maybe I should stay here, I mean, I don't know Alex that well-"

"Alex likes you." I reassure her, but I can tell immediately that Alex's feelings towards her have nothing to do with this panic attack. Olivia's gone nearly white with fear.

"My mother died..." She starts to whisper softly as she takes my hand. "Giving birth to me killed her."

I can't think of anything better to do than hug her tightly to my chest. "Alex is going to be fine." I run my hands over her back, oddly proud of her for being so honest with me. "You'll see Liv, everything's going to be fine."

She manages to smile for me and nod weakly. "If you say so."

"Alex is tough as iron. You'll see." I get up and lead her towards the door. There isn't even time to put our dinner into the fridge, but I made it once. I can make it again. "Just trust me."

Turns out Alex wasn't the one I needed to be worried about. The maternity ward of the tiny Sunset Beach hospital is only worried about Elaine. Alex is within a week of her due date but poor Elaine's five weeks early for hers.

Dr. Gordon, Bette's current husband, is quick and apologetic as he checks Alex out. "You're doing just fine Mrs. Mitchum. We'll be able to move you to delivery in a few hours." He makes a few notes on a clipboard and heads for the door.

Then he's gone. Bette pops her head around the door and sneaks in to give Alex a hug. "So March eighth is going to be day?"

Alex tries to smile, but it's a tired effort. Her blonde hair's tied back in a pony tail but sweat's beading up on her forehead already. "I really hope he doesn't hold out for tomorrow."

"Oh honey you'll be fine." Bette assures her brightly as she settles down to chat for a bit. "You've never done anything slowly in your life." Bette's cheerfulness rubs off on everyone and I sneak away to check on Elaine. Olivia will be all right until I get back.

Elaine's room is sealed, but she must have seen me in the hallway. Alex looked tired, but Elaine looks like hell. Her hair's drenched with perspiration, her eyes are sunken into her head, but she smiles when she sees me. "It's not as bad as it looks." She promises but I have a hard time believing her. "Lock the door."

As I turn around to do what she asked, but when I turn back she's out of bed. I rush to her side. "Are you insane?"

Elaine waves me off, pulling on her clothes as it hits me. She doesn't look nearly as pregnant as Alex. In fact, Elaine's barely pregnant at all.

"I expected AJ to leave me." She explains softly as she drops her hospital gown to the floor. "As soon as I found out I was pregnant I lied. Added a few extra months." She sits down and pulls on her shoes. "I need your help."

I follow her dumbly, too stunned to do anything else. "What can I do?"

"AJ's mother is a lunatic. She would have stolen my baby as soon as he was born. Bette's husband helped me lie. For a price of course." Elaine ducks into the sink to wash her face. The makeup around her eyes melts away under the warm water. "You understand, don't you?"

Baby-stealing? Faking her pregnancy? I try to nod. "What do you need?"

Elaine dries her face on the white towel and smiles in relief. "Your jacket and a promise that you never saw me."

I shrug out of my coat and hand it to her. "The nurse wouldn't let me in."

Her lips are still wet from the sink as she kisses me. "You're a good man Gregory. Don't let anyone take that from you." Elaine tucks her hair into a hat and pulls on my jacket. She must only be five or six months pregnant, and it's entirely hidden in my jacket. "Thanks." She unlocks the door of her room and she's gone.

I'm still reeling when I return to Alex's room. I don't think I've processed any of the conversation. Olivia takes my hand but she's looking for reassurance too. I wrap my arm around her back. Alex and Bette are still talking.

"Did you find Elaine?" She whispers softly.

I remember to shake my head. "Nurse wouldn't let me see her."

I can't tell if Olivia feels pity for Elaine or figures it's the price Elaine has to pay for stealing AJ. I'd love to tell her that AJ didn't cheat on her, at least not as long as she thought, but I can't let Elaine lose her baby like that. No one deserves that. No matter what they've done.

Alex bites back her pain with a stilted cry and Olivia's grip tightens down on my hand like a vise. "Alex is going to be fine." I whisper to her as I kiss her cheek. "She's not your mother."

Olivia keeps hold of my hand, slipping into my lap as I sit down across from Alex's bed. The intimacy of it surprises me. Even Olivia Blake occasionally just wants to be held.

After a few moments she leans in close to my ear. "I'd love to move in with you."

I smile and meet her eyes before I turn my attention back to Alex. It's not 'I love you too' but it's certainly a start.

February 1997

"You did meet him on the internet." Olivia begins with incredible sympathy. Sean already looks on, mutinous, but Caitlin is the victim here. "Murderers and rapists pick up young women on the internet. You should just be happy he didn't break more than your heart."

Caitlin collapses into her mother's arms, sobbing. "You were right mom. He just wanted a fling, he realized I was too serious when I brought him. Oh mom, how could I be so stupid?"

I could tell Caitlin that Olivia orchestrated the whole thing. I could burst into Olivia's vicious little plot and ruin it, but I won't. Caitlin wouldn't believe me, and Olivia will never forgive me. I head for the bar. Vodka might dull a little of the pain once my head is swimming in it. I pour and head to the kitchen for cranberry juice. Let Olivia run our family like her own private melodrama. I can just stop playing my part.

I down my first drink and feel the vodka sting my throat. My ice cubes haven't even had a chance to melt before I bury them in liquid again. After my third drink, Olivia and Caitlin have retired to the study and I can escape. I can hear the music blasting from Sean's room and it occurs to me that a stronger man might stand up to Olivia.

I'm not that man. I leave my empty cup on the bar and head out the door, bottle in hand instead. I know better than to drive, the world's swaying a little around me. I head down the beach in search of somewhere where I won't see Olivia everywhere.

Meeting her was an accident. I didn't even know she was in town, but she settles down in the sand next to me and takes my arm in a way that patches my heart back together. "I'm sorry Gregory. I should have called as soon as I came into town."

I lean back against the rocks of the grotto and sigh. "It can't be that wonderful to listen to my disaster of a marriage every time you're in Sunset Beach."

"It's just nice to talk to a friend." Alex corrects with a gentle smile. "I don't have many I keep in touch with."

"Even when that friend is drunk and depressed?"

She takes the bottle from my hand and takes a long swig of my vodka laced cranberry juice. "You always drink the girly swill don't you?"

I laugh and tickle her knee to get it back. "I'll have you know Olivia bought that vodka. It's imported and was probably terribly expensive girly swill."

Alex starts to laugh with me and I realize I'd forgotten how good it feels to laugh with someone. "I'm sorry you fought with Olivia."

"That's like saying you're sorry for the rain." I point out as I watch Alex remove her shoes. Her delicate ankles are tanned from walking on the beach. She probably spends as much time trapped in an office as Olivia does not working.

"Sometimes I'm sorry for that." She takes another long drink of our vodka. "It ruins my lighting."

"Ah."

She rests her hand on my arm and it sends a thrill through my body I haven't felt since Olivia attacked me on the sofa. Alex is my friend. Alex is off limits but she's gorgeous as she rolls her head back across her shoulders.

She catches me looking, notices the hungry way I study the petite curves of her body. Alex takes my hand and pulls me up. "Come on sailor, you should go home."

I remain on the beach and shake my head firmly. "I'm not going home to my wife."

She kneels down next to me, she's always been better than I at holding her liquor. "That bad huh?"

I sigh heavily and lower my head to my hands before looking up at Alex and wondering what twist of fate kept her childless while Olivia and I ruin our children's lives. "She blackmailed Caitlin's new boyfriend into breaking up with her."

Alex's mouth twists in sympathy. "No one's good enough for that girl, are they?"

"No." I get slowly to my feet and wonder when the beach got so unstable. "I don't think anyone ever will be. My poor daughter should just run off to a nunnery now, maybe God can measure up to Olivia's standards."

Alex wraps my arm around her shoulders. I can't place her perfume, it must be something exotic. "You did." She reminds me softly. "I remember Olivia being absolutely smitten with you when you were young. She would have walked on water for you."

"Now water just gets out of her way." I explain as we wander in a crooked line down the beach. "Like everything else."

Her hand squeezes my hip. "You're not very good at it. You could save yourself a lot of pain if you'd just learn to duck faster."

I stop and look out over the ocean, wondering what lies Olivia's told Caitlin by now. "I've never been able to take my eyes off her."

Alex steers us up the beach towards the Inn on Sunset Beach. "I know it's not home, but I've a room here and you're always welcome where ever I'm hanging my hat these days."

I follow her into the hotel, and up the elevator to her room. Alex unlocks the door and we stumble into her room. She turns on the lights, but switches them off again as we realize how bright they are. "It's nice."

She shakes her head and disappears into the kitchen of her suite. "It's too clean. I keep looking for those nasty hissing roaches everywhere, but this hotel is just too nice to give me anything to do."

Alex returns with two glasses of water and takes a seat on the bed next to me.

"I could buy you some at the pet store." I offer as I take the water gratefully. "Sean has this tarantula in his closet in a terrarium if you'd like to chase one of those around for awhile-"

Giggling cheerfully as she clinks our glasses together in a toast. "I nearly had a pet one of those in my luggage when I left Madagascar. It's a good thing I misplaced my toothbrush. Otherwise the furry little guy would have come all the way to Namibia with me."

"Don't think he would have liked it there." I offer as I think about the sweltering heat she wrote me about.

"Probably not." Alex agrees as she finishes her glass and sets it aside. "I really am sorry you fought with Olivia. I know how much it must have hurt you."

"It always hurts me." I swirl the water in the bottom of my glass and look for the ulterior motive I always see in Olivia's eyes whenever she's kind to me like this. "I could build a monopoly on pain that would rival Olivia's holdings at the Liberty Corporation."

She takes my arm and holds it against her chest. She's warm and comforting and unlike my wife- she's interested in more than the passionate aspect. Olivia hasn't held my hand like she enjoyed my presence for years.

"You still love her." Alex offers for me. It's not a question, but it begs for an answer anyway.

"I don't think I know how not to love her." I reply as I drop my head softly to her shoulder. "She keeps ripping my heart out, but the damn thing keeps growing back like a weed."

Alex rests her hand on my chest, covering my heart with her tan little fingers. "I like weeds. Some of the most beautiful plants in the world are weeds."

"Olivia prefers roses." I finish my water and set the glass aside. "Roses are the best."

"Hey-" She grabs my chin and turns my face towards her. "You are the best. You endure, you hang on- I wouldn't have put up with half the sh#t you've gone through over the years for her."

"I haven't been the best husband-"

Alex doesn't believe that either. Her eyes are so blue. "Olivia didn't let you be. Your sun rises and sets in her eyes, but she doesn't give a damn. She doesn't even see what she's missing when you're right in front of her."

I kiss her, surprising us both. The more she talks the more I realize how terrible it's going to be tomorrow when I go home to my empty house. How quiet it's going to be when Caitlin's crying about her boyfriend and Sean's sulking. It's not a quiet I want to live with. She kisses me back, sharing the warmth of her body as she creeps into my arms.

She's not Olivia. The warmth rising in my chest isn't love but her hands feel good on my back. Maybe I'm too weak. All it takes is a few kind words and I'm falling into the arms of my best friend. We fall back to the bed, lying there in the dark together. Alex pulls herself up on the pillows and I rest my head on her chest.

"You don't have to do this for me." She offers softly, tracing her fingers through my hair.

I prop myself up on my elbow and stare into her eyes. Her brilliant blue eyes lead straight to her heart. Alex wears her mystery on the surface, beneath that she's nothing but honest. "When I'm with you, it's not about you. It just is what it is."

"What is it tonight?" Alex wonders as I crawl up towards her. Our lips are a whisper apart again.

I don't bother to answer because we both know what it is. I lean down to kiss her again and she rises to meet me. She's smaller than Olivia, but there's hardly anything delicate about Alex. Her hands take care with the buttons of my shirt. Olivia would have ripped them off, but Alex isn't in a hurry. She won't walk away without a word. We sit up, my legs straddling hers as she pulls her simple brown turtleneck up and over her head. There's no satin beneath her shirt, just a simple cotton bra.

Kissing my neck as she works down the buttons over my stomach, Alex finds the moment to smile at me as she turns my back towards the bed. She pushes me down with a gentleness Olivia rarely possesses. Maybe for the tender months when we shared the bond of her pregnancies, but making love to Olivia is like trying to bottle a thunderstorm. Dangerous but invigorating. There's more life in Olivia's cast off clothing than most people know in their time on this earth.

Eventually even I have to come in from the storm. Alex's hair is soft between my fingers as I hold her head down to my own. Her legs slip down on either side of my waist, her jeans rubbing against the twill of my pants. Would Olivia care if she knew where I was? Would the thought of me stripping Alex of her jeans do anything to her? Can she blame me for searching for the affection that's gone out of our marriage? She certainly finds enough pleasure on the side, why do my affairs earn the third degree when hers fall into the realm of things we just don't discuss?

Thinking of Olivia just makes Alex feel better as she melds around me. She drags me out of bed to strip off my pants. We crawl beneath the sheets together and I find the simple clasp on Alex's bra. Her breasts press naked against my chest, firm and smaller than what I'm used to. Does Olivia know that she's the standard that I compare every other sexual experience with? Would she even care?

I put her out of my mind. Alex is here now and she runs her fingers over my chest with the same quiet smile she uses when we talk over coffee. Twenty years I've known her, but we study each other with the same shy curiosity as teenagers. I kiss the birthmark on the sweet spot of her hip and smile when I realize I've never seen it before.

I forgot how comforting it is to close my eyes and lose myself in the heat of someone else's body. Lovemaking has a quiet side. A reflective pause between breaths that reminds me of an emotion I thought I'd lost long ago.

Hope.

Alex is gone when I wake up. The curtains are open and sunlight's pouring in from the morning outside. Will Olivia even have missed me last night?

I roll over to Alex's pillow slowly. Her side of the bed still smells faintly of her, earthly and unfamiliar. There's a note on her pillow and a single fresh flower. It's a dandelion, a single brilliant yellow flower with a jagged edge. Smiling as I pick up the weed and set it in the water glass on the bedside table, I turn to the note.

"Weeds always grow back, especially when they aren't appreciated. That's what I love about them." I chuckle to myself as I set the note aside and crawl out of bed to look for my clothes. It's after nine according to my watch, and Olivia will already be at the office. I won't have to deal with her until tonight. If she's speaking to me at all.