Disclaimer: I forgot to do this at the beginning. Most of the characters are Janet Evanovich's creation and are not my own. Only a few are. My first story on fanfiction so please review! I hope you enjoy it!
Chapter 4:
When I looked at the backseat, Barroni was missing.
"Shit!" I shrieked.
"What?" Lula asked startled.
"The bastard disappeared!"
"Yeah, maybe we should have kept a better eye on him."
"Fuck!" I cried exasperated.
I jumped out of the car and looked around. He was nowhere to be seen. With no other option, I wandered into the station to see if anyone had seen Barroni. I almost fainted when I saw him sitting on a bench near the receptionist's desk. Barroni shuddered when he saw me.
"Get away from me!" he screamed. Everyone in the room turned and stared at the scene unfolding.
"What…?"
"You need to be locked away! You're crazy! You almost got me killed! Someone, anyone get her away from me! Help! Help!"
I was too dumbfounded to do anything but stand there as he tried to get as far as he possibly could away from me. He continued to scream.
"What the hell is going on?" Costanza burst into the room. He looked back and forth at me and Barroni. He started to laugh.
"Should have known in was you. Only you can terrify someone that much. Come on," he said to Barroni. "Let's go. I'll get you away from her."
"Thank-you," Barroni cried. I watched as Costanza led Barroni to another room. Everyone was still watching me. My face as red as a lobster, I quickly fled back to the car where Lula was waiting.
"Did anyone see him?" Lula asked as we drove away.
"Um," I said, embarrassed to go on, "he was in the station."
"Get out!"
"No he was there."
"Dang, that doesn't happen every day. An FTA actually turned himself in. Hmm,"
"Well actually, I think I know why he turned himself in."
"Get out! Why?"
"He might have been just a little scared of me and decided the safest place for him was jail."
"Get out! Dang, don't that just beat all. You know, that's actually a good thing. Gives you a good rep. Keep this up and you'll be in the same league as Ranger."
No one is in the same league as Ranger. Ranger has abilities no normal person has. No one comes close to Ranger. I stared at Lula.
"Well maybe not in the same league, but a higher one." Perhaps Lula had a point. I mean we have been doing the same job for a couple years now. We must be getting some what better. I drove back to the office with a smile on my face. I had almost forgotten about Mueller.
When we arrived I parked in the back. Sadly this is not the first time I have taken this precaution for almost the same reason. On both accounts I had psychotic killers after me. My smile had now turned to a frown when I thought about all the people I have met in my life who have tried to kill me. Normal people worry about rent or mortgages, their families and/or rising taxes. I worry about being killed by the crazy people I attempt to bring in. The verdict was I definitely needed a new job.
Lula and I both walked into the office. I handed Connie my receipt and she wrote me a check. I hadn't made that much money off of Barroni, but I had made enough to pay rent. It didn't quite make up for the day's events, but I still felt pretty decent. In all honesty, it was a pretty easy capture, up until Mueller started shooting at us. It had gone all downhill from there.
"So are you guys finished for the day? Because, Lula," Connie voice held a hint of impatience, "there's a mountain of paperwork that needs to be filed." There were stacks of papers on Connie's desk that were dangerously high.
"Yeah, I guess I could do that. Depending if you have any new FTA's for me and Stephanie to bring in." Connie shook her head.
I got up and leapt for the door before Lula could recruit me into helping her file. Not paying attention, I crashed into a figure standing at the doorway. Judging from the delicious scent and the way he didn't budge when I walked into him, I knew there was only one possibility of who this could be.
"Babe," Ranger said. I must have looked embarrassed because the corners of his lips turned up in an almost smile. He handed Connie a receipt and she wrote him a check. Ranger turned back to me and said, "I need to talk to you outside."
I followed him out the door and looked back at Connie and Lula. They were fanning their faces with their hands.
"So-o-o what is it that you want to talk to me about?" I asked, knowing very clearly it was about Mueller.
"Babe, you shouldn't encourage people to shoot at you."
"It wasn't my fault! He's a nutcase!"
"Babe he's already tried to kill you three times already."
"I know! Do you think I like being shot at! Do you think I find it fun to have lunatics after me!" My voice was shrill and my eyes started to water.
"Babe," Ranger pulled me close to him and kissed me on the lips. It was the type of kiss that made your toes curls and your knees buckle. No tongue but still was hotter than hell and very suggestive. He finally released me.
"Babe, you know there is a safer place than Morelli's." Safer from Mueller, yes. Safer from Ranger an guilt, absolutely not.
"I know, but it's not a good idea,"
"If it was a good idea you'd be there right now." He looked into my eyes. "Babe,"
Then he walked off and I stood there stupidly and watched him drive off in his Porsche Turbo. Oh Lordy.
Sighing to myself, I got into my car and drove off. Halfway to Morelli's I felt the vibration of my cell phone.
"Hello? Stephanie it's your mother," As if I needed the reminder. "We're having a nice leg of lamb tonight and I wanted to know if you are coming over for dinner."
"Morelli and I were thinking of going out for dinner," I fibbed.
"Pineapple upside-down cake for dessert." Be still my heart.
"We'll be there at six." I hung up and drove the rest of the way to Morelli's.
He was already there when I walked in.
"Hey." I said. Morelli walked over to me and kissed me. Another mouthwatering, toe curling kiss. I was doing well today.
"So do you want to order in?" Morelli asked as we broke away.
"I kind of promised my Mom we'd have dinner over there."
Morelli sighed, "Why'd you do that?"
"Well she's my mother and there's also pineapple upside-down cake for dessert."
"You can never refuse cake can you?"
"It's not any cake! It's pineapple upside-down cake!"
"Okay, okay," Morelli laughed. He knows how much I love cake. And pineapple upside-down cake was the mother of all cakes. We grabbed our things and headed out the door. About ten minutes later we arrived and my mother and grandmother were waiting on the porch. My mother did not look happy, at all.
"I hear that you've been shot at three times in the last two days. I hear you're being chased by a lunatic. Tell me this isn't true."
"No, it's true." I admitted shamefully. My mother did the sign of the cross. I could read her face like a book. It said, why me. I should be asking the same.
My mother walked inside. My grandma swooped in on me and Morelli.
"So did you shoot back? Did you run him down? Ethel Whitefield told me he was shooting at you in the middle of the street!" My grandma was toppling over in excitement.
"No I didn't shoot back or run him down." I told her.
"If it had been me I would have shot him down or ran him over. He would have known whose boss. No one messes with me." Morelli looked at my grandma. He was trying not to laugh, but he also looked pained at the thought of my grandmother running people down and shooting at them. We all went inside and sat down at the table. My dad was already sitting at the head in his usual stupor.
My mother put the food on the table and everyone watched my father take the first piece of lamb. Everyone was silent as food was passed around.
"I see you have a new car." My mother said.
"Yeah, my insurance money finally came in."
"What kind of car?" My father mumbled from the head of the table.
"Honda Civic." My father grunted in disgust. My father only considers American cars real cars. Everything else is garbage.
"Is it new?" My grandmother asked, "I was thinking of buying a new car. I miss my old corvette. I felt real young and sexy in that 'vette."
"Since when can you afford a new car? All you get is social insurance?" My father asked.
"I have some money saved away from when I sold the house and I've been saving my money for a car. I want something red or black. Maybe like that car your friend had when he came over that one time. The big fellow."
Morelli glared at me. He knew who that "big fellow" was. I tried my best to look innocent but Morelli wasn't buying.
"My car was previously owned." In other words used. But it seemed nicer to say it that way. "You should check out a dealership that sells used cars. They're cheaper and you'll probably be able to find a sports car."
"Sounds like a good idea."
"Wait a minute!" My mother spoke up. "Mother you don't have a license and you can't drive. And Stephanie," my mother turned to me, "you shouldn't encourage her!"
"I can drive if I want to! It comes with being in the AARP."
"No it doesn't." my dad said.
"Well it should! I have a right to drive!"
My father grunted and my mom shot him an evil look. No one said anything. I loved my grandma a whole lot but I don't want her in the road. She's a danger to society when she's behind a wheel.
Everyone finished eating and my grandma helped herself to a glass of wine. It was finally time for dessert. While eating my cake I thought to myself, this has gone pretty good. I started to relax when my grandma pulled my shoulder bag out from under my chair. Everyone watched in fear as she rummaged through it.
"What is this?" She asked pulling out a can of pepper spray, "It looks like hair spray. And it's got a nozzle sort of like it." She then pressed it down and sprayed herself in the eye. She started to shriek and scream as her eyes watered. Joe and I sat there in shock with our mouths hanging open. My mother rushed to her aid.
"Oh my God! What is this! Stephanie help her! Why do you carry such a thing!" My mother's temper rose. Joe and I got up and carried my grandmother to the kitchen sink. We helped her wash her eyes out with water.
A few minutes later grandma was okay and Joe, my mother, and I walked back into the dining room. My father was still sitting at the head of the table shaking with laughter. My mother through him the dirtiest Plum stare, but my father didn't stop. He would pay for that tonight. But seeing things from my dad's point of view, it was pretty funny. My grandma drives my dad nuts with her antics. She's even stun gunned him once. So I guess in a way it was payback. Joe and I started to chuckle too, but my mother turned to us and gave us the glare. We immediately stopped laughing. After gathering our things we raced out of there.
Our laughter started again once in a safe distance away from my mom. As we sat in the car our laughter grew. Eventually we quieted down.
"Do you hear that?" Joe asked me. There was a strange ticking noise coming from the car.
"What is that?" I asked. We both looked around the front and backseat of the car and then we both realized what that sound was. Racing from the car as fast as we could we rushed onto the street.
BOOM! The car was engulfed in flames and its parts were scattered across the front lawn.
"Shit! I had just gotten that!" I whined. Joe just stood there watching the flames.
"What the…?" My mother, father and grandmother emerged from the house. After taking one look at her front lawn, my mother fainted. My father just barely caught her. My grandmother on the other hand looked overjoyed.
"Wait till I tell the girls at the beauty parlor about this!" She said excitedly. My father handled the situation a little better than my mother, who was just rising up from her fall. But he was still horrified.
"Well, I better call the fire station." My grandma said walking back into the house. Joe and I looked at each other and groaned. Another one of Stephanie Plum's misfortunes. My parent's continued to stare blankly at the yard. I was going to be banned from pineapple upside-down cake forever.