April 1974

Alex's hands are shaking, but she has the same bitter smile she's used for dealing with her husband since he came back. She walks out of the courthouse and straight into my arms. Breathing in as she rests her head on my chest, Alex sighs. "I did it. I'm a free woman."

I stroke her head, leaning back against the car and wishing there was something I could do. "You're going to be fine."

She pressing something warm and metal into my hand and looks up at me with dry eyes. "Of course I am. I've lost everything and I'm alone again. I do my best work when I'm alone."

Alex's car door opens and shuts as I look down at the objects in my hand. A ruby ring, still too new to even look dirty around the setting, and her wedding ring. A simple gold band was all that shackled her to John. The emotions are dead between them now. I'll always remember the way she appeared at my door one night, far past midnight, two weeks ago and announced that she'd left him. Olivia's eyes were haunted as I set up Alex on the couch. She clung to me that night.

I thought she was worried about Alex and me, our history, our future, but Olivia would never worry about that. She owns me already and she knows that. Her worries don't have anything to do with me. I catch her crying about it in the shower twice before she admits what's bothering her. Her haven where I can't hear the sobbing in her chest. The third morning I waited for her. Listened at the frosted glass door and barged my way in.

Olivia's not even pretending to wash her hair. She's curled up in a ball in the back corner of the shower. She looks up at me, tears lost in the water streaming over her face. I reach for her before shutting off the water and it soaks through my shirt. It's only lukewarm now and Olivia must be freezing. She won't move and I step out of my shoes before climbing into the shower stall after her. With both of my hands on her shoulders I finally convince her to get out. She wraps her arms around my neck. I hold her shoulders with one hand as I reach around her for a towel.

I pull it around her, rubbing her shoulders and arms as I hold her head tight against my chest. "It's okay. It's okay sweetheart."

"He died." She hugs her arms tightly around her chest, fingers tight in the soft blue terrycloth. "You said everything was going to be all right and he died."

I run my hand over the top of her head and try to figure out how to explain my own infallibility. "Life is imperfect. Sometimes bad things happen without a reason, without a purpose and we have to live with them anyway." I sit her on the corner of the tub and get another towel for he hair. "Death happens to all of us. Me, you, Alex's baby-"

She starts to shake her head, but I continue. "Your mother."

"No. No, Gregory-" Olivia looks at me with more desperation then I've ever seen in the eyes of a human being. "She wasn't supposed to die. I- I killed her."

I manage to convince her to take the day off. No small feat considering I've never seen her spend more than a few hours away from her studies. This morning she was back at the books in the living room but she at least she was smiling.

"Lunch?" I wonder as Alex stares off into the morning sunshine.

She turns up the corner of her mouth closest to me and shakes her head weakly. "I've got a plane to catch. Maybe you'd drive me to the airport?"

I shut off the engine and turn in my seat to stare at her. "You'll leaving?"

"Buenos Aires." She shrugs and leans her head against the car window. "I can't stay here. I don't care how I leave or where I end up, but I know I have to get away."

Her hand's resting on her leg and I take it into mine. "So you're just going off into the sunset?"

Alex grabs my chin, sharing the desolation in her heart. "I thought I'd go looking for a sunrise instead. I've had enough sunsets for the time being." Even the silence between us is precious.

Kissing her has always been forbidden, in fact, the moment between us now is the first we've had in years where she wasn't tied down. Now it's all the sweeter without John between us.

"Always the optimist." I tease wearily as I try to imagine not having my best friend.

Her head is heavy on my shoulder as she rests against me. "Life is short. God, if I didn't believe that before-" Alex wipes at her left eye with tired fingers. "I have pictures to take still. I'm not sure where they are, or what I'm going to find on the way. I have to keep looking, I have to remind myself there's beauty in the world left somewhere." Her hand rests on my heart as she returns my kiss of a few moments ago. "Like right here."

Blushing as I taste her mint chapstick on the tip of my tongue, I feel my eyes sting in response. "I'm going to miss you."

Running a finger lazily along my lips, Alex's blonde hair bounces as she shakes her head. "You're going to be too busy with your wife and a trio of little brunette darlings to do more than pen me the occasional letter complaining about just how happy you are."

The flush that I thought was dying returns with a vengeance as it burns up my neck. "When am I getting married?"

"As soon as you stop kidding yourself and marry Olivia." Alex squeezes my fingers and pleads with me. "You never know how much time you have Gregory, don't you dare waste it." Her other hand cups my cheek. "Especially not when you have something as precious as love."

I cried when her plane took off. I sat behind the wheel in the airport parking lot and cried until I didn't have anything left. Alex is gone but I still have my family. My sisters, my nieces- as much as I love them I can't help thinking that it's time. I start the car as my tears fade into purpose.

Twenty minutes later I'm parking the Jaguar in front of the fanciest jewelry store in town. The one most of my mother's favorite pieces are from. The elderly man behind the counter smiles at me as he smoothes his neat brown suit and looks up from his work.

"Looking for something in particular sir?"

I take a breath and smile at him sheepishly. "I want to get married."

April 1997

"She can't stay in this house Sean. She's a thief and I want her gone." Olivia's in fine form as the iron fist that rules us all as she towers over Sean. It doesn't matter that she's shorter than him by the width of my hand.

He looks shaky, but I'm not sure if it's the argument with his mother that's doing it. "If she goes, I go with her."

"Fine, cut yourself off from your life." Olivia's voice drips with bitterness. "You've had everything you've ever wanted here and if I wouldn't buy it for you, you went crying to your father until he got it."

"Olivia-" I interject, taking some of the heat of Sean for a moment. "You're being unfair."

"Unfair!" She whirls on me about to begin world war three as Sean delivers his ultimatum.

"Either she stays, or I-" But he collapses mid thought, crashing to go the ground as Tiffany drops terrified beside him.

After that it was a blur. Olivia's condescending disgust at Sean for 'faking' his injuries collapsing as she realized our son was really in danger. The paramedics, the ambulance ride and the desperate phone call she made to Caitlin. For a moment on the phone she sounded truly concerned, and that vulnerability must have frightened her because as soon as she starts to speak again, Olivia's found an outlet.

"I want my son transferred out of this god forsaken clinic and into a real hospital." She even has the paperwork to follow it up. She spits venom at the young doctor Chang as she tries to explain the seriousness of Sean's condition. Malpractice lawsuits aren't going to help our son, but Olivia's never been good at holding hands and praying for the best.

She drags me back from Sean's side as the screaming monitors insist that he's dying. Her hands are ice as they grab my wrists and pull me to the side.

I still can't fathom what would have become of us if Sean had died there. If Olivia and I had to go home without our son. The second son we've lost together. I don't think she would have recovered. I doubt I would have but Sean pulls through the night. He's sleeping peacefully when Dr. Chang comes to check on us. There's a quiet surrender, a sigh of relief in the moment before Olivia barges in with her paramedics and her transfer paperwork.

Another ambulance ride with the ice queen. She barely looks at either of us, just across the ambulance to the wall behind me with that imperious look she has when she knows she's won. Sean's going to have the best doctors, the best equipment money can buy, but I can't help thinking that he doesn't have his mother's love. She's too locked up, too afraid to be able to do more than squeeze his hand when he looks to us for reassurance.

Time marches onwards and pulls us all headlong through the long wait for the MRI. Dr. Strahorn only seems to have bad news for us, but for once Olivia's holding my hand like she means it. Reminding me not to cry for Sean's sake.

What fragile hope we'd pieced together is shattered as Sean disappears. It's that Tiffany girl, Olivia rails, but I shake my head. "What are you, made out of stone? You don't have to bury it behind your wrath or your dammed professionalism." I turn back to her and bore into her icy shield. "Our son is missing. He could die if we don't find him soon. I've never been more afraid and I think you feel that too but you have to show me."

I sink my fingers into her shoulder, too harshly not to leave a mark on her skin through her jacket. Her eyes twitch and I remember seeing that naked fear. "I need you to share it with me Olivia because I can't stand feeling like I'm alone anymore." The tears surprise me, but they must be what gets through to her because suddenly she's in my arms.

"You're not alone darling." Olivia whispers, still stoic but it's crumbling.

She shudders in my arms and I can't help remembering the day we lost our child. The day she begged me to help her, the one time she asked for my help, and there was nothing I could do to take the pain away.

"You're not alone. I am terrified." She continues gently and I can hear the truth in her voice. Her head brushes my cheek and I want to laugh at myself for drawing comfort from the smell of her hair. In that moment I can believe everything's going to be all right but it's over just as quickly. She pulls back, struggling against tears she would never allow herself to shed.

"It's okay to be scared." I promise her as I cup her cheek in my hand. She doesn't pull away and I take another step towards her. She opens her arms, lets me pull her in and cradle her as I bury my fears in the smell of her hair.