May 1975

"She said yes Alex. We've already broke the news to my parents." I wait for the static to clear as the connection improves and then I try again to shout the news through. "My parents!"

Alex starts to laugh and it cuts through the static. "How's your mom taking the news?"

"She was sure I was lying. That Meredith had talked me into making the whole thing up to raise her blood pressure." I join her laughter. "Dad said even I could find some socialite who wanted to join the Richards legacy and carry me on her arm."

Even bounced across the Pacific ocean, her amused cooing over the idea of my mother's surprise makes her sound like she's right next to me. I can almost feel her head on my shoulder. "I would have paid to see his face when you explained that your socialite was the talented Miss Olivia Blake, future partner and Massey-Greysolon."

"Or millionaire entrepreneur." I smile at the picture of her I cut from the paper to keep in my wallet until she'll let me have a real photo taken. Perhaps when we announce the engagement. "She's bound for wonderful things. She has such beautiful dreams, wants to build something for us in Sunset Beach."

"For you?" Alex teases playfully over the splashing rain in the background. She sounds honestly happy and it's not just for my good fortune. There's a peace in her voice that's been missing in our last few shouting, tremulous phone calls.

"For both of us." I'd give anything to be able to hug her to me and whisper how wonderful my life is going to be in her ears. Take the feelings boiling over in my heart and pour them into the empty place in hers. She'll hold my babies someday. I can already picture her holding them, and the little dark curls Olivia's sure to pass along, tickling Alex's face as she reads them a story. "She's going to rule the world and I'll be there at her side."

"Always thought you'd end up there. Right next to the woman who rules the world."

"Why in the hell would you think that?" I burst out before what she's said has even sunk in. "I'm not attracted to money, or power. I don't give a damn about any of that nonsense."

"Money and power want stability and kindness." She clarifies. Reminding me once again that my life is more controlled by the people who love me than myself. "You have both of those in abundance. Women like Olivia need men like you-" She clucks her tongue and I can picture her hands on her hips. "I've been telling you that for years."

"It's just impossible to believe that someone like her could need me." I sigh and settle down on the corner of the balcony. My feet dangle over the edge, between the delicate wrought iron bars. Beneath my shoes are the twinkling lights of the harbor. The yachts of the rich businessmen, my father's friends and Olivia's mentors, bob gently in the late evening swells. The fancy boats are all tied to the dock, and they pull only weakly at their morings. They're content, like me. "I love her Alex. I used to dream about my life and feel empty. As if I hadn't accomplished anything- like I was just drifting along."

"Uh-huh." She prods lightly as she pours something wet into metal. "Sorry, roof's leaking again."

I reach down to untie my shoes, setting them aside as I take off my socks. "You know how you always say that you're home anywhere, as long as you have your camera?"

"I only say it because it's true." More water pouring in the background. She wasn't kidding about the rainy season.

"As long as I'm with her, I'm home. She can drag me halfway to you and your jungle, but I'm home." I hear her laughter as I fold my socks into my shoes. "I didn't think I could be this happy."

"You're not even married yet. You're just going to have to set the bar a little higher." Alex pauses a moment, than she says something that makes me happy I'm alone on the balcony. "Unless of course, you're engaging in the terrible sin of premarital sex."

I can feel the blush run hot over my face as I try to stab back. "Why would I ever do such a thing? I know that's a trip straight down to hell."

The sound of the rain is fading, and I picture her lying on her canvas cot, with the trees dark and damp behind her. "Where you'd happily go, a million times over, for her."

"Wouldn't be hell if Olivia was there." I reply stupidly before I realize how foolish that sounds.

Alex pops her cheek, pretending to thump me on the back of my head. "You're adorable." Our connection fizzles and we wait for the static to clear. "But I suppose that's why I waste every chance I get on the phone with you."

"I always thought it was because you don't have anyone else to talk to." I tease her back, not realizing until after the words are out of my mouth that's there's truth to them. Who else does Alex have? "But I'm the one who's winning that arrangement. I'm glad I have you to talk too. No one else is as honest with me."

"Not even Bette?"

I chuckle as the horn lets another yacht in to harbor to dock. "She's all a twitter because I let the man at the jewelry store talk me into that pear-cut diamond."

Alex breathes in sharply. She knows that ring. It's been sitting in the center of jewelry case since John bought her ring just last year. "What did you say to him?"

"That I needed the best."

"Because you were in love..." I can almost hear her rolling her eyes.

I swing my feet and pull the wicker chair behind me so I can lean on it. "I'm in love. I might be the most foolish man alive, but I'm in love."

"I'm sure Olivia finds your foolish behavior charming," she says with the patronizing tone only Alex can get away with. "Or it's as I feared and she's fallen entirely for your looks."

"I didn't know I was that handsome." I tease back. "But I'll take it as a compliment."

The phone sputters and I worry we're about to lose the connection. Before we do Alex grows serious. "She's lucky to have you. She's the luckiest woman alive to have you."

I try to collect my thoughts, but the phone goes dead before I do. I try to get her back, but somewhere between California and the jungles of Indonesia it's gone. Is she right? I didn't get a chance to tell her that Olivia doesn't need me. That I'm just holding her back.

There's a thud in the living room, followed by the patter of bare feet on the wooden floor. Arms wrap around my neck before I even get a chance to turn around. "I smell dinner."

I turn my head around to kiss her cheek. "Oh no, I'd never cook for you, that's just some pans I wanted to burn clean in the oven."

Olivia tucks the phone aside and removes the clip holding her hair up on her head. Her hair tumbles dark down on the shoulders of her business suit. She's already unbuttoning the blazer, and dropping it on the wicker chair as she pulls me up and inside. "So what are you burning?"

"Chicken curry, Alex sent the powder herself from Bangkok last time she was near a post office." I turn her around, picking up the blazer she abandoned and smoothing some of her wild hair back from her face. "At least, that's what it was an hour ago when someone was supposed to come home..."

Olivia's face immediately falls in disappointment. "Oh darling, I'm so sorry. I do everything I can to get out of the office when I say I'm going to."

I can taste her lipstick as our lips brush together. "But somehow the world still would come to an end if you left when the day was done at five like a normal woman."

She glances at her watch and her eyebrows go up in alarm.

"Or six..." I tease as I tap her watch. "I'd even take seven."

Olivia extends her bottom lip in a pout. "Gregory, I-" She drops her head. "I love you?" She offers as she throws her arms around my neck.

"Is that a question?" I pick her up and balance her on the edge of the counter. "I love you?"

"No, it's not a question." She tosses back her head and bites her lip, as if she's nervous. "I love you, I love you, I love YOU, Gregory Richards."

I cup her face and stare into her eyes. Those bottomless blue eyes. "I suppose then the least I can do is give you some supper. I thought you'd be late, so I started it late. It'll be done in five minutes."

"Oh darling, you're too good to me." She kisses my forehead and smiles in giddy disbelief. "How'd you know I'd be late? And why make me feel so terrible about it?"

"Because I know you." I trace the line of her lips thoughtfully. "And I love it when you bite your lip like that."

Olivia slaps my shoulder and drops off the counter to find some plates in the cupboard. "What kind of wine goes with Alex's special chicken curry?"

"White. There's a riesling on the wine rack, near the bottom."

------

May 1997

The water laps up at my feet and Alex lifts her head from my shoulder to nod in answer to my quiet apology. "I want you to be happy."

"It's not that you didn't make me happy. God Alex, you were the only happy spot in my life when I needed you the most." I wrap my hands around her shoulders. "And the last thing I want to do is hurt you."

She takes my hand and rests it on her lap. "I'm not hurt Gregory. I'm your friend, and I'll be there for you. Whether or not you're getting along with Olivia." Reaching for her coffee cup, she rescues it from the sand and takes a long sip. "Just because we're not sharing a bed, doesn't mean you can't still come visit me."

I let out the breath I didn't realize I was holding. "You're not angry?"

She turns my head roughly to stare right into my eyes. "No. I'm not angry. Believe it or not, I'm a lonely woman. It was nice to have you for the time I did, and that'll be enough for me."

I shouldn't believe her, but there's truth in her eyes. "Thank you." It sounds shallow, seems like a poor thing to say to someone who saved me from myself.

Alex drops her head to my shoulder and runs nimble fingers up my arm. "Don't worry about it. I always knew Olivia would realize what she was missing and want you back. The best feeling in the world is being with someone you love. Even if you're Olivia and if she doesn't keep you, send her to me."

For some reason my eyes are stinging, but I don't bother to wipe them. Alex will understand if I cry. I don't know how, but she always manages to understand.

"I'll do that."

-------------

"I did it for you." I whisper, even though it sounds as stupid to me as it must to her. "I let Elaine get away her lie. I let her leave town. Because of me that b1tch Julianna Deschanel stole Alex's baby instead of Elaine's. My best friend, my Alex's baby."

Olivia sighs heavily before leaning down into the desk. "What did you do?"

"I went to see Elaine. She said she was only a five months pregnant, not eight. That she knew after he ran, that AJ's mother would never let her raise his baby. Julianna's too controlling, Elaine wasn't good enough. She didn't think anyone would be good enough." The words just keep tumbling out. "I didn't want anyone to get hurt. I thought Julianna would give up."

My throat tightens suddenly. "I never dreamed she'd take Alex's baby. I swear to you I had no idea. I just didn't want any more pain."

Her hand on my shoulder makes me jump for a moment, until I take it and feel our fingers entwine. I'm safe. "I thought if Elaine was gone, out of town, you'd be free. You could stop thinking about AJ and why he left you, why he let you go."

"Darling-" It's been ages until she called me that with any gentleness in her voice. "You didn't have too."

"I wanted you to be happy. I wanted you to be free from AJ." I sigh and sink back against her desk. I close my eyes and realize the darker truth within. "I wanted you."

Olivia smiles at me as she runs her cool little fingers across my temple and through my hair. I've missed her smiling at me and I dare not even wonder what's behind that little smile.

"I'm glad that I told you." I rest my hands on her shoulders and tell myself again that I've done the right thing. I'm back in her eyes. Alex was right. Nothing feels better than being with the one person you love.

She sighs happily and I breathe in the sweet scent of her perfume as she kisses my cheek. "So am I darling."

Her eyes burn into mine. I should turn away and let her deal with the revelation I sprung on her. Olivia has to need some time to deal with my confession.

But instead she crushes her lips against mine. I gasp in surprise and melt into the kiss. It begins with a sweetness that would be enough. I'm entirely content with her smile. We pull apart, letting the silence tease both of us. I try to steel myself to walk away. I can't let myself think about how beautiful she is if she isn't ready for me.

We haven't made love since that terrible night on the sofa. We kissed a little a few nights back, when she came back to our bed but neither of us was ready to go further. I don't think I can tell her how amazing it was to wake up that morning with her next to me. Morning had promise again when she smiled at me on her way to work.

I force myself to smile at her as I remind myself to give her space. Lean back against the desk and let her be the one to leave. Olivia wraps her arms around my neck and pulls me in. Her lips taste new, like the promise of lazy summer mornings in bed next to her. Her tongue parts mine and flutters into my mouth. I'm not going to be able to walk away. Not with her body pressed against mine.

Out of options, I give in to the impulse to kiss her back as if I'll never get to kiss her again. I toy with her bottom lip between both of my own as she moves her fingers around and forward to cup my face. Panting a little, we look at each other. I ask if she really wants to do this and she insists that she's forgiven me. I wish she wouldn't be so gentle with me, but her love is pure in her eyes. She'd hate me if she knew where I was an hour ago.

Alex is behind me. She's not my lover anymore. I don't need her when Olivia kisses me like this.

She reaches for my shirt and our eyes meet again. Without speaking, we agree. There's a simple beauty in being able to finish a conversation in the time it takes her to smile gently. Olivia starts to pull my shirt from my pants. I reach for the oversize buttons of her double breasted blazer. Flying nimbly up the buttons of my shirt, Olivia has it open in the time it takes me to pull her blazer down from her shoulders. She backs me into the desk as she starts on the zipper of my trousers.

I pull her blazer off of her arms as I enjoy the sheet fabric of the shirt beneath her jacket. She always wears the most beautiful things to the office. Olivia's breasts swell against the sheer white over her camisole, but my admiration of them is cut short by a teasing hand inside my pants.

I choke on my laughter. "Should we go upstairs?"

Shaking her head as she purrs into my neck, Olivia pulls me away from the desk. "No." She stand on her tiptoes and pushes me down to my knees in front of her. "Right here, on the rug."

I run my hands appreciatively up over her thighs to grasp her waist. I remember picking out the intricately patterned rich blue Persian. We were young and innocent then. There's innocence in her eyes again now as she reaches for the zipper on the back of her skirt. One black heel rests gently on my chest as she presses me back to the floor. I wrap my fingers around the expensive black leather and run my hand over it to cup her calf.

She removes her foot from my my chest to slip out of her short black skirt. She's wearing the dark silk hose with the deep red lace on the top and the garters that lead to her waist stand out like calligraphy on her pale skin. She uses her heel to part my shirt, teasing it open before settling down to straddle my waist. I undo my cuffs as I wrap my hands around her neck to pull her closer this time. Olivia breaks the kiss as she sit up to remover her camisole. I graps her chest, tucking thumbs in just beneath her breasts as she teases me with the rotating of her hips against me.

Reaching down to her waist, she pulls the sheer little top over her head in a smooth motion. I sigh with patient approval as her breasts slide free of the fabric. The garter belt's still on her waist, dark with lace against the smooth curve inward at the top of her hips. I tease my fingers over it, dancing upwards towards her breasts as she grinds a little more insistently over me. I can feel the dampness of her through the thin silk of my boxers.

I cup the perfection of her breasts in my hands as she leans down to search my mouth for the last of my secrets with her tongue. Olivia moans in pleasure as I tease the often ignored skin on the underside of her breasts. Abusing the sensitive tips edges her onward and she runs her own teasing hand down my stomach. She runs that hand up the inside of her own leg as she stands up slowly. Olivia frees the black lace of her panties from her hips and steps out of them with agonizing speed.

I'm not nearly as careful with my pants as I slide them off and kick them away. Her hose stay on. She likes them too much to rush with the garters, and I can't help liking the effect. Silk slides against my thighs as she lowers herself over me. I force myself to wait. To concentrate on the way her hair tumbles down free over her shoulders when she finally frees it from the elaborate french knot. It's exquisite, the play of the shadows it leaves across her chest. Olivia's a picture of contrast. The rich, bright blue of her eyes, the darkness of her hair, smooth ivory skin and that bruised red of her lips.

She decides when to take me inside of her, and the moment she does I have to remind myself that letting go now is hardly the option. Olivia starts to rock against me, tilting her head back as she groans the hint of my name. I wrap one hand around her lower back to steady her and sneak the other one down to push her faster. Grinding against my bent knuckle puts that edge in her voice that suggests we're on more even ground.

Her eyes snap open, burning through my own into the floor and the earth beyond. Olivia has the kind of stare that makes the rest of existence seem a dull shadow of her intensity. I'm tempted to shut my eyes and let my body give in to her, but then I'd miss her eyes. She's in her eyes. Her soul's not quite ready to reach out, but at least she's ready to let me reach in.

She grows tight, breath hissing as she loses her control. I can feel my own start to waver, but it's her eyes that send me over the edge. The blue ring of her irises circle the darkness that spins outwards to meet me. Olivia forces us to stay with each other because she refuses to break our connection. Her eyes reach out and drag me into darkness. Wet, hot blackness collapses around me as she cries out. Sound pierces the prison of her eyes and I shudder free within her as she drops to my chest.

Still shaking, I stroke her head as she catches her breath. After a few moments she kisses my chest. Then she works her way higher, stopping as she plants her lips at the base of my throat. The skin suggests with a dull ache that it may be marked when I look in the mirror tomorrow.

"You're still mine." She whispers proudly as she snuggles back against my chest.

I stare up at the ceiling and wish I could tell her there was never any doubt. I've always been hers, even when I'm drifting. Even when I don't know where I am. With her, I'm home.