I'm sorry it's a short chapter! Thank you for all the great reviews! Keep them coming!
Chapter Nine:
I was still mad at both Ranger and Morelli when we returned to the apartment. Ranger tried to talk to me a few times but I shut him up with my dirtiest Plum stare. Why did boys have to be so dumb!
"Babe," Ranger sighed exhaustedly, "I'm sorry. It got out of hand."
I melted a little despite myself.
"Yes it did. It definitely did." Ranger smiled at me. I couldn't stay mad. He was too gorgeous.
"Well don't do it again." I warned sounding like his mother. His smile widened with the knowledge he had been left off the hook.
I felt a yawn coming on. "Well, I'm beat. I'm just going to go to bed." I said.
"Good night." Ranger said. He walked over to me and gave me a small kiss on the lips. Then with a grin he disappeared into his bedroom. Damn him.
Mumbling to myself I crawled under the covers. A few hours passed and I still couldn't sleep. I felt cold and lonely. My thoughts turned to Ranger sleeping all alone in the big comfy bed of his. Unaware of what I was doing, I burst into Ranger's bedroom and crawled into bed beside him. This is better, I said to myself. Then I fell fast asleep.
The next morning I woke up happy and at ease. I rolled over. Ranger was staring at me with an amused expression on his face.
"Sleep well?" He asked. I nodded. I watched him climb out of bed wearing only a pair of black silky boxers. I held tightly onto the sheets. It was the only way to stop me from jumping his bones.
He disappeared into the bathroom. I put my head back on the pillows and started to snore.
Fifteen minutes later I heard a voice say, "Bathroom's all yours." I quickly arose.
"Great." I raced into the bathroom and locked the door. How embarrassing.
After a very long shower later, I stepped out of the bathroom and into the kitchen. Ranger had left but there was a plate of food on the counter waiting for me. The plate consisted of a bagel with various kinds of cream cheese. I scarfed the bagel down with a glass of orange juice. Feeling refreshed and full, I waltzed out of the apartment.
Today Ranger had left me the truck. I climbed into the vehicle and headed straight to the office.
"No Porsche today, huh?" Lula noted. "Too bad. That's a righteous car."
"The truck is righteous too," I defended.
"Yeah, anything of Ranger's is righteous." We all nodded in agreement.
"So what's going on with Mueller? Have you given him to Ranger?" I asked Connie. Usually I went after criminals like Mueller. But this guy I had no interest in capturing. Someone else could get stalked and shot at.
"Vinnie is still counting on you, but I'm sure he won't object if Ranger took over." replied Connie. Good.
"So else is there for pick-up?"
"Well we got this one yesterday. Brandon Kellogg, he's wanted for sexual assault. Third time offender."
So he'd know the drill. I grabbed the file from Connie and headed out to the truck with Lula.
"It doesn't list a job so I take it he'll be at home."
"Uh huh, so what are we going to do? I'm in the mood to kick some ass. 'Specially in the form of some skinny white perv."
"There will not be any ass kicking."
"Come on! Look at 'im! He deserves to get his ass kicked!" True.
"No." Lula sat in huffy silence the rest of the ride.
"You're not any fun." She mumbled under her breath.
We arrived at Kellogg's house. The place was a dump! Garbage was strewn across the lawn; the grass was bleached brown, discarded car parts lay all over the driveway, and the Chevrolet sitting in the driveway was covered with bullet holes and rust. It was not a pretty picture.
"Ew, nasty." Lula wrinkled her nose at the sight.
"Come on." I grabbed her arm and pulled her with me. We carefully avoided the junk lying everywhere. Finally we made it to the front door.
We banged on the door. No answer.
"Maybe he's not home," Lula said. I could see hope in her eyes. We rapped on the door again. We kept banging until the next door neighbour walked out of her house and glared at us. She looked like she was over a hundred. In true New Jersey fashion she was wearing a hot pink velour track suit with a playboy bunny stitched on the front.
"Stop making such a racket! I can't here my soaps with you two banging like that!"
"Sorry, we're looking for Mr. Kellogg. Do you know if he's home right now?"
"He's always home! He's a dirty bum! Look at the way he leaves his yard! Makes the whole neighbourhood look bad." I took a glance at her front lawn. Plastic lawn ornaments were placed all over the yard with no particular pattern. I'd say making the neighbourhood look bad was a group effort.
"What should we do?" asked Lula. I shrugged.
"Who are you guys anyway?" she asked us with her eyes narrowed.
"We're bail enforcement agents. We need to bring Mr. Kellogg down to the station so he can reschedule a court date." That and also to throw his sorry ass behind bars.
"So you're bounty hunters."
"In other words, yes." She nodded her head and walked up to front steps to where we were standing.
"Kellogg," she yelled while opening the door. "Get your lazy ass up!" And she walked right in. Unsure of what to do, Lula and I followed.
The stench of the house was repulsive. There was half-eaten food scattered about, dirty clothes, and unidentifiable garbage all over the floor and furniture. There was no denying. He was a huge slob.
"Aieee!" Lula screeched as she nearly stepped on a cockroach. We both shuddered. Finally we spotted him lying on a couch. He looked as neat as his house. His neighbour walked right over to him and screamed in his ear.
"Get up you no good bum! There are some people here to say you!"
"You crazy bitch," he said sleepily, "What the hell?"
"You have company." He turned and looked at us.
"And who the fuck are you?"
"Mr. Kellogg, we have been assigned to take you down to the station. You missed you're court date and we need you to come with us so you can reschedule."
"There's no way I'm going with you! What do you think I am, stupid?"
"You sure look like it." Lula quipped.
"Shut up you crazy fat bitch!"
"Who are you calling fat?"
"You! Fat, fat, fatty, fat, fat!" Lula lunged for him. He swung out of her way and she landed on the floor with thump. The whole house shook.
"You can't catch me fatty!" He yelled crazily and started running away.
"What's wrong with you? Go after him!" Lula screamed. I had temporarily frozen in place. But before I could do anything, his neighbour pulled a gun out of what seemed like no where and shot him in the leg! He fell to the floor screaming. Lula and I watched in horror as he passed out from the pain.
"Always wanted to do that," She said smugly. "Had it since my husband passed away. Needed some protection from creeps like him." Lula and I could only nod. We ran over to him to see if he was okay.
"I'll bet he'll go with you co-operatively now." She smiled and walked away.
"Wait!" I yelled after her. But she was already gone.
"This isn't good. They're gonna think you did it."
"Me? Why me?"
"'Cause you the big bad bounty hunter and I'm just the assistant."
"No, you're the one with the gun."
"Yeah, but she doesn't have the same gun as me."
"I don't have the same gun either!"
"Well I guess there's no point arguing. We should probably take him to the station."
"No, he needs to go to the hospital. I'll take his arms and you take his legs."
"I don't wanna touch him!"
"Well we can't leave him."
"Fine, but you carry his nasty legs. I'll take the arms."
"Fine," I sighed exasperated. We quickly picked him up and immeaditely dropped him. He was heavier than he looked. On the second try we got him to his porch before dropping him again.
"This is impossible!" Lula cried. "We're dragging blood every where!"
"Maybe we should call an ambulance." I suggested, dreading the thought. Lula nodded. Sighing to myself I dialled 9-1-1. I told them the story, hoping they'd believe it and Lula and I wouldn't be arrested.
Five minutes later the ambulance came accompanied by three cop cars and one fire truck. Everyone had to know the latest story of Stephanie Plum's misadventures. My mother's phone was probably already ringing off the hook. They carried Kellogg away on a stretcher. Lula and I had to remain for questioning. I thanked God Morelli wasn't there. He'd probably arrest us and then throw away the key.
"So it was his neighbour who shot him?" The officer asked me.
"Yes! Her house is right over there!" The officer signalled one of his colleagues to go and get her. A minute later the three of us were being grilled by the cops.
Finally we were all let go. I received my money and gave Lula the amount I owed her. Despite everything, it wasn't a hard capture. Just a very stressful one. I dropped Lula off at the office and headed home. It had been a very long day.