Chapter One: Too Late
Rating: G
Pairing: GSR
Spoilers: Butterflied
Genre: Romance/Angst
Sara didn't know why she was there, watching the interrogation of Dr. Lurie, She had felt pulled there almost against her will. She looked at Grissom watching him through the glass. He looked so tired. There was a part of here that wanted so much to reach out and smooth the pain and the worry from his eyes. Though she knew that would- could- never happen. The interrogation seemed to be coming to a close, but when Dr. Lurie was standing in the door way Grissom started to speak, and Sara's breath caught in her throat. "Its sad isn't it Doc," His voice, quiet yet distinct rang out into the room, "Guys like us. A couple of middle aged men who've allowed their work to consume there lives."
He looked down seeming to examine his hands with extreme precision, "The only time we ever touch other people is when we're wearing our latex gloves."
Deep inside Sara felt something break within her. A barrier against the emotions she had held for so long. "We wake up one day and realize that for fifty years we haven't really lived at all." He looked up and though his face was a mask to his emotions, his eyes burned with something she had never seen before, "Then all of a sudden we get a second chance, someone young and beautiful shows up. Someone we could care about, she offers us a new life with her"
Sara took a step closer to the glass barrier that stood between them, he couldn't see her, couldn't know she was there, in her mind she knew this, but she wanted to be closer to him all the same.
She held her breath as he spoke the next words, "But we have a big decision to make, right? Because we have to risk everything we've ever worked for to have her. I couldn't do it." He glanced away for a mere second but Sara saw something in his eyes, something like regret.
Grissom's eyes connected with Dr. Lurie's, "But you did. You risked it all. And she showed you a wonderful life, didn't she. But then she took it away and gave it to someone else.
So you took her life. You killed them both. "
He paused seeming to look into himself, and then he spoke so low that Sara could barely hear him, "And now you have nothing." Dr. Lurie scoffed, as he smiled scornfully at Grissom, "I'm still here." "Are you?" Those two words seemed to reverberate around the room as Dr. Lurie's face hardened and he walked away.
Sara watched - her face a mask to the pain and confusion struggling within her, as Grissom's head sagged against his chest in defeat, and heard his sigh barely audible.
He looked up suddenly, seeming to stare directly into her eyes, though she knew he could not see her. She looked back at him a connection seeming to have been formed between them. They stayed that way for a long, long time.
She heard his words again in a corner of her mind, "I couldn't do it"
and she turned, breaking the connection between their eyes, and walked away, and sitting in that chair in the cold interrogation room
Gil Grissom felt a sense of loss run through him as he wondered once more if it was too late.
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June 12, 2004 I, Sara Sidle, formally resign from my position as a Crime Scene Investigator . . .
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"I couldn't do it. . . "
"And now you have nothing"
"I'm still here"
"Are you?"