Fiction #10, chapter 3

Brian smiled. Justin's eyes seemed to focus a bit more as he looked up at him.

"How you doing sleepy?" Brian asked as he slipped his hand into Justin's. There was no reply as Justin stared at Brian and his hand. Slowly a look of despair seemed to wash over his face. Brian had not seen this much thinking going on with Justin since he woke up. "What is it?" he asked.

"I can't feel your hand touching my hand, but I'm looking at it and I can see they are touching. Brian?" The last part was almost choked out.

Brian smiled, it was a bitter one. Here it goes, he thought to himself.

"Well, first I want to say welcome back. That's the most you've said since you woke up. Glad to see your mouth still works well." While it was meant to be a cheeky comment, Justin's look continue to worry Brian so he went on quickly. "Justin, we have a lot to talk about." As Brian spoke he moved his hand from Justin's and began to touch his face. He finally rested his hand just over the curve of Justin's neck. He seemed to respond instantly, moving his head ever so slightly towards Brian's hand. "Are you up for this right now?"

Justin nodded slowly. "I don't know why I'm here. I only remember calling you and finishing lunch with Mikey. What the fuck happened?"

"Justin you were hit by a car. You're right, you had lunch with Mikey, and you called me - do you remember me being away on business?"

Justin nodded his head slowly.

"Well you packed up from lunch and headed out to the car. You crossed the street and a car hit you. Mikey was there, ask him about when he comes, he's told me everything, but it would be good for you to hear from him. He was there for you. He called 911, he talked you through all of it, he stayed with you on the ride here." Brian looked him over and since Justin still had a wide eyed look of curiosity, he continued. "You've been here at Memorial for four days now. You hit your head, but don't panic, from the looks of you that concern has righted itself without much medical help." He stopped again. This was a whole lot harder than Brian thought it would be. He expected Justin to be more agitated or angry. It seemed that Justin was taking it all in stride, Brian was not sure if he should be proud of him or worried about when it would all come crashing down later.

"Both of your legs were broken on impact. That's why there are metal halos all around the both of them now. Each leg has some new metal in it. You have titanium rods, one new knee, another new knee cap, and two stabilizing pins in one leg, three in the other. When the bones set the pins come out.

Justin stopped him at this point. "How long?" he asked.

"Maybe a week, maybe 10 days, it depends on that hyper-allergic system of yours. So far they are doing really well. Do you want to see them?"

Other than looking at their hands, Justin had not looked at his own body. He quietly said yes, and Brian carefully folded down the sheet. With his bed slightly elevated, he had a perfect view of both legs. Even so, Brian helped him lift his head just a bit more so he could see. His legs were swollen, there were round metal frames encasing both of them. But that was not the worst, the worst was looking at the angry spots where the titanium pins seemed to burst out of his flesh to be bolted to the frames. In the silence Justin's breath came in ragged gulps.

"Hang on there Justin, don't do this. I'll stop, it's enough for right now. We can talk more later. Take it easy, take it easy." He was rubbing his neck and shoulder, he did not even realize he was doing it, it seemed to come naturally. He needed to comfort Justin. It was so overwhelming. He was giving him too much at one time. 'Dammit', he thought to himself 'I should have waited longer.' It was quiet again which made it easy to hear his whisper, "Keep going."

"Justin, I don't think so. Christ, I hate this! Are you sure, we can stop. Oh fuck, who am I kidding, you need to hear it all now. The legs will work again, the battle to get you there will suck, but you will walk again."

His explanation was stopped abruptly when Justin practically shouted, "Brian, what the fuck does a broken leg have to do with not feeling your hands on me?" Justin's eyes flared with anger, he wanted everything now, no more coddling, no more tender words. Brian was relieved, this was a more typical Justin, one he was used to dealing with.

"Okay, your back was injured in the accident. It was a toss up in the beginning if you broke your back or, to put it simply, just 'bruised' it. Well, it's not broken, JUSTIN DO YOU HEAR ME! It's not." Brian yelled this last part, it needed to penetrate the fog. He couldn't let him lay there and think his back was broken. That immediately conjures images of wheelchairs, Christopher Reeves, permanent assisted life. Brian did not want this image to take hold in Justin's mind. He had to keep him out of that deep, deep well of misinformed panic.

"It's called a central chord injury. The severity of the symptoms varies for every person who suffers it. Your spine was jarred and taken for a huge shake at impact, it came as close to breaking as it can. Right now, it's like the nerves and impulses are out of sync. We don't know how long they will take to relax and realign. It may take weeks, months, years. Everyone is different. The most common issues are finger, hand, and arm paralysis. Sometimes there's some leg paralysis, but you don't seem to have any numbness that any staff have noticed. And that's good, Justin, if you don't have it now, it won't come later. You're at your worst now. It will only improve from here. There's already been some improvement, you sometimes involuntarily squeeze my hand, that's a great sign.

"What else, Brian, don't stop."

"Jesus, you look so wiped out, let it go for a bit, we can talk after you sleep."

"No Brian, I want to hear it all now. Please." As Justin spoke, the night nurse walked in.

"Look who's up and coherent. This is great. Let me check a few things. Justin I heard Brian from my desk just outside, and everything he's said is true. You are at your lowest right now, things are getting a bit better every day. You have a huge job in front of you for awhile, making yourself better."

"Brian seems reluctant to tell me the rest, would you be so kind?" Justin looked over at Brian, there were tears in both sets of eyes, but Justin smiled a bit, "We have to get it all out now Brian, I don't want to waste any time waiting to hear what the hell is going on."

"Well Justin," the nurse continued, "There are several more bothersome issues with central chord injuries. They are extremely temperamental, there is the paralysis that Brian spoke of, it can be temporary or permanent. There is no way to know with each individual case, a person continues to recover until they are complete or they hit a wall. The stopping point is different for everyone.

"There is a lot of pain involved in recovery. Right now you are on a pretty steady drip to keep it at bay. When you're stronger, you'll be able to control your own pain management. It's not a matter of the harder you try the more you'll recover, your spine has sustained some damage and it will either recover from it over time or it won't.

"Brian was also right when he said you will walk again. Nothing anyone has seen with your case indicates paralysis in your legs. You're battered, but you aren't down permanently.

"That's it in a nutshell. In ICU, if the patient can take it, we tell them everything they want to hear, we don't pull any punches. Brian didn't either. I can also tell you that your doctor will make rounds sometime this evening, and I'm sure when he checks in and finds out you've regained this level of consciousness, he'll be here to examine you further.

"So settle down for now, you've just been given a whole bunch of information to digest. Rest. I can't emphasize that enough. Rest is the best work you can do for you body right now. So let Brian watch his highbrow intellectual shows on TV and rest. We are all here if you need anything.

Justin looked from Brian to the nurse and back again. A small smile played across his lips and he said to both of them, "How long do you think I'll be able to get this full service until he gets really sick of me? Could I possible get something to drink?"

Brian laughed, gave Justin's shoulder a bit of a squeeze, and leaned in with a heartfelt kiss on the forehead followed by a bit more passionate one to the lips. He offered Justin tepid water from his bedside pitcher, and after a small but eager drink, both men settled in for some rest.

Tonight they would tackle the exam by the doctor. Tomorrow they would probably get more family visits, but for now it was quiet and they could rest. It was what they both needed.