Fiction #10, chapter 6

The pain was not at its worst, but Brian did not know anything about it until he returned to the hospital three hours later. As it happened he accomplished a lot in the small period of time at the office.

Kinnetic had grown as a business over the past ten years. He had satellite offices in Raleigh, Dayton, Harrisburg, and Philly. Raleigh was the newest addition, so he was spending most of his time there getting things set up to his standards. He knew he had staff for that, the day to day operations of his advertising business had long ago gone out of his hands, but he liked to do it. Liked to be in on the nitty gritty of picking just the right location and staff because after all, image is everything.

That was why he stopped briefly at the loft. He wanted to shower, change, and check in before moving on to the office. In less than forty five minutes he was pushing open the doors at his main office.

It felt like home, it was familiar and everything was as it should be. Cynthia, tried and true, was at her desk. She greeted him with a warm smile and asked after Justin. Brian caught her up to speed and went into his office. After ten minutes, Ted was knocking with a cup of coffee and some paperwork. He sat and went over some trivial bits of business with Brian. He had been to the hospital twice, and knew about Justin. But Ted also knew what Brian needed. If Brian was at the office, he needed to get away from the life that had become constant, he needed business to get a break. Ted was right, and Brian was grateful to complain about costs with him for a few moments. When he left Brian thought he should tackle his incoming e-mail list.

Just as he figured, it was over 240 messages long. He lost himself in quick responses, deletes, and forwards to Cynthia. It felt good to stretch his brain. Life goes on. 'Everyone here knows nothing about our life' Brian thought to himself. He preferred it that way, but right now it laid heavy on his mind. 'The world goes on without a thought to us stuck in this horrid cycle. We lose ourselves in the life that is the hospital. When we're there time is stopped, we watch out the windows and on TV, but it's as if it has stopped for us. I have to get Justin out, even if it's just for a stroll/push through the hospital grounds. The longer he's out of all of this, the more isolated he'll feel. God, he's so isolated already. Helpless in a bed. Fighting to feel his damn fingers and arms. Staring at legs that look like they're out of a horror movie. I have to get him out, if I can't physically get him out, I have to mentally get him out. I have to bring the world to him since I can't bring him to the world right now.' Brian thought of several ways to do this while he sat staring at the computer screen.

He snapped out of his thoughts when he remembered to call Deb. She picked up on the third ring with typical Deb brashness.

"Whata ya want?"

"Deb, it's Brian. Listen, Mikey said you wanted to come over this afternoon. You know you are always welcome, and Justin would love to see you. He has therapy at 3, but it's in the room, so if you want to visit afterwards, he may be tired but it should be okay."

"Hey Brian, I'm glad you called baby. So it won't be a problem? I wanted to bring some food, you know simple stuff. Nothing too spicy, but he's got to start eating, and that hospital stuff is really bland."

"Fine Deb, whatever you bring, if Justin is up to it, I know he'll eat it. See you around 4, and thanks."

"No problem hon. Hey while I have you on the line, can we count on your company to do the ad set up for Vic's fund raiser this year? The hospice has some high hopes and last year the work your people did really helped."

"Deb, you don't even have to ask, of course. I'll have Cynthia put it on the agenda here. Talk to you later."

"Bye baby."

Brian hung up and immediately called in Cynthia to remind her about the hospice advertising. The pro bono work was well worth it, and they had done this particular job for many years. After that he started packing up to go. His phone rang as he was about to walk out, but something told him to answer. He did. It was Justin's Sedona client, a Mrs. Claremont. She knew both of them through connections in Pittsburgh, and had heard about Justin.

"Brian, I never expected to catch you in person, but when your assistant said you were in I was so happy. Brian, you take good care of our artist. He has work to do for me. You tell him I can wait as long as he needs, but I still want my four murals. Brian, how is he?"

The woman was an acquaintance, not extremely close with the family, so Brian gave her the filtered story and line. She seemed happy with that, and with more wishes for Justin's speady recovery the conversation quickly came to an end.

Brian checked in with Cynthia and Ted on his way out, then went straight to the hospital, without bothering to change.

By now, he was a familiar face on the 5th floor. Most of the staff had seen him in jeans and a shirt. Today he walked in weary Armani and Prada, his business comfort clothes. Heads turned as he walked quickly and quietly down the hall towards the nurse's station and then the room. He was stopped by the nurse at the desk.

"Brian, something's happened. After you left, Justin's pain level spiked. He complained of burning in his fingers and hands. It became unbearable, and we've had to up his pain meds significantly as well as restrain him. He was shifting and throwing his arms around trying to get rid of the pain. With partial paralysis, he could hurt himself and never know it. Pam is in with him right now. He's really out of it at the moment. "

Brian fumed, "Why didn't anyone call me?"

"Justin forbid it. He wanted you to get something done that didn't have anything to do with him. He wanted to give you a real break. Brian, he's really hurting, even with the level of medicine we've given him, he's in a lot of pain. While he won't admit it, he needs you." She paused for a split second before she continued, "We can't give him any more medication until after 3. For right now he just has to endure it. It's what we talked about, this horrid level of pain. This is it. Help him. Comfort him. Try to ease his suffering a little in any way you know how. He really needs that."

Brian nodded as he ran the last few paces to Justin's room. He never expected the scene he saw when he turned the corner. Justin was in his bed, both hands strapped to the side rails with velcro bands. His arms strained at the restraints, but in uncontrolled motions, like he didn't know what to do, but wanted to do something. Pam was sitting on the edge of his bed, slowly wiping his forehead. His hair and face were covered in a sheen of sweat and his teeth were set in a grimace. He was looking out the window and seemed to almost be growling.

"Breathe in and out Justin, like I showed you. Again, just in and out. Slowly, that's it." Pam continued to encourage him as both of them caught site of Brian.

Justin let out a loud and painfully full, "Brian!"

"Yea, I'm here. You ass, you should have had someone call me." He took off his tie, unbuttoned the top button of his shirt, and sat next to Justin in one smooth movement. He took the cloth from Pam and turned to Justin again.

"Don't ever fuckin' do that to me again. I know I can't do shit to help you, but let me be here for you. It's all I can do, and I need to do it for you, okay? Not again, Justin, you don't do this alone again, got it?"

Justin nodded and blurted out a feeble, "Yea" before he went back to gritting his teeth and flailing his almost useless arms in the restraints.

Brian wiped him down. He spoke in the calm voice he had so much practice speaking to Gus with lately. Justin continued to grit his teeth and moan with pain. He complained that his hands and fingers felt as if they were burning. It was brutal to watch.

The tense situation stayed the same for the next several hours. His therapy session was cancelled. When Deb came, she was horrified to be thrown into this painfully simple scene of wiping Justin's sweat soaked body and comforting him with whatever words she could. It was as if his muscles were in a constant state of hyper strained effort, trying to stop the pain. He was exhausted, and kept telling them he needed it to stop.

"Please Brian, tell them to give me something, it has to stop. I can't take it, it's burning, I can feel my fingers burning. Ahhhh!" His cries and sobs were slowly diminishing, he was simply running out of energy.

At three Brian walked out to the nurses desk. There were four nurses all talking at once, catching up on patients etc. since it was shift change. "Justin needs pain meds. He had to wait until three. It's three, don't make him wait any longer. He needs it now." Brian's voice grew louder and angrier as he spoke. All the nurses looked at him. He smashed his hand on the counter and yelled, "Justin Taylor, falling apart in room 534, right there. He had to wait until three for more meds, it's after three, for Christ's sake bring him something. He needs some relief." With that he jogged back to the room.

Sarah, the new shift nurse was in the room in less than five minutes with something for Justin. Through tear stained eyes Deb smiled and said to the group in the room,

" Honey, if you have to do the best fag impersonation of Shirley McLaine in Terms of Endearment to get Justin what he needs, he's in great hands." Everyone smiled a little bit, even if it was for just a split second, Justin managed a smile through clenched teeth and weary eyes.

After another hour of fighting phantom burns, Justin fell asleep. Brian was not sure if it was from exhaustion or the pain medication finally kicking in enough to comfort him. He was just glad Justin finally got some relief. This was more than he had bargained for. This was what they meant by intense prolonged pain, phantom burning? For how long would this go on? How would it affect his recovery? Here they were less than three weeks into recovery and yet another almost insurmountable obstacle was thrown in their laps. After Deb left, exhausted from her effort to comfort Justin, Brian began to think. He came to the conclusion that if this phantom pain was to continue and plague Justin for long, they would need additional help in dealing with it.