Fic #10 chapter 8

With the weekend came their family. Brian and Justin had lots of positive information to share with everyone. By this time Justin had seen his occupational and physical therapist. They had both commented that Justin would make great improvements in the coming weeks. He was moving along faster than anyone expected, even Dr. Lebowitz spoke to them about possibly moving up his release date, if he continued to improve at the rate he was going. Justin would have the pins and leg halos removed from both legs on Monday. The procedure would take place with Justin sedated, so the excitement of family was tempered with the anxiety of Monday's return to surgery.

A psychiatrist, Dr. Cox, had stopped in twice over the past week. His main goal was to evaluate Justin's mental stability and help as needed. His second meeting with Justin only confirmed what he had noted on his first - Justin had a significant support group, he was handling all the changes as well as could be expected, and he didn't seem to be showing any of the tell tale signs of severe depression. He noted Brian's eagerness to keep Justin in the world, and not let him slip into the "pseudo-world" of hospital life that so many patients fall into. He left a card, and said he would do another pass through with them before Justin moved to the step down unit. He assured both men that he would be available to them whenever they needed him. Brian wanted to share the fact that someone had actually found Justin mentally stable with everyone that visited, but Justin said no. Both had tears in their eyes as they laughed about their past instances of instability. Brian agreed to honor Justin's wishes and not share the 'shrink findings', as he referred to them, with anyone. They would stick to physical findings, and let Justin's behavior speak to his saneness on its own.

Michael, Ben and Hunter arrived Friday evening. Hunter was in town from Philadelphia. He had wanted to come as soon as he found out about Justin's accident, but he had been convinced by the family to tie up any loose ends on his project at work before coming. Justin was just now recovered enough to benefit from family visits, so why waste good time sitting with him while he slept when he could come now and really talk with him. Hunter knew his dads were right, but his instinct told him to rush home. He was glad he waited, by doing so, he was able to free up his work calendar a bit, and was now going to stay here at home for several days, not just the weekend.

All of this led to the happy mood of all three of them when they arrived. Justin and Brian were finishing dinner. Michael immediately noticed the improvement with Justin. Unlike a few days ago, he was able to hold his own fork and spoon to eat. Ben noticed how difficult it was for Justin to eat, he was slow and dropped things from time to time. But his mental state was so positive, the physical handicaps were soon overlooked. Hunter was the first to lean over and hug Justin. His accident had really shaken the man, it had something to do with the fact that they were so close in age, and it was such a random accident. Hunter realized it could have just as easily have been him laying here in a hospital. The men exchanged chit chat, Hunter caught them up on the happenings in Philly, Ben talked about the inept class he was teaching this semester. Michael had very little to say, and it was only at Justin's prodding that he started talking about the next issue of RAGE. They both agreed that with eighty percent of the art work completed, they could cut the current issue short, and publish with what they had. If the next issue waited awhile, that was okay with both of them. Brian sat back and quietly watched. It was nice to have other people to play cheerleader for Justin. He had to do it, and that was fine with him, but any breaks were well appreciated.

It was not long before Ted and Emmett arrived. The banter grew louder, and at one point the duty nurse, Pam, had to remind them to keep it down. However, when Mel and Lindsey arrived with Gus and Jenny, it was hopeless trying to keep the chatter in 534 down. The room exploded with an excitement only family can create. Mel and Lindsey had also followed Jennifer's advice, and had stayed home to tie up loose ends before coming to see Justin. It worked in their favor too, they would be staying with Michael and Ben for the week. It gave everyone time to really visit and catch up, as well as help Brian and Justin if they needed anything. There was a lot of hugging, kissing, crying, and laughing. It lasted for the remainder of visiting hours. Plans were made for the next two days. Brian and Lindsey planned to have a quiet breakfast the following morning, while Gus showed Justin some of the work he was doing in his fine arts program. Jenny wanted to stay with Michael and catch up with him. Her Grandma Deb had promised a big breakfast for her family followed by a family dinner relocated to room 534 if Justin was up to it. So far he seemed to be fairing the visits well. Between hugs goodbye and wishes for a good night's sleep, Brian caught him yawning more and more. When the last of the well wishers had gone, he sat on the edge of the bed and tried to spoon up to Justin as much as his unforgiving machinery would allow.

"How's it going sleepy?"

Justin smiled and leaned back slightly into Brian's form, "Um hum, I am really tired. This family tired me out when I had all my bones set properly, now they exhaust me."

"How do you feel Justin? Honestly. I don't want to leave here tonight only to come in tomorrow and find out you lied to me right now."

"No no, I'm okay. I want to go to sleep. When Pam gets here I'm going to ask her for something to help me sleep. I don't want to be unsettled tonight. I'm really weary."

"Justin, do you want me to call off this crazy family dinner idea Deb has? I don't want you over doing it before Monday." Brian put his arms around Justin and nuzzled his neck. It felt good to be close, he had been with Justin all this time, but this is the closest he had been to him since the accident.

"No, really Brian, it's okay. I'm just tired. No tingling, no itchy burning feelings. Nothing. Just tired. I have to admit, if I say I'm in pain, would you keep doing that? God I've missed your intimate touches. Say what you want, but when you hit forty, you found romance."

"On that note, I'll take it that you are doing just fine. And one more mention of what I found at forty, and I'll start talking about all the things you found at thirty!" He smiled and kissed Justin on the neck, then his ear, then his healing bruised cheek, and finally his lips. "Good night sir, please get good sleep. Tomorrow we face a family dinner. And Justin, promise me one thing, if it's too much, please warn me, so that I can end it before it becomes overload for you. Okay?"

"You got it, Bri. Now go home and get some good sleep. Tell Lindsey all the things you are still too afraid to share with me. Have good coffee, talk about Gus, confide in her about us and our future. That's what she's here for. That's why she suggested a small breakfast for just the two of you. She knows you well. Let her have it, it will make you feel better."

With another smile and a few more kisses, Brian left for the night.

True to his word, Justin took some sleeping medication and slept through the night like a baby. It was the best sleep he'd had since the accident. Pam even commented to the incoming nurse the next morning that he would be raring to go after such a restful night.

Brian picked up Lindsey and Gus at 8:30 Saturday morning. Gus was full of smiles as he carried his large art portfolio with him. He had so much to share with Justin, and he was eager to have the artist all to himself for a few hours. Brian marveled at how much of Gus was molded from all the people in his family. He had his Mom's and Justin's artistic flare. He had a fire for success that came from his Dad and his Mam'. Brian missed having him nearby. But when he thought of living with his father and how awful that was, he remembered that location did not dictate success in a father - son relationship. Gus was 14 now and he didn't have any of the issues Brian had at that age. He had ample loving parents, more opportunities, and a large support system, even if he did happen to live in Toronto. The three made small talk until they dropped off Gus at the hospital. He promised to call if Justin seemed "off" to him, in exchange for not having his parents accompany him to his room.

Once he was gone, Lindsey struck right at the heart, before they even left the parking lot. "Brian, you have a cool front on around everyone, but you forget I know your soul. You're petrified of what this will do to your life with Justin, and what it will do to his life, aren't you?"

He responded with a quiet, "Yes."

"Well start talking, that's what this time is for. Be selfish, be honest, let it out. You are great in a crisis Kinney, but you have to give yourself some time. You have to grieve a little bit. The Justin we all knew before is not here right now. His spirit is still here, and I'm not a bit worried about that, but his body is another story. I saw how he spasms, his winces, his journey is just starting."

"Christ Linds, how do you get all that in a two hour visit, and with eight other people in the room?"

"I just do, so tell me 'Peter' are you worried that Neverland is finally lost to you?"

Brian pulled into the parking lot of a small, out of the way, café. They had agreed on a quiet place close to the hospital, they did not want to run into people they knew, and they wanted to stay close to Gus and Justin.

"I don't think Neverland is lost. I created it for myself and later on, I created room for Justin. It's ours, we own it. With all that's happened, I know it's going to be a little different now. But it's still alive and well."

Lindsey smiled, "That's good to hear."

"But I gotta tell you Linds, I'm so fuckin' scared for Justin right now. How will he create? What if he won't walk or draw again? What will he do? How long can I be this supportive caring partner before the bottom drops out and I need to step away. He needs so much right now. He can't piss on his own, he can barely eat and sleep on his own. Every movement hurts. If you had been here a few days ago when he had a horrid pain seizure, you'd understand. I'm just so worried. I don't want to even spend time telling you how pissed I am. I'm so God damn pissed at the driver of the car, at Mikey for not walking out with him, Christ I'm even pissed at Justin for not paying attention. That's the one that kills me, I'm angry at Justin for something he had no control over. How fucked is that?"

Lindsey laid her hand on Brian's head, "It's not fucked at all, it's life. I'm not going to tell you about a similar experience I've had - to show my solidarity - I don't have any experiences that come close to this. But I hear you talking Brian, and that's what you need to do. Keep talking. Hell, you've probably been telling Justin these same things. It's the right thing to do. Talk to him about whatever you need to. But if there are things you just don't want to burden him with, I'll listen. Then I'll tell you to talk to Justin, don't keep him out of any loop. He probably already feels some guilt over having you care for him because of an accident he blames himself for. And for God's sake, don't worry about his ability to create. We artists thrive in strife. We do are best work when we are under duress mentally or physically. You watch, before too long, he's going to want you to help him hold a pen, or ask you to tape it to his hand so he can draw. It's in his soul, and no handicap in the world will take it away.

The rest of the breakfast was done with chit chat and more moments of connection. Lindsey had always been Brian's sounding board. This day proved that her position was still firmly in place. They returned to the hospital to find Justin critiquing Gus's latest work. He had a pencil taped to his right hand with surgical tape. Lindsey elbowed Brian in the ribs when she saw it, he smiled a quirky little smile and started to cry. Lindsey hugged him while Gus and Justin looked at him like he had lost his mind.

"You know Gus, you would think he would be happy to see me drawing again, but I guess my continued improvements defy all logic to make my partner sad." Justin winked at Brian, knowing that whatever Brian was seeing in Justin at that very moment hit a chord very close to his heart.

The rest of the weekend went off without a hitch. The family dinner was a huge success and Justin was not plagued by phantom pain or burning the entire time. Everyone held their breath and wished him the best for the surgery on Monday.