Achilles: Hey Everybody, After a LONG break, we're here to bring the next installment of this little side-project
Damien: But first, we bring you our theme song
A: Umm…. We have a theme song?
D: and Opening!
-Roll Opening-
The Camera focuses in on Achilles, tallish 14 year old with dark hair and blue eyes, standing on the edge of a cliff over looking a city. He looks around suddenly confused not only at his location but at the guitar that begins to play, especially when Damien's voice begins singing in the background
High above the mucky-muck, castle made of clouds,
There sits Wonderboy, sitting oh so proudly.
Not much to say when you're high above the mucky-muck.
Yeah, yeah.
Wonderboy, what is the secret of your power?
Wonderboy, won't you take me far away from the mucky-muck man?
Suddenly Damien, His taller, better looking, taller compatriot with green eyes and black hair that everyone likes better, Jumps on to his back, knocking both of them over the edge and rolls them down the hill below
Now it's time for me to tell you about Young Nastyman,
Archrival and nemesis of Wonderboy, with powers comparable to Wonderboy.
What powers you ask? I dunno, how 'bout the power of flight?
That do anything for ya? That's levitation homes.
How 'bout the power to kill a yak, from 200 yards away...
With mind force!
(A: That's Telekinesis Quazi)
How 'bout the power, to move you?
The two crash into a group of bushes and pick themselves up, and flex slightly at the camera in their superhero-esque costumes. Damien's consists of a tight black shirt with a red Anarchy A, black pants and a ragged red sash like belt, while Achilles' is blue with a large red lightning bolt
Well, Wonderboy and Young Nastyman joined forces;
they formed a band the likes of which have never been seen,
and they called themselves Bold Achilles. That's right,
Me! And my friend Lee!
(A: That's me.)
We're now Bold Achilles!
Come fly with me, fly!
Screen goes black and a Johnny Rotten quote appears in white print: I just want to destroy everything
-Back To Authors-
D: So you like?
A: What the hell was that? It was like the biggest tribute to homoeroticism in tights since the original Batman and Robin
D: Ouch…
A: I can't even look at you…. ok, let's answer a review…
D: Hmm.. this looks interesting…. StarTitan writes:
I have fallen in love with your writing! as well as ur author's notes, haha. how long does is take u guys to come up with these things, cause there amazing! eagerly awaiting ur next chapter-Pyro (co-author on StarTitan)
A: Someone just had to go and open Pandora's box…
D: So you want to know how we right these things? It's a fairly simple process, first take two hormone crazed adolescents with truly bizarre names and senses of humor
A: and add caffeine
D: Lots and lots of caffeine
A: But that's not all
D: I strongly advise that the weak of heart and weak of butt leave the room at this time, as it may spoil the magic for some of you
A: Generally, we start off just by hanging around with some of our other friends, which I assure you we have…. And listening to any dumbass remarks they make
D: But still more frequently, we sit around watching stand up comedy and Family Guy or another type of random yet intelligent animated comedy, looking for some joke we can pirate
A: Finally, we look for reviews for inspiration as to how to combine everything into an utterly pointless bizarre combination of humor and insanity
D: Did we mention the caffeine?
A: In the end the actual writing process takes only a few moments if uninterrupted by pressing matters
D: Porn mostly…
A: Ah yes, perversion is also a classic ingredient… in short…wait where were we going with this?
D: I was following your lead
A: Dammit, I hate it when I'm right
-Ch 2-
In the dark, grimy bowels of Lord Slade's prison, Raven examined her surprisingly well kept fingernails in the pale moonlight, trying her best to ignore the wailing of the captive in the cell beside her own. Ever since the feral boy had returned from his mockery of a trial, he had been making horribly noises of despair, while thrashing around gripping his head.
"Would you keep the melodrama down?" She called not looking at him, "Some of us are trying to sleep…"
The sounds stopped, and Raven sighed peacefully. Suddenly she felt a hand tighten around her arm. She turned her head, and her eyes widened at the sight of the green boy pressing himself against the bars
"My mind is on fire…" he moaned through gritted teeth, saliva spraying before him… "I know you did this… make it stop…"
"Trust me," Raven frowned, surprised he'd caught on so quickly "you don't want to know how you'd be feeling if it weren't for that." She pointed in the direction of a circle drawn in the dirt floor, adorned with several strange runes at the center of which, within a pentagram, was a single shred of his clothes she'd found caught on the bars that joined their cells. "Without this little enchantment to speed up your transition to civilization, you'd have gone insane from the isolation shock…"
"You put a spell on me…" He murmured, "You're a witch?"
She smiled cynically, "Guilty! But I won't be one as of tomorrow at sunset…."
"How come?"
"I'll just be dead then…" Raven pointed out the window, and Beast Boy scrambled to it, getting a clear view of the town square and a large stake with timber piled around it. "They're gonna fry me like a slice of bacon…"
-In the Castle-
Robin rubbed his swollen lip tentatively, as he slipped into a set of rags he'd stolen from the servant's quarters. He was sick of it… Sick of standing aside and watching horror after horror be committed, disgusted at the monster his father had become… In the days his mother had still been alive, they had all been happy. His father had ruled wisely and justly, until the plague struck 10 years ago.
Many died, but not before suffering horribly. Robin's mother, a fair queen, had lead reforms to aid her people, even acting as a nurse herself. On one such occasion she was not so lucky, and caught the horribly disease. For weeks her health deteriorated, as her agony increased with every passing day until finally the last of her strength left her.
When his queen died, Slade changed. He grew into a hateful shade, a mockery of his former self, who treated his subjects and son with pure malice. "He's not my father anymore…" Robin frowned, as he lowered himself over the edge of his balcony, and down a makeshift rope ladder.
-That morning in the marketplace-
Victor had been sent to fetch another bucket of water for the metal working, when suddenly he became aware of a large crowd in the square evidently torturing some poor prisoner. Ordinarily he would have passed this reminder of why he hated it here by, but the shouts had gotten interesting…
"Monster!"
"Beast!"
The crowd screamed at the top of it's lungs. The blacksmith raised an Eyebrow and pushed his way to the front of the mass of villagers and gasped at the sight before him. A completely green boy, dressed in pitiful rags that left little to the imagination chained in excess to the side of the well, having been moved there from his cell for a day of humiliation. The townspeople were carrying on the ancient tradition of pelting him with food, and he was reacting in an unorthodox way…
The wild man moved his head in the way of a green sphere and swallowed it whole before belching comically, "How about something besides cabbage?" He yelled at the crowd laughing humorously. Although Victor could not help but chuckle, he noticed the general reaction was different. With every one of the prisoner's jests, their rage grew.
"Hey!" The "Beast Boy" shouted, "How many ignorant villagers does it take to light a torch?"
A young man in the front of the mob finally snapped. He bent over and picked up a large rock, which he proceeded to launch at the captive's head. The green boy released a primal roar, as his scalp was slashed by a jagged edge.
Victor stared at the pathetic creature, at all the pain, all the confusion and felt sickened by his fellow villagers. It was in that instant he turned his back to the others and started his life down a new path.
Another villager inspired by his companion's display of brutality lobbed another sharp object, a particularly toothed piece of metal, at the feral child. The blacksmith's apprentice ran forward and intercepted the projectile with his arm. Blood began to run down the teenagers arm, from a nasty gash to his bicep.
"What did you do that for you stupid ass?" Yelled the man who had thrown the weapon
In response, the boy raised his hand, now dripping with blood from his wound. "Is this really all you understand?" Victor snarled. He moved towards the boy chained to the well, and began fiddling with the lock on his fetters.
"You there! What the hell do you think your doing?" Yelled a guard, as he charged at them with sword at the ready. The soldier swung his blade, only to find it deflected off his opponents arm. The blacksmith smiled, and ripped the sleeve off his tunic, exposing his mutilated arm, nearly skeletal and coated in steel yet somehow still usable. The swordsman found he could only stare in horror as the teenager smashed him over the head with his metal fist.
"What are you doing?" Kraken murmured still slightly dazed from the blow to the head.
"I'm liberating you," Victor smirked as he smashed the lock with his fist.
"Flashy aren't you?" Beast Boy smiled, as he gripped the remaining chains, those binding his hands together, and pulled snapping the links, leaving the remaining lengths to hang limply from his shackles.
The taller whistled before catching the sight of several more guards approaching. "Let's go!" The duo ran ahead, around the crowd and down an alleyway. Suddenly the city's high walls loomed before them.
"Dead end…" Victor moaned, whirling round to find himself face to face with at least half a dozen guards.
"What's the plan?" Beast Boy frowned
"Ummm… Scream like wenches?"
Just as the henchmen were lumbering forward, and our heroes were preparing to belittle themselves by screeching in a manner befitting newborns, a new voice was heard.
"Release them!" Came a masculine voice
One guard, apparently their leader turned round, "Who dares?"
"I do," frowned a spiky haired boy no older than the captives, "The prince orders you to stand down."
Instantly everyone was on their knees in a bow except for Beast Boy, who was quite frankly confused as to the meaning of "Prince" and only recognized the youth from his trial.
"Hey, you're that guy!"
"And you need to be taught some manners…. YOU'RE PERFECT!" Smiled Robin, "You and your friend shall be my squires!"
"Wait!" Victor yelled, "Who said anything about me being your bitch?"
"Would you rather me leave you to some very lonely men in prison?"
"Point taken…"
Beast Boy waited thoughtfully, allowing his mind to wander back to the girl in jail, and how horribly close the sun was growing to the horizon. "Look, I know nothing about this place, but you obviously do, if you think I should be your squire I'll do it, on one condition."
"What's that?"
"You help me save one more person."
-Sunset-
"Sorceress Raven," The spokesman began, addressing the young woman in witches garb with what appeared to be a carrot strapped to her nose who sat on a large scale erected in square near the church and directly in front of a large wooden stake, "You stand charged with the crimes of heresy, witchcraft and consorting with the devil. You will now be found guilty by a jury of raving madmen and zealots."
A skinny man approached the podium opposite the scale, he raised his hand in the air and pointed at the accused, "She's a Witch!"
The judge raised an Eyebrow, "How do you know she's a witch?"
"Well she's dressed like one!" The mob yelled in unison
The judge leaned towards the girl, "My dear, they have a point…."
"Please," She groaned, "They dressed me up like this, and this isn't my nose it's a false one."
The man lifted the carrot, and stared back at the crowd indignantly, "Well?"
"Well, She has got a wart!" One man said, pointing to a spot on her bare foot, "And she is a witch!"
"Yeah!" piped in another man, "She turned me into a newt!"
"A newt?" The Judge cried, staring at the man scrutinizing his humanity, "You hide it well!"
The Man smiled sheepishly, "Eh, I got better…."
"Look…" The Judge groaned, "There are way's of telling if she is a witch…" This statement earned a number of reply's varying from "What?" to "Do they hurt?" The judge continued, "What do you do with witches?"
"BURN THEM!" The mob yelled
"Good," The judge nodded, "But what do you burn apart from witches?"
"MORE WITCHES!" One man yelled loudly and was promptly smacked. There was a long pause as the villagers tried to think, something which if perhaps they did more often they would have had the sense to rebel and better themselves rather than following the outdated self centric dogma supporting the feudal system. Finally in a weak voice the same man broke the silence, "…wood?"
"Exactly," The justice smiled, "So why do witches burn?"
After another long pause: "Because they're made of wood?"
"Good…." The moderator sighed, "So, how do we tell if she's made of wood?"
"BUILD A BRIDGE OUT OF HER!"
"Ah, but can you not also build bridges out of stone?"
"Oh, right…" the mob murmured stupidly…
Raven stared on in befuddlement at the fact that her fate was in the hands of such lunacy. 'At this rate though, they'll probably want a good nights sleep before they kill me …'
-Much Later-
"So logically…." The judge yawned
"If she weighs as much as a duck…then she's made of wood…"
"And is therefore…."
"A WITCH!" There was much yammering about fetching a duck to weigh against Raven's mass, when suddenly everyone went silent. The vile travesty of justice was ended, as a figure in a dark cloak approached the scales, a hidden hand reaching for the girl sitting atop it.
"Hey!" One villager yelled, "Get your own witch!"
A deep voice came from beneath the cloak, as green claws could be seen reaching out from beneath the layers of fabric, "I come for my servant…"
"DEMON!" Yelled several women in the crowd, as terrified shrieks rang out and villagers scattered for their homes…
Beast boy chuckled as he moved the hood of the cloak off his face, "That was easy….and kinda fun…"
"What are you doing?" Raven said perplexed
"What? You really thought I'd leave you behind?"
"Where are we going?"
"Somewhere," Beast Boy shrugged and handed the girl the cloak, "You look cold…"
"If you'd have come here 10 minutes later, that would have been the exact opposite of my problems…" Raven smiled wrapping the shroud around her
"What do you mean? They were going to burn you if you weighed as much as a duck!"
She glared at him, "Well excuse me for watching my figure…."
-Hundreds Of Miles Away-
The Princess Starfire stood on her balcony gazing out over the vast fields beyond her tower, eyes captivated by the waning light of the setting sun. She smiled faintly, as the molten orb sank the final inches below the horizon, leaving only darkness upon the land. She brushed her red hair out of her emerald eyes and turned to enter her chamber.
Perhaps if she'd been aware of the happenings below she would have been more….anxious. Far beneath the glorious tower of the equally glorious Castle St. Michael, evil stirred. The Citadel itself was much like any of it's kind, composed of high walls of thick grey stone, it's many tiers reaching up to the heavens, not to mention it's long unfeeling windows, profuse with gloom. Surrounding this substantial establishment, was a moat of stagnant green water, thick with lilies, over which there was an ancient draw bridge guarded by two sentries. They would be the first to know the power of Ahriman….
"So…Wassup?" One guards sighed, having grown tired of the long silence between them.
"Not much, not much, guarding the castle drinking a pint…" His partner smiled holding up an ale.
"True, true…" the first nodded. It was then that he saw it, a glint of white in the darkness. The sentinel squinted trying to make out the object. It was a face…no…a mask. Two blank black eyes, staring out from a luminous white background, adorned by what appeared to be two spades…and were those…horns?
His compatriot had apparently noticed the anomaly as well, suddenly on his feet; hand on the hilt of his sword. "You there! Move along-" Before he could finish, a long spear flew out from the shadows, piercing his chest and bringing him to the ground.
Terrified, the remaining guard drew his own sword and struck a combative stance as he began to back away slowly, turning from side to side trying to bring his blade between his unseen opponent and himself. "Show yourself coward!" He yelled, allowing his voice to crack.
A muscular arm came from behind and wrapped around his neck, while a gauntleted hand moved before his face. "Dreams settle to become grass where once the world created me, I am now creating the world and I have become so very, very aware. " a cold voice murmured, as a blue glow erupted from the glove's palm, creating a black sword out of nothingness…
"What is wrong with you?" The guard whispered in absolute horror, the sudden warmness in his pants alerting him to the fact he had lost control over his bladder…
The voice chuckled, as the sword was lowered to the captive's stomach, "Come not between a dragon and his wrath…"
Several stories above, Princess Starfire jumped as a horrible scream tore through the night air.
Something was very wrong…
-To Be Continued-
A: Reviewing is a fun and easy way to…ah who the hell are we kidding, just do it….