Summary: Our intrepid heroes figure out some of what is happening, and new friends bond. Many pizzas were sacrificed to complete this part of the story.
Crossover: Highlander, Stargate SG-1
Notes: Kate Lockley goes by Kaithlynn now. Part of her 'new life' thing. Also makes it easier for me to keep her and Duncan's wife Kate straight. I'm easily befuddled, doncha know... I probably screwed up the timeline for some of the Stargate stuff, but I hope you won't hold it against me. I lost track of which Goa'uld did what and when a while back. This story continues the storyline established in 'What are we gonna do now?'. All Hail the Goddess Willow.
Disclaimer: The events and characters depicted herein have been ...errr...borrowed, so that I might play for but a little while. Any abuse incurred whilst I'm playing shall of course evaporate upon their return to their rightful (and wonderfully kind because they wouldn't dream of suing little ol' me) owners.
DID SOMEBODY SAY SOMETHING ABOUT NOT FADING AWAY? PART IV
By screaminheathen69
Prologue
10,000 years ago (give or take a century or two), on the Giza Plateau
People tend to forget that once, long ago, Egypt was a lush tropical paradise. The Sahara didn't intrude until a much later time. The area around the Nile River Valley was a rich and fertile place, and was accordingly well populated. The people were simple farmers and hunters, living peacefully together, grateful for such a bountiful place to live. It was a good life.
Until Ra showed up, anyway.
Oh, these simple folks knew of vampires, demons, and the mystical world around them. At the time of Ra's arrival, there was a Slayer living amongst them, a highly successful and revered Slayer named Ammenorah. She lived with her Watcher, Kartha, an Immortal. He'd been around a thousand years or so, and had worked with dozens of Slayers. They had come here following a group of vampires who'd heard about the easy pickings around the Nile (even this far back, it was called the Nile), and after having dispatched them, decided to stay, hoping that word would spread that the pickings weren't quite so easy after all.
But nothing had prepared them for the coming of the Goa'uld. The people quickly accepted them as Gods, believing that Ra himself had come down to Earth. Many believed that things would only get better now that the Gods had favored them with their presence.
That didn't last long, though.
Funny how slavery and forced labor has that affect.
There were three Goa'uld that arrived that night, quickly taking new hosts for themselves and casting off their old Unas hosts. Ra, of course, was in charge, with Setesh his second. The third, a younger Goa'uld by the name of Cerephus, was put in charge of constructing the pyramid landing platforms for Goa'uld starships. While the pyramids were being built (at great cost to human life), Ra and many of the other System Lords began transplanting humans to many of their various worlds through the Stargate, to breed as slaves, hosts, and to create a new breed of soldiers that would eventually become the Jaffa.
The next five hundred years saw the Giza Plateau tranformed. The Great Pyramids, which would mystify future generations, were completed, along with many of the temples and monuments that stand all across the world to this day, to our wonder and bafflement.
Ammenorah had allowed herself to be taken, in order to discover the truth about these supposed 'Gods'. Unfortunately, she had made the mistake of trying to take on Ra directly, only to be swiftly defeated when Ra used the ribbon device to throw her through a wall. Surprised by this wisp of a girl's strength and resilience, Ra had ordered her studied.
She didn't survive the experiments.
But Ra's interrogators had been able to force the truth about Slayers, vampires, demons and the mystical nature of much of this world out of her before she died. So he kept a careful watch in case another might attempt to overthrow him, but dismissed the rest as inconsequential.
Cerephus, on the other hand, was fascinated with the mystical aspects of Earth, and made a study of them in what little spare time he had. Which, over the course of five hundred years, added up to quite a bit.
Meanwhile, after Amennorah's death, Kartha had set out to find the new Slayer. A daunting prospect, considering that at this point in history, mankind hadn't quite mastered crossing the oceans yet. He knew perfectly well that it could easily be many years before he located a Slayer, especially now that so many humans had been transplanted offworld. So he was patient.
It only took him four hundred and ninety nine years.
Her name was Elene. She was just fifteen. She embraced her mission wholeheartedly, though, as she had had family taken by Osiris before Ra had defeated he and Isis. They spent the next four years training, and gathering an army that included witches, Immortals, and even demons, all dedicated to one purpose; to drive the False Gods from Earth.
And so, five hundred and three years after their arrival, the Goa'uld faced the Uprising, spearheaded by an army the likes of which not even the Goa'uld had ever seen.
The battle was horrific. It went on for days. Ra had created a comfy little kingdom for himself, and he didn't care what it cost him, short of his own life of course, to keep it. His rage was great indeed when he was informed that the slaves themselves had risen up against him and buried the chappa'ai. Setesh had fled, fearing that he would be made to pay for allowing the Uprising to occur. Cerephus was leading the Temple Guard in the final defense of the Great Pyramid, the only barrier still remaining between the onrushing army and Ra's ship.
He and the Jaffa cut a terrible swath of death through the rebels, but were steadily being forced to retreat as their own numbers dwindled. Cerephus caught a flash from the temple. It was Ra ringing up to his ship, and soon thereafter the pyramid began to vibrate as the sound of the great ship firing up rolled across them. Cerephus found himself face to face with Kartha, and was soon fighting for his life. He managed to get some space, and threw Kartha away from him with the ribbon device, knocking the Immortal cold in the process.
Seeing her Watcher go down, Elene ran towards Cerephus enraged, fearing that he would take the Immortals head while he was unconscious. The Goa'uld was caught off guard, and tried to bring the ribbon device to bear on the Slayer, but she deflected his arm upwards, sending the blast into the temples roof.
They both looked up at the sound of stone collapsing, and tried to leap clear of the falling chunks of masonry. Elene was crushed, but Cerephus made it clear. Almost. A large chunk of stone struck him across the neck and back, crushing vertabrae and causing more damage than the symbiote would be able to repair without access to a sarcophogous. Cerephus, remembering the unconscious warrior nearby, abandoned it's host and slithered across the wreckage to where Kartha lay, beginning to come to.
The first thing he saw as he opened his eyes was the symbiote leaping at him. It was also the last. He never had a chance. Cerephus entered Kartha's body and took over, banishing the man's being to the purgatory that is the curse of being a host to a Goa'uld. And marveled at the power of the body he now possessed. He had heard of the Immortals from Ammenorah, of course, but to now be in possession of one as his host was a truly amazing experience.
He was going to make the Tau'ri pay for their insolence. And now he had all eternity to make it happen.
Chapter the First
2004... Giles' dining room
..."Well, bugger that!" Spike's sentiment was echoed around the table, in feeling if not the actual words.
Buffy, for her part, was quietly surprised at how incredibly sober she now felt. Ahh, nothin' like a good ol' fashioned apocalypse to sober a gal right up! And aliens to boot. And where the Hell do I know Daniel from? Arrgh! Back to the apocalypse, girl. Priorities!
Jack smiled, nodding in agreement with Spike. "Yeah, I think that pretty well sums up how we all felt about it too. Riley here's been trying to get us to come talk to you kids for the last coupla months, but certain higher ups kept balking at the idea. After Cassie started having thses dreams, though, well, we started kinda insisting." His smirk deepened. "Sometimes ya just gotta go in and knock a few heads together to get results."
Faith laughed. "Yeah, I've noticed that."
Connor snickered. "Yeah, but when I do that, dad tells me 'no, son, we should find some way to talk this out'. And then he chops the bad guys head off." Angel just shrugged, grinning lopsidedly.
"As a wise man once said, 'there are alternatives to fighting'," Andrew quoted pontifically.
Teal'c looked at Andrew, eyebrow raised in typical Teal'c fashion. "You quote Master Kenobi well, AndrewWells. But sometimes fighting is the only recourse."
Buffy groaned. "Oh, Lord, don't get him started on Star Wars! The apocalypse will've already happened by the time we get him to shut up!" Laughter bubbled around the table as Andrew slouched down into his chair, mumbling to himself.
Buffy turned to Cassie. "Okay. Apocalypse. You said there was at least one of these Ghoul guys, right?"
Cassie nodded. "Goa'uld. Right."
"Can you describe him for us? Maybe we can figure out who this guy is, if he's working with demons."
Cassie sat back and closed her eyes, trying to visualise her dream. "I dunno. I never get a clear look at him, it's too fast. But he's definitely a Goa'uld, I can see his eyes do that flashy thing." She waved a hand vaguely as she said 'flashy thing'.
Willow stood up. "Cassie, if you're willing, there's something I'd like to try. We call it the Wiccan Mind-Meld. Mostly, we use it to communicate during battle, but I can use it to visualise your memory. Doesn't hurt or anything."
The young Slayer from another world nodded uncertainly. "Sure, I guess."
Willow knelt down in front of Cassie. "I'm also gonna bring Buffy and Giles into this, okay?" Again, Cassie nodded.
"Okay, just relax, and try to remember the dreams." Willow closed her eyes and relaxed into a light trance, pulling Cassie, Buffy and Giles in with her. There was an uneasy silence in the room as one minute ticked by. Five minutes. Ten.
Twelve minutes.
Suddenly, Buffy let out a gasp as the meld collapsed and jerked back in her chair. The other three came up out of the trance more slowly, but Willow and Giles were both wearing shocked expressions of their own.
Dawn rushed over to Buffy, who was trying to catch her breath. "Buffy? What was it? What scared you so bad?"
Buffy took a shuddering breath. "We saw all of it. Her dream. It was..." She paused, still trying to catch her breath.
Willow continued. "...Awful. Everybody. Everything. The whole planet was..." She trailed off with a horrified expression, shivering.
"Burned to ash..." finished Giles. He looked very much like he wanted to go find another bottle of scotch. Or three.
Buffy finally got her breathing under control. Her own Slayer dreams, and she'd had many, hadn't come close to the detail that Cassie's dreams had. Or the horror. "And the Ghoul guy? I know who he is."
That got everybodys attention. "Who is it?" Dawn asked, still crouched beside her sister.
"An Immortal. The Immortal. Our pet project. Antonio Cerephus. He's the one who's going to burn this world to a cinder."
There was another silence, broken finally by Angel. "Knew we shoulda killed that S.O.B. when we had the chance..."
Chapter the Second
They had decided to take a break. Buffy, Giles, Willow and Cassie needed some time to get themselves together after the meld, and the rest of the group decided that there wasn't anything that couldn't be made better with the judicious application of pizza. So, after the order had been placed, and some of the group set about getting plates and drinks out, Daniel went off to find Buffy. He finally located her on the roof, on a little balcony outside the attic window. She was curled up into a ball, warming herself against the cool night air.
He leaned against the window frame. "Umm, hi. Nice view up here." Buffy didn't answer, just nodded. Daniel took a breath and pressed on. Fortune favors the brave, he thought to himself"Boy, here you are looking for a little privacy, and here I am bugging you. Jack always says I'm good at that, though." Still no response. "The bugging... yup, good with the bugging." Still nothing. He sighed. "Starting to feel hopeless again, isn't it? No matter how many times you save the world, it'll still need saving again, right? Know how that feels, we've been there more times than I care to remember ourselves. Other worlds too, as far as that goes. Died once, saving another planet. But hey, here I am, still fighting the good fight..."
Buffy gave him a sideways look. "You died?" she mumbled.
"Yup. Two, no, three times. That I can remember off the top of my head, anyway."
"Three, huh? You're one up on me then. Not that I plan to repeat the experience any time soon, mind you."
Daniel smiled. "Yeah, I know. Actually, Jack has both of us beat."
At her inquisitve look, he continued. "Coupla years ago, he was captured by a System Lord named Baal. Baal tortured him for days, killed him dozens of times, using a sarcophogous to bring him back. It was one of the few times I've ever seen Jack ready to give up." Buffy could tell this was an exceptionally painful memory for Daniel.
She gave him another sideways look. "Where do I know you from? It's been bugging me since you got here."
Daniel sighed. "I was wondering if you remembered or not. It was about three years ago." He laughed at Buffy's blank expression. "It was during a certain hundred and forty seven day vacation you took back in 2001."
Buffy went white as a sheet as she realised what he was referring to. "But - but, I thought you were an angel..."
Daniel was studying his boots, embarrassed. "No, not quite an angel. I had Ascended, become one of the Ancients. It's... complicated. After you were... taken back, I tried to keep an eye on you. I'd have helped you out, but there were rules that I had to abide by. I did manage to give you a little nudge when that, um, whatever-it-was demon drugged you and had you thinking you were in the looney bin. We almost lost you, that time. Your mom, Ben, and Jenny were screaming at me to do something, so I managed to slip a subconscious suggestion into the illusion. I think it helped. I'd have done more, but like I said, rules." He said the last as though he had a brown taste in his mouth.
"Oh. Wait. Mom and Jenny? Jenny Calendar? And Ben? You know them? How do you know them?" Buffy had turned and grabbed him by the shoulders, stopping just short of shaking him.
"They were there, Buffy. Same as you. In Heaven."
The tears were free flowing, now. "I was really there? In Heaven?"
"Of course. The One Above All wasn't about to let one of the greatest warriors for good languish in some Hell dimension. Which is where you would have gone if He hadn't intervened. That portal would have put you into one of the worst. And She felt you had more than earned your Rest. And then Willow put one over on all of the Higher Beings and yanked you back out. It came as a huge surprise to all of Them, but it turns out it was part of a very, very old prophecy involving Willow. They just didn't know it was you. If He had, She would have tried to prepare you for it. But He thought you were finished with your battles."
Buffy was shaking, fighting back the tears. "I always wondered... I worried that they might not have gone up there, you know? Hellmouth and all that. I was always scared that maybe..." She shuddered.
"No. They were good people caught up in bad circumstances. And your mom's death was natural. She didn't suffer. She's still looking after you and Dawn, you know. And always will be, until you go to your Final Rest."
Buffy looked at him thoughtfully. "Could she come to me? Like, in my dreams?"
"Yes, I think so. That's one way Guardian Angels appear to their charges. Why?"
"Last year, when we were fighting the First. She came to me in my dreams. The First had appeared to Dawnie as mom, so I figured it was the First messing with me. But now I wonder..." The tears had stopped, and she wore a contemplative look.
"Good chance it was your mom, then. I can't say for sure, I got sent back myself a few months after you did. Broke some of those pesky rules. Not that it did any good." He said the last with a sour look. "She was training to be a White-Lighter. Takes a long time to finish the training, and I think she was getting a little impatient with the process."
"White-Lighter?"
"Umm, yeah. Shouldn't'a told you that. It's sort of the next step beyond guardian angel. Ask Willow or Giles about it, they could probably explain it better than I can."
"Oh. Wait a sec. Prophecy? About Willow? 'Splain, please, 'cause with this group, prophesies usually don't exactly bode well."
"I don't know much about that either, but I do know that she's on the right path. It was basically a good thing, from what little I did hear about it. But you didn't hear any of this from me."
"Okay. Why?"
Daniel was studying the wall behind Buffy. "Er, well, because Jack and the rest of my friends think I don't remember much of what happened when I was ascended."
"And why do they think that?" Buffy wheedled.
"Becaaaauuussse... that's sort of what I told them. More of those rules I'm not supposed to break."
"Oh," Buffy said again. She sighed heavily. "I'm going to have such a huge headache before the night's over, ya know?"
Daniel laughed gently as he checked his watch. "Look, the pizza shook be here in a few, we probably better get down there if we want any. Teal'c can put it away like nobody's business."
Buffy snorted as she got to her feet. "He better watch out for Faith then, she's an eating machine."
"Really?"
"Yup. Human Garbage Disposal. We could have a contest..."
"Might be interesting," Daniel chuckled.
"Yup." They started down the stairs, Buffy's mood revived somewhat. "Hey, what's with the He/She thing when you're talking about God? Kinda confusing..."
"Tell me about it." He thought for a second. "Okay, have you seen 'Dogma'?" She nodded. "Well, let's just say that that movie had a whole lot of Truth in it."
"Really? How much?"
"Pretty much the whole damn thing. They just changed a few names."
"Oh. Wow."
"Yup."
"Let's go eat."
"Good plan..."
Chapter the Third
They arrived in the hall by the dining room just in time to see Jack balancing a teetering stack of pizza boxes while Giles paid the delivery boy. Jack was apologising to Giles. "Hey, I'm sorry, it just didn't occur to me to bring British money with me. I'll pay ya back, swear to God..." Giles just rolled his eyes. Buffy and Daniel took some of the load from Jack and headed into the dining room. Giles just stood back and marveled at the chaos that ensued as the room full of people started elbowing to find their favorite kind of pizza. He found it vaguely reminiscent of a pack of wild hyenas gathered around a fresh kill.
Jack, Buffy and Cassie snagged a whole sausage, pepperoni and mushroom for themselves and miraculously managed to find three seats next to each other. Jack was wearing a beatific grin. "Ahhh, pizza, the food of the Gods, that most wondrous invention of the Ancients and boon to all Mankind, pizza!" He took a huge bite with great relish. "Ow! Hot! Hot! Water!" He fanned a hand in front of his mouth, panting. Buffy and Cassie almost spit their pizza out trying not to laugh.
"Oh, nice, laugh at the old guy with the burned mouth. Very nice. What happened to respecting your elders?"
Cassie snorted. "Pffft! Respect? Elders? You're the biggest kid I know."
"Am not!"
"Are too!"
"Am not!"
"Are too!"
"Takes one to know one!"
"Oh, real original. Oh, wait, as old as that one is, you were probably there when it was said for the very first time. Wow! To be present at such an important historical event!"
Jack shot her a look. "I choose to respond thusly;" he stuck out his tongue and blew a raspberry, then calmly went back to eating his pizza as Cassie dissolved into giggles.
When Buffy finally stopped laughing, she sat there munching on her pizza and studying Jack. "You're a complete wiseass, aren't you?"
Cassie was nodding vigorously. Jack just shrugged. "It's what I do."
Buffy nodded. "And I'll just betcha that you're the type of guy that'll stop in the middle of a fight to make with the wisecracks, too."
Jack shrugged again, modestly. Cassie was still nodding vigorously. Jack looked at her sideways. "Cass, hon, if you keep that up your eyeballs are gonna wind up in my pizza, and that would just be gross. Seriously."
Carter had overheard some of the conversation, and chimed in. "Yeah, Buffy, you called it. He's famous across the galaxy for his ability to quip. Always has at least one or two smart-ass comments to offer up into the face of adversity. And the occasional senator." Jack shot her a dirty look. "Sorry. Must've been exposed to a bad influence. Or something." She took another bite, not even trying to hide her smirk.
"Keep it up, major." Carter gave him an innocent look. Jack snagged another slice, not quite able to suppress his grin. It was worth taking a little grief if it got Carter and Cassie to loosen up. Especially Cassie. He had made making Cassie's life easier his mission after Janet had died, and getting her to laugh like this was worth being the butt of the joke. He could always get Carter back later. Maybe at the wedding reception. Maybe he could get Pete to give him a hand. He seemed like he had a good sense of humor.
Buffy's opinion of SG-1 went up another notch as she watched them interact. They're real people, just like us. This is gonna be fun. Okay, maybe not the apocalypse part, but still...
Across the room, Illyria was watching the people around her with interest as she munched on the tacos that Angel had asked Giles to order for her. The tension that had pervaded the room earlier had disappeared, replaced with an easy comraderie that surprised her. The distrust the two groups had held for each other was obvious to the ancient God-King, but seemed to have evaporated quickly. The ability of these lesser beings to 'go on faith' was a constant source of amazement to her. She shook her head and took another bite of her taco.
In the middle of the room, predictably, Teal'c and Faith were trying to out eat the other. They had both downed two pizzas each and were working on the third, cheered on by a large (and rather vocal) group of spectators. Robin was cheering Faith on, wondering if he was going to have to spend the whole night tending to Faith while she was praying to the Porcelain God.
Daniel and Sam Finn were making bets with Vi and Giles. Riley refused to get involved, having bore witness to Teal'c's eating abilities and having heard about Faith's nearly legendary ability to put away the food.
Dawn was talking animatedly with Duncan and Kate about her latest training session with Amanda, who had taken her on as her apprentice. In spite of the fact that she was now one of the most powerful people on the planet, Dawn still enjoyed the swordplay, feeling it gave her more focus. Besides, it was fun.
Spike and Angel, sitting off to one side, were taking it all in quietly. Spike nudged Angel. "What we need is one of those bloomin' onions. That'd be right tasty right 'bout now."
Angel nodded, distracted. "You think we might be getting in over our heads this time?"
Spike snorted. "When in the last few years haven't we been in over our heads? 'Sides, way I see it, same old story, just with some new players."
"Yeah. Maybe so. Still seems weird, though. I mean, aliens? After everything I've seen, I'm still wigged."
"Okay, I get that. But hey, maybe we c'n ask 'em what they think about the old 'Cave-men versus Astronauts' question. Might have some insight we don't."
Angel brightened just a bit. "Hey! Yeah..."
Chapter the Fourth
The meeting had gone on till the wee hours, but exhaustion had finally set in and Giles sent everyone home to get some sleep. When he had offered to get rooms at the same hotel that Buffy and co. were staying at for SG-1 and co., Jack had asked if he was sure there would be that many rooms available. Giles had offered him a lopsided grin. "Well, we do own the place after all."
Jack had stood there for a second, then grinned himself. "Handy, that." And so, all concerned had set off to get some rest, although due to the time difference between Colorado and England, Riley, Sam, Cassie and SG-1 felt more like it was early evening.
Jack had wandered around his room restlessly for a bit. His mind wouldn't stop working long enough for him to get tired enough to sleep. The whole 'Slayer' thing bugged the crap out of him. Kids fighting a neverending war just didn't sit well with him. Couldn't sit well with him. Oh, sure, he respected what they could do, and what the Slayer Line had accomplished over it's long years, and he'd put his usual silly grin on his face and been completely supportive of Cassie, but the whole thing was eating away at him. Kids. It just wasn't... right. And Cassie especially. She was the daughter he'd never had. He couldn't bear the thought of her being hurt. Or worse.
Some days he felt that if he lost just one more of his kids, saw one more kid die, then there wouldn't be anything left of him. A little more of him died everytime. Skaar'a and Janet had almost been more than he could bear. And now he was in charge of the SGC.
The Boss.
The one who sent young people out to die.
For the life of him, he couldn't understand how George had done this job so well for so long.
Lord, but he wanted a beer.
Several, in fact.
Awww, screw it! There has to be somewhere around here that I can get a drink at this hour. He grabbed his jacket and key and headed out, only to run into Buffy in the hall. Literally. They both wound up on the floor. "Whoa, hey there tiger, sorry 'bout that, wasn't paying attention to where my big feet were taking me."
Buffy laughed, easily jumping back up and offering Jack a hand. "No big. Been hit a lot harder than that. Where're you off to at this hour?"
Jack actually had the good grace to look embarrassed. "Ummm, well, thought I'd go see if there was somewhere around here to get a drink. Is there? Maybe?" He tried not to look too hopeful.
Buffy grinned, shaking her head. "It's a twenty minute cab ride to the nearest pub or liquor store. Which was just one more reason Giles chose this place, to help keep the younger girls on the straight and narrow. Not that they do. Teen-agers and all." Jack nodded, grinning. Buffy looked at him thoughtfully. "Why the drink at this hour?"
"Time difference, it's early for me yet. Thought it'd help me relax,"he lied. Mostly just wanna get stupid drunk and forget about the God! Damn! Goa'uld and the God! Damn! vampires and the fact that another one of my kids is putting her life on the line.
Buffy studied him for a minute. She knew depression when she saw it, even when buried as deep as Jack had buried it. "Uh huh. You like scotch?"
Jack stood there for a second, surprised by the question. "Umm, yeah. Sure. Why?"
"I've got some really good scotch in my room. Whaddaya say we go swap some war stories and get stupid, falling down drunk and lament the coming of yet another apocalypse?" She gave him a cheery smile.
Jack stood there for another second, then gave her his best smirk. "Best damn idea I've heard all year."
"Eeexcellent," said Buffy in her best Mr. Burns impression, unknowingly raising her stock with Jack another notch. "C'mon. I've even got snacks, brought back a bunch of American snacky goodness from our little trip to LA."
Jack laughed and rubbed his hands together. "Eeeexcellent!"
Chapter the Fifth
Two hours and a bottle and a half of scotch later...
"Waitwaitwaitwaitwait... singing? And dancing?"
"Yup - hic - complete with background music..."
"No way!"
"Way! - hic - Chory...um...choreographed an' everthin'..."
"Yer yankin' my chain!"
"Nope. Swear to - hic - God. Some of it was pretty good, too. - hic - These huge production numbers that woulda been good on Broadway. Or maybe the Rocky Horror Picture Show."
"Sounds fun."
"Woulda been, 'cept fer the whole 'if ya dance to long ya catch fire and burn up' thing." hic
"That'd suck."
"Yup. - hic - Definitely falls into th' drawback category."
"You've got th' hiccups."
"Noticed that, didja?" hic
"Kinda."
"'Salright. They'll go 'way. In a coupla days. - hic - Could be worse. There was this one time back in college that me 'n some other guys got turned inta cave-man-type-people when we drank some mojoed-up beer. Cave-Buffy was soooo not - hic - pretty. Although, beating Parker over the head with a stick was kinda fun..." She grinned maniacally, miming thunking Jack in the head with a stick.
"Cave-Buffy?" Jack was giggling just a bit.
"Yup. 'Cept, without the - hic - fur bikini."
Jack sat there for a minute, completely distracted by pictures of Buffy in a fur bikini running around his alchohol soaked mind. "We lead sheri... um,seriously weird lives."
"Nooo. Really?" Buffy sat there with a look of mock shock that wasn't at all convincing.
"Sure. Robot dupicates, time loops, people coming back from the dead, the neverending world save-age... Hell, I've even gotta mini-me-clone going to high school... there's more, but my brain isn't working right..."
"Kitten poker." hic
"Kitten poker?"
"Yup." hic
"I sooo don't wanna know."
"Oh, and you shoulda seen the - hic - guests at Xander and Anya's wedding!" hic
Jack raised an unsteady eyebrow and reached for the Doritos. "Why's that?"
Hic "Well, she was an ex-vengeance demon an' all..."
Chapter the Sixth
Slowly, very slowly, Brigadier General Jonathan 'Jack' O'Neill woke up.
And, noticing the fur that seemed to have grown on his tongue and the jackhammers pounding inside his skull, wished for the blissful peace of sleep to wash back over him. Or death. Either one was good right now. Scotch. Whose good idea was that?
He also noticed a few other things. Black ops training and all. One: He wasn't in his room. Two: He seemed to be naked. Three: There was something very soft and very warm pressed up against his back, and what felt like a very feminine leg draped over his own.
Oh, crap!
He tentatively reached his hand down and touched said feminine leg. Nope. Not a dream. What the Hell did I do last night? Ooooh, yeah... right... Memories started working their way through the fog.
The leg shifted as the owner of the leg began to stir. Oh boy, here we go. C'mon, brain, work! Tell me I'm not laying here bare-assed with who I'm thinking I'm laying here bare-assed with...
Behind him, Buffy Summers opened one eye and squinted balefully at the bright sunlight pouring through the window. "Oh, God. Scotch. Whose bright idea was that?"
Yup, thought Jack. That's who I thought it was...
Slowly, so as to keep his skull from exploding all over the lovely young woman next to him, Jack rolled over to greet the morning. Or perhaps his doom. "Umm, 'morning."
Buffy tried to smile, but it came out as more of a grimace. "Hey. I'd say good morning, but the way my head feels I don't think I'd really mean it."
"Right there with ya," Jack groaned, with feeling.
They lay there in awkward silence for a few minutes. Jack finally spoke up. "Sooo..."
"Umm..."
"Strange how two people who've just spent the night having hot, passionate sex can be all awkward the morning after, isn't it?"
"Yeah, I've noticed that. Kinda odd..."
"Yeah..."
"'Hot and passionate'?"
"What I can remember of it anyway..."
Buffy lay there, remembering, then slowly grinned. "Can't really argue with ya." The grin faded a bit. "Things are gonna get all strange and awkward now, aren't they?"
"Doesn't hafta be that way. We're both consenting adults of legal age. So what if we chose to take a little comfort in each other? I don't have a problem with this if you don't."
The grin was back. "Nope. No problems here. Well, except for this Godawful, mind-numbing, skull-splitting, stomach-wrenching, wish-my-head-would-just-explode-and-get-it-over-with, hangover."
"But the rest of it?"
"It's all good. Really, really good."
Jack smiled back. "Eeeexcellent."
"Kinda thinkin' maybe we oughta keep this to ourselves though."
"No argument here. Daniel would never let me hear the end of it."
"Think he'd disapprove, huh?"
"Not so much. He'd be more about paying me back for all the grief I've given him over the years. I can already hear the cradle-robbing comments." He rolled his eyes.
Buffy just laughed. "Except for Riley, you're way under my usual age curve. Downright young, even."
"Oh. Not real sure if that's a compliment or not, so I'm just gonna take it as a good thing."
They lay in companionable silence for a bit. Buffy finally stretched, catlike. "Guess we oughta get moving, huh?"
"I'm not so sure that's a good idea."
"Oh?"
"Well, unless you like picking exploded skull fragments out of your pillows..."
Buffy pulled a face. "Gawd, no. Cleaning that stuff out of my clothes is bad enough." From the look on her face, Jack decided she wasn't kidding. Buffy thought for a second. "Wait a minute. I think I have some of Bethany's Patented Hangover Cure around here somewhere. Gimme a second."
Buffy crawled out of bed and padded over to her weapons cabinet. Jack raised up on one elbow, enjoying the view immensely. Buffy was bent over, rummaging through the drawers in the bottom of the cabinet. Now, that's a nifty sight to wake up to in the morning.
"Aha! Here it is. Good for headaches, backaches, aches in general, and especially the occasional hangover." Buffy turned around, waving a packet of medicinal powder triumphantly. "Okay, what're you gawkin' at?"
Jack just grinned lasciviously and nodded at her. Buffy looked down. "Oh. Yeah. Forgot about that." She looked back up at Jack and quirked an eyebrow. "Whatsa matter, never seen a naked blonde before?"
"Well, yeah, but it's been awhile." He scrunched up his face in thought. "Waaayyy too damn long. Makes me appreciate it that much more . Great way to start the day, gotta tell ya." The grin was back.
Buffy gave Jack one of her megawatt smiles. "Aww, shucks, you do know how to flatter a gal, don't ya? Anyway, gimme a minute, I'll get this stuff mixed up. It tastes bloody awful, but it does the trick." She went into the bathroom, grabbing two glasses from the table as she walked past. After thoroughly rinsing them out, she set about mixing the powder into the tap water. She turned at the sound of footsteps behind her to see Jack leaning against the door frame, holding his head with both hands.
"Did my head go ahead and fall off?" he asked through grit teeth.
"Nope."
"Damn."
"Yeah. Tell me about it. Here, drink up." She handed him a glass, which he eyed warily.
"Seems to me you said that very same thing last night."
"Don't remind me." She made a face as she emptied her own glass. "Gahh, I have got to get Bethany to find some way to make this stuff taste better."
Jack quirked an eyebrow, then downed his own glass. Buffy couldn't help but giggle at the face Jack made as he swallowed the foul tasting concoction. "I think I know what battery acid tastes like now," he gasped.
"Mocha latte it ain't," she agreed.
The medicine started working quickly, and they both felt more human by the minute. They stood there, not talking, for a few minutes. Jack finally broke the silence. "Not that I'm in a hurry to go, mind you, but I probably ought to get back to my room before Carter and Daniel send out a search party. Could get embarrassing."
Buffy wore a bemused look. "Yeah. Been there, done that. You might as well use my shower before you go."
"You sure?"
"Nah, go ahead. You do kinda look all death warmed over like."
"Gee, thanks. Flatterer."
She smirked. "No prob. Go ahead, I'll grab some towels."
Jack admired the view for a moment longer, then started the water running in the shower. He shook his head, grinning. Why do I have the feeling this is gonna come back and bite me in the ass? Oh well, deal with it when it happens. There're certainly worse things to have bite you in the butt...
A blast of cool air hit him as the shower curtain was swept aside. "Need somebody to scrub your back?"
One hour (and one loooong shower) later, Buffy opened her door and stuck her still damp head into the hall. "All clear."
She opened the door the rest of the way and Jack stepped past her. He stopped and turned back to her, smiling. "Well, Miss Summers, I want to thank you for a most pleasant time," he said, taking her hand.
She carefully sketched a short curtsy so as to not lose the towel she had wrapped around her. "Why thank you kind sir. I had rather a good time myself. In fact, I wouldn't be opposed to repeating the experience sometime. Perhaps after the world save-age?"
"Madame, I am at your service." He leaned in for a quick kiss.
Which is, of course, when Carter, Daniel, Cassie, Willow, Dawn, Kennedy and the Finns came walking around the corner.
To the sight of a towel-clad Buffy.
Kissing Jack.
For one long moment, everybody froze, bug-eyed. And then Dawn started giggling.
Jack and Buffy exchanged glances. "Oh, for cryin' out loud..."
To be continued
Please, please, please feedback! This thing has sorta taken on a life of its own, and it'd be nice to know if I need to get the shotgun out...
I'm not really planning on having Buffy and Jack become a couple, it just seemed like they could stand to have some fun. And no, I'm not turning Buffy into an alcoholic. She's just spent waaayyyy too much time around Giles and Spike. And scotch.
Later ;)
'To thee no star be dark'